| April 30 - Lifeyear is DONE!!! |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|04:09 pm] |
Out with a splash
Weather: 56 and pretty sunny, some cloud action goin' on. The wind felt amazing as I took my bike out for the first time. After today, four days of rain. I'm thinkin' with that, I'll definitely get my finals done on time
Events: So Lifeyear is over. I can't believe it. But I can't totally give up on this. I'll concentrate on finishing up the semester, but if I snap an awesome photo, I'll definitely put it up on here. I took my new out today. I'm hoping new things are beginning. Looking over the photos from the past year, I've gotten so far... with more to come in the next year. So in the spirit of the project, I'll definitely keep up-to-date on any travels. I'd love for others to document a year of their lives. As soon as soon ends, I'll work on an official Lifeyear website chronicling and organizing the photos from the past year. Thank you to everyone who ever looked at this... I love you all.
__________________ |
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| April 29 |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|12:17 am] |
Weather: 38, nice fluffy clouds, a bit windy at times but ya know, overall pretty mild. Now a chilly and balmy 32 going into the overnite... and it's almost May
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| April 28 |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|12:14 am] |
Weather: Got up to 36, drizzled and was cold and gray allll day. 28 and chilly at nite; cold, damp feet. I was a little unprepared for it. Ya know, typical Chicago stuff
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"Pictures of You"
What's so bad about me wanting pictures of you?
No matter what you say, I don't care how they look
I want to chronicle like a good librarian
Let me have these to remember
Time makes it harder
And these pull me back thru the days
The months
What's so bad about me wanting pictures of you?
You're wonderful. Let me remember this... |
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| April 27 |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|05:21 pm] |
Weather: Extremely overcast and 53 degrees. Supposed to have rain showers today and tomorrow, which is perfect cuz I can stay in and work on my finals and not feel like I'm missing too much
Events: Only three more days of Lifeyear after today... a whole year, I can't believe it. I found a sweet web module so I'll definitely keep this place posted if I figure out something cool with it to represent the entire project. And don't worry, I don't think I can totally stop... but maybe on a very busy/very uneventful day there won't be much to report. And I just think... I'll always have this place to remember everything. What an awesome year since I started this. Happy
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"Sometimes Ejaculations"
I cannot settle for sometimes ejaculations
I need to spill it every time
Somewhere
I cannot settle for sometimes
It doesn't matter what what what
Or how how how
I'm not concerned with the details
I don't premature or hang onto it forever
It's the right amount
I cannot settle for sometimes
Sometimes ejaculations
This must be attended to
Or I will cut you out
This must be attended to
List of dealbreakers
Number one, motherfucker
Checkmate
Do it do it
And in return, you can too
I cannot settle for sometimes
Please don't make me hold it
Don't send me away
Fucking don't touch it
Unless you intend to go all the way
Maybe you thought I was a true romantic
I'm a caveman too
Something primal inside me can't be civil
About this
About this!
On this matter, I cannot settle for sometimes
Sometimes ejaculations |
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| April 26 |
[Apr. 26th, 2008|05:13 pm] |
Weather: Bright, sunny, a bit chilly in the morning but then warmed up to about 55. Pretty strong winds at times too, that's notable. 40-something at nite, whoa. But it felt so good, so clean...
_____________________
"Blue Skied An' Clear"
Check out all these blue skies
And clear
How crystalline
Under the melisma
It's all one tone
I wasn't tricked
I'm not a fool
I see linearly past the horizontal lines
That tend to shoot down
It's because everything falls down
So trample on it
Make sure it is dead
Hey, check out all these blue skies
And clear
The tone of my life
The same bane I had last decade
Under the melisma
It's all one tone
It's inappropriate
Definition of mono
So what are you then?
Blue skied. And clear.
Blue skied. And clear.
Blue skied. And clear.
So what are you then?
Blue skied an' clear
What's it to ya?
Blue skied an' clear
I'm really OK
Blue skied an' clear |
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| April 25 |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|01:36 am] |
Weather: Really humid and sticky and sweaty and super windy, all while being 80 degrees. Now it is 37. What?!? Nooo Chicago stay warm warm warm. And it's supposed to snow next week? Unpredictable weather zones, I tell ya
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"Mulberry"
I wanted to write a song called "Mulberry" to tie it all together
Because what started (in the beginning) this whole trend
Was that fragrance in the form of a liquid
And it lit into me
When he lit my candle
So I wanted to write a song called "Mulberry"
To tie it all together
All these things you bring me FROM
Snow cherries from France
Meteorites from Argentina
Driftwood from Siberia
I wanted to write a song called "Mulberry"
To tie it all together, Daniel
And you messed me up when you brought me that smell
Because every time I see it my heart goes zing
And you really teased me up when you brought me that smell
Because every time I see it the impetus tugs at the seam of my pants
Come on
Is it clearing?
