Things Overheard

An interaction with the TV

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:18:07 GMT

Annoying TV Nurse: "What's the most important medicine in your freezer?"

My girlfriend: "STOLICHNAYA!"

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 01:16:36 GMT

"But still, I trudge to school to infects everyone else and start a panic. I love being Slytherin." - bextcoll

"But with the whip out on the bed and the few blood stains that are left... Yeah, that's gonna have to be brought up at the next Order meeting." - bextcoll

"Burnt waffle hair!" - Brad

"Did you say Amanda was a stretch?" - Sabrina
"I'm stretchy?!" - Amanda

"It's the offspring of her black thing." - Amanda
"Don't call it my black thing!" - Sabrina

"Jacob itches." - bextcoll
"Then scratch it." - Sabrina

*principal giving speech to seniors*
"...Families to raise." - Mr. Bushart
"Drug dealers to date." - Gayle

"I won't do you that way." - Mr. Bushart
"I wish you would." - Gayle

"I was cleaning the pool and say the cutest thing! Behind the steps, there was this cute little frog, and he had his little paws up on the step and he was just looking around." - Mom
*pause*
"I want you to bring home whatever shit you're taking." - Chuck

"They seem like friends, don't they?" - Mrs. Cornwell
"They shoot walnuts at dogs, yeah." - Erick

"Dang it! What am I gonna do without a fuck hat?" - bextcoll

"And I was like, 'Hey! I can see everything. I'm God!" - bextcoll

"We can out play and out creativity-itize them. I know, because I just created a whole new word!" - Mr. Hein

"You can go to the drink and get a restroom. You can get a drink and go to the restroom. Go and get, don't get those two mixed up." - Mr. Hein

"When you're trying to sleep tonight, you'll have a little Mr. Hein in your head going, 'Rest! Rest! Rest!" - Mr. Hein

"Naw is your mystery. It's your Edward." - Mr. Hein

"*keeping a beat* Clap! Lobster, lobster, lobster. Clap! Lobster, lobster, lobster..." - Mr. Hein

"You're no longer little girls. You're African-American women." - Mr. Hein

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:34:03 GMT

"So she never learned to pole dance, and then someone drove a 4WD through her back fence."

-Random woman outside K-Mart. Several months ago, but I'll never forget it.

It's Been A While

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:23:21 GMT

"I will stab you in the eye with a Pringle." - Amy

"That's gay." - Diel
"I don't think you should give objects a sexual preference." - Mrs. Duke

"I like pain bread." - Thomas

"She probably thought you were being a suck up." - slasher_chick
"A lot of people get that impression, because I am." - bextcoll

"Apparently I thought I was black when I was little." - bextcoll

"I wish I could go that way. It's so fast and easy to go that way. But when I go the other way I prevent cancer." - bextcoll

"That wasn't my shiniest moment." - bextcoll

"Hey Shannon, just a second. I'm about to do some powerful bug spraying." - bextcoll

"Speaking from experience?" - slasher_chick
"Oh yeah, I'm a biter." - bextcoll

"How do I get negatives on the balloon from my hair?" - Mrs. Duke
"Lice." - Possum

"*singsong* You can't bend water! You can't bend water!" - Mrs. Duke

"I don't know why I consider you a friend. You paid for your food and you're a heterosexual." - Samantha D

"I think the year before I retire I'm going to start beating students." - Mrs. Blalock

"If I was a girl, I would screw her." - Sabrina

"I had no idea that RPing a Mark whore could do that." - bextcoll

"I was recently gay." - Lucas

"It smells like french fries and tastes like egg, but it's made from pears." - Alyssa

"His mom was a giant and she was fat, but she was dead." - bextcoll

"I just said that in front of a bunch of kids." - bextcoll
"Screw kids." - slasher_chick
"Snape does." - bextcoll

"Because Justus is the antichrist." - slasher_chick
"*cutesy* Yes, but he's my antichrist." - bextcoll

"Oh how cute, he's bleeding on his wife." - bextcoll

"Aww, poor little dead shrimpies. I'm gonna eat them." - bextcoll

"Why is there so much water?" - bextcoll
"I'm rinsing things." - slasher_chick
"Well, I disagree." - bextcoll
"You disagree with me rinsing things?" - slasher_chick
"Yes." - bextcoll
"So they should just stay soapy?" - slasher_chick
"Things like soap." - bextcoll

"It's horrible. These people drink, and they all have money and yachts. We don't have much in common; we both drink and we're both in Hyannis Port." - Dad

"They wouldn't satisfy my artistic innards." - bextcoll

"Hey, my milk is going to go bad on July 4th. That makes me special." - bextcoll

"Sleeping Beauty needs her dress off." - Cadence
"Sleeping beauty isn't a harlot, she keeps her dress on." - Mike

"If BARE was a person, I'd do it." - bextcoll

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:17:18 GMT

A candid quote from my 50 year-old boss:

"My life's education is complete... I just saw my first penis pump!"

