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In Plain Sight |
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10:45 PM 6/22/08 · Getting to a point in life where things are cozy and good and calm would seem to be what just everybody is striving for to one extreme or another. We may all use different methods but it's like the communal common goal that we're all striving for. To be at peace with the world around us and not have to want for anything that we cannot provide for ourselves. Unless we're in a relationship, of course, where we find that in the arms of each other.
The first time I told  Debbie that I got there with her she panicked.
Well, to be fair, "panic" might not be the right word. Still, her reaction to it was not at all happy. I don't think I could've gotten such an extreme reaction from her if I'd suddenly sat up and set us both on fire. I didn't exactly use the word itself. What I said was that being with her I wanted for nothing and those things that constantly poke and prod at my conciousness were gone just from her sheer presence. She used the word, that specific damnable word, and I agreed with the choice of it.
To me it seems to be rather ideal. Her...not so much.
The dictionary defines content as to be satisfied. It goes further to say that it can be viewed as limiting oneself in requirements or actions. It also says that to be in a state of contentment means to exit in a state of an eased mind.
Those first and third ones really work for what I meant.
To gauge her reaction, I think she was leaning towards that middle one.
Had her explain to me what she meant at the time and she tried, really tried, to get the idea across but I just couldn't see it. How can being perfectly happy be a bad thing, right?
This was not the crux, so far as I know, of what brought an end to what we had but if I'm remembering right it wasn't that a large a span between this conversation and when she told me she didn't love me anymore.
Father's Day my Dad asked me a number of things over brunch including, my least favorite topic, what will I be doing in 5 years. Not sure if this particular phrase, this question has been peppered into virtually every conversation we've had since I learned to talk, is something all father's ask their children but it's big with us. Anyways, in regards to the job I had up until the 16th of May...I told him I was good where I was and could work there for quite some time to come. I was good at it, my clients all loved me to death, and other than my boss (who really seemed to have it in for me) there wasn't any one issue I had with the place...
...and I had to use that thrice cursed word in describing it.
I was content there.
The very next day is when I got laid off due to downsizing.
On the offchance you've been blessed to not use this specific word, or have it enter that many of your conversations, I would strongly advise you avoid content at all costs. Think of it as a verbal plague from which none of us are immune and there will never likely be a cure to fight it off. This is truly the word of DOOM!
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