Can you see how I got to here, from there, via FROM?
Well once it started there was no going back
I want to get that feeling every day
No going back
Straight ahead
And one whiff of that olfactoric motivator, Mulberry, and I just know I am so set
So I wanted to write a song called "Mulberry"
To tie it all together |
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| April 24 |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|12:51 am] |
Weather: 72 and a bit overcast, not very windy. A brief downpour (but it was so nice, smelled so fresh, felt so good) then rained lightly for a little while. Currently 63 and a bit overcast heading into the overnite. A very very pretty day again. Supposed to get back down to the 30s next week. WTF?!?
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"Cosmic"
I wanted to write a song called "Cosmic"
It's been everywhere lately
I disembody my body
Dislocate and project
And it's way up in the air
So I wanted to write a song called "Cosmic"
I hope that makes sense
Meteorites fall and hit you on the head
Undeniable
And doing stupid things because you want to
How else should I describe these vestigial feelings?
Just let me relish it
I wanted to write a song called... "Cosmic"
:)~ |
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| April 23 |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|04:01 pm] |
Weather: Sunny, beautiful, cloudless sky, gently breezy, 66 degrees. Pretty much PERFECT
_____________________
"Glam"
Temper tantrums and all galore
But now temps match speed limits
And I'm still struttin' around
I'm pretending like nothing happened
So I can stay a man
But don't only little boys pretend?
Your apocalypse was glam
Your apocalypse was glam
Oops blew my throat
Can't supinate
I made it thru one of these once before
I remember it just as well now
Your apocalypse was glam
And I'm still glammin' it up
For another one of these
Struttin' around
Pretending nothing happened
So I can stay a man
But don't only little boys pretend?
It doesn't even matter any more
I made it thru one of these once before
You think you have a tempest
Face any wind, no matter how hard it blows
I still have to put it up
Bring it down and back again to put it out
Glammin' it up
Struttin' around
Pretending nothing happened
So I can stay a man
But don't only little boys pretend?
Oh I don't know what to do
Oh let me see it
Hold it steady and then again
Your apocalypse was fab
Your apocalypse was glam
I made it thru one of these once before
Your apocalypse was glam |
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| April 22 |
[Apr. 22nd, 2008|12:00 am] |
Weather: 73 and a little cloudy and a little windy. Kinda felt like the sky wanted to rain, but couldn't, so compensated by being a little more humid than usual. It's gonna be soooo hot this summer and Hill'y won PA! Yayayay!!!
_________________________
"Seether"
I must admit
I hate you serenely
I look at you
Inside I am seething
I must admit
I hate you serenely
I wish you were dead
But instead I am smiling
I have misplaced my offer
Find the nearest astroturf
And show me the fastest way
Back to the way it was -
The way I was before,
Before all this
Now so very changed
I must admit
I hate you serenely
I look at you
And feel a gay fury
I must admit
I hate you serenely
I wish you would die
But can I get high?
Don't you know I am a little seether
You showed no evidence of depleted mistreatment
I never misused, mistook, or mishandled
But what happened after
Will sure burn my butter
Don't you know I am a little seether
You have to do better; you're losing me;
And show me the fastest way
To the way I was before... |
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| April 21 |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|11:58 pm] |
Weather: Oh it was stunning. 71 and sunny, the clouds were beautiful and it was mild and breezy and totally perfect :)
________________________
"The Waves"
The waves.
The waves they are gorge
But cannot stave off
My sex drive is about to run off its course
The waves they are gorge
But cannot stave off
Your theory about this just doesn't make sense.
So you say when they have you then they don't want you
But what about the ones you make wait?
How can we know whether we want what you have
When you hold off so long, and then blame us?
You should blame yourself.
For making us wait when of course we all want you
But how can we know whether we want what you have?
Because now I am waiting and do not want this
And I don't want this more than I want you
So this is not my fault, not my fault: it's yours.
I guess it is better that I never have you and don't want you
Because I don't want you more than I hate having to wait
To phrase it another way, slightly
How am I going to explain this to you?
It is springtime now and I think I could like you
But I can't hold your hand without thinking of more
If I think I can't have it, I will give up on you
This pace is too slow, too slow for Chicago
It's 2008, we're gay, I don't want to marry you
The waves they are gorge
But cannot stave off
My sex drive is about to run off its course
The waves they are gorge but cannot stave off
I've been with five guys since we haven't hooked up
But then you keep talking to me
I'd rather it had all been with you
And then you keep talking to me
But this is fucked up and makes me feel bad
I know it's not me, not this one, not now!
