WAKE UP THE SLEEPERS


Nieuw Kill Hannah album eind september.
Niks is beter dan je favoriete band die met een nieuw album komt.

please let me get a job or a job interview tomorrow i cannot live in this house anymore i need to move out please please please let me get a job or an interview tomorrow.

I loved a lot the pics made by Shane in the Studio, but today I have to post this...
I don't have words, it's amazing, haha! I love my adorable dorky boys! XD ♥



(From koreantomcruise's twitter)

I've been thinking about this trip up to North Carolina and the farms. A massive part of me wants to go and experience this while I'm young and have time. I like the sound of this college in the mountains. I want to be with Stiggy.
Then there are little whispers in my head of doubt. Its a new place, its me off on my own, away from my parents for the first time in my life. It's scary. What if the farm isn't what we think it is? What happens after? How will I be able to pay for insurance? How will I be able to afford college? Would there be anyway for Stiggy to work on the farm and I have a job off site? I really hope he gets a stable job here for now. If he was getting steady paychecks then we could pick a date to leave. Just having a date picked out would make things easier. I could do some research about available jobs and apply places and tell them when I can start. My mind is just buzzing with all this information and every "what if" that's out there. My parents arn't helpful at all. They think this decision is going to ruin my life. I just wish i had their support in this. These little whispers in my head, why are they in the voices of my parents?
Why do I feel so miserable? I dont understand. I look at where I am and everything is perfect. I have the love of a wonderful guy, I have a good job. Why do I feel like everything is fake? It feels like it so much sometimes that I almost can't handle it. It has to just be paranoia. They can't all be lying. People don't open up and vent and cry lies. But, what if I'm just a tool? What if the only reason I'm around is for people to let loose their problems on. Come to me crying, vent their stories, get my sypathies, then dump me off where they found me like some whore. I should be getting paid. What happens when my usefulness runs out? What happens when all these broken people are fixed? Is that the end of me? God, please don't let that be the end of me.
Then again, maybe I'm looking at this wrong. Maybe this kind of love is so alien to me that it just feels off. I've never had people care about me so much and want to be around me and... using me... shit, i'm so messed up.

I haven't updated in forever but a good bit's happened. My aunt who had aml died. It's rough but I'm trying to stay busy. September 13 and 14 I'll be in Denver I'm flying out on the 12th. Other than that and warped tour all I've been doing is work. I finally for Ian to pay me back for the night I stayed late to help him out.

Well I'm off to watch bones

I've got the beginning of a new chaptered fic. I haven't decided the main pairing yet, but the first chapter is written, lyrics from another band will be used, and there is cursing. Kill Hannah bandom, set 5+ years from now, with Jon as main character.

First to comment gets to beta, and you will get credit!!

If it doesn't get bumped again my friend Jon's segment on the Daily Show is airing tonight. It's about the iPhone app he wrote called iFart. We've been waiting on this to air for 2 weeks but Palin and Sotomayor and all other crap keeps bumping it back. It better be on tonight damn it!! I want to have the video proof of how cool my friends are. lol. I will be pimping the hell out of this segment when it airs.

to quote Amanda frekin' Palmer quickly in her most recent blog,

"but man i fucking hate winter. i could never be in a snowstorm again for the rest of my life and never miss it. sometimes i don’t know if growing up in a house in new england with no heat has something to do with that, or it’s just genetic. but i run about 20 degrees colder than everyone else i know. i’m told the vegetarianism doesn’t help.
but i’d rather move to bali than start eating steak, i dunno, just sounds like a better deal.

Yes. I agree.



BTW, AFP will be on the new Kill Hannah album and I'm very excited.

two jobs is brutal.
and it still isn't keeping me out of trouble.
but hey I barely eat so maybe I'll lose some weight! sweet!
Eating and the thought of food just makes me feel sick. hmmmmm

 hmmmm ik heb een nieuwe collega... en hij heeft een super super mooi lichaam / kledingstijl alles..
 maar ik vind zn hoofd niet sexy, jakkes ik ben echt te kieskeurig. 

en de jongen bij de apple store in almere was ook al zo aangenaam om naar te kijken,
helaas had die een ring om zn vinger.


ooit vind ik een nieuw vriendje.

