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interracial love and identity
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| Summer's New It Accessory: The Black Girlfriend |
[19 Jul 2009|01:11am] |
Out of nowhere, and I mean NOWHERE, guys I know of various different races who've never dated or even LOOKED at anyone other than a tall, leggy blonde have randomly said things like 'I need a black girlfriend.' Whether it be because they 'like their skin sooo much' or 'Afros are sexy and awesome,' guys seem to be wondering where they can pick up they own personal Beyonce. Did I miss something? I mean, yeah, I've always gotten compliments that I'm pretty....but mostly from old ladies: black ones who want me to have a million light skinned babies (no), or white ones who think I look SOOOO exotic and speshul (no. Why do old people want to talk to me?). Did they make a public service announcement stating 'black girls are cool now. Go get you one!'? Is there some really, really, obscenely beautiful black celebrity with a big ol' Afro that I don't know about (I don't watch much TV and never read gossip magazines, so this is 100% possible)? Did some really awesome nonblack male celebrity start dating an African model or something? Is this like when they decided all Asian women had crazy tight vaginas and everyone wanted an ASIAN girlfriend?
Despite my joking manner, I'm dead serious. In just the last couple of months, I've heard a lot of white and Indian guys talking about how they need a caramel- or coffee-skinned girl with an actual butt and preferably, and whole shit load of curly hair. RIGHT NOW. It never happened before this year it seems (some guys said things like that, but it wasn't common. And was mainly my ex boyfriend). I'm halfway between really flattered (oh thank you, yes, my hair is like this naturally!) and sketched out (it seriously seems like a black girlfriend is this season's it accessory. You know, like how stunner shades are really popular right now because Kanye West and scene kids wear them).
I post too much.
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| Harry Potter |
[15 Jul 2009|10:14pm] |
Fangirl here. Just saw the newest movie. Seemed to be an unusually high amount of interracial relationships and flirting, though none that pulled through at the end (although the reasons for them failing don't seem to be racism, just convenience). I just kind of thought that this is more or less the only movie I can think of where interracial dating, flirting, and friendship is just something that HAPPENS, instead of something that the characters need to bring up every other minute and think about and be commended for and attract criticism for.
I mean yes, on the one hand, it would be cool to watch a movie where not only does Daniel Radcliffe get asked out by a hot black chick with an Afro, but he actually dates her. But alas, this does not happen in the book, and frankly, it's the only time it seems to have EVER happened in the media. I'm wondering: is it British media that's so much more evolved than us? Or is it the fact that the main characters and their actors are all under 25? Because while my mother is the time to actually think about this, me and my friends just....do things. Hot person looking at me? Immediate reaction: hit on regardless of race.
Or maybe I was just mesmerized by the magic that is people with British accents and big ol' afros.
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| songs, etc. |
[13 Jul 2009|01:52am] |
I don't know how many people listen to Israeli music, but this band has been around for a long time, and they are comprised of many different people from around Israel - Africans, Arab, Jewish, European, etc., etc. and I just really love this man's music and if you like world music, maybe you will too.
(edited to add my favourite song of theirs)
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[11 Jul 2009|09:11pm] |
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hey folks,
another bw from a bw/wm relationship saying hello.
we've been together for over 3 years now, known each other for nearly 4 & have been living together for about 2. we both come from pretty much open minded families which makes all of the visits & conversations harmonious for the most part.
( more+pic )
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| Hola! |
[11 Jul 2009|04:50pm] |
Hi :). I'm Keanna and I've been watching this community for a while but I've never posted. Thats about to change , though. I'm African-American, and my husband Dale is White. Love knows no color!! Here are some pics of us!
Us , at a recent trip to the zoo.
And heres our little one, Isaiah who is 10 months!
I love my boys!!!
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| WTF FOX NEWS |
[09 Jul 2009|10:31pm] |
http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/07/09/interethnic-marriage-maligned-on-fox-and-friends/
It features Brian Kilmeade, in a discussion about how marriage is positively related to mental health in Finland and Sweden, saying that the problem in America is that “…we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other…”
“…we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other…”
“…we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other…”
“…we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other…”
...Seriously?
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| 20,000 topics in 1 |
[09 Jul 2009|01:29am] |
I felt like there's probably new members (and I'm not even sure this has been posted here before) that would like to see this, and it always makes me smile that they made it somewhat in your face sexual, but I like it personally and thought I'd share.