So this is not my fault, not my fault: it's yours! |
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| April 20 |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|12:09 am] |
Happy 420
Weather: 57 earlier in the day, very clear and sunny, now a cool but not "cool" 44, you feel me?
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"Gay Fury"
I work myself into a gay fury
When I was little I wanted a bicycle
And a porcelain doll
I got both
The bicycle rusted in the rain
The doll fell and busted her head open
And I am the rust on a piece of aluminum
And I am inside heavy cheeks waiting to push
I work myself into a gay fury
And for what
Got blue skies
Imaginary friends
But it is still raining inside
The attic and the basement
I feel longing set into this dew
It is moist and cool and I walk to the pier
I put on my shoes
And let the wind wash my hair
How did I get here from such a happy child?
I work myself into a gay fury
Born into this culture now another victim
For people to peel apart with judgment
Well don't you dare judge me
Because I have rested; I have rained.
Though I'm still waging the drizzle vs. downpour debate
Guess it depends on how fast I want to rust today
Today
Today
With your hand in mine
And the land held me closer
Than you ever could
Feeling so fragile
If I fall
I wonder how many pieces I want to crack into
Several vs. millions, another wager
Guess it depends on how much I want to break today
Today
Today
With your hand in mine |
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| April 19 |
[Apr. 19th, 2008|11:36 pm] |
Weather: Threat of rain all day, but never happened. High 50s I think, 50s into the evening as well. Very overcast, very foggy. It did lift and become clearer at nite, but the sun barely shone (if I remember correctly - my memory is horribly skewed)
________________________
I gotta hand it to you
You know how to lead me on
But I need someone who will be more proactive
About my set of issues
And you need someone who will work better with yours
Here we are, two pursuees
What a combo with no geometric stapling
Birds chirp now
Trees in my heart still dead
The first tree will not open to the sunlight
The second died long ago
The third is almost fully decayed
Though it is spring
Outside my window
Is that emo enuf for you? |
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| April 18 |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|11:25 pm] |
Weather: Stunningly beautiful again; Spring is here. Clear, sunny skies, warm, clear at nite. I was actually a little hot in the club. Had to take off my hoodie
_______________________
"Wanton Play"
Wanton play
Burning thru it to get to nothing
More belittlement and dour loneliness
I am thoroughly unamused
Pussy pansy sissy boy
Pussy pansy sis
Just shut the fuck up
Shut the fuck up
Shut the fuck up
Release me now
This spending out of control
For someone to like you
And they never do
Overlook me
I'm usually amiable
What happened is a veritable crisis:
I thought the crux was the strongest part
Was I wrong to think this?
Wanton play
Power play?
It can't be
I can't believe you would shut down from ax arrest
When I so carefully covered your body with mine
All this care
All these proportions
Infinite calculations ad nauseum
And I don't have too many more of these left
They been breaking me down since I was a kid
And now I only have enuf love left for myself
So wanton play
Keep the money
Keep that, yeah
The cost isn't worth the effort
Free drinks are really the most expensive
And no no boy, you ain't foolin' me |
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| April 17 |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|03:37 pm] |
Weather: Oh my god. Breathtakingly beautiful. 68, perfect amount of both sun and clouds. Gentle breeze. I am thankful for days like these
________________________
"House On Heels"
I wonder how it would be
To be a house on heels
To carry
And have a baby
Oh impregnate me
Let me have your child
Let's lay in this golden corn
For days
Until it happens
I wonder how it would be
To be a house on heels
It's OK to cum inside me
Because I want to have a baby
I hope I have a boy
Such gentle breeze
And when I deliver
Will you still be around?
It doesn't matter
I have our union
I'm asking you to impregnate me
Because I want to have a baby
I wonder how it would be
To be a house on heels
I'm my mother
I'm my son
I wonder how it would be
To be a house on heels |
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| April 16 |
[Apr. 16th, 2008|11:36 pm] |
Weather: Got up to 70 today, but you know Chicago... can't just be 70 and sunny, but has to be windy to the point of excess too. 40+ mph gusts and definitely at least 30mph ALL DAY (and even now at midnite). But it was beautiful. I only wore one light jacket (on account of the wind)
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"Meteorites From Argentina"
I don't know how many more dinners I can hold
I had a baby boy
I had a baby
And it was a boy
I had a baby boy
And another one brought me
Brought me back
Meteorites from Argentina
And I didn't know what to do
I don't know how many more times I can tell the story
I had a baby boy
I had a baby
And it was a boy
I had a baby boy
And another one brought me
Brought me back
Meteorites from Argentina
And when I got home
I took it into my palm
And a tear fell beside
Tears and meteorites from Argentina in my hand
And I had a baby boy
I had a baby
And it was a boy
I had a baby boy
And I didn't know what to do |
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| April 15 |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|10:47 pm] |
Weather: What a beautiful day. 58 and mostly sunny. Very windy; 44 at 11pm. Clear, navy skies. A mild day. I'll take it
___________________
"Hieroglyphics"
What are my hieroglyphics?