AWKWARDDDDDDDDD! There is a story behind this but it's weirder if I don't tell haha.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 07:07:57 GMT

Hey, I may be fat, ugly and old, but at least I live in my own basement!

As said by my partner in response to a comment I made about a no0b in the game he was playing probably being fat, ugly, old and living in his Mom's basement because of how hard he was trying to get cyber from my partner's female character and the other two female toons he was grouped with.

Not exactly a live quote

Thu, 29 May 2008 21:14:36 GMT

But this kid's returned exam with comments in red is pretty funny.

Overheard in a Labor Club

Wed, 28 May 2008 06:47:25 GMT

Black guy to white guy -

"Sending photos of your willy is not a relationship!"

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:49:13 GMT

Overheard in a supermarket

Young toddler whilst making grabbing hands: "Chocolate! Want chocolate mummy! Give!"
Mother looks around confused for a moment: "No Ben, that's not chocolate... It's soap."

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:06:59 GMT

"My, you're looking pregnant today!" - Girl in Hall 1
"Why, thank you." - Girl in Hall 2

"We made the world safe for democracy, then told the rest of the world to go suck an egg." - Mr. Richard

"You're so nice. You molest him and then you beat him." - Rachel

"Is 0 an even number?" - Mrs. Blalock
"It's neutral." - Collin
"*laugh* Yes, because we neutered it." - Mrs. Blalock
"It was a Q before we got to it." - Lucas

"Why is it called geometry?" - Mrs. Blalock
"It's the math of the Earth." - Zach
"That works, but I was gonna say it's what an acorn says when it grows up." - Mrs. Blalock

"How do you put that on your calculator?" - Zach
"Oh! Horrible question! Is there such thing as a horrible question? *points at Zach* Yes!" - Mrs. Blalock

"How'd the test go?" - bextcoll
"It raped me." - Zach

"It's getting thick and sticky up there." - bextcoll

"Well, you know what to get Katie now." - Mr. Richard
"Totalitarianism? On a platter." - Katie

On school absences. "I'm sorry death doesn't count." - Shawn
"You came back from the dead?" - Mr. Richard

"You mean Hitler lied? Not Hitler. Not the spawn of Satan himself." - Mr. Richard

On Miley Cyrus. "She looks like she might rape someone. But in a good way." - bextcoll

"This is where the guillotine was set up." - Mme. Parker
"That's cute!" - Nate

"Next time someone takes our lunch money we'll blow them to pieces." - Katie
"Yeah, we'll nuke 'em 'til they glow in the dark, then we'll shoot 'em." - Mr. Richard

"I wish I were transparent like Ted Koppel." - Katie

While high on Lortab, she sees a magazine. "*excited* Hey Ground Beef recipes! I bet that... has ground beef recipes in it." - Mom

"Is that your response to life? Stick it in your mouth?" - bextcoll

"Look, this room is forever away. It's like getting to the Shire and back." - Nate

"I told my class yesterday that it's called Quack because whoever made it was on quack." - Mme. Parker

On Joseph McCarthy:
"'I have a list!'
'Well, can we see it?'
'No, it's my list!'" - Mr. Richard

"Get with the flow." - Steven
"I can't, my flow's off." - Patrick

"My kidneys are tingling just thinking about it." - Katie

"I could see it more in Mayfield, because people are awfully... on meth here." - bextcoll

"Back then you could still smoke in public without being drug off and beaten." - Mr. Richard

"You can take a tour of the fifth floor of the Dallas Book Suppository." - Mr. Richard

"You'd kill people." - Me
"Only by accident." - bextcoll
"You'd still kill people." - Me
"It's only be manslaughter three. You can get off on probation."- bextcoll

