Random (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} randomsome1) wrote in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} killherdarlings,@ 2006-07-13 10:04:00 |
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Danse Macabre revisited (and transplanted!)
Title: Danse Macabre revisited
Spoilers: Danse Macabre, sorta
Ratings: V, implied future death
Characters/Pairings: Ronnie, Anita, Nathaniel, Micah. No pairings.
Disclaimers: What, you think I'd actually want to lay claim to owning any of the characters from this? They're still all LKH's.
Notes: One hour and a half a bottle of wine, and I ended up with pastiche crack. I didn't actually kill anyone, but was told to bring it here anyway. The first bit of Danse Macabre got pretty thoroughly mauled. Ph34r.
~~~
“I probably shouldn’t have told you my deepest, darkest secrets, huh, Anita?” Ronnie said.
“Not if you didn’t want everyone to know that you’re a stupid, stupid whore,” I replied smugly. “You should’ve known better than to insult me, anyway. Everyone loves me. I’m Nimir-ra, and you are not, so nya-nyah.”
“Why am I your friend again?”
“Because I’m the best person ever to walk the face of the planet!”
“Yes you are, Anita,” Micah said from behind me.
“Anita’s the greatest,” Nathaniel said.
“See,” I told her. “I have these two great guys with awesome bodies fawning all over me all the time-”
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
“I love you, Anita,” Nathaniel said.
“-And you’re really just jealous that I have them!”
Ronnie did not just roll her eyes at me. “Yeah, bodies. Too bad the personalities are missing.”
“What?” I snapped. “They have perfectly wonderful personalities that you’re just too stupid to see, because I hid them all in the sex scenes.”
“I love you, Anita,” said Nathaniel.
“I love you, Anita,” said Micah.
“Yeah,” Ronnie snickered. “They’re so perfect that they can’t even act as separate entities.”
“Sure they can!” Ronnie doubting me made my beast of the day start swimming around in my tummy. It felt wet. Wet like a swimming beastie. I wondered what this one was. “Show her that you’re different people, guys!”
“I angst a lot,” Nathaniel said.
“I have a Doomcock,” Micah said.
“See?” I said triumphantly. “They’re different.”
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
“I love you, Anita,” Nathaniel said.
“Stop that!” My beast and temper and stuff was rising, which wasn’t good – but at least it wasn’t PMS since I hadn’t had my period in a while, which made, me think about, what would happen if I had period-sex with anything vampire-y. Instead of grabbing one of the guys, and humping them, until they screamed, on the floor, I yelled at them. “You’re supposed to be helping!”
Micah shut up. Nathaniel didn’t look happy.
“But anyway,” I said to Ronnie, “You’re a stupid, stupid whore. I’m much more special than you, anyway!” I searched for my list of titles that I’d gotten this week. “I’m a–”
“Meanie!” shouted Nathaniel.
Ronnie choked. Micah blinked his pretty kitty-cat eyes. I dropped my list, stunned. Nathaniel was calling Ronnie names?
Wait, what? He was pointing at me.
“You’re mean! And you don’t love me enough! And . . . and . . . I’m gonna go cut myself!”
With a stifled, sob, he ran into, the bathroom, with a pair of scissors in his hand. I didn’t believe it for a second – he did dumb things sometimes, like set the answering machine for a few extra rings, and leave the timer on the oven for an extra minute or two, and . . .
Oh, wait, Nathaniel was going to go cut himself.
I ran to the door, Micah, and Ronnie close behind. “Nathaniel! Don’t do this! Don’t disfigure your beautiful body!”
“But you were just telling me that you claw the hell out of him all the time and that he likes it,” Ronnie said.
Fuck.
“Nathaniel! If you hurt yourself I won’t love you as much!”
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
“Shut up!” I screamed back.
But when I turned around, the door was open. Nathaniel . . . had put his hair in a braid. His hair always looked like it was short when it was in a braid, which was a lie, because it, was long, and, putting it in a braid, tricked people into thinking, that he had short hair, except for when they looked at him and saw, that it was in a braid.
“Shit, Nathaniel,” Ronnie said quietly.
Then I noticed what Nathaniel had in his hand. His hair. He’d chopped all his hair off.
“I feel . . . surprisingly lucid,” Nathaniel replied.
That just did for me. Only not in a way that made the adreur kick in. In a way that made my beast chew up the furniture and poop on the carpet.
“Nathaniel!” I screamed. “You cut your hair!”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Ronnie said.
“Aww, now she’ll have to add that to her title list,” Nathaniel grinned.
Now Nathaniel was being, mean, to me? What the fuck was going on?
“I’ll never have sex with you again!” I screamed.
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
Nathaniel frowned at him, then looked at the hair and scissors still in his hand, then, looked back at Micah. “We’re gonna have to fix that.” Then before, I knew it, he’d dragged Micah into the bathroom and slammed the door in our faces.
Beside me, Ronnie was in hysterics.
