In the name of BBQ and of fountains and of Sprint, Amen
Preface: bon_homme_dane recently asked me, “What’s Kansas city like?” I started to reply in a comment and had written four paragraphs before I knew it. Rather than trying to squeeze the rest of the contents of that part of my brain into a tiny comment box, I decided to finish my essay and share it publicly with my fellow Kansas Citians and interested tourists alike.

To local residents, “Kansas City” and “KC” usually refer the entire metro area, which includes Kansas City, MO (KCMO); Kansas City, KS (KCK); and many other cities and towns on both sides of the state line that make up suburbia and the outlying areas. I’m currently on the Kansas side, but I’m a Show Me State’r at heart.

Compared to NYC, I’m sure KC would feel pretty small-town, though we’re one of the 30 largest cities in the US as far as urban square-mileage goes. Our collective inner Southerner manifests itself as sprawl, but that’s what we get for never being able to decide whether we were on the north or the south of the Mason-Dixon line. The Missouri Compromise really mucked things up for us in that regard.

I’ve seen a fair number of cities, but I have to say I prefer Kansas City’s skyline. We have a skyline. Chicago and Indianapolis cover up the sky. Denver and Calgary are in it. Our tendency to sprawl persuades us to build out instead of up. Even our airport, though considered to be smallish medium in size, is one of the largest airfields in the country. This is truly the “Big Sky City” (hat tip to eithnepdb).

It’s a conservative town with liberal tendencies. The GLBTIQ community is small, but vocal and proud. The city council of KCMO recently unanimously voted to amend the city’s anti-discrimination policies to include gender identity. As far as I know, this was done without any prompting from the GLBTIQ community at large. So we’re getting there.

Then there’s barbecue, of course. We Kansas Citians are fiercely proud and protective of it. Our way is the right way, after all. We’re a city of sauces, for the most part, with KC Masterpiece being arguably the most well-known of them. Honestly, though, there’s better. I tend to prefer Rosedale, Oklahoma Joe’s, and Famous Dave’s. The American Royal hosts the largest barbecue contest in the world as part of its several weeks-long event every October and November. Like I said: We know our ‘cue.

Note: World-wide variances in nomenclature aside, barbecue isn’t just throwing something on a grill and letting it burn for 10–15 minutes. No, barbecue takes hours. The mantra is, “Low and slow.” You can cook it dry; you can cook it wet; you can rub it; you can baste it. You can do any or all of those, but you must do it slowly and with low heat. Otherwise, you’re just grilling.

We have a blossoming art community, though I have to admit to being only passing familiar with it. Built in 1933, the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art is ostensibly “the” museum in Kansas City. It was, they say, one of the most innovative of the time. The Kansas City Ballet is the official state ballet of Missouri. And there are the fountains. Some sources say we have more than 200 public fountains, second only to Rome. I say they’re tourist attractions, and most residents cease to notice them after about a month.

A few of the outlying towns gave rise to some of history’s most notorious Wild West outlaws—namely, most of the members of the James-Younger Gang. Though not generally included in the KC metro, the city of St. Joseph, MO, is “[w]here the Pony Express started and Jesse James ended” (city motto).

The traffic here, while annoying, is relatively tolerable. There’s generally always movement on the highways, even during the morning and evening rush hours. There isn’t much of a midday rush hour to speak of. My only complaint here is that, every winter and spring, every single person seems to forget everything they ever knew about driving in snow and rain.

Everything isn’t sunshine and daisies, though. Our football and baseball teams—even with their radical, fanatical fans—suck. Sprint royally screws the local economy on a regular basis with massive layoffs and (re)hirings within months of each other; we’re due for one or the other of those soon.

Contribute. Dispute. Discuss.

Disclaimer: This essay is based solely on personal knowledge of the subjects herein. My fact-checking consisted of wracking my brain and scanning pages as I linked them. If something’s wrong, please let me know, and I’ll try to correct it ASAP.