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For all of those times when the gatekeepers of the world's knowledge are called upon, in their professional capacity, to use the word "motherfucker." Or at least to seriously consider it.

*Open to librarians; library associates, specialists, technicians, and paraprofessionals of all kinds; library school students; library aides and volunteers; and all of those who love libraries, or even just love a particular librarian. Welcome.
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Jul. 3rd, 2009 @ 12:44 pm An open letter to my patrons...
Every time you drum your fingers on the desk, tap your foot, tap your watch, roll your eyes, sigh and look put upon, and/or tell me that you're in a hurry, I move a little slower.

No love,

Me

It's the day before Independence Day. Most of the banks are closed. Some of the businesses are closed. (It's a small town.) Sadly, we're still open.

Everyone wants to check out a dozen or more movies right now, because we'll be closed tomorrow and they can't wait until Monday for their video fix.
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Life needs comments.
[info]shevellaine:
13 motherfuckers said
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Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 04:48 pm (no subject)
Dear Propaganda-Distributing Patron:

Congratulations, you have a religion. Congratulations, you are proud of it.

However. This does not, in any way, shape, or form, give you permission to leave dozens of teeny Christian propaganda comic pamphlets on our shelves.

Your religious beliefs do not give you the right to distribute things like this in our library any more than do the beliefs of those who seem to think that leaving issues of American Atheist magazine in the religion section of non-fiction is appropriate.

Please advertise for your church elsewhere.

Sincerely,
[info]mb_jazz_freak87
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Hotch disapproves
[info]mb_jazz_freak87:
23 motherfuckers said
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Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 03:23 pm Quit ignoring me!
Dear Mofo Co-Workers,

I think in the last ten months which I've been working with you, I have not shown you my mature Circ supervisor side. That's the only reason I came come up with in regards to not replying to my emails. See, I'm responsible for student employee training. Which includes orientation. I sent out a cheerful reminder that will automatically save the date on your Outlook calendar. See! I've made it easy for you! Just press "Accept!" But no, ignore the email and don't email with WHY this time doesn't work for you.

I know that our supervisor just switched up our responsibilities. That's not my fault. I'm just trying to get this ball rolling.

Yours sincerely,

The youngest member on staff.

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Anne Shirley
[info]goddessdragon:
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Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 02:35 pm To the Right Honorable -- no, wait, make that Her Royal Highness ...
Dear Ass-Kissing Literary Mofos of Earlier Eras --

Please to have a little foresight when selecting a patron. Avoid political figures whose power base is eroding, elderly persons tottering toward the grave, and wealthy idiots overexposed in the tulip market. You're only going to create more work for your printer (and subsequently for me) when you rededicate your heartbreaking work of staggering genius to someone else. Said printer can't be any more pleased about having to cancel one leaf of panegyric doggerel with another leaf of even worse doggerel than I am about having to document the change (particularly when he decides to slap it back in the wrong place. Mofo upon mofo!).

Sincerely,
nebroadwe
Twenty-First Century Rare Book Cataloger
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Magadalen
[info]nebroadwe:
3 motherfuckers said
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Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 07:14 am Old Fashioned Racism
I have a co-worker who is a bit old fashioned and replaces "hell" with "H" in casual conversation. Ironically she's a bit racist and inappropriate but has no idea.  For instance, once she cornered the asian graduate student  and told her that she, my co-worker, loved orientals because when she was little an oriental woman came to talk to her brownie troop dressed as a geisha. She went on to re-enact the scene from A Christmas Story where the family goes to eat Chinese on Christmas and to sing, in the horribly offensive pseudo-accent "We Wish You a Melly Chlistmas"

Anyway, today she announced loudly, to anyone who cared, that she hated one of the admin women and wished that this particular woman  would "Marry that camel-jockey boyfriend of hers and get the H out!" After a short, uncomfortable silence someone said "Excuse me?" to which she repeated, louder, exactly what she had said (lucky me, I thought she had said "junky boyfriend" the first time). There then followed an uncomfortable silence and she said "Well, I don't usually talk that way about people, but I really hate her." So, I'm assuming she felt the tension and thought it was because she was expressing distaste for the admin employee, not that she used an incredibly offensive racial slur. 