Title: Matchmaker
Pairing: Ryan Star/Alex Band, implied Cookleta.
Disclaimer: In my mind this is real. That's (almost) good enough for me. ;]
Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory, haha. Joey plays matchmaker for Ryan.
Rating: PG? (Ratings aren't my strong point, guys.)
Author's Note: So, I kind of wrote this before I found out that Ryan & Alex are friends IRL, but that's alright, since isn't suspension of reality a big part of fics like this anyway? :P Thank you to lire_casander for being a bad influence on me and getting me to write this (I threw the Andy cameo in there just for you!) and inmyhansonshirt for reading it and telling me it wasn't the huge amount of fail that I was convinced it was. (Which isn't saying I'm not still convinced of that, but um, at least I'm willing to let other people READ the fail now.)

MORE IMPORTANT NOTE: Oh gosh. For those of you who HAVEN'T read any of my writing before, this probably isn't the best introduction to it. Check out the stuff on my shiny new fic tag! because it's better. (I like this one and this one best, if you're wondering.)


( Matchmaker )

Well, whaddya know? It was a STORMING show!

I was expecting to be seriously underwhelmed, because Trent Reznor has been a bit of an arse lately, but apart from a couple of things I was pretty impressed.

1. Third/fourth song in, he jumped off the stage and went to the barrier, sang there for ages, but when he jumped back on to the stage he tripped over one of the monitors and landed flat on his face, and staggered to his feet, missing his vocal cue (Robin sang the line)
HOWEVER, I saw no beer on the stage! He was slugging from a bottle of what looked to me like Gatorade.

2. He didn't speak to the crowd. At. All. Well, apart from saying 'thankyou' after songs. Jane's Addiction played before NIN (not familiar with their music, but they were good), and the contrast between the two frontmen was apparent.
Oh well. Whatever.

We had brilliant seats and an unobstructed view of the stage and.... I forgot my @#&$ing camera! What an idiot!

Oh, and Jennifer turned to me partway through the show and said, "You're a really cool mum!". And that sort of made my night.

Lookie lookie!!!!! At my new toy!!!
( Off to fight the locust horde.... )

i love vampires. if you're not watching True Blood, seriously, you need to start.

job fair in d.c. on thursday. soooooooo nervous. my resume is done, going to get it copied tomorrow, and i need to look into the agencies going to be at the fair. i think i will go to Panera Bread tomorrow afternoon and get a coffee so i can use their free wifi. also i need to dl a few things like the TW hi-quality promo pics.

i can't fucking wait for july 20th to see children of earth. god! five more freakin' days!!! ahhhh!!!

what else . . .

nothing else. fuck, my life is boring.

i'm writing a lot more lately. i missed writing so much. and making things on my laptop all graphicy. fun fun.

another of my friends from middle and high school got married. she's pregnant or has already had it, idk, but i saw the wedding pics on facebook and she looked beautiful. wow what i have i been doing with my life? everyone i knew as a kid is either getting married or pregnant.

i had a dream the other night that i had a son named Spencer and we were at my college reunion. he was five and we were dancing on brock commons near the grainger fountain where they always set up that tent for special events. he wanted to get into the fountain but we were both dressed really nice so i looked at our clothes and the fountain and we dove in anyway in front of everyone. afterward, we walked dripped around, he was on my hip with his blond head in my shoulder. i had my hands under him, one holding my strappy heels as i walked barefoot down brock commons. the sun was going down and we were going back to my Rav4 in the Arc gravel parking lot behind the library. i was walking down the huge set of brick stairs and he was so heavy and wet but it didn't matter because it was peaceful.

the funny thing about the dream was i dont remember seeing or talking to anyone i went to school with. and i dont remember if i was married, divorced, or widowed. but i have a feeling i was a widow for some reason even though i never thought it in the dream. i remember looking at Spencer with a sadness like death. i dont know. i wonder what this could mean? perhaps i shouldn't have watched Juno the other day. maybe i want a new life. children/babies in dreams they usually mean new life. or maybe that biological clock is ticking? and why was Spencer blond? if i have a child it will be dark like me--black hair and brown eyes are dominant gene traits. maybe he wasn't mine. maybe i adopted him? why am i reading so much into a stupid dream?

off to watch Let the Right One In again (SO GOOD) and work on some writing.

Coward.

Cowards.

Every fucking one of you.
I hate disgusting males.


I hate deserters,


I hate what a monster I am.




Fuck all of you for leaving,
Fuck all of you for not wanting me to be happy.

Fuck all of you.