The JBCs Community

Question on Netilat Yadayim (Blessing for Washing Hands)

2009-07-17T13:46:53Z

For those who do it (both traditionally or modified throughout the day for every time hands must be washed) do you still do wrist-down per hand without the two hands touching so that each is done three times?

What about washing hands with soap? Do you do both forms of washing or do you just say Netilat Yadayim even though your hands are touching?

I like keeping up my blessings throughout the day whenever possible, but I mean, hand-scrubbing is good and I'm never sure whether or not I should just skip the traditional hand-washing, or if I should do the traditional method really quickly and then scrub afterward.

For anyone that ever actually thinks about things like this, what led you to choosing the way you do it now? Also, does the situation you're in ever change how you do it? (Say, being a teacher and trying to avoid giving kids any religious background on yourself.)

For anyone working in an environment where you want to avoid any religious undertones, how do you go about blessings for things like food, assuming you have to eat amongst the children you're caring for? Do you try to get a moment alone long enough to say it without being noticed, say it under your breath, or something else?

Question

2009-07-16T02:09:33Z

This question is geared towards to those who have finished the process. My question is what you did to celebrate. Did you invite a few people to service after your mikveh? Did you throw a little "I'm Jewish now" party with family and friends? Did you share this glorious day or keep it private?

All my close friends and family know how important and special this is to me and have expressed some interest, especially with Jewish service, and was wondering if other people have celebrated on a slightly more public level? I'm just wondering/curious since everyone's stories are so unique.

jbcs @ 2009-07-13T11:10:00

2009-07-13T15:13:13Z

i'm sorry if this is a well-known site, but i just stumbled upon it and it appears really helpful to me right now--easily one of the best i've seen for this purpose.

http://www.kakatuv.com/

it has pdf documents of prayers and psalms for the three large movements in the US (sorry reconstructionists!), with hebrew, transliteration, and literal translations.

jbcs @ 2009-07-09T04:05:00

2009-07-09T18:21:50Z

Hey everyone, I'm new here and I just thought I'd share a bit. I've been wanting to convert to Judaism since I was a Junior in high school so that'd be 4 years now that I've been thinking about this. Before I knew there would be no chance of me converting while I was in high school and during my first year of college I was so busy I didn't even know which way was up. Now I have the time to actually devote to converting from Catholicism to Judaism. The thing is, I'm not sure how my family is going to take it. They're not anti-semitic in any way but I think it'll be a big shock to them and they might not understand why I would want to convert when they think the Pope hung the moon. Well I should really say most of my family, my grandmother on my father's side will probably disown me because she's Southern Baptist and is racist as anything. But I don't need her stamp of approval on anything I do so I guess I'm not too concerned about all that.

I've done a lot of research on the internet about the Jewish faith but I know I need to go to a service and talk to a Rabbi before I get the whole picture. My main concern isn't how long converting is likely to take or all the studying I'm going to have to do. It's the reaction my family will have, I'm very very close to my family and I don't want them to go from being 'Sam' to 'the resident Jew in the family.' You guys know what I'm talking about?

This fear that my family may turn on me or see me differently for wanting to be different has hindered me in my resolve to actually start talking to people about starting. Have any of you had this experience where your fear of your family's unacceptance made you consider not converting even though it's what you want?

Orthodox women and halacha

2009-06-25T00:24:46Z

I was wondering if anyone had a book they could recommend to somebody who wants a good, informative good about women and halacha (and especially tznius!) from the Orthodox perspective. The only book I've had recommended is "Halichos bas Yisrael," whose first (and most important) volume is out-of-print, making the book huuugely expensive to acquire for a Canadian.

I'd like something that feels like "The Laws of Daily Living," but really, I just need something that's a useful reference that's not as insane as, say, Rabbi Falk's Modesty: An Adornment for Life. (I had a woman who was raised in a borderline-Haredi environment, and who is still fully observant, tell me not to even read Falk's book because it's too extreme for her.)

Do you guys have any suggestions?

