Title: they are the lanterns (and you are the light)
Author:![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
livii
Pairing: Leela/Andred
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: The Invasion of Time and the first two seasons of the Gallifrey audios.
Summary: "It does not matter," Leela said, throwing back her shoulders. "We are together now. We shall live each day as it comes." An attempt to knit a love story of sorts for these two star-cross'd lovers.
Notes: Foroltha_heri in the Leela ficathon, who requested Leela/Andred during the second season of the audios. The scope of this ended up wider than that, but the central focus is around that element, so I hope that works for you. Thanks to xwingace for very brave beta duty in the face of obscure source material. ~ 2100 words.
His last thought was always, always for Leela.
***
"Most people's TARDISes aren't this big," Andred said conversationally as they hurried through another endless corridor, trying to put as much distance between themselves and the Sontarans as they could. His arm was bleeding rather a lot and they were in rather a lot of danger and all he could think about was how soft and warm her hand was, guiding, pulling him along.
"Shut up," she replied, and so he did. They ran down a few more corridors.
"Oh, why does it have to be so big?" Leela exclaimed, frustrated.
"Most people's TARDISes aren't this big," Andred replied.
"Are you more hurt than you appear?" Leela asked, stopping to look at him critically. "You are not acting like a guard. You are not acting as if you are in your right mind at all."
"Gallifreyan guards aren't really warriors," Andred said. "Come on, Leela, I think we need to take a left here." And he pulled her forward, for a change, for once.
***
The first day he didn't return home in the evening, she didn't fuss. They'd long since established what Andred called "equanimity" in their relationship; she was capable of taking care of herself, and did not need to be watched over, or to watch over him, every moment of every day.
But she did begin to fret a bit after two days. And after three days, and four days, and lonely, lonely nights searching the city, her bed empty, and the nagging voice at the back of her head telling her what had she expected: he had to leave her someday. Weeks, months passed, and she rampaged.
Romana called her on it.
"I need to know," Leela said, ashamed of the plaintive note in her voice, the weakness that the cold hallways and arches had bred into her bones. She was so much less than she had been before; no amount of love could retrain her senses, give her back her freedom and spirit. And yet – she needed to know.
"Did you love Andred, then?" Romana asked curiously. "No malice – unkindness – meant, of course. Only – I always wondered."
"He is my mate," Leela replied simply, "and I am honour-bound to discover what has become of him."
She turned away so that Romana would not see the way her lips were pulled tight and her skin flushed red, and redoubled her search efforts the next day.
***
Their first night together was awkward, violent, scorching hot. For all his bravado, Andred was not very experienced, and Leela approached sex with all her usual straightforward determination and single-mindedness.
"Of course the Sevateem understand pleasure," she said, laughing, in reply to Andred's gulping, slightly terrified squeaking as she did things with her tongue that he would swear were illegal in the Citadel.
"This is still your first face," Leela said afterwards, stroking his cheek possessively. Andred had the distinct impression that he'd just been marked; that more than any ceremony he might concoct for them, they were now irrevocably connected.
"It is a young face, but good, and strong," Leela continued. "Will you wear it for long?"
He looked at her carefully then, taking her hands in his. "Leela. I will never know how long a face is to last. There is so much we have not discussed."
"It does not matter," Leela said, throwing back her shoulders. "We are together now. We shall live each day as it comes."
He kissed her soundly, causing her to laugh with delight. "You are wise, dear Leela," he said, but she shook her head.
"I only do and say what I can," she replied.
Later, he wondered if he'd been too quick to dismiss her sentence as a typically garbled example of her incomplete grasp of syntax and social conventions. There was so much more to her than anyone could have imagined.
***
"We may be pinned down," Leela said, her nerves standing on edge, whole body taut with energy. "The Sontarans are coming. Cardinal Borusa, you go through that door. Andred and I will hold off whatever may be coming."
They split up, and Leela and Andred quickly hid behind an outcropping.
"Leela," he said nonchalantly. "Can I ask you a question?"
"We are at war," Leela replied, turning towards him, a blazing fury, beautiful and terrifying to behold. "You are a Commander. Act like one."
He never did have any common sense at all, not really.
