Internal Realms

I was in some kind of village, with a hill behind it. On the hill was a rather large fox statue (note fox, not a 'kitsune' style, but an actual fox.) The village was preparing for a festival of some sort, and I couldn't find some artwork I had done for it anywhere. I was getting quite annoyed and such. I was a boy, perhaps 16 or so and I had dark brown hair.

At some point in the dream, I heard people saying that the fox God was perhaps angry for some reason, and they mentioned there was a hole in front of her statue. Wondering about this, I trekked up the hill, and noticed the hole. For some reason I had a smaller, rounder fox statue (kind of like a maneki neko) with me, and placed it into the hole, facing the larger statue. The fox God liked this a lot, and sent out a very small Lung/Japanese dragon into the air. It reminded me somewhat of a dragonfly, and was silver and mint-green in colour. It had long, thin wings, which again moved like a dragonfly. Just by looking at it I could tell that it was a lucky dragon, and it flew down to the village.

When I had returned, the festival had started, there was interesting looking food everywhere (maybe Chinese?) and people wearing masks and heavy clothing. I approached the village elder; I needed to tell him that the reason the village had has bad luck recently was because she had been neglected - her shimenawa and shide had long flown away, no one visited anymore and the weather was wearing her down badly. He didn't question me when I told him this, but didn't really look like he'd do anything about it, either.

After that I ran to some friends, who completly ignored me for some reason, and I don't remember why. Something to do with being too close to the God.

As of today I'm working with Goose as a totem. She mentioned various things, but seemed intent on repeating that life never stands still, it always flows, no matter what I think. I won't be in this same place ever again, with these same circumstances, SOMETHING will be different. She wants to work with me and my emotions/human relationships, and also attraction of positive things.

( Altar )

Emphasis on clearing; all my ritual tools have been put away, and a bowl of water, containing pearl beads (8, as geese are associated with 8, the number of infinity) and a quartz crystal. No matter how much I changed the beads, one sank, so I took this as a sign of imbalance I need to work towards. The feathers are phesant, I think, as I don't have any goose, but she didn't mind. The male and female candles were replaced with neutral, identical ones, though the male/female diety statues remain.

I had a dream las night about a large Shinto shrine located in a small park with a resteurant and other stuff. I only saw the torii in the distance and never got to it though. This occured after I asked Inari-sama to influence my dreams again.

EDIT: Dreamt of this same Shrine again, a few nights ago (2nd June 2009)

I did some card readings for myself tonight and asked about my financial situation. Apparantly the money is there, but I can't see it. Once I do I'll have to make some kind of decision over two things (though the decision need not be final). Travel and wider horizons were hinted at, it was good, anyways. I'll be well off once I get through this transition period and get a hold on my decisions. When I asked about my job, Ace of pentacles popped out and so I took that as a very good sign!

Lizard came into my life as a totem tonight. I've been working with and reading up on them a lot, but tonight he spoke to me (through my cards) and agreed to work with me in order to 'tune' me better, as well as some other things. His species is a sand lizard (Lacerta agilis).



Thank you, Lizard!

I think I had gone to work or something and was on my way home when I somehow stepped into a Spirit place. At first I was terrified, there was some scary ghosts around, all looking like they'd stepped straight out of a Japanese horror story. Pale women screaming, traditional-looking ghosts, and even more familiar creatures like Tengu were there. It reminded me of that scene in Pom Poko, but it was very scary in-dream.

In the fields I could see kitsune-bi in bright blues and purples, families of ghosts sat at the side of the road but I wasn't afraid of them, in fact I started a conversation asking what the bright lights were. After they said what it was, a single 'flame' of orange kitsune-bi popped up behind me, illuminating a spirit fox tail which I never noticed before.

After I recieved this 'gift' I went into a small urban area, and noticed that fox spirits/kitsune were living in the area, all standing on their hind legs, dressed in yukatas and similar wear. A father kitsune had come out of his house to toss some water out, and stood there, still, staring at me, his whiskars twitching. I stared back, and shortly his wife came out too, standing next to him, and they both stared again. Eventually I moved on.

I passed some people who noticed my spirit-tail and stared at it before either running away, or acting like they'd hit a lucky jackpot.

