LJ Daily Answers: 5 May 2008


"I've been waiting for the quiz to go up all day so that I could tell you that I've just had the best pudding in my life. It had sprinkles. After that, the questions just don't seem to matter, do they?" - unithien_rerith

Not after good pudding, no. If you like rice pudding, come to NYC and AL and CV will take you to the best rice pudding shop in the world.

And with that, let's celebrate Happy Piñata Day!



1. In hockey, when a puck has been shot into the net through the goalie's legs, what is the term for where the goalie missed blocking the shot?

"YOU FUCKING SUCK!" - 29 of you

"Third base" - bubbly

"The G-Spot." - jmthane

"LOLZ, NOOB!!!" - divinedigestion

"I went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out." - kristinmachina

"Past the Maypole?" - blindgeoff

"You have failed me, Starscream..." - reticent_lass

(Judging by Starscream's voice, I think he's missed that shot a few too many times. -CV)

"I have no idea what you're saying, which reminds me of an Egyptian joke, where a guy asks his friend, "Do you see that maracony eating zaracony in the balcony?" and the friend says, "What's a balcony?", har har har... I swear it sounds funnier in Arabic." - alya1989262

"I'm a geek, guys. The only thing I know about hockey is that there is a graph on global temperature through time resembles the a hockey stick.

Seriously, that's what they call it. The hockey stick graph. And seriously, that's all I know about hockey." - ooyoumasha

(And for combining sports and science, you score a goal in the Geek Of The Week net. You're ahead -1 to 0. -AL&CV&LL)

"I know that when it hits the goalie in his Canadian Rockies then it is called an 'America's Funniest Home Videos' shot." - littlelion2k

"I'll actually freely admit to knowing very little about the technicalities of how the game is played, but I do like watching the players fight." - sugarcane_moon

"'My Gentle Puck, come hither.'" - unamundamour

(And the Most Cultured Quizling Award this week goes to... unamundamour! -CV)

"He blocked the wrong nuts?" - akiyasan

(I'm thinking, if he did not get hit in the beanbag, then he blocked the RIGHT nuts. -CV)

"that'll make your goal tender, if you know what I mean." - i_calql8

"The Five Hole, which kind of sounds like a weird alien gay bar if you ask me..." - houseofknaus

"'Five-hole' is just one of many hockey terms that are far less dirty than they sound. Along with 'stick-handling', 'butt-ending', 'wrist shot', 'hooking', and of course 'slashing'. 'Groin pull', however, remains just as painful." - darthparadox

Correct Answer: The five-hole



2. What is the highest rating on the Saffir-Simpson Scale?

"The Ashlee/Jessica/OJ trifecta" - kiffle

(Congratulations on being practically the one person who did not use Homer Simpson in your answer. -CV)

"I wish I could make a Simpsons joke. But I don't know the show." - lady_lilith

(That's even more impressive, actually. -CV)

"The name of the scale reminds me of saffron and the Simpsons, both of which are very yellow. So I’m guessing this is a scale measuring yellow things, in which case the correct answer would be 'my duckie umbrella.'" - trueflight

"You ever wonder how they decide whose name goes first? Is there a protocol for this sort of thing? Or is it just Roshambo." - kerowyn47

"I want to say 'colonel' but I'll go up and say 'commodore' because it's fun to say. Commodore!" - bluetourmaline

(I'm very curious about what scale you're thinking of... -CV)

"I think the more relevant question here is, what is the highest rating on the Schmidt Sting Pain Index?" - starhamster

(Bullet Ant, as I mentioned last week. -CV)

"If Jessica Simpson and Bill Safir had a child, I'd weep for the world. And odds are that kid would have her brains and his looks. Scary!" - judith_s

"Math is Hard!" - timthief

"Seven thousand, seven hundred and seventy-seven, the bane of all lispers." - elvenpiratelady

"It goes to 11!" - woap, palapaloozaa, cold_clarity, teh_antisecks, marasca

(+1, This Is Spinal Tap. -CV)

"The highest rating on the Cochran-Simpson scale is the Chewbacca Defense." - thepikey

(+1, South Park. -CV)

"I hope it's five. I think scales from one to five are best, with no inbetweens. It's easy to rate something because then it's either, very bad, kinda bad, average, kinda good, and very good. I would give this scale a Four." - dragonierzapp

"Being in California, we only gotta know the Richter scale. We don't know nuthin' 'bout ratin' no hurricanes, Miss Scarlett." - mark_laura

"Talc." - dhole

(If 24 years of fading memory serve me correctly, that would be the Mohs Scale of Hardness. Huh huh, "hardness". -CV)

"Kansas. 'WE LOVE IT HERE!' they scream as they twirling off in to the sunset on an F5 tornado." - psywildfire

(That's the Fujita-Pearson scale. -AL)