So he kissed her anyway.
***
"Professor – Tutor Leela," came a voice from the group of girls huddled together a ways down the hallway. The other voices giggled. They were all humans, young.
They giggled louder when she came over. "I am not in the mood for games and tricks," she said, irritably, but the girls all had hopeful looks on their faces, and so she stayed.
"You're human...like us," one girl started, unsure. "And you married a Gallifreyan."
"Yes," Leela said simply. "I am, and I did."
"What...what was it like?" the girl continued, before breaking out into another round of giggles.
"What do you mean?"
"You know," the girl said, blushing. "Are they like us? Any...funny bits?"
"No!" Leela said, a little too quickly, caught off guard. "No, as far as I know their bodies are just like ours, other than having two hearts and the ability to change their face."
"Junie's got a crush on a Gallifreyan," one of the girls blurted out, to another outbreak of giggles. "I do not!" another girl protested, presumably Junie.
"It is not something to be ashamed of," Leela said gently. "You are acting on our natural instincts, and you should not let anyone make you feel different, or inferior, for that."
"But you're not with your husband any more, are you?" one of the other girls asked. The expression on Leela's face made her blush bright red and start stammering apologies.
"I am sorry," Leela said, embarrassed by her reaction. "Sometimes things…things change. It is not always enough to love somebody. It is too much for you to understand right now. Perhaps you will understand in time. For now, go. And be proud of who you are, and do what you want to do."
The girls rushed off, twittering excitedly amongst themselves. Leela leaned against the wall, closing her eyes, sighing. When she opened them again, Andred was standing right in front of her. His expression made it clear he'd heard every word.
"You were listening?" she snarled, furious. "I cannot believe you. I do not wish to see you anymore, Andred! Not with that treacherous face and those lying eyes!"
"You always were most beautiful when you were angry, Leela."
She didn't reply, storming off down the hallway muttering curses.
"You always were beautiful, Leela," Andred said to himself, and turned and walked the other way.
***
"Stay with me, Leela," he said, surprising even himself. "Stay, and I shall make you a lady, a princess, a queen."
"There are no queens here," Leela replied, with a curious tilt of her head. "But I should like to stay with you, Andred. I feel…I feel as if there is much to be learned, here."
"I don't know if you'll find the lessons to your liking. The Doctor can offer so much more."
"No," Leela said, setting her jaw decisively. "I wish to discover more about you, about this world. You are a brave man, Andred, and you will make a good husband and father. I accept your invitation."
Later, neither of them could satisfactorily explain why they'd offered, or accepted. But to those who understood love (so, so few on Gallifrey, cold, barren Gallifrey), one look at their faces whenever they smiled, whenever their hands brushed together, it was plain as day.
***
"Leela," Torvald said politely, stepping aside to let her pass.
"Do not presume we have any civil words for each other, Torvald," she spat in reply, freezing and burning him at the same time. "Romana may not wish for me to kill you, but I would, oh, I would. How I would relish driving my blade into your hearts, watching you squirm and beg for your life."
"Leela," Torvald said again, but with a low note, a sad note. She eyed him warily.
"Go…go on to wherever you're heading, then," he said gruffly, squaring his shoulders. "Keep your savage self out of trouble for a change, won't you?"
Romana hadn't specifically said she couldn't punch Torvald, hard, right in the gut, so that he doubled up on the floor in pain.
She stomped away down the hall. From his position on the ground, Torvald merely watched her go.
***
He couldn't help following her around, or so he told himself. She was his wife, damnit, he'd given up so much for her and she had to know - she had to see.
When he got up the courage to corner her in a deserted hallway, behind an outcropping (he could feel that first kiss on his lips, yet) she surprised him by not shouting, by not hitting him, but something much worse.
Leela, his warrior queen, the rock, the light, for the first time, Leela, she cried.
"I believed in you," she said simply, ungracefully wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, unused to such a situation. She still maintained her composure, more or less, brave and proud until the end, but her hands shook and her eyes were full of more pain than he could bear.
"Leela," he said, and he'd said her name a million times, and he'd say it a million times more if she'd just understand how important, how big it was that his tongue rolled around her alien syllables at all. "Leela. I know what I did was wrong – worse than wrong. I lied to you. I betrayed you."