All through this dream I was trying to text my Dad to pick me up D| The time, when I looked at the phone, was almost 3am. I don't remember how it ended, but it was a very interesting dream :0

For myself, but comments are wlecome.

The rest of the dream... I don't remember, so I'm assuming it's not important. One part of it though, everything seems to 'stop' and I was holding a snake, which I think was coloured red, white and black (like a king snake). It was small and then I went 'watch!' to the person standing next to me.

In front of my eyes, the snake wriggled out of it's skin and became a colourful large moth, it was beautiful. The moth flew up and away, and as we watched it, I instantly knew that this was very significant, and that I should record it. In-dream, it felt like I was watching a very special event.

Snake is one of the totems I work with, but I've never worked with Moth before.

I need to use this journal more, even if just for myself.

Once again it seemed I had lost contact with my spiritual side, mainly because of the upcoming holidays, college and worries over money. What I can never make myself understand is that if I pray for money, or prosperity, well, it's come to me every time in one way or another. So why don't I pray more? Who knows.

When I say 'pray', it's more like a conversation than a formal prayer. I see all the deities I contact as friends (though 'in high places', so to speak). Of course they often remind me that they can sometimes be as mundane as us, they live here, but as just a different 'type' of spirit from us.

Recently, Shinto has recently gripped me again. I wonder why I keep getting drawn back to this path. First I started running into references and art of youkai and kitsune, then I keep seeing foxes everywhere (which I tend to associate with Inari), and finally, I get a book 'The Fox and the Jewel', which I've been after forever, for Christmas. Finally I decided that Inari needs a seperate shrine in my room, and so s/he (I'll probably tend to refer to Inari as she) now has a make-shift shrine against the back wall of my room (I'm not sure which direction, I think North/North-East). Ever since I put that shrine there I've been feeling much more focused and at peace, and I hope to use it every morning for daily prayers and affirmations. My offerings will usually be incense, but sometimes flowers and fruit.

I don't fully understand Inari and her rich mythology, and her countless forms and meanings but I know what she means to me, my own personal meanings. I feel so drawn to Inari worship, and everything around Japanese folklore and Shinto makes me feel so at peace and comfortable it's like I could go inside my meditations and stay there forever. My sacred space in my meditations is also a small Inari shrine. I'd like to find out if I have some kind of past life connection to Ancient Japan, or if it's just a passion.

At the altar I did a small meditation in which Inari appeared as an old man to me. He led me inside and gave me some green tea in a small cup. There was a black board and he wrote a word on it which definatly began with 'T', but I can't remember what it was as my mind started to analyze it (Toulouse, Tous, Toose, Tuomous). He found this amusing and said I'll know when I find it. I've had various totems and deities show me words like this before, and usually I've realized their meanings, so I'll be looking out for this one.



Some photos of my small Inari shrine can be found here - http://wingedwolf666.livejournal.com/47117.html

Mabon 2008 photos!

Follow the fake cut for Mabon photos :3 I didn't actually do any circle work as I had no real reason (or room) to. I tend to only cast circles when I actually have magic work to do. I basically did my various lines to the God, Goddess and other deities and totems. I thanked them for the past year, going through each thing I had recieved (well, not EVERYTHING that would take forever) and expressed my gratitude. I then bid good luck to the God/Arthur/the Sun as he started on his journey to the West. I ate the apples and drank the cider in celebration of the beginning of Autumn and the harvest.

(Cross-posted to internalrealms and isolatedhowl)

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I decided to start meditating on my Animal Oracle card deck. I'm going to pick cards at random and meditate in an attempt to commune with the many spirits I talk to during my readings. Last night's was the White Doe/Hind.

I placed the Doe card on my chest, placing the Doe skull I have on my lap and placing one hand on the braincase, one on the nose. I asked the spirit to guide my meditation to see the spirit of Doe.

I started in a vast field, untouched by man and very beautiful. Brown deer were everywhere, and one white Doe stood in the middle, and walked towards me. When she started speaking to me, we ended up in a secluded cave, her kneeling next to me. Her voice sounded like that of a 50-60 year-olf woman, though she looked young.

The first thing she said was 'Be patient in your relationship', and she kept emphasizing this. She went on to tell me I am very lucky for all the love I recieve, even if I don't even notice it a lot. The second thing that stood out what she said was 'Love is Fragile'. She seems to be in charge of relationships, both partners and family/friends.