"We had our house exorcised, but apparently the ghost isn't Catholic." - bextcoll

"Is that a penis? No, it's a foot." - Rachel

"I will poke sharp things into your eyeballs. No, dull things." - Mrs. Duke
"Like spoons?" - A Boy

"We're coming into the metropolis of Lowes." - bextcoll's Dad
"Metropolis? I think you got your words wrong." - bextcoll
"That word has more than four letters." - bextcoll's dad
"That doesn't make it right." - bextcoll
"It's the home of the Bitters." - bextcoll's Dad
"...Possibly." - bextcoll

"There's three dancer girls. No, there's four dancer girls. They're multiplying!" - Mr. Hein

"(Voldemort) has just lost the Obama effect. Before you say a word, convince me he's not Voldemort in the black flesh." - bextcoll

"Obama started getting ahead when Voldemort died. I think that's suspicious." - bextcoll

"Harry Potter, famous for having a fat ass and a sex tape." - bextcoll

"It's not our fault that the only thing that rhymes with Lauren is hepatitis." - Sabrina

This ones for people from South Jersey

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:10:39 GMT

"Hell for someone from New Jersey is spending an eternity on the Schuylkill Expressway surrounded by Pennsylvania drivers."
- Overhead in line

Sometimes, the smart ones just don't seem that bright.

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:36:16 GMT

After class today:

Alex: Um...Professor? The alarm on your phone is going off.
Liegey: Alarm? Oh? OH! I have a son! I need to go pick him up from school! That's what that alarm is for, by golly.

Hi!

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 09:12:16 GMT

First ever post from me.

My friend, Michelle, when she couldn't find the toilet roll.

Michelle: The toilet paper has run away from my bum.

Yes, but do you swallow?

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 22:59:17 GMT

Re: going to visit a friend somewhere less than fun.

K ~ 'It's like giving a blow job. You don't wanna do it, but you get it over with so that you'll get repaid in kind. Shit. Did I just say what I think I said?'

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 04:08:59 GMT

nikki_nmt: Come on, show me some closeups of some genitals.
tenax: It's not that kind of graveyard.
(Looking through an anatomy book while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

Oh, Ellen

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 06:36:16 GMT

silmerin (who is, in fact the Ellen in question here): "In Soviet LiveJournal, you molest Ellen!"

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 03:25:17 GMT

"NO! NO! I will not add the "Make a baby" application! I refuse to do anything on facebook that I wouldn't do in real life!"

They are kinda fancy

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 21:36:58 GMT

Mom: "I wanna be reincarnated as a Target ad."

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 03:34:20 GMT

"You could always get eye replacements." - Katie
"And see dead people." - Samantha
"There are always those side effects." - Katie

"We've got about fifteen minutes before 'ze rally of ze pep', as the French would say." - Mr. Richard

"It's like, 'Hey mom and dad, I'm in love with this two-year-old. I'm gonna be her best friend. Until she reaches puberty. Then we're gonna have lots of sex.'" - bextcoll

"Whoo! Now I smell like an alcoholic!" - Kristian

About maternity leave. "That's like getting paid to have sex. You're like a whore." - Possum

"Dan, I want to do you up th butt!" - Morgan B.

"What would you call that?" - Me
"Stealing ideas?" - bextcoll
"Yeah, but I want to call it something nicer. Like a subtle crossover." - Me
"Like plagiarism." - bextcoll

"I found out about Brian. He's on homebound." - Mme. Parker
"Is he pregnant?" - Alyssa
"The condom didn't work?!" - Thomas

On Mardi Gras "So why are there things like drinking and flashing? Well, we're American." - Mme. Parker

"People already think I'm crazy. If I run around yelling 'Jesus is chasing me!', people will think I'm really crazy." - Wes

"Can I go outside and read? It's hot in here." - Sabrina
"No, it's hot everywhere. It just means you're getting closer to Hell." - Mrs. Shoulders

"Shut up and get to work." - Mrs. Shoulders
"But I almost died!" - Keri
"And yet you're still here. Get to work." - Mrs. Shoulders

"It's an instant orgasm helmet!" - Macon

"It looks like a horror scene, or an orgy, on that bus." - bextcoll

"I swear, if next January acts anything like this one, I'm shooting a calendar." - bextcoll

"What about the tangent?" - Guy in math
"That's the guy from Argentina who came to visit them." - Mrs. Blalock

"I'm tuning into my vibration detector." - Sabrina

"That's the straightest thing that I've ever liked." - bextcoll

"They're pissing me off." - Girl
"They're freshmen, that's like their job. They smell bad and piss people off." - Keri
"I smell bad and piss people off now." - Cody

"Justin, you are not a man.You don't deserve a penis." - Kristian

"I'm only allergic to one thing and that's bull semen. I found that out the hard way." - Devin P.

