A lot of sources that talk about INTJs and relationships tend to see our traits as antithetical to happy, healthy long-term relationships. While this site does do a bit to ameliorate that, I think it'd be more interesting to hear from INTJs about what we bring to a relationship.

After all, it's easy to overlook us when there are NFs who romance you and SPs who excite you and SJs who make you feel secure. So how about it? When it comes to love and romance, what do you do that's different from what you've observed in other types?

From my POV:

• Being that we're such rare types ourselves (especially female INTJs), we don't expect our SOs to be just like us.
• Our autonomous nature makes it easier to see our SOs as individuals and simply the roles society expects them to play in our lives. What may strike others as being weird or cuckoo we simply accept as part of our SOs being themselves.
• A strong sense of self gives us the ability to establish healthy boundaries. We're not making up rules as we go along. We know ourselves well enough to know what we can and can't live with.
• Since relating to people doesn't always come easily or naturally to us, we expect to have to work at a relationship. We don't go in assuming it's all going to work out just because we share a mutual attraction with someone.
• We think. It's a lot easier to communicate when people aren't emoting all over the place.
• We get more interesting the more you get to know us.
• When we do something romantic, it won't be flowers and chocolate and sappy poetry. It'll be something only we could do and only for the person we do it for.

Of course, there's more, so what do you think we have to offer as romantic partners?

Hi. I am new to this community as well as to LJ. I am a fellow INTJ and I am so glad I found this community! I am middle aged, but I am only now coming to accept my personality type. To be honest, I thought there was something wrong with me until I took the test, found out my personality type, and then found this community. As I read though the various posts, all I could think was WOW, I'm not alone in the world! There are others like me.

I am introverted to the extreme. I rarely socialize. I think I come off as cold to others. I prefer to think of myself as calculating and logical. Given all of these things, I am capable of immense passion and creativity. (Eww! emotion, I know! :)) These just are not outwardly expressed. That brings me to why I'm on LJ and how I found this community.

I found that even in all my INTJ glory...I still need an outlet. That's where LJ came in. Then I thought it would be nice to find some like-minded people. So...here I am.

INTJs appear as Extroverts when in situations they are comfortable with (around friends, etc...). I'm wondering how many 'social groups' are you guys in? I am currently in about 5-7 different 'groups'. (Expecially those 'social groups' that you appear to be an extrovert at).

What sort of level of participation do you have with these groups?
I have about 3 main ones, 2 I do most things, and 2 I occationally go to.

I have just been wondering why I have so many groups? Is it that I like to appear to be an Extrovert, or is it that I'm just wanting to surround myself with comfortable situations, or what? Other peoples opinions?

Over the years I've had what I would call a 'high turn over rate' when it comes to social groups. Another way to put it is that I have circled through various social groups over the years. Staying in each for maybe 2-5 years only. Except for the occational/rare group which is usually 10-12 years. Being an introvert I actually like the turn over I think. I get to appear to be an extrovert but then a few years later a new group of friends, and in the end do they really know me? Opinions? What sort of 'turn over' do you have in your 'social groups'.

Do you ever feel trapped in a social group, that you've been around them to long, that you have a feeling it's time to move on? How do you deal with this? How do you deal with a conflict of this odd desire to move on, and a sense of responsiablity to the group?

For those wondering what I mean by 'Social Group'. A social group can be a club, a hobby group, or just a gathering of friends. Generally there is something binds the one group such as intrest or a location you always meet at, vs another group.

I'm curious about how common asexuality is among our type. I've been thinking more and more about this as I'm taking a biology of gender class at the moment.

I'm biologically female and fine with it, I consider myself socially on the androgynous side, and I know I'm heteroromantic. 99% of the time I've been attracted to males (with a preference for non-masculine males, both socially and physically) but I never think of the attraction in sexual terms.