(As an aside, Kansas did once write an ode to Tornado Alley, called "Carry Off My Wayward Son", but it met with mixed reviews, so they reworded it. -CV)

"'Oh God, Oh God, we're all going to die'? No, wait, that's the highest rating on the Hoban-Washburne scale." - ilgreven

(+1, Firefly. -CV)

"My house is gone and I'm covered with 10 feet of water. The Saffir-Simpson scale is no longer of interest. Shit, the season starts in one month." - antinomic

"Five! (three, sir!) Three!" - shel99

(+1, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. -CV)

"cat five--which means if one of those hurricanes blows through your town, you'll have at least five cats in your yard meowing for cheezburgers." - faceless_wonder

"Category five. The effects of this type of storm were simulated every time my psycho ex girlfriend opened her damn mouth." - grayhawkfh

"If the scale were sufficiently expanded, the massive hurricane known as the Great Red Spot would classify as a Category 29. But they won't fix the scale, by Jove!" - darthparadox

Correct Answer: Category Five, measuring hurricanes' power



3. Name the movie and the character:
"Hey laserlips! Your mama was a snowblower!"

"YOUR mother was a hamster. And your father smelt of elderberries." - 9 of you

"Doesn't the fifth law of Robotics say something about not calling other people's mothers hos? (hoes?) Or was that the one with the blue cheese?" - maelan_jones

"Insulting the mother of somebody with laser lips somehow doesn't strike me as prudent." - sugarcane_moon

"Laser lips? Does that mean the guy eats blaster bolts, or that he spits them? (Ew, saliva-covered photons.)" - mercuryblue144

"I’d like to point out exactly how cool it would be to have a snowblower that shoots lasers: almost as cool as a combination zamboni/flamethrower." - trueflight

"Who's Snow, and how much did he pay for that?" - woap

(Should have seen that coming. -CV)

"Edward Scissorhands' perfect woman." - elvenpiratelady

"That came from lead star in the classic film Godzilla vs. Mothra. Either that, or those were the worst subtitles ever." - tenku_no_shiro

"What version of Toy Story did YOU see?!" - littlelion2k

"Optimus Prime in Transformers (it was an outtake, trust me.)" - kristinmachina, bluetourmaline
"This is what happens when you suck up more Energon then you need. Remember kids; responsible Energon usage means you will get shot to death on the floor of of a shuttle. Wait, no." - lots42

"The script from Lawnbusters, starring Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis, and Bill Murray. Never in production, the writers realised the premise of the script - three horticulturalists starting a lawnscaping business in New York City, culminating with fending off the destruction of Manhattan by Dutch Elm Disease - was too far-fetched. The line was spoken by Dr. Peter Mulchman." - elffin

"I believe the movie was Frosty the Snowman 5: Winter Adventures of the Cyborg Son" - dragonierzapp

"An unnamed Emperor Penguin to Mumble in Happy Feet, only his scene was cut from the movie because Disney believed Norma Jean slapping some hapless chick wasn't appropriate G-rated viewing." - germankitty

"I yelled that once during a game of paintball. My teammates started shooting at me after that. I can't imagine why." - buzz

"My sister LOVED that movie but I swear to God if I ever have to see anything with Steve Guttenberg again I will shoot myself. Three words: Worst. Actor. Ever." - ifeedformula

"I can only think 'JOHNNY 5 ALIVE' except I cannot for the life of me remember what the hell the actual movie was called, all I know is that when I was little I called it 'Johnny 5' because that was the robot. Also, I think I just discovered the root cause of my abiding love of and desire to become a robot." - lyme

"" - lady_lilith

"'Short Circuit 2' and the character was Johnny 5. Or maybe it was 'Short Circuit' which I've only seen about half as many times." - avron

"Ah, Short Circuit, the movie responsible for me reading 'Hound of the Baskervilles' when I was 8. In related news, I had no friends." - illogicalvulcan

"Short Circuit, featuring Johnny 5 who totally tried to get with Ally Sheedy, and don't tell me he didn't. I just won't believe it." - houseofknaus

(Even robots recognize a fine lady when they set their optics on one. -CV)

Correct Answer: Johnny Number Five, from Short Circuit

"I liked the robot in Ice Pirates better. Not everyday you get to see a robot unscrew it's own nut." - sestree



4. "The Corporation™" was an entity created by the head of Motown Records to write material for which musical act?