"That's what yeasts go through and we're not yeast. We're not big giant yeasts. We don't produce bread." - Cody

"I'm a volcano." - Masen
"Bitch." - Matt

Question: How is Imperialism like Thanksgiving dinner?
"Umm... Everybody wants some turkey?" -Samantha M.

"Because we've got some black, Muslim, Christian, super-freaky hybrid that's probably part robot." - bextcoll

"I actually have a superhuman calculator." - Tyler

"They're government batteries, so what are you gonna do with them later?" - Zach D.
"Eat them." - Mrs. Duke

"The prodigal book has returned." - Mr. Richard

"Monkeys, and race cats, and death stars, oh my!" - Sabrina

"Did he just pull a light bulb out of his crotch." - bextcoll

"So you're like, Pre-Med with exceptions?" - Me
"No, I'm just a lie." - bextcoll

"I have seven sisters. My brother's only eight. I live in estrogen-land. It's naked Barbie Woodstock." - Ben

"Usually, with jouer, there's a ball involved; football, baseball, soccer." - Mme. Parker
"World of Warcraft! Oh, wait..." - Thomas

"What does romance make you think of?" - Mrs.Lile
"The backseat of my mom's car." - Sean

"Why would any idiot come from Iowa here? It's the exact same place, just far away." - bextcoll

We're in a car, trying to leave school, and can't see anything.
"If you hear a thump, hope it was someone we didn't like." - Sabrina

"When Gavrilo Princip caps Franz Ferdinand." - Mr. Richard

"If any of y'all are thinking about becoming teachers, think about something else." - Mr. Richard

"Every month is Michael Jackson month!" - Bailee
"We don't have to give him presents, do we? Or sacrifices?" - bextcoll

"Did you get that, little Mormon girl?" - Bailee
"Yes,and I don't want to." - Samantha

"Screw the freshman!" - Mr. Richard

"Hell yeah to the Beca! Didja hear that? I'm an exponent!" - bextcoll

A Few Pages From The Quote Book

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:29:40 GMT

Mr. Ames: So you've got two Jewish guys going at it.

Mr. Ames: Those of you who are normal- well, not normal, that's not the right word.

Jimmy: Can we light him on fire? Please?

Mr. Ames: So at 16 what do you do?
Someone: Get your licence.
Mr. Ames: And what do you do at 18?
Colleen: Smoke.
Mr. Ames: Something stupid you're allowed to do at that age. And at 21 you'll spend your birthday in a bar and someone will hopefully drive you home. And somewhere in your mid-twenties you'll try on marriage. Then you'll all get retired at some time and if you're still in touch someone will sit around going "Eeehh... Remember when...?"

Jimmy: (about Ramadan) It would suck if you've got it during the 6 months of light. But it would kick ass if it were during the 6 months of darkness.

Lauren: AP Biology, Repent!

Corey: He was born on Jesus.

Mr. Ames: Try not to vomit too loudly.

Mr. Ames: What are our ancestors doing at this time?
Someone: Dying.

Lauren: I can't play bang-bang music. It's like: ka-thud ka-thud.

Caitlin: They started exploding cammels.

Jimmy: It keeps you hydrated during the desert.

Mr. Ames: They got this meatball in the middle of the flag.

Colleen: We can go to the zoo and pretend it's Ghana!

Mr. Ames: Mali. What's it like over there?
Emily: Worse than Ghana.

Mr. Ames: Strong government does not a water crisis cure.

Mr. Ames: So you take this guy named Peter, kill him, drip his blood on a rock, and it blows up. If you believe that I have some serious land to sell you.