The pictures that make up my life
There's me running away
Me getting rejected
Me happy
Me sad
Me alone
Me in bed
There I am
I made my own joy
Never another
One figure; just one; it's me
I'm tired of deciphering my own hieroglyphics
Being alone and swelling up brightly
As the fireflies twinkled and glowed,
I sat on the porch and cried over my afflictions.
I haven't ended up any way.
But I didn't think it would be like this. |
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| April 14 - Day & Nite |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|12:04 am] |
Weather: 40 and tolerable for most of the day. 35 and only a *little* chilly at nite. Clear skies all around. Blue tones in the sky at nite again... finally!
_____________________
"Die Die Die"
I got a flower
Wrapped it in twine
Wanted to give it to you
But the time wasn't right
When we left, I kept it in until you couldn't hear me
Sometimes my face gives right in
But I kept my shoulders up
In case you wanted to see me
When I got out of sight
I took out the flower
The one I couldn't give
Threw it down to the ground
And said, "Die
Die
Die"
Die die die
You grew
Were tended to
Vibrant and fine
I threw it down to the ground
And said, "Die
Die
Die"
Die die die
I put too much energy in there
It represented everything I didn't have
All that fresh hope
In someone else's care
I kept you until it was time to give you away
But it never happened
I threw it down to the ground
And said, "Die
Die
Die"
Die die die
Too much energy in there. |
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| April 13 |
[Apr. 13th, 2008|11:57 pm] |
Weather: Really windy, really chilly, mostly sunny. It was like 28 degrees, and at nite it was at least 25. My fingers froze while I was holding my fone. In another month it will be in the 90s
__________________________
"Different Light"
Why does it have to be wrong or right?
Why does it have to be one way or the other?
I see you in a different light
With your hair falling down
And us together for life
I can't tell you this right now
But I see you in a different light
Why does it have to be wrong or right?
Why does it have to be one way or the other?
And I begin to think that maybe...
No doesn't always mean no
I have my dreams
And I will not let them go
Compromise is a shitty term used to describe a type of giving up
Compensate makes me feel like you compromised for me
I am not a life ruiner
And I will not be a hale razer.
Why does it have to be wrong or right?
Why does it have to be one way the other?
I just want to get thru this
Without the miasma of worry
Please god, let me be alright
I want him
And us together for life
I can't tell you this right now
But I see you in a different light
With your hair falling down
And love in your eyes
I see you in a different light
With your hair falling down
And us together for life
I can't tell you this right now
But I see you in a different light |
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| April 12 |
[Apr. 12th, 2008|09:36 pm] |
Weather: Started out as a little drizzly and extremely overcast with a temp of 32. The wind was blowing and the lake was raging today. Made waves like I haven't seen since I've lived here. It's now 26 with a lite rain/snow mix. It was 95 in LA today. It is April 12th. Come on, Chicago. This is great and all, but spring!
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"Hazy Day Ballad"
I took off my jeans
And threw them down
Lying alone again
It doesn't matter
Where they lay
Where I lay
No one shares this time
This ether is all mine
It is charged up with me
Wouldn't mind feeling somethin' new
In the shower
I scrub my skin
I go to the water
And watch the waves
So distrusting
Believed the lie
Every time I fell for it
Stacked on more mortar
Now the man who can scale this
Is getting rarer all the time
I go to the water
And watch the waves
I sit on the floor
And draw my ache
I made two hearts
Then drew one line
More debris scattered
It's a beautiful day
But I am crying
The fog falls to the ground
I let it fall on me
The gravity of the situation
Wouldn't mind sharing this time |
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| April 11 |
[Apr. 11th, 2008|07:43 pm] |
Weather: The name of the game today is WINDY. Around 30mph all day, give or take. Very very windy. Started out as 58 (and windy) in the early part of the day, and the clouds were amazingly gorgeous. But, being in one of the most unpredictable weather zones in the country, it is now 37, overcast, and drizzly. And windy. AND it's supposed to snow tomorrow
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"1000 Times 1000"
Rainwater
Blowback
Rising turn tide
I pressed on a ratchet
But found it wasn't mine
I screamed in the streets
And they were mad at me
I ran to get away
Fuck living in a city
If I was at home
I could cum out on the grass
And scream until my throat blows out
And not be tampered with
Why did I come here?