“This isn’t funny!” I screamed at her.
“Yes it is!” she howled back.
My beast was knocking at the door of my tummy, holding flowers and a top hat. I think it wanted out. Then Micah screamed, and, it stopped asking nicely, and started, demanding.
Nathaniel opened the door to the bathroom sheepishly. “I don’t think it worked. You might want to call an ambulance.”
“What’d you do to Micah?!” I screamed.
“Tried to fix him,” he replied cheerily. “I did fix him, just . . . not in the right way.” He stopped me when I tried to look in the bathroom door. “You might just want to call the ambulance. I’m not sure that’ll regenerate.”
He’d cut Micah’s hair?
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said weakly from somewhere, in the bathroom.
“Micah, it’ll be ok, we’ll get you shampoo and–”
“I think he turned me into a girl, Anita,” Micah interrupted. Then, I knew it was bad, because Micah never interrupted me, when I didn’t want him to, because, that wouldn’t be perfect. “I hope you’ll still love me . . .”
The rage spilled over me, and I screamed. Screamed because I was angry. Screamed because Ronnie was mean. Screamed because Nathaniel had gone crazy and cut his pretty hair and hurt Micah’s pretty, pretty pink bits. And my beast screamed with me.
“I’ll show you all!” I screamed, as I felt the beast start to change me. “I’ll become something none of you has ever seen! I’ll be the most special, most beautifulest, bestest werecreature of them all! A diety among furries! All shall sex me and fear!”
I let the change take me, and Ronnie stepped back. Then, as I staggered up from the floor, something filled me. It was like the ardor, only better. And different. It was different and better because I felt the need to be filled . . . with leaves.
“It’s an Anita-pillar,” Ronnie laughed delightedly.
“Yeah,” Nathaniel replied. “She’s a were-butterfly – only still in the caterpillar stage.”
See, I tried to tell them. I’m something you’d never have expected. Nobody’s ever heard of were-butterflies . . . But my mouth wouldn’t work right.
“And the best part,” Nathaniel continued, “is that now she has to eat bush – if only for the next few months.”
“And after that?” Ronnie asked – but it didn’t matter, because they weren’t nearly as neat as the lawn just outside my front door. But as I buried my head in a luscious pile of greenery, devouring the glistening, wet blades of grass, which, hadn’t been cut by Micah because, I fucked him rather than let him mow the lawn, I heard, Nathaniel’s reply.
“By then, if the were-wasps don’t show up and the neighbors don’t stick a pitchfork or two in her . . . we get a can of pesticide.”
Title: Danse Macabre revisited
Spoilers: Danse Macabre, sorta
Ratings: V, implied future death
Characters/Pairings: Ronnie, Anita, Nathaniel, Micah. No pairings.
Disclaimers: What, you think I'd actually want to lay claim to owning any of the characters from this? They're still all LKH's.
Notes: One hour and a half a bottle of wine, and I ended up with pastiche crack. I didn't actually kill anyone, but was told to bring it here anyway. The first bit of Danse Macabre got pretty thoroughly mauled. Ph34r.
~~~
“I probably shouldn’t have told you my deepest, darkest secrets, huh, Anita?” Ronnie said.
“Not if you didn’t want everyone to know that you’re a stupid, stupid whore,” I replied smugly. “You should’ve known better than to insult me, anyway. Everyone loves me. I’m Nimir-ra, and you are not, so nya-nyah.”
“Why am I your friend again?”
“Because I’m the best person ever to walk the face of the planet!”
“Yes you are, Anita,” Micah said from behind me.
“Anita’s the greatest,” Nathaniel said.
“See,” I told her. “I have these two great guys with awesome bodies fawning all over me all the time-”
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
“I love you, Anita,” Nathaniel said.
“-And you’re really just jealous that I have them!”
Ronnie did not just roll her eyes at me. “Yeah, bodies. Too bad the personalities are missing.”
“What?” I snapped. “They have perfectly wonderful personalities that you’re just too stupid to see, because I hid them all in the sex scenes.”
“I love you, Anita,” said Nathaniel.
“I love you, Anita,” said Micah.
“Yeah,” Ronnie snickered. “They’re so perfect that they can’t even act as separate entities.”
“Sure they can!” Ronnie doubting me made my beast of the day start swimming around in my tummy. It felt wet. Wet like a swimming beastie. I wondered what this one was. “Show her that you’re different people, guys!”
“I angst a lot,” Nathaniel said.
“I have a Doomcock,” Micah said.
“See?” I said triumphantly. “They’re different.”
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
“I love you, Anita,” Nathaniel said.
“Stop that!” My beast and temper and stuff was rising, which wasn’t good – but at least it wasn’t PMS since I hadn’t had my period in a while, which made, me think about, what would happen if I had period-sex with anything vampire-y. Instead of grabbing one of the guys, and humping them, until they screamed, on the floor, I yelled at them. “You’re supposed to be helping!”