MP3s of traditional Jewish songs and prayers

2009-06-18T15:40:15Z

Take a look at Shir Halev (Song of the heart). Traditional Jewish prayers, blessings, and songs.

Soooooo excited.....

2009-06-18T03:33:35Z

I had a meeting with my rabbi this afternoon, and the community conversion board/beit din*** is meeting on September 10th - as long I do two things I am supposed to do before the first of august (easy enough, write my final paper, then draft up my thoughts/answers on the "13 commitments for conversion" that our community uses) I'll be going before them in September! Then, once that is through, I'll be scheduled for the mikveh, and then once that is done, I'll be going on the bimah in my congregation, holding the torah, and reciting the shema.

I am so excited, but calm at the same time. This is the easy part, the good part. All the learning and studying up to this point, I can say with a calm and open heart - this is what I want, and I am ready.

***in my community, the reform and conservative rabbis sit together on a conversion board as a beit din. The mikveh is supervised fully by the conservative rabbinate. I will officially have a "conservative" conversion, despite working with a reform rabbi, because our community came up with a set of approved standards across the board.

jbcs @ 2009-06-17T17:26:00

2009-06-17T22:28:05Z

Did any of you say the Shema after your second immersion? I know some converts who did it, and some who did not.

What was that like?

You say the shecheyanu after all three immersions, but still in the water?

Ciao,
Maria

New Interfaith Relationship Community

2009-06-13T15:28:03Z

This post has been approved by the moderator:

I would like to invite interested members of the JBCS community into my new community for discussion of interfaith relationships, found at interfaith_love . Being in an interfaith relationship is inherently a challenge of openness - your belief system can be challenged by your most intimate relationship, and if children enter the picture, it becomes even more challenging.

Issues like weddings, holidays, modesty, communication, gender roles, and many more are welcome here. We are open and accepting of straight, gay or unusual relationship pairings.

I am currently allowing only members to post, and I am moderating member applications, just to ensure that it remains a respectful community. Please feel free to wander over there, join up, introduce yourself, and start up the discussion!

Thanks, and shabbat shalom! (even though I am posting on shabbat, oops.)

Shabbos activities

2009-06-08T06:13:29Z

I've been trying to observe Shabbos, but I find the hardest part isn't avoiding activities that would 'break' Shabbos, but finding things to do! I live very far from a shul or any sort of Jewish community, and far from friends, so socializing isn't an option. It's been a cold, windy, rainy spring, so I can't usually go for walks. Because of back problems, I can only read books for so many hours. Plus, the feeling that all I can do is sleep and read books--which, to be fair, is all I've thought of--makes me disinclined to read, even though I'm a bookworm.

What can I do during Shabbos to keep me busy and happy? Currently, kabbalat Shabbat is amazing, and then my Shabbos gets worse and worse as I feel increasingly house-happy and trapped.

CJ: Voices of Conservative Judiaism - Summer 2009 "Choosing to be Jewish"

2009-06-03T16:54:52Z

The summer issue of CJ: Voices of Conservative Judaism is entitled "Choosing to be Jewish" and has some interesting articles relating to conversion within the Conservative / Masorti movement.

I received mine in the mail yesterday and it's certainly nicer to get the real magazine but you can read pretty much everything online here:
http://www.uscj.org/Summer_20098048.html

Personally, I found Rabbi Daniel Kohn's piece about prejudices against converts by other Jews quite interesting. There are also some personal conversion stories (including from a few rabbis!)

Enjoy!

DC-based suggestions?

2009-06-03T15:59:46Z

Hello all,

I am wondering if there are any JBCS members currently or formerly in the Washington, DC area who can recommend a large synagogue that absolutely:

a) is accessible by public transportation*
b) has an active young professionals community**
c) is a fully-egalitarian Conservative-, Reform-, or Reconstructionist-affiliated community
d) has rabbis willing to work one-on-one with prospective converts from the beginning--not necessarily to the exclusion of required group classes***

It would be swell if that same large synagogue also had

e) a woman among the clergy
f) a young-ish clergy member, regardless of gender
g) diversity in background of its members (aka, not 100% Ashkenazic)

but these are completely negotiable.