Oh, is that all?
Nothing good has come of it
But everything else is swell
Butane botched up slutpup
Rush up
Don't trapse
Gestate
I want to feel your prostate
Cancer cancer everyone has cancer
So go down South and die
A sad old man
But that isn't my color
I have this one life
I love myself so much I have enuf for someone else
Silver linings every day
Find them, keep your eyes on the sky
Watch the sky
And if they think your nose is in the air
Tell them it is
"It's clearer up here"
After a time I don't see what I'm looking at
But what I'm looking thru
I'm looking at your window pane
So I smash it, slam it thru
In my short time, my destroy equals create
Take me into the sky
Let astral wander away
I saw myself inside my eyes
And found myself complete
Unbruised, unscorned
Left alone
Now here is your bouquet |
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| April 10 |
[Apr. 10th, 2008|07:37 pm] |
Indiana, too! Isn't it sooo Midwestern?
Weather: Beautiful day, rained on and off. Tornadoes in the south not as bad as predicted. Got done with 2-D super early and headed out into a brisk nite. It's been getting to the high 30s/low 40s in the evenings lately, and it was this nite too, but then the winds got warmer and by 3am it was 52 degrees. I sat in the park and watched the gorgeous heavy fog
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"Pandora"
I love this
My heart opened up
And let out all the evil
And now I am pure
My heart closed up
And kept only hope
And now I am pure
Pureheart
Papergames
Every time I go
You play papergames
Want to take it all, cover over this
Every time I go
You play papergames
By a timebeam, this is my keystone
Rubbing alcohol
I'm not a condoner
I'm not a reaction
Failed as a failure
Gave up giving up
I don't act as a buffer
I'm not a third wheel
Your gaze like a laser
Your lays getting razor
Every time I go
You play papergames
Want to take it all, cover over this
Every time I go
You play papergames
By a keystone, this is my buttress
Pendentive
I love this
My heart opened up
And let out all the evil
And now I am pure
My heart closed up
And kept only hope
And now I am pure
Pureheart
Papergames |
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| April 9 |
[Apr. 9th, 2008|12:28 am] |
I had to get a shot :(
Weather: It was 50 at one point; now it's 31 (Below freezing? How'd that happen?). Maybe a little windy. Very clear skies, very sunny and beautiful. Has that feeling that rain is coming tho... and indeed it is. Tomorrow is supposed to be one of the most severe weather days ever. The tornado outbreaks a little south of here are supposed to be record-setting. Whatever happens here, it's supposed to be windy as hell. In this context, it is ODDLY calm right now. I wonder what will happen
Events: Mark
_____________________
"It's a Cycle, Really"
Nothing left
Any more
I gave it all
You still want more
Nothing left
Any more
You'll have to rely
On what's been writ
Before this time
I had an ocean
Now it's a well
I was a downpour
Now I'm a drizzle
I hope you can forgive
My diminishing at the end
Like any race
The last hurdle is the lance
Come with me
On my penultimate month
Review my leitmotivs
I have revealed enuf
If after destructing all this
You still need more
I had an ocean; was a downpour
You'll have to explore the trenches of drizzles
That will have to do, this time
It's a cycle, really
It's a cycle, really
I'd love the help
I'm tired of deciphering my own hieroglyphics
You will have to rely
On what's been writ
Before this time
Sincerely,
J.Vaughn |
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| April 8 |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|12:21 am] |
I'd just had a really awful evening
Weather: High of 45, rained on and off all day so pretty balmy, amazing thunder and lightning in the evening with a little torrential rain. 41 and calm in the overnite
Events: Long day of class, then went to meet this guy... I left with the impression that he hated me. Then went to Bucktown to go to a dance thing but went to the wrong place and was totally deflated... in the rain. Which I didn't mind. But there's a difference between being happy in the rain and deflated in it... very insult to injury
________________________
"It's So Bad"
Here here here
In my head
It's so bad
It's so bad
Every time it rains
It's it's so so
Bad
It's so bad
It's so bad
I can't complicate
Or lacerate
Any more than I already have
But give it to me straight
If you like me or not
Don't give me this foxtrot
Just serve it up
Tell me
Tell me
Do you like me or not
When I don't know and you fuck me around
It's so bad
It's so bad
Every time it rains
It's it's so so
Bad
It's so bad
It's so bad
Man |
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| April 7 |
[Apr. 7th, 2008|11:27 pm] |
No matter how far I go, my life, with little exception, has involved these interstates.
