| Thank You! |
[17 Nov 2009|01:09pm] |
I just wanted to give everyone a big thank you for the great response on the documentary series that I'm working on! It's very inspiring! I know the issues we're touching on are very sensitive and private and I really appreciate everyone who has stepped up and contacted me. We're still working on it so feel free to e-mail me if you want more information!
Best,
Kelly
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| May Interest You |
[10 Nov 2009|01:13pm] |
Hi everyone,
I'm working on a new documentary series that will focus on women between the ages of 18 and 28 struggling with difficult issues like eating disorders, self harm, and intimacy issues. Let me know if you're interested or if you have any questions! Feel free to message me or e-mail me directly at kellylafer@gmail.com. I'm kinda new to LJ so please be patient with me!
Thanks!
- Kelly
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| May Interest You |
[27 Oct 2009|05:50pm] |
I'm working on a new documentary series that will be focusing on women (ages 18-27) who struggle with complex issues like self abuse. If you're interested, feel free to e-mail me or send me a message (kellylafer@gmail.com). I'd be happy to answer any questions!
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| Rediscovering things |
[24 Aug 2009|12:07am] |
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This is Trinity. I've been away for a while now. Not sure how long. It feels like forevver though. I used to be a member of this community. I was even pretty active too. Then things got really screwed up in my life and I was away for a long time. It took me quite a while to sort myself out. I'd like to think i'm better now though.
This is probably gonna be long.
I used to be a cutter. I say used to merely in the manner that i don't cut myself anymore. I'll never forget how it feels or why i started or how much it did help me deal with things. I won't forget who i was then either. And of course i have all these scars to remind me. At first, i hated my scars, but now i've grown comfortable with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning my cutting, but my scars remind me of that time in my life. Most importantly, they remind me that i have the power within me to rise above that and survive everything. I never planned on stopping. I figured that I'd probably do this forever. I was in such a dark place in my life that i couldn't fathom anything else. When i finally moved out on my own, and away from all the awful things that drove me to hurt myself, i didn't even realize i was in a place where i could get better. but slowly, i started turning to other things instead of my razors, and before i knew it, i was a year cut-free.
i think the most important thing for people to remember if they think they need to stop is that they need to be in a healthy environment first. For quite a while, doctors, therapist, everyone, told me i SHOULD stop. But i never WANTED to. Because it was the only way i could express my incredible amount of pain. When i caould deal with that and start relieving some of my pain instead of trying to and failing because i kept getting hurt, that was when i was able to stop cutting. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but for those of you who still watch this community, remember there is hope, and it will get better
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| Hello from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)! |
[12 Jun 2009|12:29pm] |
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Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help. What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hours to complete. Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit. What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be paid $5 CAD (money transfers via PayPal). You can also choose to participate in our long-term study, where you will fill out a shorter version of the questionnaires every three months for two years. You will be paid $5 CAD each time you complete a set of questionnaires (about 30 min each), and you will get a $15 CAD bonus once you have completed all 9 sets for a total of $60 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming. Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions. Thank you, Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL) Simon Fraser University Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6
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| Writing helps me cope |
[11 Jun 2009|01:49pm] |
Hi. My name is Tamara and I am new to this community. It has been a couple years since I last injured myself. I have been doing much better and have surrounded myself with things and people that make me happy and feel more positive. I have always found comfort in writing. Writing has helped me get through a lot of the struggles that I have endured while growing up.
I recently got my book, "Stumbling and Mumbling", published and it is up for sale. I know I am not supposed to advertise here but I believe that people here may be able to relate to what I have written and it may even help them. It helps to know that you are not alone in your fight.
The other issues covered in the writing in this book include domestic violence, suicide, love, death, mourning, addictions, growing up, and finding oneself.
If you're interested, click below:
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| New |
[10 Jun 2009|06:36pm] |
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Name: Ryn
Age: 16
Location: Asia
Sex: female
Do you want to stop? Yes.
How long have you been cutting? um...about 3yrs
How long since you last cut? a week or so
Reason behind cutting: I don't know, the reasons are too many and too random
Have you sought help, explain: I tried to ask help from some of my friends, but they just don't understand what I'm trying to tell them.
Where do you cut? room, bathroom, school bathroom, random places
What tool do you use to cut? Sometimes it's cutter, sometimes it's razor, use any tool if I'm really angry
Other issues you faces: er, nervous breakdown? I don't really understand my problem(my english is bad ): )
Any goals? Stop, just stop depending on this. Or, getting a friend who understand my issues.