On the one hand, I think maybe this is the phase of a 19 year old INTJ with zero romantic and sexual experience. On the other hand, I realise I am not an intimate person to begin with and I prefer intellectual pursuits to physical activities.

Anybody with similar experiences or know of (INTJ) asexuals?

I sometimes have "social jealousy"... where I get jealous of other people's social interactions and intimate conversations with each other, particularly where I am friends with either one or both of the parties. For example, I'm friends with both Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill often discuss things with each other but not with me.

I've recently been experiencing this as I've found a great group of friends.

Does anyone else experience this, and under what conditions and how often?

Would you consider yourself a happy person?
When do you feel happy or unhappy?
Do you ever struggle with being unhappy/depressed?
Do you ever have feelings of inadequacy, and if so, how do you deal with them?

 This is a question mainly for three groups of INTJs, or for one group with two subgroups. However, all responses are welcomed, even if you aren't one of those.

My question is how did you reconcile your INTJ personality with your wish to pledge a Greek sorority or fraternity and the line process. Being INTJ, some of the things that go on during this process sometimes go against our personality or beliefs. I'm wondering how you decided to either go through with it, or not, and why.

Please indicate whether you are Greek, a female Greek, a black female Greek, or none of the above when answering. Thank you.

I'm your typical INTJ in real life: I'm definitely introverted and extremely structured, I'm leery of offering free counselling, and my comments tend to err on the side of insensitivity. But I've recently realized that I come across very differently online - probably more of an ENFP or ENTP, which has made me wonder if anyone else is like this too.

I'm rarely hyper or visibly passionate in real life, but online I absolutely spam enthusiasm and compliments and capslock and four-letter words. I'm also usually the one who initiates a conversation with a friend-of-a-friend or a friend request - but a total wallflower at parties. I have a pitifully short fuse when it comes to people whining about their boyfriend/ family/ goldfish/ whatever issues, but I'll drop any sick or miserable lj friend a *hugs* and a line or two. And it's not that I'm blowing them off: I'm fine if we end up back-and-forth commenting for the next couple of hours. When doing group projects, I'm virtually always the devil's advocate, but online I don't think I've ever slammed a single fanfic - then again, if I don't like what I'm reading I sigh and hit the X. Speaking of fic, too, I almost exclusively stick to short oneshots when in real life I have no problem with long books.

Anyway. It's pretty strange because I'd thought that, if anything, the online anonymity should make it easier to be as straightforward as I should wish to be. So, has anyone else noticed this about themselves as well, and how do you reconcile that?

Also, out of curiosity, how did you get to know most of your LJ friends? How similar is your online social circle to your real-life one, (if applicable), for instance in terms of age/ sex/ location, and how have you found that to affect interactions with them? Personally, I literally don't know anyone on my flist in real life, which probably serves to explain away a good chunk of the above incongruity...

How would you describe your sense of humor? Mine tends to be very wry. Stuff like this cracks me up.

What about you?

Do you find that, when you're going through something really stressful and potentially heartbreaking (serious illness or death of loved ones, for example) that you don't react emotionally until it's over? Like, during the middle of it you have nerves of steel, but after it's all over you get pretty raw? (Personal example - I don't feel the loss of a family member until after the funeral).

 Hello everyone. I'm new to this community, as well as to this personality quiz and realizing my INTJ status. But I must say, once I took the quiz and read up on it I felt better simply knowing there were other people like me. So of course the next step was to find and LJ group.

But anyway, the point of my post is this: what personality types do your close real life friends tend to be? Not the acquaintances I'm sure we all have but the really close friends who truly know you. I'm in college right now and of the people I hang out with I would only consider two close friends. One is an INFJ and one is an ENTJ. Of my best friends from home only one has taken the quiz, but she is an ESFP. I was just wondering how it fell for others.

It's been said before that public face is usually a big thing with INTJs, and lately I've been thinking that I do a lot of mental scripting in everyday situations.