Weather: 53 and a little cloudy for most of the day until sunset when the sky opened up. The sunset was amazing: navy clouds on a soft blue sky. Very windy which was a little annoying, and currently 40 going into the overnite. BUT my records show it was 14 degrees just one month ago so I really have nothing to bitch about
___________________________
"All Over"
I am not regenerative
Break me once, and I am gone forever
You can probably piece me together
Like a flower pot
But you'll always know
At some point I was dropped
And when I splattered all over
It was all over, for me.
I am not reluctant
Invite me out, and I will go with you
Oh, take me with you
Me and you
Posh. The perfect word.
But you'll always know
At some point I was alone
And when I was exposed all over
It was all over, for me.
I am like a photograph
Implored for shadows
Reproduced for highlights
Consider the lengths I would travel
Just to be kind to you
I am not regenerative or reluctant
Now that I am out, I cannot shatter
So cuidado - warning
If I am mishandled, hurt all over
It will be all over
All over, for me. |
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| April 6 |
[Apr. 6th, 2008|04:24 pm] |
Weather: Amazingly beautiful, clear, sunny skies, and 64 degrees. Wow, again. Supposed to rain tonite, and will be in the 50s all next week. This 60s weekend was so completely perfect. I am thankful for such wonderful weather. Rain on Sunday evening? It devastates me with its perfection
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Today I woke up with a nosebleed. At first I thought it was just runny mucus, but then I tasted blood in the back of my mouth. It ran down my throat, then I sat up and it streamed out of my nose, over my mouth, and down my chin. I caught it with my palm. I sat up in bed and tilted my head back. Could taste, taste more blood. Blood in my throat, on my face, and in my hand. Is this my life? A life of nosebleeds? It woke me from sleep. Other things were happening in my body; dehydration; had to pee; hungry. But of these, this is what woke me from my bitter dreaming. I dreamed I was flying with a hand glider. On the carpet there is a spot where a drop of blood fell and stained the fibers. It spread from absorption as soon as it hit. I left the bloody tissues on the floor. Now in the bathroom, there was dried blood all over my face, crusted around my nose, and fresh red blood around my mouth. I could taste this, feel its thin viscosity. I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. It was put on me and it is the first thing I experienced when I woke up today. Before the harsh of daylight, before a bodily assessment, I woke up tasting blood. |
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| April 5 |
[Apr. 5th, 2008|04:36 am] |
Weather: Beautiful, sunny, got up to 62 today (warmer than in Memphis!). I couldn't not be outside. Went to the zoo and went out in Lakeview... what a beautiful day. I just can't stay inside in beautiful weather like this. Supposed to be more of the same tmrw. YES. Chicago hasn't had weather like this in months
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"Untitled (The Freeze)"
When did I first thoroughly revolt you
When did I foretell the scorning
The fish drowning in their tanks
And I noticed there was some scarlet and cerulean markings
On the inside of a square mile that ran past your heart
Shooting horizontally then diagonally into the EARTH
Running parallel to me because I'm at the same shocking angle
Right now, today
The fish drowning in their tanks
I thought about it
About why the clouds don't fall right out of the sky
What I'd give to bounce playfully from cloud to cloud
Never knowing this rote existence people carve out for themselves
And never seem to recoil from
The fish drowning in their tanks
"Does this ring a bell", hell
I'm not one of those people
I'm not one of those guys
Who can just sit there and stare mortally
Never wondering or knowing
Because it is my mind bouncing playfully from cloud to cloud
Hand gliding across the river down into the water
The fish drowning in their tanks
So I turn up the heat; I can't let this freeze
What's overused and metaphorical - is it that way for a reason?
I bask and relinquish discordant dioramas because I can't watch
I hate this part
Well aren't you the deus ex machina?
But the big freeze happened
And now I'm calmly terrified at the notion of a big thaw
Sometime in the proverbial future
But what's that anyway?
Beyond this mortal stare, I know the fish are drowning in their tanks
And I wish my memory span wasn't years and years
I thank cruel time for making it harder to remember
If I can just get it down to a few seconds
Then I'd be peachy keen.
But that's a vile, perverted dream like hand gliding over the river
Bouncing playfully from cloud to cloud
One day you'll find the same markings I found and will give a thought to how they got there and will realize what it was that was trapping you all along.
Or not. What do I know? I'm still deep within the freeze. |
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| April 4 |
[Apr. 4th, 2008|04:26 am] |
Weather: It was totally in the 50s, beautiful and sunny all day. Got serious spring fever and wanted to just be outside walking around and doing stuff. Got a little milder at nite, but so calm, so temperate. Couldn't get enuf of being outside this day
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"I Am An Island"
I am formed as islands are
Born of fire
And molded by ice
Carve into me
Erode me
Bruise me
Tear on my edges
I am an island
Sturdy and brave
Rest with me
Stay with this, because I am safe
I am an island
Born of fire
And molded by ice
I've gone thru all the changes
So you won't ever have to.
