| My Last Regret |
[Oct. 7th, 2008|05:27 pm] |
When Adam and I kissed for the last time, I had no idea it was going to be our last. Didn't know that we'd have a fight right after that, one that would end us, and that's I'd never see him or kiss him ever again.
If I had known, I would have paid more attention. Would have opened my feelings. Would have really cherished it and enjoyed it and memorized it. But how could I have known?
I didn't treat every kiss as my last. Maybe I should have.
Even now, when I talk to my friends, I don't know if that's the last time I'll ever talk to them. It is far too easy to get caught up and hang up without saying I love you or taking a second to really love and appreciate the person you're talking to.
This is what life is about: paying attention. Pay fucking attention. That's my advice. Whatever interaction or thing you're doing with someone, be present, be real, be in the moment. And be fucking honest. You never know when the last time you're going to ever see someone is going to be. Cherish, live, be open.
Not remembering my last kiss with Adam is my last regret about our relationship ending. And I hate myself for it. If only I had been more present... now I can barely remember. |
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| Vanessa virginiensis |
[Oct. 5th, 2008|11:23 am] |
Yesterday after I finished mowing the lawn, I noticed that the butterfly bush in the back garden was covered with Painted lady butterflies.... what's more, they were resting on the grass and on the lawn chair in the sun, as if they had just come out of their cocoons and were drying their wings. Either that, or they are migrating and passing through, and have decided to rest in our yard for awhile. I haven't been out back yet today, but I can see bits of orange fluttering around back there still.
( Here is a big picture of one ) |
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| Broken Glass/I've Never Been To Europe |
[Oct. 3rd, 2008|08:45 pm] |
So I've had a few of the longest days ever all back to back. And things are compounding, not in my favor.
World: 1
Me: Zip
The bank lost my money and charged me a lot of fees. It was all their fault...
School is kicking my ass this semester. There I said it.
Broke up with the boy, and that has squelched my heart like I haven't felt in a long time. Ya know, since New York.
But I gotta focus. I never went to Europe. But I might get to Canada. Nothing's for sure. I've just been so numb for about a week now.
I went today to install some photos at Tulip Gallery and the second I got home, they called me and said one of my photos had fallen and that broken glass was all over the floor. I had to go back and clean it up. It ruined the entire rest of my day.
Broken glass. I can't find a job no matter how hard I try. I have a feeling it's going to work out with Gap, but that's of course not my first or even fifth choice. And even there it would still go awry.
I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'll write more when I have some hindsight. There's not a lot left of me right now. I need to focus on salvaging what's left.
Heartbrokenly,
-H. |
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| preview of the new collection final photos by MAKI TERASHITA |
[Sep. 29th, 2008|07:34 pm] |
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