Corporally punishing one's higher-order tree-dwelling primate

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 10:39:25 GMT

My girlfriend and I were talking earlier today and I made a joke about "greasing one's meat" which is, of course, a metaphor for male masturbation. She didn't get it, and I was trying to explain it. She finally got it, but didn't think it made sense. I told her that since the penis is a piece of meat and "greasing" is lubing it up, it made more sense than some of the other euphemisms, and I used "spanking the monkey" as an example. Then I had an evil image in my mind I just had to share, so I said, "Now I have this image in my head of some guy's furry penis shrieking and throwing feces at people it gets angry at."

My mind is so bizarre.

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 02:16:49 GMT

Wilkes, portraying a drunk: "What's IB stand for?"
Neal: "Internal bleeding."
(It actually stands for International Baccelaureate. ftw.)

(Apparently, they're building either a Target or an Ikea behind the mall and the other where HQ used to be on the blvd)
Brinn: "I hope they build a Target."
Siarra: "I hope they build both. In the same spot."
Brinn: "Itarget?"
Siarra: "Tarkea."

Walck: "Drinking, by the way, is not a glass of wine at dinner and a margarita here and there cause that's okay. ...nothing's better than chips and a margarita..."

(Walck mentions how drug euphoria is just fake happiness)
Shriui: "If only I had some Soma. That's real euphoria."

PK: "Emperor Wu, who ruled China between [dates] is a member of which dynasty?"
Deeva: "Wutang!"

Melissa: "Is she caucasion with blonde hair?"
Ashley: "Caucasion?"
Melissa: "Well I didn't want to say, 'She a white gurl.'"

Camper, on Hedda Gabler: "Can you think of something about George that would make him act that way?"
Someone: "He's drunk."

Collin: "Don't you have something tall to jump off of, like the Empire State Building?"
Brinn: "They have suicide nets; you can't."
Collin: "If you have enough determinism..."
Brinn: "...determinism?"
Collin: "...Determination."

(Collin=Lovberg and Lydia=Hedda. Lovberg, in Hedda Gabler, <3 Hedda)
Camper: "Move closer!"
Collin: *moves in the opposite direction away from Lydia*
Camper: "When you're in college, you'll learn girls don't have cooties, Collin."
Collin: "BS! That's how you get STDs!"

Dad: "That's how it begins."
Brinn: "How what begins?"
Dad: "Relations."
Brother: "With that woman?"
Brinn: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Or that man."
Dad: "Well, the last time we heard that, it was a lie."

School Quotes

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:20:12 GMT

Behind the cut because there's a bunch....

“Science is that which is recognized by scientists as science.” --Axton, on how science is a social construct because one is not a scientist until they are recognized as a scientist by other scientists.

"Age one to three…that's the most teachable years in your life! And what do we do with the population of aged one to three people? We treat them like protoplasm…at church, where we should be teaching them we basically chorale the protoplasm!"-- Walton, on how ages 1-3 are the most teachable years in our lives

"You learned to do this stuff in third grade. And this is what I'm looking for now. So really, college is just advanced third grade--you can do this stuff!" --Liegey

"God didn't just take the Bible, drop it down from heaven and go, 'Here you go!' Joseph Smith thinks he did, but that's not how that worked." --Liegey why the Bible was revealed to us in 'many portions and many ways'.

Frankie: "So what does it mean when Jesus says we need to take up our cross and follow him?"

Jerrod: "It means we have to wear a cross necklace every day or we go to hell."

Frankie: "um….yeah…no."

"there are a lot of things that will mess up your brain…Drugs, alcohol, a bullet to the head….you have to watch out for those things!" -Walton

"I left my wife with this woman because I figured she wasn't dangerous…probably. Anyway, I left to go get the doctor to sign a request for committal. He said, "is she crazy?" I said, "ooooh yeah." So then the sheriff took the request to the judge's house. The judge asked, "is she really crazy?" and the sheriff replied, "our preacher says she is!" so the judge signed it and we got the girl committed. You can tell how much of a well oiled machine we were…strict regulations and all…" --Walton

"I'm telling you guys, different drugs can have some interesting side effects. I mean, if someone walks into your office and has a big old face that looks like a chipmunk, woah! Chances are your little friend Alvin is on Prednisone." --Walton

"So Anselm approaches God like this: "And certainly this being so truly exists that it cannot be even thought not to exist. For something can be thought to exist that cannot be thought not to exist, and this is greater than that which can be thought not to exist. Hence, if that-than-which-a-greater-cannot-be-thought can be thought not to exist, that that-than-which-a -greater-cannot-be-thought, which is absurd. Something than-which a-greater-cannot-be-thought exists so truly, then, that it cannot be even thought not to exist. " And you know, I'm just guessing, but I don't think that's the best evangelistic tool ever if you're trying to get someone to believe in God. It probably won't work well on tracts. Just a thought."