"you have no idea how disappointed I am that 'The Corporation' wrote music rather than planned world domination." - sugarcane_moon and many others

"Corporation, n.: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility." - woap

(+1, Civilization IV. -CV)

"We are the Motown Borg. Resistance to soul is futile. Prepare to be assimilated into The Corporation. (you officially set this off by using the word 'entity'. I blame you.)" - quasar360

"Thursday Next and the Literary Detectives ON ICE!" - akiyasan

"Nineteen Eighty-Four: The Musical." - elvenpiratelady and seven others

"Soylent Green is Up With People!" - pfflyernc

"The old Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick." - tweeti

"You Won't Succeed On Broadway if You Don't Have Jews?" - ooyoumasha

(+1, Spamalot. -CV)

"Springtime for Hitler?" - neblinaclara

(+1, The Producers. -CV)

"The Firm: The Musical. (Featuring a singing John Grisham and dancing lawyers!)" - divinedigestion

(Creepy. I'd rather have a Tom Clancy novel turned into a musical. "Somewhere under the ocean/Way down low/There's a sub that's been stolen/We don't know where she'll go..." -CV)

"Of course, it all makes sense now! That's the only way Wrestlemania: The Album could be released!" - ilgreven

"I always imagined Motown to be a town where everyone has a moustache, even the women. And I wonder why I have trouble sleeping." - yak_boy

"The Five Singing Captains: Kirk, Pike, Sisko, Picard and Janeway, but not Archer, because he was a ret-con-creating douchebag." - illogicalvulcan

(+1 for hacking on Enterprise. And justifiably so. -CV)

"First you tell me the Monkees didn't play their own instruments, and now I learn that the Jackson Five didn't write their own songs? What will you ruin for me next?" - darthparadox

"You try to front with rhymes stolen from the Jackson Five! Erase your tapes at night. You cower from Kompressor might!" - kandelschwarz

(It's not often we get Kompressor lyrics thrown our way. +1. -CV)

"Michael And Those Other Four Guys." - noelleleithe

"I never knew The Jackson Five were a front for the CIA!" - maelan_jones

"I'm going to say The Jackson Five. And finding out that they didn't write their own songs makes my heart explode with tears." - houseofknaus

"Because of the Jackson 5, millions of Americans never got further in reading and math than ABC and 123." - sskipstress

"The Jackson 5, back when you could tell Michael Jackson really was an African American." - buzz

"That would be for the Jackson 5 - Reggie, Randy, Jett, Stonewall, and we can't forget Andrew." - meisjedegaze

Correct Answer: The Jackson Five



5. Why no Question #6 this week?

"Don't ask where Question #6 went. EVER." - ANONYMOUS

"Because seven eight nine." - so many of you. I haven't heard this joke in DECADES.

"No question 6? Why? What did it do? Are we no longer allowed to speak to six? Did the prime numbers get jealous of its "divisible by 3" trick. Because 5 and 7 have their own things going for them. 5 is easy to multiply with, and 7 is extra lucky. They don't need to be hating on 6." - killabee886

"Because you are busy spending your free government money on hookers and malt liquor!" - tarpo

"The number of the counting shall be five. Six is Right Out!" - cmseward, csi_tokyo3

"you're numbering in base-five, so 6 would actually be written as 10, and you don't want to confuse anyone." - shel99

"Because there's a recession on and we must conserve our numbers." - puredeadthingy

"Because April only has 30 days" - sugarcane_moon

"All 6s used up by Damien in the maternity ward?" - mark_laura

"Question 6 went on strike. It can't afford to keep commuting like this since the gas went up to $5/gallon. Y'all need to give Question 6 a raise." - grayhawkfh

(We need to give ourselves a raise first... -AL&CV&LL)

"There is NOOOOOO question 6. Question #7... NO POOFTERS! Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, WE LOVE YOU!" - psywildfire, n5iln

(+1, Monty Python. -CV)

"It's been replaced by new Folger's Crystals. Let's see if anyone notices." - i_calql8

"The mods sold it off to get money for hookers and blow." - thepikey

"I blame the jerks in Pod Five." - drbear
"Good riddance! Question 6 was full of jerks!" - teh_antisecks

"Ours is not to question why, ours is but to complete the LJDQ!" - wrestlingdog

"Because you're lazy!" - 12 of you. We prefer the term "casually motivated".

"Because the ljdq theme is Srs Bsns." - noelleleithe

"The mods want to tie one on in advance of Cinco de Mayo, so this is 16.6666666% less work, which means they can get to the serious drinking that much sooner." - etcet



And there you have it. ljdq: Now with 17% less fat! Or stuff.

In keeping with the theme of Five, being that today is Day Five of Month Five, we stopped at Question Five. Isn't that neat? Sure it is. So, with the extra time that you've saved in reading one less question today, you should go forth and celebrate Cinco De Mayo by beating up a brightly colored animal with a stick. Acceptable brightly colored animals include poisonous tree frogs, peacocks, chameleons, most butterflies, that dog from Blues Clues, zebras (but only on the bright half), albinos, the Blue Man Group, and furries.

Please do not beat CV with a stick, as he is not brightly colored, and it is his birthday. You can hit him with a stick tomorrow after he finishes drinking. Note that AL has dibs on hitting him first.

Thanks for playing, and see you all tomorrow!

Rock On!

AL&CV&LL