I have to admit, I wasn't so much offended as I was fascinated. It was like watching someone eat a bug. 
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[info]maybecrazy42:
35 motherfuckers said
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Jul. 1st, 2009 @ 03:06 pm It was appreciated...
I bust a guy who was traveling across our state scamming any library system that gave him a library card of materials and then selling them to get “gas money” to individuals and second hand book stores. I get him for two felonies, seize his truck and he is in jail. The time comes and we bust him in his truck. I and the police recover our materials and materials from over twenty other library systems he had not sold yet. Not to mention hundreds of library barcodes and dust jackets. So I get the materials, separate them and sort them, and have the materials shipped back to their perspective libraries with a letter explaining what happened. I could have let the police take them and put them in their property room and those libraries would have to come get them but instead I figured I would be nice and ship them back. So I only want to say to the four library systems who thanked us, we appreciated it. To the rest of those who think that the theft of library materials is the cost of doing business I say what comes around goes around.
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[info]securityguru:
11 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 30th, 2009 @ 08:50 am One of those sinking feelings...
Current Location: work
Current Mood: morose
I found out this morning that someone from the Circ dept. at one of our campuses has apparently been making cold calls to verify patrons' information so they know whether or not to delete their record.  Needless to say, I was flabbergasted.  It seems to me that a patron's right to privacy has been violated.  After all, they would have no idea if the person calling to verify their address was actually a library employee.  Why didn't the employee simply worry about verifying the patron information when the patron is actually standing there at the counter?  My doctor's office doesn't call me asking for address correction information, they have me fill out a form when I am physically present in their office for my appointment.

Is this employee a mofo or am I just being oversensitive?
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hahaha...no
[info]autumnfire1414:
27 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 29th, 2009 @ 08:56 pm Anybody else run into this?
Having been told soooooooooo many times to take her cell phone calls to the lobby,  regular MoFo's new trick is to now be on VOIP through her laptop connected to our wifi. 

So, she thinks she's got a loophole.

Well, I double-dog loophole....

The Security Guard let the Director know that I willl be speaking to her about this patron first thing tomorrow and my recommendation will be to upgrade our signage to "No speaking conversations using wireless devices"  or some such.
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gus
[info]notthemonica:
8 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 29th, 2009 @ 01:54 pm (no subject)
No. I can't point you to where the book I cataloged three years ago is in the stacks. Even if it is about Israel.
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*headdesk*
[info]kippurbird:
4 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 27th, 2009 @ 12:50 pm Preferred Patron
I was just thinking this morning that, in order to show good patrons that they're appreciated, maybe there can be some kind of Preferred Patron status.

Suppose something like if there's no more than one ding (late return, damaged item, etc.) in the last ten transactions, or ten weeks or whatever, they can check out more DVDs, unlimited books, certain reference items, get the next five dollar's worth of fine waived, or other things of the sort. And the ones not on the list have limits.

I'm sure there would be practical problems with implementing it, and theoretical problems with it. But it would be nice if the good people can get more than the jerks.
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talking 2, fox
[info]glhansen:
12 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 26th, 2009 @ 10:45 am Overly polite mofo?

I have complained about our volunteers on here before. I’m starting to think they’re all broken records that get stuck and repeat the same problem over and over. Sometimes people need help completing a task the first couple of times they do it. I get that and I’m glad to patiently explain it to you, show you, then watch you do it with guidance, then step back and have you try it on your own and wait for questions. I can do this a few times even. But when you’ve been here for 8 months and you cannot figure out how to fill in your timesheet – something you’ve done over a dozen times now – I’m about to blow. These are the SAME mistakes you make EVERY time. Really, every time?! I have no idea how to help you any more. I just circle the problems, remind you that we fixed these last time, and quietly walk away. I feel rude for doing this but if I stand there and explain it to you again, I’m going to have to scream it directly into your ear in the hopes that maybe then it will stay in your brain.