"Yes," Leela replied. "You did." She turned to go.
"Wait," Andred said, cold authority in his voice. She looked at him, sad and angry and perhaps even a little bit afraid. "Leela. I always loved you."
She reached out, then, and brushed her fingers along his face, that face that he still didn't recognize in the mirror, the face that still seemed like a cruel joke, not him at all. She felt his cheekbones, his brow, his lips and he waited, still as a statue.
"We are not the same people any longer, Andred," she said. "I cannot be who you want me to be now." And then she leaned over and kissed him, for half a microspan only, less, but it burst through him and he suddenly knew that he could be Andred again, if he wanted to be.
***
It had to have been the Doctor's fault. Why would he have looked twice at an alien girl, an outsider, an unknown element who seemed to wear trouble and uncertainty like a cape, like a crown of thorns?
Damn Prydonians.
The most disconcerting part was that she never reacted like you'd expect she would, neither as a Gallifreyan nor as a human, something entirely different, braver, harder, prouder. Today it had been subtle whispers behind her back, ones she could not decipher the precise meaning of but the intent was clear; yesterday it was a trip, a shove, and tomorrow it may well be a new law, an old law revived to banish her forever.
And yet, she stayed. And she did not cry, she did not complain. She wore trouble and uncertainty like a cape, yes, but she also wore dignity reverently, unbowed and unbroken. Andred thought he understood duty, honour. Leela made his knowledge feel so very tiny and insignificant.
"Of course I wish they would change," Leela said when he queried her, late one night, limbs tangled together in the warm bed they shared. "But I do not worry about what I cannot affect."
"Leela," he said, and she smiled, then, that beautiful face so full of light, a torchbearer for the future.
He kissed her as if he was drowning, and she stroked his back and gently, so gently for once, moved against him.
***
He died alone.
Far away, in the great cold hallways and closed, oppressive rooms, Leela knew. She kept her shoulders straight and tall, unbowed until the end. No one saw the tears shimmering on her face. The light in the room went out.
Author:
liviiPairing: Leela/Andred
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: The Invasion of Time and the first two seasons of the Gallifrey audios.
Summary: "It does not matter," Leela said, throwing back her shoulders. "We are together now. We shall live each day as it comes." An attempt to knit a love story of sorts for these two star-cross'd lovers.
Notes: For
oltha_heri in the Leela ficathon, who requested Leela/Andred during the second season of the audios. The scope of this ended up wider than that, but the central focus is around that element, so I hope that works for you. Thanks to xwingace for very brave beta duty in the face of obscure source material. ~ 2100 words.His last thought was always, always for Leela.
***
"Most people's TARDISes aren't this big," Andred said conversationally as they hurried through another endless corridor, trying to put as much distance between themselves and the Sontarans as they could. His arm was bleeding rather a lot and they were in rather a lot of danger and all he could think about was how soft and warm her hand was, guiding, pulling him along.
"Shut up," she replied, and so he did. They ran down a few more corridors.
"Oh, why does it have to be so big?" Leela exclaimed, frustrated.
"Most people's TARDISes aren't this big," Andred replied.
"Are you more hurt than you appear?" Leela asked, stopping to look at him critically. "You are not acting like a guard. You are not acting as if you are in your right mind at all."
"Gallifreyan guards aren't really warriors," Andred said. "Come on, Leela, I think we need to take a left here." And he pulled her forward, for a change, for once.
***
The first day he didn't return home in the evening, she didn't fuss. They'd long since established what Andred called "equanimity" in their relationship; she was capable of taking care of herself, and did not need to be watched over, or to watch over him, every moment of every day.
But she did begin to fret a bit after two days. And after three days, and four days, and lonely, lonely nights searching the city, her bed empty, and the nagging voice at the back of her head telling her what had she expected: he had to leave her someday. Weeks, months passed, and she rampaged.
Romana called her on it.
"I need to know," Leela said, ashamed of the plaintive note in her voice, the weakness that the cold hallways and arches had bred into her bones. She was so much less than she had been before; no amount of love could retrain her senses, give her back her freedom and spirit. And yet – she needed to know.