I like to think that I usually don't let too much of what I think that could get me in trouble slip in casual conversation, and I take this as a point of pride. I'll sometimes rehearse what I'll say in conversations in my head before I have them, but it's not always important ones that get that treatment. Usually it's a case of me not wanting to say something that might sound wrong or give certain things away, so I choose my words carefully, sort of editing what I'll say before I say it. Seeing how often I see other people get in trouble based on what they say it appears this isn't a very common practice (especially among college students).

I'm going to be doing a performance later this month and the person I'm working with commented that I need to be a little more flexible as to what I want to do, that I shouldn't plan everything out down to the microsecond. But the thing is that it's how I'm used to doing it -- I haven't acted in years, but I've done music performances where I know exactly what I'm doing. It seemed related to the above.

So do you ever feel yourself getting "off script" and what happens when you do?

As an INTJ, do you tend to draw people whose lives are, shall we say, interesting?

You know, people who seem to always have something crazy happening to them. Week one: get mugged. Week two: house broken into. Week five: fistfight. Week seven: something else messed up. This is not a particular person's life - just a hypothetical example (but the same level of crazy).

And this is before they ask about what's going on with you.

How do you deal with people with "interesting" lives without cutting them out of your life but with a minimum of aggravation?

I know it sounds sort of childish, but if someone tries to convince you that you'll like something more or less continuously do you end up hating it before you even see it? I've been having that experience lately with a show most of my social group watches, but I've not been interested in it from the beginning and am getting progressively less interested every time they talk about it.

It's also the tone of voice they use when discussing it that annoys me (I'm very sensitive to people's tones when they're talking) and just the general fact that they don't get that I. Am not. Interested. And they're making it worse by not getting that I'm not interested now and will not be in the future. I also told them to their faces that if they're going to bring it up as a main topic at meetings it'll alienate both me and another bunch of people who don't give a damn about it.

Could just be a college thing, but I wonder if this is a general INTJ reaction to people who just don't get it.

Anyone ever typed F1 driver Kimi Raikkonen as an INTJ? I've seen some who type him as ISTP, but in my opinion the social aloofness and the cool, calculative driving style he possesses makes him more INTJ. Thoughts from any F1 fans here? :)

This is an introductory post from a long-time lurker.

I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You (the series, not the movie) the other day because I like Kat's character. There was one episode where she gets criticised for being perfect which got me thinking (she's not an INTJ but definitely an N). Have you ever been called perfect? Have you ever considered somebody in real life perfect? What about other people's perceptions of fictional INTJs?

It puzzled me when two schoolmates called me perfect. Where do you think this perceived perfection comes from? Is it the fact that we judge like there's no tomorrow and are sure of ourselves? Is it the fact that we don't give a rat's ass about what others think and become obsessed with getting something done?

Maybe this has been done before, but if so, I haven't seen it. What is your Enneagram (Number) Type? If you don't know, it's a personality profile type that works at least somewhat independent of your myers-briggs personality type (INTJ). I'm interested, as I am sure we all are, as to any general consensus. (I know a fellow INTJ that tested as a different number than me, so variants are obviously possible.)

INTJs only, please.


Here is a link to a test that will both confirm your INTJ status and tell you what number type you are as well:
http://similarminds.com/embj.html
The site also has a shorter version of that test:
http://similarminds.com/test.html

Poll #1455368 What Ennaegram type are you?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 98

What Ennaegram type are you?

Type Descriptions: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/descript.asp

I was poking around this LJ comm when I came across this comment by night_princess :

I just have to say . . . GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!

I was always wondering why it irked me so much when people contact me or invite me to something without a firm idea of when and where to show up. It's not like I have anything particular I need to be doing at a specific time - I just loathe the intrusion of the outer world onto my inner world. Honestly, I often would rather not have to interact with people at all most of the time except if I actually want to see them. And if my hopes have gotten up, I can't disguise disappointment when people flake out on me. I feel like, "Damnit, I could've been doing something interesting - by myself!!!"