 

Also, apologizing every time for every little thing is annoying. When you have to walk behind me in the stacks and you apologize, I don’t care. Just give me an ‘excuse me’ and I’ll move my behind. When you ask me the SAME question for the 10th time, while I’m clearly in the midst of working on something/helping a patron, starting your request with, “I’m sorry but…” No. If you were really sorry, you wouldn’t do it. You’d think about the last time you asked me this question, you’d walk around me, you’d try to solve a basic problem ON YOUR OWN, you’d look at the handouts I’ve given you on how to do it, or you’d sit and look at the dozens of books on the shelf that are in order and look at the pretty pretty patterns until you sort it out. I’m really sick of it.

 

That and the thank yous, for everything make me want to shrivel up and die. I’m a fan of etiquette, believe me I wish my boss used it more often. I also enjoy compliments and appreciation for my work. But when you use thank you in every other sentence that doesn’t involve an “I’m sorry” it losses all value. Thank me for what? Pointing out how to alphabetize authors…AGAIN! Stop thanking me, start listening and learn to DO IT ON YOUR OWN.


Sorry to explode about the rudeness of endless apologies and thanks. I know I sound like a mofo on this one…but I can’t take it any more.


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[info]fakeassrarian:
4 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 25th, 2009 @ 09:58 pm I hate to think what they say when confronted with "Paper or Plastic?"
Current Mood: irritated
So my library offers you a choice of library cards; a wallet-sized card or a key-chain card.  We ask patrons which they'd prefer.  Simple, right?  I mean, surely you think to yourself, "hmmm, am I more likely to have my keys or my wallet with me when I come to the library?  Do I have room in my wallet/on my key-chain for a card?  Do I lose my wallet or my keys more often?" and then make a decision based upon these considerations, no?  And typically you can do this in less than a second, yes?

Fuck no!!!!!

Usually people dither for several minutes, ask the above questions aloud (I have answers for you??), or ask if they can have both (NO!!!!). 

Today a woman forced me to choose for her.  She was already hostile about the process of getting a library card (look, if you don't want one, don't waste my fucking time, bitch) and, when confronted with the wallet/key-chain question, got all up in my face about it and practically growled, "you decide.  Whichever one you pick up first."  I'm gonna pick up my fuckin' clue-by-four and smack you upside your head, is what I'm gonna pick up!
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[info]maughta:
19 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 25th, 2009 @ 04:31 pm No, I can't fix your MySpace page for you
Current Mood: bored
No matter how many times you ask me, this will be my answer. We are not allowed to do things like that. So even if I did know how to post a widget to your MySpace page, I would be forbidden from doing so. And you'll get the same answer no matter who you ask. You can complain all you want about us being unhelpful, but we still ain't gonna do it for you. Never mind the fact that the computers are on a different floor and your time is up for the day.

God bless the regular who backed me up on that and could tell her in plain English to just get a teenager to do it for her or contact whoever sent her the widget.
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Mulder Brand X
[info]cassandra423:
5 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 25th, 2009 @ 12:09 am learn how to use the internet before you die day
Hey old lady:

When I say that I will help you “with the internet” it does not mean that I will sit there and do it for you, especially when you start yelling at me because you can’t sign up on yahoo mail for a ridiculous email address like candybar.com@candy@yahoo.com (yes, that is really what she wanted). I am a library employee, not your personal assistant, so don’t wave me away with a flick of your hand as if to dismiss me when I annoy you with my suggestion for a password other than your brilliant “1234567.” I don’t care that your son told you that you could pick any email address you wanted on the internet – he was wrong and he’s not here right now anyway is he? No, he’s not, so please listen to me when I’m trying to help you and stop shaking your notepad where you scribbled “candybar.com@candy@yahoo.com” in my face, it ain’t happening.
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shhhh
[info]the_shush:
27 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 23rd, 2009 @ 06:25 pm What Kind Of MOFO...
Would leave THIS at one of our Internet workstations? WTF?