Random comment, note, or greeting:
Hello, I'm a newbie here(obviously). I joined this community because I want to see other people who probably have the same problem like me, and I want to have new friends who(hopefully) understand me and my problem.
I don't know if I'm exaggerating or not, but I'm sick of my parents' expectation of me. I really tried hard, and I've done all I can do, but they just never stop scolding me for being 'careless, lazy, and extremely neglectful' about my grades. I always feel bad and frustrated whenever they talk to me that way, and ta-dah the result is me befriending a razor. The first was a small cut, some time later it's bigger, and now i have scars that refuse to heal. And my mother asked me 'what are those scary scars come from??', I answered 'er, I dunno'(lame, I know), and she said that I'm like a depressed person. Well ma, I am depressed, kinda.
Ah, I babbled too much, sorry ): I will lurk here for a while, I'll be happy if someone wants to be friends with me :) maybe we could share our stories...or just rant at each other. LOL. And I'm sorry if I didn't make a sense with my incoherent words, as I've said before, my english is bad ):
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| before the gold and the glitter |
[04 Mar 2009|05:14pm] |
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uhm so this is my first entry.
Name: Nicole
Age: 15
Location: canada
Sex: female
Do you want to stop? i wish i never started
How long have you been cutting? 3 years.
How long since you last cut? 20 hours ?
Reason behind cutting: too many . i cant help it.
Have you sought help, explain: from a couple friends. no use .
Where do you cut? wrists, sometimes ankles
What tool do you use to cut? razor from pencil sharpener.. exacto knife
Other issues you faces: anoriexia.. in a way
Any goals? Tell my grandpa about my cutting and depression ..someday
im feeling really depressed today :(
fuck friends, theyre never there when you need them the most,
oh and i had my jounal diary thing i my bad yesterday,
2 girls im my class read it, my friends.. THANKS GUYS
about how i feel, cut and dont eat. blah blah, but they dont know i know,
i was out in the washroom while they read it, and i slowly walked in as they were putting it back in my bag.
thank god they havent said anything
way to make me crazy self consious aroound them..
.. it had been about 3 weeks since i last cut
but last night i coulndt help myself.
:(, i dont think i will be able to today either .
i fucking hate this.
i hate being alone,
i hate having no one,
i hate myself .
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| isn't it ironic |
[04 Mar 2009|11:09am] |
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So I buy a dress over the weekend, and I'm having one of those moments where I'm thinking "Wow, I look really pretty right now. Too bad I can't wear it out in public." Does that happen to the rest of you? A year ago, I never would have bought anything like a dress, or anything really besides a t-shirt. But I'm finally to the point where I'm okay with my shape and weight and I want to wear cute clothes sometimes. But I have way too many scars to wear any of the pretty clothes I see now. How is that for irony?
It's been a long time. How is everyone doing? I have been cut free for two months now =] Although I have to admit to a couple of cigarette burns and a brief fist fight with my refrigerator (guess who won?). But I am resisting the urge to do myself harm a lot more than I used to. This whole "willpower" thing is kind of crazy...
Let me know how you guys are doing ~<3
PS: I'm posting this via livelj.com, which is kind of hard and weird and messed up, so if this ends up in any other community or flist besides _inthecut, BIG OOPS.
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| um...problem. |
[03 Mar 2009|07:54pm] |
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Tangerine - Moist |
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Hey, this is only the second time I've ever posted , so I hope this is allowed...
I kind of need some help. At my school, in my grade, we have to get immunization shots. This is a problem because I have very visible scars covering my left arm, which is the arm I'm supposed to get the shot in. My parents are trying to force me to get the shots no matter what I do to try and get out of it. So, I was wondering if anybody had any idea on how to avoid the shots... Do you think they would let me get the shots in my other arm?
Any help would be very appreciated....thanks.
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| Another newbie.. |
[23 Feb 2009|02:41pm] |
Yo guys, here's another newbie to the community :)
Name: Jen / Luna, I don't mind
Age: Attempting to keep this hidden
Location: Finland
Sex: Yes please.. I mean, female.
Do you want to stop? At times, I do. But there's no other way currently.
How long have you been cutting? ~4 years
How long since you last cut? Two weeks
Reason behind cutting: According to my psychiatrist, I'm an adult with an underdeveloped ability to process emotions that is still on the level of a teenager. Personally I'd say it's the only thing that calms me down when I'm about to zone out.
Have you sought help, explain: I've been in and out of therapy already as a kid, for a year now I've been going to intense therapy in different places and two weeks ago, after a suicide attempt gone wrong I ended up in the closed ward, which I could only escape by lying, and this in turn landed me at another psychiatrist's, where I go once or twice a week.