This will be the third start with a rabbi for me due to family emergencies and going to college and grad school in three different places. I've done the "find which community fits you best" at least five times now, and I know where I really thrive and where I like to belong. I'm really hoping some place like this exists in the DC area, but fully realize this might be a dream lol.

Thank you so much in advance!

*I have no car. I prefer the red line, but any metro line/bus will do.
** I am tired of being the only one at services who doesn't collect social security, and the setups with their grandsons 25 years older than me are also getting old.
***I am just sick and tired of being lumped into a class for born-Jews learning about their faith for the first time, non-Jews just learning about Judaism for any number of reasons, mixed-faith engaged couples, those considering conversion, and those converting. I respect each path of learning, but they all have VERY different needs in an Intro to Judaism class.

jbcs @ 2009-06-03T10:14:00

2009-06-03T09:14:41Z

Found this article and thought I would share. I can relate...;)
http://www.myjewishlearning.com/life/Life_Events/Conversion/About_Conversion/The_Dos_and_Donts_of_Talking_to_Converts.shtml

An account of my first Hanukkah

2009-06-02T02:40:14Z

For school, we were supposed to write about an interesting anecdote with personal meaning to our lives. So I wrote about the first time I tried to celebrate Hanukkah, about two years ago, when I clearly had no idea what I was doing.

How I Destroyed Eight Days' Worth of Candles and Discovered the Meaning of Hanukkah

Four candles black from oil. Three wicks destroyed. Two candles burning bright.

One girl surveys the damage she has caused by attempting to celebrate Hanukkah. Oops.

(Ten minutes earlier: Nine mismatched candles are assembled on the windowsill. Matches sit beside them, tidily straightened, with one match atop the pack. One candle, the shamash, is taller than the others. A hand shakily lights the shamash and jerks when the flame bursts from the match. The flame consumes the match, almost licking the fingers. A puff of air leaves one flame alive and another smoking.)

In Jewish law, it’s not necessary to have a fancy menorah to celebrate Hanukkah. Any set of eight equal-sized candles and a taller shamash is halakhically kosher. Hanukkah is a story of miracles, but even the oil that burned for eight nights cannot save this disaster.

(Five minutes earlier: Finally! A candle and a shamash flicker, though the shorter candle is drizzled with wet wax and, strangely enough, turned black from the contact. One side of the shamash drips lazily, shaping itself like the drooping edge of a pitcher.)

(Twelve minutes earlier: The same thing happens, but no fire appears. Only a lot of blackened wax and a couple of stiff wicks broken off and fallen to the floor. The miracle tonight is that any candle remains lit.)

Now: This won’t work. This won’t work. The candles must burn for an hour, how did I miss that? These won’t last ten minute at this rate of destruction. With one small whoooosh my Hanukkah dream is extinguished. Eat some latkes, better luck next year.

My computer screen’s light is nothing compared to the tiny, tiny glow that was there when the candles were lit.

Aha!

Sure, it’s not really in accordance with the law. But if people use electric menorahs, why not desktop menorahs? My Google-fu kicks in and within ten seconds, I find a picture of a beautiful oil menorah that instantly becomes my desktop. Orange, yellow, black, and warm honey colors grace the monitor.

(Two days later: Someone asks what the dollops of black-and-white stains on my windowsill are. They are told that it is the miracle of days-not-so-long-ago. If they see the candles carefully disposed of in a discreet bucket, well, they can draw whatever conclusions they’d like.)

Hanukkah is not Christmas, and it shouldn't try to be. It is a wondeful holiday, with its own charm and its own meaning. But Hanukkah is not even in the Bible canon. It pales in importance next to the moaning music of Yom Kippur, the charoset-dipped matzah of Passover, and the leafy abodes of Sukkot.