If I could only shield you from that burden
Have a look at my rivers
So deeply cut and carved
You think it is beautiful
It hurts me every day
If I could only spare you from this
I am an island
Born of fire
And molded by ice
I will give you cover
Face the ocean
If you will stay here
I have to, all the same
Unlike me, you have a choice
Stay |
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| April 3 |
[Apr. 3rd, 2008|04:23 am] |
Weather: This is the first day where it was semi-warm. I wore a sweatshirt as a gesture of hope, but I think it got down to 39 and I was kinda chilly. I think the high this day was like 51? I also remember the wind being a little obnoxious with the blowing
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Mannequins
Have no feelings
But they are perfect
In their omniscience
Never reacting
Formidable
It's something to aspire to
I am trying to become
A mannequin |
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| April 2 |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|12:51 am] |
Weather: Oooh, I think it was 42? 39? Something like that. Pretty sunny all day, beautifully clear evening... not so windy, only a small bit. It's shaping up to be Spring! Pretty soon I'll have my sweatshirt wish
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"He Dreams This"
I forgot what it really was
What it really was
That I wanted
But I can't focus on that
I have to be good for myself
Because no one will love me if I don't love myself
I thought there was someone sleeping next to me
He dreams this
I thought there was someone waiting
He dreams this
Maybe this time there's a message for me
He dreams this
He dreams this every day
And it rises
Mine does
Every day
Every day
I said
He dreams these things
These betroved thoughts
He dreams this
And this
Is not real
It stays in a place of longing and roaming
He dreams this
He dreams this
And will not wake |
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| April 1 - Last Month of Lifeyear |
[Apr. 1st, 2008|01:51 am] |
Weather: Got up to about 34, pretty windy earlier in the day, then calmed down a bit. A trifle overcast but nothing too bad... all in all a very pretty day. I'm looking forward to JUST wearing little sweatshirts with less than four layers... temps look good all this week
Events: This is the last month of Lifeyear! April 31st, 2008 will end this year-long project. I can't believe I'm on the twelfth month of taking a picture a day for a year! It went by so, so fast. I don't think I can stop compusively photographing everything so I may post when I have a really cool photo or song-poem, but other than that I'm just gonna let the community chill until someone else wants to do this. I'll try to add a Lifeyear section to my website so everyone can see the pictures more clearly... but that'll take a lot more motivation than I have time for right now. So until then, Lifeyear will remain here. STILL can't believe it. April is an awesome last month for something like this
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"So Much For That"
I don't need to hear the song
Just need to know it still exists
Underneath the lifelong chillout
I won't downplay the Ventolin of a proper gaze
Revenge: he kills him.
Revenge
He dreams this.
Nothing goes to good
This time I am right
I am bigger
I am bigger than you
And you, you are wrong and small
You had the high hand
I gave so much -
So much for that
Whizzing from contraband to hazy days
There's not too much along the way
A settlement every few kilos
But nothing extravagant
You stuck to your regiment
So serendipitously
But it caused something else
It's these side effects printed smallest
Nothing goes to good
This time I am right
I am bigger
I am bigger than you
And you, you are wrong and small
You had the high hand
I gave so much -
So much for that
So much for that. |
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| March 31 |
[Mar. 31st, 2008|01:19 pm] |
Weather: Thunderstorms, gray sky, raining, 60 though! Ah, what a day
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"I Have an Ocean (To Say the Least)"
You can dip and dip out of me
All you want
Because in the end
You have a well, I have an ocean
You can stagger your blows
Only it's not of use
You have a well, I have an ocean
(Protect him. Go to him. Cover him with your body. At any cost, protect him!)
I moved my cubs out of the hunter's range
(Don't be prideful, you still are not safe.)
You can dip and dip out of me
All you want
You have a well, I have an ocean
All this panic
Is a tactic
A mechanism aimed to break me down
I see thru this
Clearly
(Protect him. He will not listen. You must run to him. Go, protect him!)
I'm going to do this
Even if it's wrong
Sure, I have a feeling
That I shouldn't be here
But I've had that every day of my life
It's no different this time
You have a well! I have an ocean!
I can weather any element
To say the least. |
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| March 30 |
[Mar. 30th, 2008|07:16 pm] |
Belmont
Fullerton
Weather: Got up to about 39, extremely dismal, overcast, a little drizzly... kind of a blah day, but tomorrow is supposed to be even worse, up to 60 but with thunderstorms and lots o' rain. April showers...