Where do you cut? When I started it was mostly wrists, now, because of the visibility issue, it's the thighs
What tool do you use to cut? Shattered glass if available, razors, knives (the tool-ones). I'm not picky though.
Other issues you face: Assuming this means such as disorders or living conditions? I'm diagnosed with unipolar depression, recently a bipolar disorder diagnosis has been added to that, I have a history of eating disorders though none diagnosed, ed-nos, anorexia and bulimia, although the only one that's paining me at the moment is bulimia. I'm being tested all the time and the bipolar disorder diagnosis is pretty fresh and might still change I guess - they're also talking about some disturbances in the development of emotional ability or whatever. I've been eating various meds and now I'm clean, the new ones for bipolar are likely to start next week or the week after and I can't wait!
Any goals? Every morning I wake up and find myself still alive is a minor victory, so my goal is to take each day as it comes and just try to make it.
Random comment, note, or greeting: I'm probably not very easy to approach but I consider myself having loads of sympathy and strength to try my best when it comes to support :) feel free to drop me some lines in my journal , if you want.
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| hey all (: |
[23 Feb 2009|12:24pm] |
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Name: Here: Autumn. (Real name: ask me)
Age: 20
Location: Europe
Sex: Female
Do you want to stop? I want to get control over it, yes. But for stopping it's too early.
How long have you been cutting? About 10 years.
How long since you last cut? Yesterday. -.- Before that it was 2 months.
Reason behind cutting: Many reasons. But I guess most of all the thought that I'm alone, no one understands, no one cares and I need something to clear my mind.
Have you sought help, explain: I was forced to go to various "professionals" but since 2~3 years I handle it by myself. Or at least I try to.
Where do you cut? Arms&Legs mostly
What tool do you use to cut? Everything sharp. When I'm about to cut, I don't think much.
Any goals?I want to get control. Not just over cuttin but also over my body, my weight, everything. I want to control myself.
Random comment, note, or greeting: Feel free to ask me everything you want to know. (:
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| Hello. |
[21 Feb 2009|10:28pm] |
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Name: Kristen.
Age: 16.
Location: Doesn't matter.
Sex: Female.
Do you want to stop? I don't know, at times yes, at others, no.
How long have you been cutting? About 5 years.
How long since you last cut? Two weeks.
Reason behind cutting: It's how I started dealing with things.
Have you sought help, explain: Yes and no, not professionally.
Where do you cut? My arms mostly (terrible for hiding it), legs, and hips.
What tool do you use to cut? I have tons of different blades.
Other issues you face: None that I can think of.
Any goals? I want to stop, for good. But knowing the situation here, it won't work.
Random comment, note, or greeting: Let's chat.
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[23 Jan 2009|10:40pm] |
this may not be allowed here, if not than go ahead and delete this.
recently meetings for SI have started in my area and i kind of wanted to get it out there for people in my area. i dont know how many people in this community are from PA, let alone my area. but i just wanted to get this out there for those who would like to stop self injury or for those who just need some sort of support. meetings are held every thursday evening from 7pm until 8pm.
Downington, Pennsylvania:
Thursdays 7-8pm
This is a Self-Injury Anonymous support group.
Central Presbyterian Church
Route 113
Downingtown, PA
It is a closed adult support group. For more information, feel free to email urine_pocky@yahoo.com
(cross posted to a lot of different places)
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| i need a friend =[ |
[03 Jan 2009|07:13pm] |
Today is my twenty-first birthday. I've been shit on royally by my stepmom, and I'm stuck away from home dogsitting her puppy until Thursday. My mom is upset that I couldn't spend more than about an hour with her today. My car got broken into last night, and even though nothing was missing, I'm seriously pissed the fuck off about it and really upset. I'm stressing over my rats - my boys <3 - at my mom's house and how I'm a shitty guardian for them most of the time. I'm upset about house sitting for my older sister and having to drop everything and rush over to her house this morning because of a false security alarm. I'm pissed that I'm not interesting or fun enough anymore for the only friend I had left. And I'm pissed about the fact that my dad had a birthday cake made for me before he left for vacation, and it was really sweet of him. But the fact that he doesn't realize that I don't have any friends to share it with makes me want to cry. He believes I'm at his house right now, house/dog sitting, having "all my friends" over for my big birthday bash.
Instead I'm sitting here thinking about how much life can suck for the lonely and how totally awesome it would be to get smashed and cut later. Because really, who cares? Who's going to give two shits if I do?
Anyway. For my own sake, I'm going to try to resist that urge and probably just cry myself to sleep later and wake up with a stuffy nose and a headache. It's my fucking birthday. This sucks.