Micah shut up. Nathaniel didn’t look happy.
“But anyway,” I said to Ronnie, “You’re a stupid, stupid whore. I’m much more special than you, anyway!” I searched for my list of titles that I’d gotten this week. “I’m a–”
“Meanie!” shouted Nathaniel.
Ronnie choked. Micah blinked his pretty kitty-cat eyes. I dropped my list, stunned. Nathaniel was calling Ronnie names?
Wait, what? He was pointing at me.
“You’re mean! And you don’t love me enough! And . . . and . . . I’m gonna go cut myself!”
With a stifled, sob, he ran into, the bathroom, with a pair of scissors in his hand. I didn’t believe it for a second – he did dumb things sometimes, like set the answering machine for a few extra rings, and leave the timer on the oven for an extra minute or two, and . . .
Oh, wait, Nathaniel was going to go cut himself.
I ran to the door, Micah, and Ronnie close behind. “Nathaniel! Don’t do this! Don’t disfigure your beautiful body!”
“But you were just telling me that you claw the hell out of him all the time and that he likes it,” Ronnie said.
Fuck.
“Nathaniel! If you hurt yourself I won’t love you as much!”
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
“Shut up!” I screamed back.
But when I turned around, the door was open. Nathaniel . . . had put his hair in a braid. His hair always looked like it was short when it was in a braid, which was a lie, because it, was long, and, putting it in a braid, tricked people into thinking, that he had short hair, except for when they looked at him and saw, that it was in a braid.
“Shit, Nathaniel,” Ronnie said quietly.
Then I noticed what Nathaniel had in his hand. His hair. He’d chopped all his hair off.
“I feel . . . surprisingly lucid,” Nathaniel replied.
That just did for me. Only not in a way that made the adreur kick in. In a way that made my beast chew up the furniture and poop on the carpet.
“Nathaniel!” I screamed. “You cut your hair!”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Ronnie said.
“Aww, now she’ll have to add that to her title list,” Nathaniel grinned.
Now Nathaniel was being, mean, to me? What the fuck was going on?
“I’ll never have sex with you again!” I screamed.
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said.
Nathaniel frowned at him, then looked at the hair and scissors still in his hand, then, looked back at Micah. “We’re gonna have to fix that.” Then before, I knew it, he’d dragged Micah into the bathroom and slammed the door in our faces.
Beside me, Ronnie was in hysterics.
“This isn’t funny!” I screamed at her.
“Yes it is!” she howled back.
My beast was knocking at the door of my tummy, holding flowers and a top hat. I think it wanted out. Then Micah screamed, and, it stopped asking nicely, and started, demanding.
Nathaniel opened the door to the bathroom sheepishly. “I don’t think it worked. You might want to call an ambulance.”
“What’d you do to Micah?!” I screamed.
“Tried to fix him,” he replied cheerily. “I did fix him, just . . . not in the right way.” He stopped me when I tried to look in the bathroom door. “You might just want to call the ambulance. I’m not sure that’ll regenerate.”
He’d cut Micah’s hair?
“I love you, Anita,” Micah said weakly from somewhere, in the bathroom.
“Micah, it’ll be ok, we’ll get you shampoo and–”
“I think he turned me into a girl, Anita,” Micah interrupted. Then, I knew it was bad, because Micah never interrupted me, when I didn’t want him to, because, that wouldn’t be perfect. “I hope you’ll still love me . . .”
The rage spilled over me, and I screamed. Screamed because I was angry. Screamed because Ronnie was mean. Screamed because Nathaniel had gone crazy and cut his pretty hair and hurt Micah’s pretty, pretty pink bits. And my beast screamed with me.
“I’ll show you all!” I screamed, as I felt the beast start to change me. “I’ll become something none of you has ever seen! I’ll be the most special, most beautifulest, bestest werecreature of them all! A diety among furries! All shall sex me and fear!”
I let the change take me, and Ronnie stepped back. Then, as I staggered up from the floor, something filled me. It was like the ardor, only better. And different. It was different and better because I felt the need to be filled . . . with leaves.
“It’s an Anita-pillar,” Ronnie laughed delightedly.
“Yeah,” Nathaniel replied. “She’s a were-butterfly – only still in the caterpillar stage.”
See, I tried to tell them. I’m something you’d never have expected. Nobody’s ever heard of were-butterflies . . . But my mouth wouldn’t work right.
“And the best part,” Nathaniel continued, “is that now she has to eat bush – if only for the next few months.”
“And after that?” Ronnie asked – but it didn’t matter, because they weren’t nearly as neat as the lawn just outside my front door. But as I buried my head in a luscious pile of greenery, devouring the glistening, wet blades of grass, which, hadn’t been cut by Micah because, I fucked him rather than let him mow the lawn, I heard, Nathaniel’s reply.
“By then, if the were-wasps don’t show up and the neighbors don’t stick a pitchfork or two in her . . . we get a can of pesticide.”