I left the meditation with a wonderful loved feeling, maybe a little too much as I couldn't sleep afterwards. Oh well. I'm looking forward to tonights meditation a lot :3

I wonder a lot about what's out there. Does anyone hear our prayers or are we just mumbling into a void or nothingness? But then, if we're just simply praying to ourselves, perhaps we're then putting those wants and needs into the universe and allowing ourselves to mentally remove the barriers we put up. I like to believe that we, ourselves, can control our own lives, but yet it's human nature to want to believe in a higher force, something to turn to when no-one else will listen, when we're truley alone.

But it would be bad for me to say that I DON'T believe in higher forces. I prayed to God in times of true desperation as a child and he helped me. I've prayed for things from various deities and recieved them, I've cast spells and they've works. I've been shown, and I am convinced that magick really does exist and if it's just humans forcefully changing their own destiny then so be it. It just proves how amazing we really are.

Now my beliefs lie purely in Nature. I don't believe theres a big old bearded man sitting in a throne up there, and I don't believe in hell, either. I believe in light and dark spectrums of being, and entities which emerge from both, but Heaven and Hell, in my opinion are merely human inventions in an attempt to tame masses of people. No, my 'house of God' is in the woods, on the beach, in the mountains. Places where I really believe Spirits of Nature exist, and live. Places untouched by man. I think the 'religion' of Shinto captures rhis ideal well, which is one of the reasons I'm so intrigued by it.

I've completly forgotten why I wrote this entry. So inspired by Momo, I think I'll post my prayers here pubically. Sometimes.

I come humbly to the spirits of Nature and Sacred forces of the Universe which I worship, and ask you to continue to guide me in life. Please help me ensure I can maintain my finances in the coming months, and please guide me through college. I call upon the Sacred Earth energy to keep myself and my money grounded in the following months. Blessed Be.

But that's just going to be typical of this blog. With my busy lifestyle and such, my Pagan/Wicca stuff just seems to get pushed to the side. I need to try and overcome that. My spiritual path really should be of more importance to me, and will only be beneficial.

Anyways, I finally got around to posting on solitarywiccans, so I thought I'd share it here, as it talks about my spirituality and path, and my background, while I don't think I've really shared that here.

( Cut for length )

The card readings... hrm, DO apply here. But if you've already had one, of if I know you too well, please don't ask. It sounds harsh but I want to try and develop my skills and it doesn't help if I know/understand you. Of course, I'll do one for you another time, just not right now.

Wow, it's 4am, and I've been up since 3. And it feels good. I had a decent sleep last night, decent meaning that I only woke up about twice. I went to sleep around 9.30pm, because I have work at 6am. Maybe I should ask to work more early shifts, it'd be a good schedule to get into, seeing sunrise and all that. The little things make me appriciate life so much more.

Also, I'm going to start taking trips, to my old 'dwellings'. The woods where I grew up... the castle in Caergwrle and Conway, the packhorse bridge.. all these places contain amazing energy and history and I just... theres so much beauty and history around, and I don't see it because I'm always stuck online. Life is physical for a reason.

Blessed be.

Taken, thankyou

I'm opening for one card reading tonight (6th May), around 8-9pm UK-London time.

I use Celtic-based animal 'totem' cards, and read based on the directions, and the medicine wheel. I don't use a book for my readings, it is all from my intuition, and each card tends to read differently each time I read it.

The reading will be done via email, for tonight. You may email me back as much as you wish to ask further questions. Initially, please leave your email here, (comments are screened), and if you like, a little about yourself, or a current situation (but this is definatly not compulsary).

I can't guarantee the readings accuracy, but I can try my best.

This is first come, first serve, but if you have already had a reading in the past 3, or less months, please allow someone else to have a turn.

Comment to be accepted!

Just a record of a dream I had the other day for my own reference, but anyone is welcome to read/interpret.

The origins of the dream are hazy, and I only remember the 'important' parts. There was a widing road, specifically winding to the left, curving, and going downwards. It had no markings that I remember, and was just a tar road. On either side of this road were Oriental-looking buildings, Japanese resteurants, shacks, but more importantly, there were Kitsune statues everywhere. They were all painted white, with red faces, and bibs. They looked kind of eeiree, and having hundreds and hundreds of these Kitsune staring down at me was quite scary. I felt a kind of fear, but also an awareness that every single one of these statues contained a Spirit, and these Spirits were all watching my every move.