Hanukkah is not Christmas. The story of Hanukkah, non-canonical as it may be, is about the refusal to give up just because normal means aren’t available. It’s about keeping traditions in whatever way you can, even if evil Greek dictators are trying to assimilate you. Even if you have no proper menorah. And even if you destroy all the candles in your house.

Just saying Hi

2009-05-31T14:46:39Z

Hi everyone,

I decided to join this community :)

All the best,
Lady Eclectic

Talmud

2009-05-29T02:26:22Z

Are there any things in the Talmud, or folktales, that deal with the theme of helplessness/ fate/ choices?

Any of those themes would help, but helplessness/ fate would be the most preferable.

I feel like I could email my rabbi but that might be really awkward.

Chag Sameach! Happy Shavuot and happy conversion story!

2009-05-28T22:14:09Z

Dude, I have totally been broken up with the Internet for months now. It's terrible. However! I have to share my exciting news; I'm being converted NEXT TUESDAY OH HOLY LORD.

I'm marrying a Jew who was raised secular, for the most part; in his family, you have the bris, you become bar mitzvah, you marry a nice Jewish girl/boy, and when you die, they'll sit shiva for you. That's the extent of their religiosity. I, on the other hand, am converting Conservative and I think it's a real shame that so many Jewish children abandon their religious education at twelve or thirteen. His family has not yet realized that I'm not converting for him; I'm sure if they thought about it for two seconds, though, they would realize that he would never even have considered the possibility of me not being Jewish a problem. The thought of me converting never crossed his mind. It's not his way. In fact, when I told him I was thinking about converting he reacted with shock and dismay: "What? Why would you do that?? I hope it's not for me, I totally was expecting to be an interfaith family!" Poor guy.

However, I have been having a blast soaking up all the information I can about Judaism and putting things into practice, and he, being the wonderful sweetheart he is(♥), is really interested in what I've been learning about- he knows so little about Judaism, the religion. He's pledged to come to shul with me every week and to raise our children with a strong Jewish foundation. He's even considering immersing for our wedding, despite the fact that a) he had never HEARD of immersion before I decided to convert b) he had never heard of men immersing, for their weddings or anything else and c) his decided and life-long distaste for putting his head under water. What a mensch.*

When we were planning our wedding, I had pretty much decided to stay away from Saturdays, because I didn't want an evening wedding and they're more expensive, anyway. But then we approached the idea of getting married on his birthday, which is a Saturday this year, and I said, "Hey! We could do Havdalah before the ceremony, that would be really sweet." He said, "Hav.. da.. lah?", and I explained it to him; now he's really excited about doing that as part of the wedding festivities. So much so, in fact, that even though we can't be married on his birthday, we're sticking with the Saturday evening wedding.

ANYWAY. I've only been studying with the rabbi for a year, although I'd been doing a lot of reading for a long time before that, and I even missed some classes in the beginning, so I expected not to be converted for a while. My rabbi knows me pretty well, I'd say; I show up to shul and to classes regularly, and we talk a lot. I asked him about a rush-job conversion, since we're having a rush-job wedding(my Nana told me that she wanted to see me married before she died.) and he said that he was fine with that, as long as I made a moral contract to continue coming to classes for the next year. I was planning to do that anyway, and then expand my Jewish education outward and upward. What's more, this year the Beloved will be living in the same state as I am, and will be able to attend classes with me, which he's really excited about. So we've both contracted for class next year.

Well, I emailed the rabbi about his availability for the wedding, and we met in his office to discuss the whole shebang. Well, lo and behold, it's most convenient for him to convert me in June, and I was jumping for joy. He said, "June 2nd? How's that work?" and I said "Any time after one.." so at 2 p.m. next Tuesday I will join the Jewish people. The catch is that when I made this appointment, I was all excited and distracted with that and a ton of other stuff, and I didn't realize that June 2nd was NEXT WEEK. The Beloved had to point that out to me. I'm really excited, but I'm also nervous; extra nervous because I'll be immersing, and all the men listening to my blessings behind the door will HEAR ME BEING NAKED. Talk about vulnerable.. But in the end, that will be as nothing to the joy I feel at officially being where I belong. I love Judaism, and I feel very honored that I've been so welcomed.

