The Kamikaze Cowboy

"...we are only ready when we are ready."

I'm not sure why that's the statement that pops out for me. Possibly because my father said basically the same thing to me about my smoking. He didn't like it, and I told him (eons ago) that I would quit. He just shook his head and said, no, you'll quit when *you* want to quit. He knew I'd just start up again otherwise.

At any rate, I re-read the entire first part of the book, through the first chapter, and that's what pops out. Whether it's my inherent skepticism, or being, apparently, more left brain than right (which is a horrid thought in itself), I'm not sure. I mean, how can one argue with success? It works!

So why haven't I embraced it whole-heartedly?

Because I'm not ready yet.

Not because I don't believe Dirk's story. If I didn't - though why shouldn't I? - I wouldn't have taken the first steps toward eating healthy. But, left brain be damned, I do look at the big picture.

When I first read the book, three or four years ago, the first thing I noticed was a distrust, not of Dirk or what he was saying, but of William Dufty. Obviously I didn't know the man, but I had a feeling I knew the "type". Again, I'm a cynical person. I have an immediate distrust of mentors, advisors, and friends whose enthusiasm for their own beliefs can, may, override or overwhelm the instincts of the "mentee". I've had it happen to me with negative consequences - not for the mentor, either. So I had to wonder how much of Dufty was in the writing. I think I know better now, but that shadow is still there.

And then, of course, there was the fact that people subscribing to this way of eating still died of cancer. Score another point for skepticism.

And yet, I've cut out over ninety percent of my red meat consumption, and almost totally rid myself of dairy. Sugar - well, I'm half-Norwegian, which means an instinctive need for sweets, but it's on its way out. Slowly.

So I'm ready to dip my toes in, not quite ready to plunge naked into the pool. And I'm okay with that for now. But I'm glad to be going through the book, bit by bit, because I think, with some discussion and left brain bashing, by the time we get to the end, I just may be ready.

"It was like being reborn." and also "How many times can one be "reborn"?"
These are the statements that I noticed when I first read this chapter. I really enjoyed reading how Dirk met Maya Angelou and how he met the actress Diana Sands when making Georgia, Georgia. I've never seen that and now I really want to. It was also very interesting how Dirk's eating habits began to first change. Especially with his experiences in Stockholm(after meeting Monica Maltentoft)and trying to eat a "big juicy Macho steak", then staring at the bottom of a Swedish toilet bowl and then vowed "never again to eat anything from the Kingdom of Animal!"

I myself have stopped eating red meat. And I also feel a lot healthier for it. I do eat eggs(very rarely) and some chicken(not very often). I do eat a lot of fish and grains and fresh vegetables and fruit. I also eat veggie burgers. I've really grown to like them.
This book really inspired to change my eating habits. This book is also one of the main reasons I gave up eating red meat.

Guess we've moved on to the next chapters ;-) (Or does that depend on the edition?)

The thing that caught my eye (after I got through chuckling at his descriptions) was this statement: "Accidents are never accidents, but always have cause, reason and are exactly what we deserve."

The first part I've always believed. There are no accidents - everything happens for a reason. My mother always said that. And at some point in our lives, we will understand the 'why', if we're lucky. If we're perceptive enough. It's easier, of course, in hindsight. Take some significant, important event in your life and trace it back - A happened because B happened, and B wouldn't have happened if C hadn't occurred, and C occurred because of D, etc etc. I have a beautiful, successful son because nine years before he was even a glint in his father's eye, I was unexpectedly invited out drinking by some new friends at college. Everything that happened from that night forward led to his being born. No way I could have imagined that, way back then.

Amazing.

But the second part - "exactly what we deserve" - that's the thing he repeats throughout the book, and I've never quite grasped that. Certainly, there are actions we take, decisions we make, and because we chose to do those things, we deserve whatever results come from them, good or bad.

But do we always deserve what happens to us? I don't think so. There are things that others do that affect us, and which we have no choice about - we pay the consequences but do we deserve to? If we could take time to step back, think logically, follow the possible choices we could make, based on foreknowledge - maybe. But who can do that? My mother, as a child, was beaten by her mother. The resulting scar tissue in her brain caused her to suffer "mini-strokes" throughout her life, which led to dementia and eventually killed her.

How did she deserve that?

Then again, does he mean we "deserve" something because it's the next step in our growth, that we've "earned" the next hardship because we've reached that place where we're worthy of moving to the next level, but first we have to face the next life test? Or we get a reward because we've passed that test?

Again, this is something that hopefully I'll understand a little better by the time we get through the book...

"Without gratitude there is no divinity in our lives. There is no order in our lives. And we miss all the miraculous assistance that is ours once we are truly grateful for everything. "

This is what really stood out for me in the next chapter "Letting Go"
When Dirk had those seizures(etc.) and later wound up in Hospital. In Leros, Greece, 1971. Dirk said "I had my first taste of letting go".

I think a lot of us have experienced that. I have too with my own life experiences. I myself had a very serious reaction to medication and could have died from it. I survived from that ordeal and I too was truly grateful and I also continue to be grateful for everything.

I may get a bit confused anyway - I'm working from the first edition, and when I compared it to the table of contents on Amazon for the newer one, there's several chapters "missing", one moved, and mine has 227 pages to Amazon's 149.

Anyway, I'll do some fast reading and get caught up with comments (I'll bet you all can't wait for that LOL) so we can move on to "Letting Go"

I've posted the starter for Chapter 2 ( there ya go bibbinut :D ) and I've also posted the Chapter titles as per my second edition copy ( thanks ostarella ), so those with the first edition with the combined chapters can sort of get the gist.

I'll post my comments on the first two chapters later, when my eyeballs aren't hanging halfway out of my head :P

I thought this was a fitting opening chapter. Dirk was, at the time, searching.
As was I when I first picked up the book. So I relate to the authors quest "for the taste he could not find". His meeting with Artie Shepherd on the set of "Georgia Georgia" was important, as it appears it was an influential meeting. Sharing carrot sticks and Dirk's decision to begin cooking for himself, a seed that germinated into something much bigger, and life changing, further on in the book. And in his life.
Everything has a beginning :-)

Just a couple quick observations before "catching up" ;-)

Front and back. Yin and Yang. Balancing. I think I mentioned before that I try to live life by "moderation in all things". I'm beginning to question that. Wondering if by moderation, I'm missing the extremes and the extremes are what are really needed for true balance. Like a teeter-totter. If you try to "moderate", it just sits there; maybe wobbles a bit, but basically you don't go anywhere. But if you sit on the very end, and you push like crazy to go as high as it will take you, there's such a rush up there. Even coming down, when your stomach is trying desperately to stay with you. And then that spine-bending bump at the bottom, if you don't brace yourself for it. But even that bump is cool, in a way. Gives you a chance to stop and think - do I want to go up again? Do I want to give it another try? Sure.

You can't appreciate the "up" if you haven't felt that bump. You won't strive for the "up" without that crash to the bottom. But you also learn that maybe you don't want to go quite so high because the higher the "up", the harder the bump when you come down. And eventually, you find that balance, where you can still soar, but not so much that you don't want to come down, not so much that you can't brace yourself coming down, and not so much that being down tears you apart.

Then the bread. I loved that section, because it made so much sense! Simplify. Get back to the basics. Don't be a sheep. We don't need things broken down, torn apart and then rebuilt. I'm not necessarily a religious person, but it's like, accept it the way God made it. Bread, your looks, what Fate or Life throws at you. Accept it, embrace it, and live it. Don't let someone else try to "fix it" for you. Don't try to fix it yourself. Just take it and run with it.