On the road was a few people, walking together, downwards. It was Momo, Jay, and MAYBE Mello, but I can't remember who the third person was, so I can't confirm it. For some reason, I couldn't go near them, and was watching from the sides, moving between buildings, and hiding behind statues. I don't think I was physical, more like a Spirit of some sort, or an animal.

It ended where I laid down on a Kirin statue, not going after them, watching them disappear off the road, and out of my dream. It was bizarre, and seemingly a powerful dream. I'm not really sure what to think of it at all.

( Interpretations )

I'm opening for one card reading tonight (29th April), around 7-8pm UK-London time.

The reading will be done either via msn, or via email. With the email, you are allowed to email back for further questions (based on the original cards brought up) if you want, and msn is in real-time. For tonight, I'd prefer email.

I can't guarantee the readings accuracy, especially as I haven't read for 3 months, but I can try my best.

This is first come, first serve, but if you have already had a reading in the past 3, or less months, please allow someone else to have a turn.

Comment to be accepted! I'll be opening more soon, too.

Wow, I haven't updated here in a long while. In a way, I've taken a break from my spirituality, which in my opinion, is not particulary a good thing to do. But sometimes life gets that way, huh. We all know that familiar feeling, where seemingly lesser important activities like meditation get pushed to the back of the days schedule, and inevitably, forgotten. However, I feel that I am currently at a stage where I need that push, and will be turning to Spirit once again.

Today I attended a Psychic fair held by the 'Angelight School Of Spiritual And Psychic Advancement', a school which sets out to introduce, promote and help develop psychic awareness in Wales, and the UK. I have attended one of their courses, led by Elaine, and was very impressed. The course showed me that I have a talent for energy reading, and psychometry, the latter of which I never practised further. And the energy reading, well it again, got lost with my lifestyle.

( Reports on the various talks, animal reiki, nature spirits and mediumship )

All in all, it was a fantastic day, and I'm so glad I attended. We had free passes, due to being members of the school anyways, and the talks were free. Next April, HOPEFULLY, I MIGHT have a stand, reading animal cards and selling prints/sketches, but it depends on my confidence. Practise, practise, practise, eh?

Good wishes and Blessed Be.

Tonight I decided to do an unguided meditation, using only some drumming music I have. This was an interesting meditation from which I didn't lose focus at all. I'm not sure if this is classed as journeying, but it seemed kind of like it.

( Forest Meditation )

This was a pretty interesting meditation, and I'd especially love to hear your views on what you think the hut might possibly represent. I think I should do unguided meditations more often.

Its always fun to notice animal medicine as its working. Both Eagle and Rat have had an input in my life recently. I've found that usually, when I have a certain affinity to a certain animal beyond 'omg its cute', I usually need to take that animals medicine. Eagle came to me in that wonderful dream on Christmas day, and since has made random appearances. Rat is popping up everywhere, and inspired my life path slightly, helping me through my depression.

Also, I tried out recording my own voice and working to that, which worked okay, actually XD For some reason, in meditation, the whole 'omg thats my voice and its horrible' thing just goes away. I searched Google for 'cleansing meditation', and the first one that came up involved imagining yourself as an Eagle. Heheh. I need to make it longer next time though. But just doing that one, 5 minute meditation has changed my entire mood for the entire night. Isn't the human mind an amazing thing.

Thanks to the Spirits for allowing me to work with them. I just thought I needed to make a post of thanks. <3

Today we tried out a meditation from this website - http://www.meditainment.com/free-meditation/ It was the 15 minute trial meditation, a sample of 'The Secret Garden'. This meditation is recommended from us, for beginners, as the audio explains the breathing and relaxation well, and this is a vocally guided meditation.

It started with the usual deep breathing, with the womans voice guiding the breathes. We were able to achieve a relaxed state reasonably quickly, and the meditation then introduced bird and water sounds, creating the minds image of a garden. Now, this garden, we've visited quite a few times before. It was the first meditation in our psychic class in 2006, as well as a starting point for most of the other meditations we've done. The garden, emphasized by the sounds in the recording, was as vivid as ever.