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"Mostly Water"
Here I go, with my Southern pride
I don't know why, but I
Tend to quantify everything
And respond well to numbers
And my soul is in the ocean
Trust me on this.
My soul
Is in the ocean
I left it there
When I fell out of love.
My soul
Is in the ocean
When I want to see it
I cry out
At the water
On the brink
And my soul
Shows itself to me
It hurts me to see it
Glimmering
At the bottom
Of the ocean
But I left it there
When I fell out of love.
In my wellspring trilogy,
My heart is broken
My mind is tired
I must keep something safe and sacred outside of me
Everything is breaking
Falling down
Away from me
So my soul is in the ocean
I shouldn't have it in myself
My soul
Is in the ocean
I left it there
When I fell out of love.
It hurts me to see it
Glimmering
At the bottom
Of the ocean
I need to salvage something
It is safer there. |
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| March 29 |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|09:29 am] |
Weather: Big, beautiful sky and 17 in Halifax as of my departure. Just checked the Chicago weather and it says 30 and cloudy... perfect! And should be nice in the upcoming days. I'm amazed by the weather here in Atlantic Canada. It was so snowy last nite and today you'd never even know it. Schizo weather changes... ahhhh yes
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"Cruel and Spark"
What can be so bad?
I have slithery sulks like cruel and spark
Got my sweet babe
Look, got a blue sky
You wanna discover my full range of motion
Well, go for it
No one can cover what you fucking
Think you can do, you fuck
You think I'd just fucking come and die for you
But I have to get out of here
I'm almost done with this
Then I'm gonna give it all away
If I ever get out of here
If I ever get out
If I ever get out of here
I'm gonna give it
You wanna discover my full range of motion
Well, go for it
You thought this would not be a brood
Au contraire, I have slithery sulks like cruel and spark
Cruel and spark
Got my sweet babe
Look, got a blue sky
The cells in my brain nuclear fission
My plasma burns and scalds
It's why I prefer colder weather
The deeper water...
Give me anything
I'll ask for what's not there
So stop
I have to make due with what I have
Got my sweet babe
Look, got a blue sky
I don't want slithery sulks
But if I didn't have them, I'd want them
Like cruel and spark
Cruel and spark
Cruel, and spark |
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| March 28 |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|04:32 pm] |
Weather: Very, very overcast, heavy snow, 27 degrees, many inches have fallen by now. I hope it clears up by tomorrow... I wanna get home
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"Slithery Sulk"
Gliding in
It seemed the smoothest way to go
Loaded up on endorphins and hydroponic pillages of caustic soda that is so corrosive.
Bet you didn't see it coming, did you?
Because you always say you think I think I'm better than you
It's a system of demerits, seesaws, that you invented
To make me feel bad about trying to communicate intimately with you
Which you disguised as offense to dispel me from your undeflatable balloon.
The defeat did me in in the end.
10pm? I'm push you then then.
Any size blow would've surely killed me, so I just want you to know you didn't have to knock me so hard. Really you could've just blown me. Is that analogy real enuf for you or should I continue...?
I won't, but if you wanna give it another try I...
(Is it positive or negative?)
If you wanna give it another try I...
Should stop while I'm ahead. My big mouth always caused me trouble. I'll keep my trap closed. Maybe if I had before I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. |
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| March 27 |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|07:36 pm] |
Weather: 46 in Halifax today! Much better than Chicago's snow, it was sunny and beautiful for most of the day. The quality of light was spectacular and I got many many good shots. Got sorta cloudy before sunset and the daylight puttered out without much warning. Currently a brisk 20 going into the overnite... but still very clear. Supposed to snow tomorrow evening, my last in Halifax
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"Mountains and Plains"
If I were a landscape
Wonder what I'd be
It would have to be mountains or plains
There is no in between
Mountains are land that buckled
Rising high and strong
Indignant of their past faltering
They block the rain
From doing its job
Plains have been strong all the time
Never had to break from tension
They welcome all weather and every airmass
Because they never gave way, and are strong
And what is more admired:
Mountains or plains?
Who is photographed more thoroughly;
More writ of;
More explored?
But don't forget plains are forced to be fertile
Mountains have nothing to do.
Who has it made? The beautiful ones
The ones that do no work
That sit with snow upon their shoulders
That couldn't stay together
And are admired by how they rise.
It is a spectacle, nothing more!
But what about the plains, I ask?
The strong, silent, hard-working type.
Never visited, driven past, tilled and worked to death.
If I were a landscape
Wonder what I'd be
It would have to be mountains or plains
There is no in between. |
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