Actually it was very funny because when it was turned in the head of Reference was like, "what is it?" Another coworker was like, "it was left at one of the computers last night... And it looks old." LOL!

Anyway, why anyone would need one in the Library or while surfing the Internet is anyone's guess.

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Woeful
[info]librarianwoes:
2 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 23rd, 2009 @ 01:40 pm It's called 'customer service' not flirting.
So please, Mr. Patron, please don't ever call me your girlfriend again.

::shudder::
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Mr. Oatmeal
[info]qacdefeej:
25 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 09:04 pm Try to remember
As I read through all the stupidity running amok in libraries, I will like to point out that there are good patrons, and please keep in mind that we exist when you are dealing with the idiots. We exist, but we don't really register on your attention because we don't required much attention from you and generally tend to keep to ourselves. Many you would claim never to see, like myself. Being quite a reader, I check out books frequently, and show up at my home library twice a week, and I see the staff and know them by face, but if they should see me outside the library, they would have no idea that I've been going to that library for 9 years, twice a week. Mainly because I do use the catalog system, and find and request books on my own, and when they are brought over to my home library, I have no problem in picking them up from the hold shelves, and then proceeding to the self-check out, requiring no attention from the staff, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate them, and their jobs because someone had to see my requests and pull them out to be sent to my home library from other libraries, and no matter how many crazies run amok the library, and other distractions, they still do their jobs and us "normals" who you might never notice, really really appreciate y'all. So thank you and try not to forget that people do appreciate what you do for the library and the community.
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:)
[info]a_gates:
29 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 09:06 pm Poor baby took all his toys and went away
One of the regular computer users sauntered up to the desk today and said he needed more time to fill out a job application. I looked at the queue and we had someone waiting for a machine, so I told him I could only extend him for twenty minutes (and that was a concession, as we usually won't extend computer time at all if there's an active queue, but I thought he was mid-application and I was trying to be nice.)

"That's nothing!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, well, if there's no one in the queue by then I can give you more time," I said.

"But I'm not playing games, I'm trying to find a job."

"I understand, but there is someone else who is waiting for a computer. When there's no one in the queue I can give you more time."

*much flailing of arms* "But I'm doing something important!"

"Yes, and I understand that, but there's someone else who is waiting to use the computers, and they may have something important to do too."

"Forget it, I'm going to Quincy!" he exclaimed, and stomped out the door.



I guess he wasn't mid-application after all.
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annoyed cat
[info]rabidsamfan:
3 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 04:32 pm Gee, Thanks.
Why are some people so lazy/rude/disrespectful that they feel like they need to throw their card at you? This guy literally threw it at my desk so that it actually skipped like pebbles on the river. And then he just looked at me like I knew what he wanted. *siiigh* Is it so hard to hand it to me? Or, if I'm offensive, you could at least set it down instead of flinging it.
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LiLLoLLipopgirl
[info]juicy69:
4 motherfuckers said
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Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 06:29 pm DIAF. Oh, wait --
I catalog rare books, but even here you can't escape the mofos.

Listen, Mr. Eighteenth-Century-German-Binder, quit with the three-beer lunches. That's the only reason I can think of to explain the way you folded the inner sheet of almost every gathering from 2G4 to 3Z4 backwards. Frankly, it would have been easier to document your mofo-ery if you'd done them all wrong -- but no, you had to sober up every once in a while and correct yourself. You've made my local note on the peculiarities of this tome's foliation yards longer than it ought to be, listing all your mistakes.

If I ever locate your grave, I'm going to spit on it.
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Magadalen
[info]nebroadwe:
22 motherfuckers said
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