"Martin Heidegger was an interesting guy--his one little problem was that he was a Nazi. He became the chancellor of his university and then proceeded to persecute the Jews. Other than that, he was a jolly good fellow." --Axton, on 20th century philosophers.

"And you know, if I were going to hunt a bear, I'd use a trap too! They're FAST! And I'm…not." Donaldson

"Gomer…well…she gave birth to a son. And it wasn't Hosea's. See, she was a career woman, and she put her career (prostitution) ahead of her family. You have to go with what you know, right? Utilize your skills and abilities as best you can!" Donaldson

"See, the thing was, Gomer's pay wasn't covering the cost of living expenses. She wasn't as popular as she once was. The Board of Assessors at the Baal shrine decided she wasn't up to par on productivity so selling her at auction was a great idea. So one day Hosea's walking down the street and sees a poster for a slave auction with wife's name on it, and he decides to ask God what's up. I can't imagine that's a conversation that went very well." Donaldson

"Funerals are hard. Especially when people are like, "well, at least he/she's not in pain anymore" and you know the person wasn't a believer. I'm not saying you should lie, I'm just saying you shouldn't exactly say, 'well, you know…your husband's actually in hell right now, experiencing the greatest pain of his life, so you should get right with Jesus!" --Frankie

"If this is the way you're going to make your living, it's important to make sure that, you know, you get paid. That would probably help." -Walton

Overheard in the hall:

Boy 1: "Man, can you help me with my science homework? This friction stuff just rubs me the wrong way."

"The other problem with this dualism is that you start to break down God into systematic parts and eventually you have something completely manageable that you can throw into a box, thereby owning God. And once you own God, what else do you need? Yay! I've conquered God, now lets move on to something deeper…like….marine biology!"--Fish

"You know, everyone points to Nietzsche as the guy that killed God. And you know…that's not entirely true. When he said, "God is dead" he was right in the fact that the god of the philosophers is dead. People forget that he later said that Godlessness ends in madness, and you know, he ended up in an asylum for the last ten years of his life. Makes you think…"--Axton

Walton: We see Generalized Anxiety Disorder ALL the time in the church.

Nikki: Well, you get a bunch of nuts, loons, and sinners all together, and you'd worry too!

"My kids went through this phase where their response to everything was "that's not fair!" and finally I got to the point where my response was, "you know what's not fair? Having kids is not fair! You guys are expensive! You want fair? Get a job and pay rent. Then you'll get fair." I realize that might have been extreme for a seven year old and a nine year old, but dang it felt good." --Liegey

"Why did Descartes go into his warm little room? I think Anselm sent him there…like a theological time out. Only when it comes down to it the lesson Descartes learned wasn't "I will not hit" but rather "I cannot doubt that I have hands to hit with." --Axton

"So can anyone tell me the shift in Aquinas?" *class is silent* "Some days I'm lonely…." --Axton

Nikki: "Hey Frankie…you know there's a marriage policy outline attached to the handout, right?"

Frankie: "Yes, I am aware of that. And no, it's not because this is Central, I'm a minister, and Valentine's Day is coming up….well…not mostly because of that."

Frankie: "So what does Moses do by prohibiting a woman who has been divorced and remarried from going back to her first husband?"

Nikki: "Getting it on with a couple different guys."

Frankie: "well…that's one way of looking at it…"

"Now I know we're talking about OCD, but we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater…especially when we're right in the middle of a ritualistic cleansing…" --Walton on OCD

"You know, bullets tend to ruin your day if they hit you." --Walton

"At that point you probably shouldn't agree with them and say, 'yeah, you are terminally ugly.'"--Walton

"You know, maybe I've just been watching too much CSI, but all this double edged knife stuff just reminds me of an autopsy…yeah, that's it. Jesus is doing an autopsy on your cold dead heart. CSI: Hebrews…nahhh…just doesn't have a ring to it." --Liegey

Liegey: "In the wilderness God surgically, specifically, cut out the parts of Israel that weren't benefiting Him."

Nikki: "And their foreskins."