I also wanted to say, does anyone have any funny, humbling or moving moments? Seems to me everyone's gotten so down trodden with the negatives that can come with interracial relationships that we don't get to hear enough about those times where your kid says their first word in their second language, or when they learn how to make a dish important to your culture. Even the time when you had to try and explain something and it ended up in a hilarious bonding moment with the in-laws. Maybe even something you were afraid to share with your partners but they accepted it and you felt relieved?
Someone's gotta have some moments. My ex always tells me he's happy I got to share foods like gumbo and what not with him, he always talks about it.
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| Children kicked out of whites-only pool in Philadelphia for being black. |
[08 Jul 2009|09:55pm] |
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Getting that nonsense off of my friends page and moving on, I came across this article today.
http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Pool-Boots-Kids-Who-Might-Change-the-Complexion.html
By KAREN ARAIZA
Updated 9:15 PM EDT, Wed, Jul 8, 2009
NBC Philadelphia
Dymire Baylor says he overheard a woman ask, "What are all these black kids doing?" when he and his friends showed up.
More than 60 campers from Northeast Philadelphia were turned away from a private swim club and left to wonder if their race was the reason.
Kids at Creative Steps Day Camp were thrilled to go swimming once a week at the Valley Swim Club. But after only one trip to the private club, they were...
"I heard this lady, she was like, 'Uh, what are all these black kids doing here?' She's like, 'I'm scared they might do something to my child,'" said camper Dymire Baylor.
The Creative Steps Day Camp paid more than $1900 to The Valley Swim Club. The Valley Swim Club is a private club that advertises open membership. But the campers' first visit to the pool suggested otherwise.
( Read more... )
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| Sooo |
[08 Jul 2009|09:44pm] |
It seems like 90% of recent posts have just been 'BAWWWWW drama' recently, so I'll make one where the tone isn't so...heavy.
Just a chatty post: wondering where everyone here is from, and what the racial attitudes are like there.
I'll start: I'm from Chicago, and currently spending most of the year in Tucson, AZ. Chicago, while it certainly does have it's down sides (historically, one of the most segregated and racist cities in the US. Possibly worse than the Deep South during some time periods, although a good quote I've heard is 'at least here, the blacks fight back.'), I have noticed that people, at least people in my age group, tend not to think about race very much at all. Many neighborhoods and suburbs are VERY diverse, so most people in the area either have to move or get used to it. I see plenty of interracial couples (even the supposedly super-rare BW-WM couple, which has recently seemed MORE popular than the inverse, at least among younger couples, in the past few years, but I am not the census beaurau (sp), what do I know). I won't deny that there's still lingering racism, but it seems to manifest itself in the form of moving 50 miles away. People at the very least know to keep their mouths shut.
Since I've only been in Tucson for about a year, and nearly 100% of that was spent within 1 mile of a college campus, I can't totally get a feel for it, but it seems like the vast majority of the city probably doesn't even know what a black person looks like, though I have heard of no issues involving race. The campus is a bit different. There are very few black people, and they seem to have split off into two groups: the black kids who hang out at black frat parties, and the black kids who hang out at white frat parties. Personally, I couldn't tell you for the life of me what the first group is like, which troubles me (because people really do refer to black people in ways such as 'dark skinned Bob who hangs out with white people' and such). No one ever seems to have an issue with anyone else, but minorities tend to stick to themselves (if blacks are cliquey, Asians seem to have formed their own country) or be 'the *insert race* guy/girl who hangs out with white people.' I've never heard of any racial issues on campus, though, and while interracial couples are somewhat rare (though certainly not nonexistent), I've never heard any negative comments directed to any. Alas, that may just be college for you. In a red state, we still all voted for Obama.
Okie. Your turn.
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| Our peanutbutter cup is here!!! |
[07 Jul 2009|04:46pm] |
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I wanted to announce the birth of my son, Atreyu Antonio, who was born on June 10, 12:21am, 7lbs 4oz, 20 in long. Hubby and I are so happy to have him in the world, and we are so glad we were all able to be there together since we are currently dealing with deployment. I still maintain that biracial babies are the most beautiful in the world, and not to sound cocky, but we sure made a handsome little angel :)
( ..and baby makes three! )( We are now complete! )</div>
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| new here: what i think about interracial relationships |
[05 Jul 2009|07:10pm] |
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i think that being with someone of different ethnicity than yourself is completely ok if it's for the right reasons; personality, etc.
some people believe it or not only date certain ethnicities because of stupid reasons like: i want my baby to look like this not that or belief that they will have a privileged life with this ethnicity
but i don't like the idea of holding back soul mates; look what happened to Romeo & Juliet; so if your happy, I'm happy.. honestly
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| Black men |
[05 Jul 2009|01:47pm] |
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See, whenever talking_apple discusses how black men flock around her because she has lightskin and straight hair, it infuriates me as a darkskin black woman with nappy hair and makes me dislike black men even more. Everytime I go out, I wonder, "if I were lighter would that black guy had noticed me" and chances are he probably would have. This is the reason why I want to date outside my race. I don't really spark up conversations with black men very much, I just have a negative perception of them, and feel that they are ALL like that, that they ALL idolize lightskin and straight haired women so I don't even bother.