"Did you love Andred, then?" Romana asked curiously. "No malice – unkindness – meant, of course. Only – I always wondered."
"He is my mate," Leela replied simply, "and I am honour-bound to discover what has become of him."
She turned away so that Romana would not see the way her lips were pulled tight and her skin flushed red, and redoubled her search efforts the next day.
***
Their first night together was awkward, violent, scorching hot. For all his bravado, Andred was not very experienced, and Leela approached sex with all her usual straightforward determination and single-mindedness.
"Of course the Sevateem understand pleasure," she said, laughing, in reply to Andred's gulping, slightly terrified squeaking as she did things with her tongue that he would swear were illegal in the Citadel.
"This is still your first face," Leela said afterwards, stroking his cheek possessively. Andred had the distinct impression that he'd just been marked; that more than any ceremony he might concoct for them, they were now irrevocably connected.
"It is a young face, but good, and strong," Leela continued. "Will you wear it for long?"
He looked at her carefully then, taking her hands in his. "Leela. I will never know how long a face is to last. There is so much we have not discussed."
"It does not matter," Leela said, throwing back her shoulders. "We are together now. We shall live each day as it comes."
He kissed her soundly, causing her to laugh with delight. "You are wise, dear Leela," he said, but she shook her head.
"I only do and say what I can," she replied.
Later, he wondered if he'd been too quick to dismiss her sentence as a typically garbled example of her incomplete grasp of syntax and social conventions. There was so much more to her than anyone could have imagined.
***
"We may be pinned down," Leela said, her nerves standing on edge, whole body taut with energy. "The Sontarans are coming. Cardinal Borusa, you go through that door. Andred and I will hold off whatever may be coming."
They split up, and Leela and Andred quickly hid behind an outcropping.
"Leela," he said nonchalantly. "Can I ask you a question?"
"We are at war," Leela replied, turning towards him, a blazing fury, beautiful and terrifying to behold. "You are a Commander. Act like one."
He never did have any common sense at all, not really.
So he kissed her anyway.
***
"Professor – Tutor Leela," came a voice from the group of girls huddled together a ways down the hallway. The other voices giggled. They were all humans, young.
They giggled louder when she came over. "I am not in the mood for games and tricks," she said, irritably, but the girls all had hopeful looks on their faces, and so she stayed.
"You're human...like us," one girl started, unsure. "And you married a Gallifreyan."
"Yes," Leela said simply. "I am, and I did."
"What...what was it like?" the girl continued, before breaking out into another round of giggles.
"What do you mean?"
"You know," the girl said, blushing. "Are they like us? Any...funny bits?"
"No!" Leela said, a little too quickly, caught off guard. "No, as far as I know their bodies are just like ours, other than having two hearts and the ability to change their face."
"Junie's got a crush on a Gallifreyan," one of the girls blurted out, to another outbreak of giggles. "I do not!" another girl protested, presumably Junie.
"It is not something to be ashamed of," Leela said gently. "You are acting on our natural instincts, and you should not let anyone make you feel different, or inferior, for that."
"But you're not with your husband any more, are you?" one of the other girls asked. The expression on Leela's face made her blush bright red and start stammering apologies.
"I am sorry," Leela said, embarrassed by her reaction. "Sometimes things…things change. It is not always enough to love somebody. It is too much for you to understand right now. Perhaps you will understand in time. For now, go. And be proud of who you are, and do what you want to do."
The girls rushed off, twittering excitedly amongst themselves. Leela leaned against the wall, closing her eyes, sighing. When she opened them again, Andred was standing right in front of her. His expression made it clear he'd heard every word.
"You were listening?" she snarled, furious. "I cannot believe you. I do not wish to see you anymore, Andred! Not with that treacherous face and those lying eyes!"
"You always were most beautiful when you were angry, Leela."
She didn't reply, storming off down the hallway muttering curses.
"You always were beautiful, Leela," Andred said to himself, and turned and walked the other way.
***
"Stay with me, Leela," he said, surprising even himself. "Stay, and I shall make you a lady, a princess, a queen."