Liegey: "Um….what?"

Nikki: "He removed the parts of Israel AND he removed their foreskins. Everyone collects something, but God collects foreskins…there's got to be therapy for that…"

You know you're addicted to LOST when...

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:12:40 GMT

Gideon: "Did you watch the last episode of LOST online yet?"
Nikki: "Yes! OH MY FREAKING HECK!"
Gideon: "Well?"
Nikki: "Dude...That show...once you get into it it's like you've fallen in love with your redneck cousin and you just can't let go because the sex is too good....you hate it because it makes you so confused, but damn it, you want to taste it's sweet sweet lovin' just one more time."

I'm gonna try to repost this now.

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 23:36:51 GMT

"Why don't boys kiss?" - Girl in French

"*class is looking at the Taj Mahal* Is that the Washington Monument?" - Sarah

"Cody! I'm going to throw something. What's closest? Something sharp..." - Mrs. Duke
"You suck Kluemp." - Cory
"No, you suck because you can't do it." - Mr. Kluemper
"If you did it my way, it'd be right. Don't start with me." - Cory

"Can we go early to lunch today? Please? I'll get on my knees." - Tim
"0_0 No thanks, Tim." - Mr. Kluemper
"No more candy for Shannon." - bextcoll
"There's no sugar in them!" - Me
"Yeah, but you're taking them like crack." - bextcoll

"The name doesn't sound familiar, but if he's got a beard he must be a good guy." - Mr. Richard

"Not yet, druggie." - bextcoll
"They're not drugs, they're mints." - Me
"Well I'm not calling you minty." - bextcoll

"I'm on the speech team too. We do it orally, standing up, with an audience." - Kristian

"What's JJ-sexual? If it moves, rape it?" - Will

"It was a 'Look What I Killed' kinda day." - Will

"I mean, I'm not no damn cracker!" - White Guy on the Stairs

"It's all about hurting yourself. And changing in front of other girls." - bextcoll

"If I was a lesbian, today would've been my lucky day." - bextcoll

"Do you know how much energy could be produced from that much hate?" - bextcoll

"I bet Jesus has more piercings than Crystal." - Holly

"Aww, man. Am I gonna have to take a Spanish test under nerve gas? That's stupid." - bextcoll

"I was about to kill these grandmas." - Sabrina

"I could look it up, but I could also strap a bomb to myself and run wild naked. But both of these are not happening." - bextcoll

"I don't even remember what Bambi was about. I just remember there was mating." - bextcoll

"Their Hot Topic is small and suckworthy." - bextcoll

"Yeah, 'cause Gideon's so a hairy mushroom." - Alyssa
"Look at his head!" - Thomas

"Magellan circumnavigated it, and he videotaped it, and I watched it." - Cody

"Mr. Leonard also believes that Abraham Lincoln was female, and that there is such a thing as the batboy, who is literally half boy, half bat. Remember that when he tells you we didn't land on the moon." - Mrs. Duke

"Mr. Leonard is a crackpothead." - Bailee

"So Mr. Leonard is crazy is the bottom line." - Mrs. Duke

"This morning there was a weird commercial on the radio. Wait, it wasn't this morning. It was yesterday in the car with Kari. And it wasn't a commercial." - bextcoll
"But it was on the radio." - Me
"Well, no." - bextcoll

"Cherries? Who's poppin' cherries?" - bextcoll

"Aww, it stopped snowing." - Emily
"And why's that?" - Amber
"Because God hates you." - Emily

"Seniors. In bed. Together." - Hillary

"What is our goal for this class?" - Mme. Parker
"I don't know, survive? Find the watering hole?" - Thomas

"It's official. Us green-eyed people have a mating call." - Thomas

"The area of these two triangles is equal. Cody, what did I just say?" - Mrs. Duke
"The area of the triangles is too equal." - Cody
"*pause* Okay, good." - Mrs. Duke

"Can I just slit her throat? Would that be okay?" - Keri
"Well, you would probably go to jail."- Mrs. Duke

"She seems like the type to pin him down and rape him. And then laugh about it." - Girl in Bathroom

"And it's not because you're black." - Mrs. Cornwell
"She's not black." - Austin
"What am I, charcoal? Just because you can see me at night, I'm not black?" - Chelsea

"Because he fought in the Civil War." - bextcoll
"He's your soul whore?" - Me