Okay. Even if no one is reading this, it feels infinitely better to have said it all.
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[08 Dec 2008|10:13pm] |
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Used to the Pain by Tracy Lawrence (ironic radio play, eh?) |
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I thought I was doing so well with self injury. I had my emotions under control and I was in a much better mental state... not just for a short period of time, but for several months. I had quit cutting in late March and not had a single relapse.
EDIT: There used to be much more to this post but I can't seem to hide it behind an lj-cut without it still showing up on the main page. I don't want to trigger anyone, nor do I want to take up loads of space, so I've removed it.
Long story short, I freaked out and cut again for the first time in almost nine months, and I feel very disappointed in myself. I thought I'd quit for good.
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[27 Oct 2008|08:32am] |
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I know that I'm the only person who can be held accountable for my actions, and I would never try to blame my SI on anyone. But sometimes I feel like if I was surrounded by a different people, I wouldn't be like this. I didn't cut for over a month, and now it's everynight for the last two weeks since my mom is in another one of her 'moods'. My mom just...I don't know, she gets so upset over stupid stuff, and then goes around slamming doors and yelling and being pissed off at the whole world. My brother moved out a few years ago, so it's just me and her now, and I feel like no one understands how awful it is for me to be stuck in that house with her. My brother used to be the one who could talk reason to her and cheer her up. I try now, but I either really suck at it or she just doesn't think my points are valid. I love my mom, but sometimes I just want to go away and never see her again. I don't know why I get so upset and stressed when she's angry, I should just let her have her immature bitch fits and go on with my happy life. It's just hard. I ask her not to slam doors or shout, she gets angrier and says she's not slamming doors or shouting. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't seem good enough for her, like having a kid like me around isn't reason enough to be happy with life. It's just when people around me are upset or angry, I just feel all this tension that no one else seems to notice, and I try and try to ignore it, but it gets to be too much. The only thing that makes it go away and makes everything better is cutting. And I hate that, I hate that it seems to be my only resort. I wonder why I can't just be like other people my age and ignore my mom when she's like this, just leave the house for a while until she cools off. I always feel guilty going out and having fun when she's upset though, and like I deserve to be there and be a part of all the anger because deep down I feel like really, she's more angry at me than anything else.
I don't know. I just wish (sometimes) that I'd been born into a different family. Like, a normal one. But then, who the hell is that lucky?
I don't have anybody to talk to about this. I can count my friends on one finger, and I can't really even talk to her about it. In the past, my other friends are just like "Well forget about her, let your mom be crazy, it shouldn't affect you." But it does. People just blow it off like that, like if their own mother was a crazy bitch, they'd be okay with it. So am I too sensitive, or is most of the rest of the world just insensitive to the feelings of others? I don't even know anymore. I'm just so tired of stressing out about other people.
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| Life |
[15 Oct 2008|06:07pm] |
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None of my friends seem to understand about how I feel. I'm really bi-polar with my moods right now and it's crazy. I'm like I love my bf. Wait this random memory of something that has nothing to do with me or him but his past makes me sad. I'm in the worst living conditions right now. My bf is my roommate's ex. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did. We didn't do it behind her back and we talked to her. We don't do anything in front of her and yeah. It's not as bad as it sounds. It's her ex from 3 years ago and now they're just good friends. But it's hard to live here. It's hard not to cut. It's hard to stay positive. I feel like I could just cut and cut and cut and cut the pain away. I told my best friend about it and how I might need to go to counciling or get some medications. He told me my thoughts weren't valid and that I seemed fine. Of course I seem fine. I make everyone see I'm fine but I'm dying inside. It's hard to keep going sometimes. Just to cut. Once more. I've been so good. I haven't seriously cut for over 2 years. 2 years. If I started again, could I stop?
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[14 Oct 2008|11:50pm] |
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i need someone to talk to. i'm really scared. my aim is: em ihl lea
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[14 Oct 2008|02:32pm] |
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confused |
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I keep thinking that maybe if I wasn't such a perfectionist, maybe I wouldn't feel like I need to cut. Like, people tell me the standards I hold myself to are ridiculously high. But I feel like the standards for most people are pretty low (I'm really sorry, I know this comes off as a bit pretentious). Meanwhile, I feel like my own bar just needs to go higher and higher, and yet I struggle to accomplish the things I want to more and more often, which consequently makes me feel more and more worthless, yet when I do lower my expectations of myself, I just feel unaccomplished and unworthy, all of which makes me want to cut so <em>so</em> badly.
Do any of the rest of you face a similar mindset? Is there a word for this mentality?
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inthecut_