"There are no queens here," Leela replied, with a curious tilt of her head. "But I should like to stay with you, Andred. I feel…I feel as if there is much to be learned, here."
"I don't know if you'll find the lessons to your liking. The Doctor can offer so much more."
"No," Leela said, setting her jaw decisively. "I wish to discover more about you, about this world. You are a brave man, Andred, and you will make a good husband and father. I accept your invitation."
Later, neither of them could satisfactorily explain why they'd offered, or accepted. But to those who understood love (so, so few on Gallifrey, cold, barren Gallifrey), one look at their faces whenever they smiled, whenever their hands brushed together, it was plain as day.
***
"Leela," Torvald said politely, stepping aside to let her pass.
"Do not presume we have any civil words for each other, Torvald," she spat in reply, freezing and burning him at the same time. "Romana may not wish for me to kill you, but I would, oh, I would. How I would relish driving my blade into your hearts, watching you squirm and beg for your life."
"Leela," Torvald said again, but with a low note, a sad note. She eyed him warily.
"Go…go on to wherever you're heading, then," he said gruffly, squaring his shoulders. "Keep your savage self out of trouble for a change, won't you?"
Romana hadn't specifically said she couldn't punch Torvald, hard, right in the gut, so that he doubled up on the floor in pain.
She stomped away down the hall. From his position on the ground, Torvald merely watched her go.
***
He couldn't help following her around, or so he told himself. She was his wife, damnit, he'd given up so much for her and she had to know - she had to see.
When he got up the courage to corner her in a deserted hallway, behind an outcropping (he could feel that first kiss on his lips, yet) she surprised him by not shouting, by not hitting him, but something much worse.
Leela, his warrior queen, the rock, the light, for the first time, Leela, she cried.
"I believed in you," she said simply, ungracefully wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, unused to such a situation. She still maintained her composure, more or less, brave and proud until the end, but her hands shook and her eyes were full of more pain than he could bear.
"Leela," he said, and he'd said her name a million times, and he'd say it a million times more if she'd just understand how important, how big it was that his tongue rolled around her alien syllables at all. "Leela. I know what I did was wrong – worse than wrong. I lied to you. I betrayed you."
"Yes," Leela replied. "You did." She turned to go.
"Wait," Andred said, cold authority in his voice. She looked at him, sad and angry and perhaps even a little bit afraid. "Leela. I always loved you."
She reached out, then, and brushed her fingers along his face, that face that he still didn't recognize in the mirror, the face that still seemed like a cruel joke, not him at all. She felt his cheekbones, his brow, his lips and he waited, still as a statue.
"We are not the same people any longer, Andred," she said. "I cannot be who you want me to be now." And then she leaned over and kissed him, for half a microspan only, less, but it burst through him and he suddenly knew that he could be Andred again, if he wanted to be.
***
It had to have been the Doctor's fault. Why would he have looked twice at an alien girl, an outsider, an unknown element who seemed to wear trouble and uncertainty like a cape, like a crown of thorns?
Damn Prydonians.
The most disconcerting part was that she never reacted like you'd expect she would, neither as a Gallifreyan nor as a human, something entirely different, braver, harder, prouder. Today it had been subtle whispers behind her back, ones she could not decipher the precise meaning of but the intent was clear; yesterday it was a trip, a shove, and tomorrow it may well be a new law, an old law revived to banish her forever.
And yet, she stayed. And she did not cry, she did not complain. She wore trouble and uncertainty like a cape, yes, but she also wore dignity reverently, unbowed and unbroken. Andred thought he understood duty, honour. Leela made his knowledge feel so very tiny and insignificant.
"Of course I wish they would change," Leela said when he queried her, late one night, limbs tangled together in the warm bed they shared. "But I do not worry about what I cannot affect."
"Leela," he said, and she smiled, then, that beautiful face so full of light, a torchbearer for the future.
He kissed her as if he was drowning, and she stroked his back and gently, so gently for once, moved against him.
***
He died alone.
Far away, in the great cold hallways and closed, oppressive rooms, Leela knew. She kept her shoulders straight and tall, unbowed until the end. No one saw the tears shimmering on her face. The light in the room went out.
14 Janus Thorns | Save The Doctor's Life