* Sorry guys. This whole paragraph is pretty much just for gushing purposes. It's so hard to stop myself.

So, I hope you all are having wonderful holidays and equally exciting conversion experiences, and much, much less stress than I've been experiencing. I hope that the yappin' made sense.

jbcs @ 2009-05-21T12:38:00

2009-05-21T19:42:29Z

I felt compelled to share this-

Just in case anyone hasn't heard of And You Shall Know Us By The Trail Of Our Vinyl, I thought I should post it.

It's a history of the Jews through recorded music, with the good, the bad, and the 'Holy Fraking Crap, what was this person thinking?'

(I actually have the album that's on their banner!)

culture clash?

2009-05-21T01:28:28Z

I'm half Swedish and very connected to my heritage. It is part of who I am. I also love Judaism and am very passionate about becoming Jewish. And that is also part of who I am. Sometimes I'm not sure how to balance the two. I was wondering if anyone else went through something similar. Thanks!

Conversion annulments in the news again

2009-05-19T00:27:07Z

Since I know that this is a topic that some are concerned about:
From The Jerusalem Post: Court: Justify conversion annulments

These articles are a bit older, but worth revisiting:
Conversion revocations: the Jewcy exposé
Also from Jewcy: Haredi Most Wanted. Three of the rabbeim listed either have revoked conversions or want to ban conversions from Orthodox/Zionist sects.

...

2009-05-16T03:43:15Z

Just curious: any of you here from Montreal, or the Ottawa area??

Post-conversion, did anyone feel....

2009-05-14T19:27:54Z

...somewhat dumped? After so long of studying and being guided through the process by the rabbi, now all that is over and I'm a rank-and-file member of the congregation. I was told today that I can not expect any special attention, any more than any other member of the congregation, as if to highlight the change in status from student to congregant.

I'm feeling a bit confused as well. How does the dynamic change? I suppose I'll find that out myself as time goes on, but I'm wondering about it. The rabbi told me last week that the relationship changes for the better, because there is no longer that distance that must be maintained between teacher and student. But then today he told me what I said above, about not expecting special attention. So I dunno.

The way I see it, it's a bit of a mixed bag.

Your thoughts and experiences?

Post-conversion

2009-05-13T18:26:38Z

Well, it's been a few weeks since it all wrapped up. And the weird thing is that, in a way, I don't know what to do with myself. I was studying for about a year and a half officially, closer to three years unofficially. It was a rough process, too, like most deeply transformative processes are. And I grew so accustomed to being in a state of heightened stress that now that the stress has lifted....I can't help but feel under-stimulated. It's weird.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

jbcs @ 2009-05-10T14:54:00

2009-05-11T02:21:37Z

I have a question. At my synagogue, both women and men wear kippot and tallit. My rabbi has encouraged that I go to other synagogues and see the differences in services. So my questions are:

Can I wear my kippah?
Will they ask me to take off my kippah if the women don't wear them there?
Should I take it off if they ask?

First time attending services

2009-05-08T20:14:35Z

So, tonight I'm finally going to go to the synagogue for the first time, after putting it off for way too long. I couldn't get a hold of the rabbi, so I'm just going to show up and hope everything turns out okay. The thing is, I'm out-of-my-mind nervous about the whole thing. I'm sixteen years old, really shy, and I'm going to a Conservative synagogue alone in a place where there is only a teeny little Jewish population. I don't know any Jews who attend, and my non-Jewish friend who was going to come with me bailed out.

In short, I'm terrified. I'm still not entirely sure what I should do during services and what I shouldn't. I don't know how modestly I should dress. I don't know how early I should get there. I don't know how much I should tell the rabbi about wanting to convert (in the future, at least.) If anyone has any advice about these things or anything in general about going to synagogue for the first time, I would be really, really grateful.