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[04 Jul 2009|05:47pm] |
Hello all!
Next spring break I'll be staying in Japan for two weeks as a homestay student [I should be there now, but the trip was postponed because of Swine Flu...yeah, that's what I said...].
Anywho, a friend of mine who is also going, had been doing some research on minority groups and foreigners in Japan for his psychology class. He was warning me that I could possibly come across some racism or xenophobia, especially because I'm mixed [my mom's German/Italian and my father is black, but perhaps I'd just be lumped in with black? I don't know]. I wasn't too surprised to hear this, seeing as Japan has had reputation for xenophobia at various points in history, but I wanted to do some more research.
Lurking across the internet, I found this:
http://www.nytimes.com/1995/12/10/weekinreview/the-world-in-japan-blacks-as-outsiders.html
So what I really wanted to ask, is this: do any of you have had any first hand experience, or know somebody with a first hand experience of being black or mixed in the different parts of Japan, as opposed to me just reading a New York Times article about it? If not, if you could point me in the direction of some resources I'd appreciate that. Thanks in advance!
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| "I don't get it." |
[03 Jul 2009|04:46pm] |
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The title was inspired by a South Park episode. I think you know which one...
The last entry posted got me thinking: "Do we REALLY understand each other's pain?"
For example, I have medium-to-dark skin (and, believe it or not, I was the darkest person in my graduating class in high school. Yay small white towns in Indiana. And jeezus, I was angry all throughout high school because of the way I was treated), but, for some reason, I'm looked at as "better" than darker women in this society. I know darker women feel the pain in society, which perpetuates self-hatred in the community. However, even though I do know this injustice, will I ever understand or feel the pain of darker black women? No.
Or, how about people who are white. I've grown up in a town where I was called the "n-word" on a daily basis. Even though there are plenty of white people who understand the injustice that darker skin people go through, will white people ever understand their pain? No.
Or, different interracial couples. There are levels of differences between the pains that specific interracial couples face. A couple consisting of a white woman and a black man wouldn't really understand the pain that a white man and a black woman face. And gender plays a part in this, too. Black women are "not to date outside their race." It's unfortunate that a BW and a WM couple is rarely seen.
So, it makes me wonder, if we don't fully understand each other's pain, then what do you think this community is about? Bickering about who feels the pain worse?
The pain that darker women feel? I don't get it. The pains that interracial couples feel? Not everyone will get it.
I tried to explain my personal experience to white people from my old community and the pain that I've suffered until my face turned red and my teeth turned blue. Did they get it? Will they ever? Nope.
Even though we do know society inflicts pain on people of different races, we will never understand the volume of each other's pain. I think everyone in this community feels pain the society inflicts on people, but they are just in different levels. However, I think this should be a community where a healing process takes place. We should learn about each other's injustices we face and try to heal from them, even though the pains are different and not everyone will feel it, or "get it."
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| Because This Needed To Be Said |
[02 Jul 2009|07:09pm] |
I've been having discussions with some of the black female members of this community and they have expressed frustration and hurt by some of the attitudes, comments and posts that have been made.
Basically each of the sisters I've spoken to have stated how they feel that the negative (fallacious) stereotypes of black women endure--belligerent, racist and insecure regarding interracial dating are being perpetuated here.
( Read more... )
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| How do I expand my options? |
[02 Jul 2009|06:23pm] |
I've posted about my troubles with dating. I want to date outside my race but where I live it is so segregated, and many white men do not seem interested in dating outside their race with a black woman. I don't see a whole lot of IR dating
I just feel so stuck. Like, I'm not feeling black men right now. I see the subtle displays of colorism within my age group. I've witnessed young black guys show some interest in me but then I see them walking around campus with some lightskin girl. I never had a problem with older men, they don't seem to be as colorstruck but some of them are so much older (50+) that it just feels wrong
So what am I to do
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| New to the community |
[01 Jul 2009|11:31pm] |
I'm happy to see there are communities for this subject.