For some reason, I was in Tsukasa 'form' for this meditation. This form I rarely use, but it seemed to fit, and all was at peace, so I had no complaining. A fountain was introduced, I ran my hands over it, and felt the stone as if it were physically there. The water was cold, and I even tasted it. There were small copper coins under the water, too. It was a wonderful feeling, and the fact our astral sense of touch is improving makes us very happy. I ran my hand through the water, back and two, watching the ripples, before we moved on. I was barefooted, and the short grass hurt our feet a little, but not in a discomfort kind of way. I walked across the small lawn.

To my left was a hammock, spread behind two trees. I got into the hammock and laid back. It was made out of that thick material, like a heavy, waterproof material, with cotton on the inside. There were a few clouds in the sky, and a light breeze, which I could feel brush our face lightly (which is an amazing feeling in meditation) was blowing, shaking the tree branches lightly, and creating a rustling sound. A rat, from nowhere, scampered onto my chest, sniffing around at my face, before resting and washing itself on my shoulder. It was a hooded rat, quite large. For some reason, I felt at ease, and knew this rat was 'mine'. I lay there, eyes half closed, aware of the gentle warmth, and breeze on my skin, and felt completely relaxed.

As the meditation started finishing, I didn't want to leave. It was a beautiful, beautiful place, and was an absolute paradise. Our meditation abilities also seem to be improving a lot, as visualization is getting much easier for us, boosted by these recorded meditations.

But yes, I recommend that meditation to anyone. We'd like to maybe get a membership there sometime, and use the full length ones, as that was particularly impressive.

- Matt

Okay, so we're only just starting to meditate regularly after about 3 years or irregularity, mainly because of university and emotional stress. And it seems a vicious cycle that even though meditation can do wonders for stress, when stressed and depressed the last thing you have the will and patience for is meditation.

Anyway, today we tried a chakra meditation, the same one which we used to do years ago. We found some differences from now and back then, however. Firstly, our body felt heavier. Not as in physical weight, more like we were more weighed down than ever before, it was a strange sensation. The chakras were almost murky, and it was like working on someone else, in third person. Perhaps this is because we haven't meditated for a while to this extent and our body is just having a hard time with it... or perhaps its something more. We are wondering if having more than one consciousness in a physical body affects things like meditation. Perhaps the astral body becomes confused. We'd like to experiment with this, with different people fronting and what have you, as we'll need to overcome this.

We've also discovered that out of us, Roxas is actually the one whose form the astral is more likely to take. We have no idea why, but it works. Hes always very clear, and the body can relax very deeply when hes there. He also seems much 'lighter' than myself, or any of the others. Its a very interesting experience, when neither one of us is in dominance of the body and we meditate, and we have yet to figure it out properly.

As for the actual meditation, we learned it from a book on Witchcraft and Wicca (which we have SOMEWHERE, but we're not sure where D:) years ago, but if anyone is interested in the techniques we do, we'd be happy to write it up here. We also had aurenfaie asking us about relaxation techniques, so we'll do a detailed post on all we know, and have practiced on that soon.

Welcome to our spiritual development journal. Firstly, theres a need to credit both lupabitch and primaldog for the inspiration we gained from reading their online essays and blogs, and inspiring us to open our own, here on LJ. We had one on Blogspot, but as it was on a different site, we pretty much abandoned it. Hopefully, this one will be updated much more frequently. This is not a public community, the only reason we have created it as a community is so we can post here from our regular journal.

We hope to record our life path progress in this journal, as well as writings and musings, book recommendations, reading lists, links to other peoples work, possibly spiritual artwork, and records of ritual work. This journal with me primary me used by myself (Matt), but its also highly likely that others in this system will use it also.

As we currently don't actually have much to say, we're going to ask if anyone out there has any decent book recommendation lists that we could look through? We haven't properly read much for a while now, and we only have a small section in our public library, so most of our books will be bought online.

As for topics, we're looking for good, practical books on elemental magic, animal magic/rituals (anything similar to lupabitch's 'Fang and Fur, Blood and Bone' would be greatly appreciated, we couldn't put the damn book down), psychic development, astral projection and Shinto. Plus whatever else you think we might like. We're hoping to compile a decent Amazon wishlist before our birthday, so Amazon links are also greatly appreciated.

Anyways, thats all for now, we'll post when we have something worthwhile to say.

- Matt