Super Flower

Yo, so w’sup fo' realz. It’s GD here tah narrate yah fic, yo! Fo shah! Sup brah! Here to tell y’all ‘bout my homie Heechul and his petals of fashionista envy! Dat’s rite, so get low! Time to shut up and listen to mah supa flow! Doo dah! We so flah!

‘Kay! Talkin’ ‘bout my super homies Eeteuk, Hankyung who is Chinese, Sungmin who is mousey, Kangbeah yo!, Eunhyukkie, Donghae, my homie up in heaven, love yah brah, Shisus, Kyuhyun, Woookie Wookstah, Yesung, and some dude that nobody don’ know! HAH! Dey be goin’ to pay mistah Lee Soo Man a visit of epic proportion, so don’t be dishearten, no no!

“Father!” Mousemouse the Sungsung said, and I ain’t talkin’ bout SungSung like Sungmin and Yesung gittin’ togetha. Ain’t no way, dat’s just nasteh! Lemme tell y’all dat Mousemouse the Sungsung was lookin’ pretty tired ‘n panda-like. Like I dunno, but boy needs some shut-eye! Some sleep! Say ho! Ho! Not talkin’ ‘bout Yunho, y’all. I don’t git down wid da TVXQ, ya know what I mean?

At this time I think I shahd mention how flah I been lookin’, so freshleh dress’d in mah new get-up. Naw, hell, I wasn’t with ‘em! Why wud I be hangin’ ‘round mistah Lee?! I’m up in mah YG Ent. Ain’t nobody that kin do it like YG, mah boyz! Fo shah! Ha ha! Righ’, so, I told mah boyz dat I’d give ‘em a shout-out since I’m here narratin’ yo fic, so, to mah bros V.I., V.I., W’sup? W’sup, mah man? Victoryyyyyyy! D-Lite, so delightful, T, O, P! Dat’s right! C’mon now clap yah hands! T! O! P! Awright. Can’t forget mah Sol, mah home planet, yo. And last but not least, Se7en, guru of looooove, baby! GD loves you, yo! Don’t eva forget it!

Aright, now dat we got dat outta da way, we kin go on an’ tell dis story, all right? It wasn’t on no dark night or nothin’. Naw, naw, dem Supa Petals don’ like the night. Dey flowers! Flowers like the suuuun, love!

Where wuz ah? Aw right, ‘kay, sah, Minnie da Mouse started off by sayin’ somethin’ tah mistah Lee Soo Man, and mistah Lee Soo Man wasn’ too keen tah see all of the Petals. The Petals, yah know. Mistah Lee Soo Man’s got flower allergies, ha ha! He got tah take one ah those allergy meds b’fore he kin look at ehm straight. I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout no drugs, homie! Jist some allergy meds.

“Papa, yo,” Sungminnie said. “We gotta talk to you ‘bout something, yo!” is what he said, yo. “Lately Heechul been all up in our business!”

The other Petals be agreein’ to this, and they start yappin’ at mistah Lee Soo Man. Dis is how it went, yo. C’mon into mah brain and watch mah memories! Wuzzat? Yah, I said I wasn’t there. No worries, homie! Be more carefree! I took da memory from mistah Lee Soo Man himself when he came ‘round beggin’ us supa heroes at YG to stop ownin’ so hard!



“Change leaders,” Sungmin moaned, collapsing onto the floor. “We can’t take this anymore!”

Lee Soo Man sipped his coffee. “Heechul’s doing a fine job, Minminminnikins!”

“Father! Please!”

“Squeak more, mouse. Heechul is my BFF. There ain’t no wah I gunna change ‘im out,” mistah Lee Soo Man said...aw ‘sup guyz, sorreh, yah know, it’s my memory so sometimes I be visible to yah brain. Kinda makes yah mind reel, don’t it? Ha ha, fah shah.

Eunhyuk danced forward and gripped the edge of Lee Soo Man’s expensive desk built out of the bones of dead SM Trainees. “We’ll go on strike. We can’t do this! He’s...he’s…” Eunhyuk broke off and sobbed. “He’s trying to change the very nature of the group!”


“A leader is supposed to lead.”

“No! He’s trying to make us into a girl band!”

“What?” I know. It’s weird, no? Dis is wah I auditioned over at YG. So if y’all readin’ dis have got some kinda talent, go ovah to YG and show ‘em whatcha got, brah!

“Yes,” they all cried and started reeling off their own personal anecdotes at once. Remember, there were twelve of them. Room wuz pretteh loud, yo. All of ‘em tryin’ t’tell der angst tah mistah Lee Soo Man at once.

“CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK!” Mistah Lee Soo Man shouted, crakin’ his verbal whip of pain, yo. Gotta hurt, fo sho.


“One at a time, yo! I only got two ears, sah be quiet mah dears!” he said. One good thing ‘bout mistah Lee Soo Man iz dat the boy can rhyme like no otha’…’cept mah motha...ha ha, see whut I did? I rhyme better than mistah Lee Soo Man, fah shah!

“Kangbear yo, mah teddy bear of love ‘n destruction, so full of frustration, you go first,” mistah Lee Soo Man said.

‘n den da Kangbear stepped forward and looked mistah Lee Soo Man straight in da eye, like a grizzly does when he’s lookin’ at another grizzly. Now I don’ know ‘bout you, but I love dem nature shahs, fo shah. Ah like ‘em all. From dah cute to dat cuddly to da just plain mean, yo. It’s all part o’ nature, yo! ‘N lemme tell you, my bro T.O.P. be at the top o’ da food chain, yo!  Don’ mess widdum.

