individual_68 (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} individual_68) wrote in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} lost_femmeslash,@ 2008-03-19 01:52:00 |
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| Current location: | home |
| Current mood: |  creative |
| Current music: | hercules- i can go the distance |
| Entry tags: | juliet/claire |
Title: I’d Do Anything
Fandom: Lost
Pairing: Claire/Juliet
Rating: PG-13
Diclaimer: I don’t own this lovely show. If I did this would sooo be included in it.
Authors notes: First fic in this fandom, not too sure how this has gone. Written for a friend as the last thing I wrote is too spoiler-ish for her.
Comments are love, be they good or bad, I’d love to hear what you think.
To see that golden hair is to love her. Waves of colour glitter in the sun. Frame her face. Set the heart on fire.
I fell for her the moment our eyes locked. Her eyes quickly diverted. Can’t show emotion. Weakness. One moment, a split second and I found something. I wasn’t looking for it. Not now. So soon. But it was there.
Other. Other person. Other world. That’s how she saw me for so long, too long. I saw her as beauty, grace, kindness. Softness, things I had not seen for so long. She was strength.
Then she broke. I saw it. Every muscle in my body strained to hold her. Soothe her. It was all I could do to keep from running to her. But I stood there, the stoic Other. Nothing I could do. No words or actions could fix her. It broke my heart to see an angel fall. Broken, shattered, out of grace.
She left with the others. I went with him, my heart with her. She had stolen what I would have given freely, without restraint. I remained restrained. Stood back, kept my distance until I could bear the separation no longer. Ran to the village.
Ran . Rain pouring down. Words run through my head as quickly as rain drops hit my skin. Sorry. I love you. It will be ok. Platitudes, meaningless platitudes.
I stand in front of her door. My door. Hand raised to knock. Lights inside show life, but no noise confirms it. If she is awake will she turn me away in revulsion? If she is asleep will she slam the door in annoyance?
Softly, so softly I knock upon the door. The door to the house in the clearing on an island would all look ridiculous to an outside observer. I surely look ridiculous. Rain drenched, panting, standing for twenty minutes with hand raised about to knock.
Noise indicates movement inside. Door opens slowly. She stands there. Confusion evident. I smile, heart beating faster and faster as seconds pass and the door remains open. Maybe.
I make some excuse, post-natal check-up. Bull. Want to get inside. Need to speak to her, here, in a house. Pretend civilisation. Pretend I’m civilised.
She lets me in. We sit on the couch. Talk about the baby. About her. About how she’s feeling. She doesn’t break. She doesn’t cry. Stoic. Tell her it’s alright to miss him. Tell her it’s ok to feel.
She breaks.
I cannot restrain myself. Pull her close. Hold her tight. Let her know I know. It hurts, but it gets better with time. Whisper in her ear that it will all be Ok. Lies. Softly spoken lies. But they help.
It always hurts. But we do what we can. Feel what we can. Cannot feel numb. Cannot always feel pain. Try to move on and try to get happy.
She leans closer. I can feel all her warmth. Warming me, warming my heart. She tilts her head up and I lean down. Place a soft kiss on her lips, moist from tears. Soft, fleeting. Could pretend it wasn’t. Wasn’t real. Wasn’t anything. I pull back in fear of retribution. She smiles.
A sad smile. One with pain and suffering behind it. One of hope. A true smile that reaches her sky blue eyes.
Lacing her hand in mine she leans closer. Her small frame a perfect fit with mine. Hold her. Love her. That’s all I can do. I may not have her. But she has me.
Slowly, with me wrapped around her, she falls asleep. Her breathing slows. Matching hers, I fall in to the beckoning oblivion.
She has me.
In this moment, this second in history, I have her.