I'm a 30 year old American man who married a lovely exchange student from Mumbai, India that I met in college. We've been married for almost 5 years, we're currently expecting our second child, and life is wonderful. Our marriage has come with some cultural barriers, even with us both being practicing Tibetan Buddhists. A lot of them come from her upbringing in India clashing with my American upbringing. Her adapting to American life has been difficult at times, and I've even had a falling out with my own family over my marriage that I have learned to accept. I had been married once before for not even a year, and my ex-wife walked out on me while I attended a family related business meeting leaving me a note stating she was no longer in love with me. My family didn't see that marriage as a smart move, and they feel I've made another mistake by getting married again to a woman from another country.
The one experience in our realtionship that was very difficult for me at first was winning over my in-law's acceptance. Our relationship broke a lot of cultural rules for her when it first started due to the fact she lived with me before we were even engaged. I also proposed without discussing it with her parents. Her parents were accepting of me, even though they didn't take any time to remind me the relationship didn't start out well. They have come to accept me and accept our relationship, my mother-in-law really was never accepting of me even after approving our marriage due to the fact I was married once before, but she has come to accept me. I see my in-laws once a year when they visit us from India.
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| Introduction |
[30 Jun 2009|08:50pm] |
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I'm a sarcastically cynical 17-year-old boy who recently graduated high school. My high school was small (only 24 in my graduating class!), so I had lots of contact with my classmates, all of different backgrounds, such as Chile, El Salvador, and Italy. My three best friends have roots in Mexico (Roger), Germany (Kyle), and the Philippines (Jaron). My girlfriend is Peruvian, with some Chinese or Japanese heritage from her grandparents. I myself am white, Jewish (but atheist), with my ancestors from Ireland, Hungary, and other European countries.
My parents oh-so-thankfully raised me to be accepting of all cultures, orientations, and the like, so I do my very best to be friendly with people regardless of where they come from or how they look. I'm all for equal rights for everyone.
Anyways, my girlfriend was out here in CA a couple of weeks ago (we're long distance; she lives in NY but that's for a different community), and she got along very well with my whole family as well as my friends. I was really glad about that, since I get disgusted at the use of racist comments, especially with interracial couples. A few of my classmates even complimented me about my girl, although I'm not entirely sure if they were joking or not. I sure hope they weren't.
Anyways, I hope I can refer to this place for further discussion about interracial couples and the like. ( Picture here )
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| Since someone asked about sisterhood.... |
[30 Jun 2009|08:28am] |
About two years ago I was sitting in a coffee shop, having brunch with some white women I know and suddenly two of the younger ones (I'm nearly 50) started talking negatively about white men dating Asian women, a lot of the "they're taking our men" kind of talk.
I just wonder why this happens; do white women feel such negativity seeing white men with women of other races? Is it just garden variety insecurity, or is it something deeper?
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| What happened to the sisterhood? |
[29 Jun 2009|11:51am] |
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I am a new member to this community, and have enjoyed catching up on old entries. It's good to be able to read about the thoughts of others going about life, and how you all deal with the occasional (I hope only occasional) issues that come up about your interracial relationships.
A little background. . . I am fifty years old and white (actually, I say we are all mutts, but for the purposes of this discussion, I am white). He is forty-eight years old and black. We have known each other through my family for several years, dated off and on for the last three and have been in a serious relationship now for a little over a year. Both of us have careers at which we are successful, each of us has been married more than once, and we both have children. My son is an adult, and his kids are almost grown. We live in the southeast United States, each of us having our own homes that we worked hard to own.
So neither of us is a wet-behind-the-ears kid who is just starting out in life.
All my adult life, I have perceived a sisterhood of women - women comforting, nurturing and protecting each other. That's not to say that men cannot also be nurturers, but my personal experience has been that by and large, women take care of each other.
Until I get to the hostile reaction that a fair number of black women harbor toward white women involved with black men.
Like I said, I'm not a child, so it's a double sucker punch that a woman I may not even know has the moxie to walk up to me, and start a diatribe about how white women like me are enticing all the good black men out of the dating pool for black women.
My response to all of them - and there have been quite a few - starts like this.
Why would you not want any woman to be involved with a good man, regardless of the color of either of their skins? After all, we are all sisters under the skin. We may or may not continue the discussion, dependent on her attitude and if I even know who she is.
My guy also catches it, and also from total strangers. But always the same - it's women of his own race flaming him.
I cannot be the only one of the members of this community to experience this.
Can anyone give me a rational explanation for it?
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interracial