“The fact is, Papa, no matter how hard I try I can’t look feminine! Dis Kangbear is one hundred percent man, yo!” He took dis opportunity to show off his manlehness by liftin’ up mistah Lee Soo Man’s desk made outta money ‘n bones. Dat’s right. If yah look at mistah Lee Soo Man actin’ all nice ‘n stuff, to mah shawty BoA, let’s just say dat it’s a disguise. Like when V.I. acts sexy. Ha ha, love you V.I., I don’ mean no harm, yo.

“You’re right.”

“I’m right! But Heechul keeps trying to get me to dress up as a girl. Day and night he practices SNSD and Wonder Girls routines, yo! He tries tuh git us to follow along ‘n learn the movements so we kin debut lata like a huge version o’ 2NE1!” And y’know, 2NE1 be some hot stuff, yo.

“Siwon? What do you think about this, my rich grocery store heir? Or did your dad cut your inheritance out? I forget.”



“Nah brah, dis holy vehicle still got his future assured. I don’ acknowledge homosexuality, even though I think Heechul is some hot stuff, so I must say, I got a problem with us straight men dressing as girls. Gives me the heebeejeebees.” Me too, brah. Me too. Last thing I wanna see is Sol in a dress, yo….ah wait...that already happened. Eva again, yo. Don’ want, yo! Jist don’ want!

“Siwon, yo...I got something to say.” Mistah Lee Soo Man leaned forward. “I’m gay, yo!”


Haha, I fooled ya, righ’? Nah, Lee Soo Man is really an alien wid no sexual preference, yo. YG’s got a human at the head though, yo. Sah mistah Lee Soo Man burst out laughin’ at his boys and told ‘em not tah be sah gullible.

“Alright, guys. I understand. Naturally it’d be a problem if you guys turned into a girl band. Who would all the female fans turn to? Big Bang?” Fah shah.

“Good!”

“So tell me what he’s done to you.”

“He forces us to dress into women’s clothing at the dorms, and puts makeup on us! Every night is a slumber party where he makes us talk about boys and hug teddy bears. Sometimes we even paint each other’s nails…it’s horrible, yo!” Strictly speakin’, painted nails can be some fo’ shizz style.

“Everything’s pink!” Donghae whispered, clutching himself like some kinda cold wind was blowin’ through.

‘Bout an hour o’ time went by ‘n they all told their sorrowful tales like G the Dragon neva heard. Man, I been thinkin’ ‘bout Heechul a totally differen’ way since. Boy is crazzzzyyyyy, yo! Tried to convince ‘em all to be girls! Somethin’ wrong wit dat, yo!

Den ya’ll neva believe what happened! Heechul showed up, ‘n the room went crazy, like dat. Came in like a storm, yo! He came in ‘n everyone gagged on this crazy perfume, like I don’ even know. Like SNSD compressed into one person, yo! No joke, yo!


“FLOWER!” They all gasped. Yah, jist like that, with capslock, yo! Capslock ‘cause they wuz dat shocked, yo! ‘N den Eeteuk leapt forward with his angel wings hidin’ behind ‘im like usual, ya know, and slapped Heechul in da face! Ouch, bro!


Den Heechul got mad and hissed like a kitty cat. ‘N I don’ remember what wuz said cause at this point mistah Lee Soo Man wuz pretty scared, but Eeteuk challenged him to a duel for Super Flower Leadership! By da way, did ya know I lead Big Bang? Fah shah I do, yo!


“Nine days ain’t no thang, yo!”

“It’s a thang, yo!”


“No it ain’t!”

“Yea it is!”


And dey had this huge cat fight, yo, like GD ain’t neva seen ‘fore! Hissin’ an’ scratchin’. Eeteuk was in pretty bad shape, cuz Heechul, ya know, he’s pretty formidable and not at all edible, ya know what I mean? 


It wuz lookin’ to me like Heechul wuz gonna win, but den the rest of Super Flower jumped in an’ helped Eeteuk out. Naw don’t be jumpin’ to conclusions, they ain’t gonna kill Heechul, yo! Super Petals ain’t got it in ‘em. They jist gonna take the leadership away cause he’s gettin’ outta hand, yo!

So den dey took Heechul tah dah hospital, havin’ won their masculine freedom from ‘im fair ‘n square, ‘n on the way, dey looked at dat one dude dat no one knew and said, “Yo homie, whatcho name?”

‘N you know what he said?

“Dorothy.”



Sah I hope y’all enjoyed my storytellin’ skills ‘n just as a reminder, this is G-Dragon from Big Bang, yo. Do us all at YG a solid ‘n buy our stuff! We got solo albums ‘n group albums, yo. Somethin’ for each fish in da seaaaaaa...like you ‘n meeeeee. See ah practice rhymin’ all da time in order tah boost mah skills, know what I mean?


Now dat I’ve told dat story, gonna go get me some paper ‘n write down some kinda rappin’ masterpiece. ‘Cause ya know,  GD don’ take no songwriter’s backwash! No, no! GD writes his own stuff, yo! Here at YG we do it ahselves! Keeps us off da shelves, fah shah.

Here’s a little poem I wrote for y’all, hope ya like it, if ya do, go up to yah local store ‘n buy a CD fo’ yah GD, yo! Awright peace out.

I saw a cat,
and a rat,
wearin’ a stylin’ hat,
on da moon, yo.
Next to da rat, wuz a T.O.P., yo.
His supa dupa flows gonna knock you down, yo.
So don’ be no stranger, yo.
Meet us up straight laced ‘n wearin’ yo best, yo.
So we can knock you down in style, yo!

P.S. Wazzzuuuuuuup, V.I.P.! How’s it goin’ down there, mah homies with da monies? Been eatin’ well? Been sleepin’ well? Been dreamin’ of yo boy GD? Ha ha, I know y’all wanna meet me, ‘n I tell you what baby, I wanna meet you too. But ya boy’s real busy so it’s gotta wait, okay? Stay cooooooool!