Requested by: ane_s_thesia
Author note: Uchiha Itachi is quite possibly the hardest essay EVER. EVER. Horrible. But it was a real braincracker. XD I tried to make it as short and concise as possible.
Spoilers: Throughout the entire manga up till now [370]

Uchiha Itachi, ruthless killer and child prodigy

If you ask Uchiha Itachi who or what he is, most likely he'll stare at you and say absolutely nothing.

That's because he's indescribable.

Uchiha Itachi is the boy everybody in a world filled with ninjas wants to be. He's powerful, excels in everything he tries, has a bloodline limit, gets into a very high ranking position at age 13. He has an overall nice family with a bit of a prick dad (though his heart is in the right place), a loving mother who comforts her children and the standard adoring little brother, who wishes to be like him. Uchiha Itachi has it all.

A few short weeks after being promoted to ANBU, he destroys it all, murders his entire clan save Sasuke in a brutal way, slaughtering them like animals. He shows absolutely no remorse, no pain, no sadness. Where as he used to show some emotion, even if it might just be a flicker, his eyes are now cold and dead.

Uchiha Itachi was promoted from Chuunin to ANBU. As a Chuunin, he's expected to guard the borders, escort important people, lead groups, help out with exams. As an ANBU, he has to kill. And kill. And do it again. As a Chuunin, he comes home, perhaps bloodied from a heavy battle. Perhaps he even killed a few during missions, but as an ANBU member, he hunts down people from his own village.

Uchiha Itachi dies. The older brother that carried his younger brother home as he twisted his ankle, or the one that defied his father in order to make his little brother happier ceased to exist. Instead, there's now a spirit which has seen things men twice his age perhaps never even saw. He's matured far beyond his ages and is now a veteran trapped in the body of a thirteen year old. He stops smiling, he stops caring and eventually, he stops loving.

Itachi had a best friend. His cousin Shishui. According to what we've read and seen in the animanga, they were as close as brothers and Shisui might have been his only friend. Itachi drowned him in the river, then proceeded to write a goodbye letter to make it seem like Shisui killed himself. Itachi nearly killed three more of his clan members in broad daylight if Sasuke's voice didn't shake him out of his anger.

But one day, something snaps, and while Sasuke is away, the clan is slaughtered mercilessly. His aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, women, children, men, fellow shinobi, he murders them all. Finally, he goes into his own house and kills his own parents calmly, as if mowing the grass.

Then Sasuke comes home and Itachi leaves him with the job of getting revenge.

And Sasuke turns into a second Itachi. He tries to stop smiling, stop caring, stop loving. And perhaps he succeeded.

But why? Why did Itachi kill the clan? Was it all just because he wanted to attain new heights? Was it because he was sick of the clan? Was it because he wanted to be free? Or are there other, more important reasons?

Itachi is an enigma.

Five years after the massacre, Itachi comes back, now dressed as an Akatsuki member, he calmly fights against Konoha's best jounin. Kakashi goes down in no time. Asuma and Kurenai were about to follow if Gai hadn't interjected. Itachi stopped the fight and left with Kisame, seeing absolutely nothing positive in fighting the entire Konoha ANBU squad.

It isn't because he's afraid. It's because he's smart and knows there's nothing to be gained. Naruto, his goal, is out of the village. Why fight against people when there's no need to?

Itachi is certifiably insane. But he's not stupid. He was insane and vicious and cold-blooded enough to kill his own kin, but he's not the kind of person that wants to kill again and again. If he were, he'd be like Kisame and rather fight the entire squad rather than leave.

But he is a strong shinobi, let's be honest. He singlehandedly (for as far as we know) massacred his clan, mastered his Sharingan while being really young, was promoted to ANBU at age 13 and is now part of one of the strongest organizations. Itachi is smart, intelligent, capable of thinking rationally and knows exactly what can hurt others.

And although it seems at times that he's the perfect shinobi, he really is far from one. He's strong, yes, and smart. But his eyes deteriorate every time he uses them and he cut himself away from emotions, whilst love might make him even stronger.

He has a heart, as clearly seen in the flashbacks and perhaps even when they thought Deidara killed Sasuke. But he doesn't acknowledge love as a strong factor.

And in that aspect, Itachi might just be more foolish than his own brother.

Requested by: kitsuneasika
Author's Note: BURN BABY!
Spoilers: Spoilers throughout COM and KH2.

Let's meet again, in the next life.

Axel is one of the many enigmatic characters in Kingdom Hearts, I'll just say this very honestly.

From the beginning of COM, he seems like he's actually rather enjoying himself, not really taking his orders seriously. He takes good care of Namine, taunts Sora around, and double-crosses here and there.

It isn't until Kingdom Hearts II that we begin to understand more about him.

Axel is desperate.

Axel is the shadow of a man; he is the remnant of a man who's heart was stolen by a heartless, just an empty shell without feelings. He's desperate, why? Does he want his heart back? Probably. But the thing that upsets him, which drives him to drastic mood changes and actions, is the fact that his best friend of the entire organization (he couldn't care less about the others, really) left him.

Roxas has other intentions in his life; his original is still alive, he doesn't need Kingdom Hearts. If he finds Sora, he'll be complete again and everything will be fine. He has the idea that nobody will miss him and goes away, even though Axel protests.

Axel: "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!">
Roxas: "No-one would miss me."
Axel: "That's not true! *whispering* I would..."

Though Axel is a mere Organization XIII member, someone without a heart, Sora, and especially Roxas, make him feel as if he HAS a heart.

Roxas is Light, so is Sora. Axel, very symbolically, is Fire. Fire and light belong together, because where there's fire, there's light. But it's not visa versa. Light can be without fire. Axel chases after either Roxas or Sora, because he needs to have the feeling that he exists. He can't be without Roxas or Sora, because it would mean that he's there, but he's missing someone fundamental next to him.

Roxas, and later Sora, however, can live perfectly well without him. They are Light, they search each other and other Lights, like Goofy or Donald, but they don't need Fire. And so Axel turns desperate. Because he wants to be, he wants to be needed, he wants to share whatever life he has with someone else because nobody else can make him feel. His need to be someone, even though he laughs it off, controls his entire being.

He goes to Twilight Town and warns Roxas, trying to coax him to come back because he doesn't want to be alone and if Organization XIII gets to him, it's game over. But Roxas doesn't remember him. He tries it again, and it hurts him to see that Roxas doesn't know him. Finally, after confronting him for a third time, Roxas remembers him, but it's too late. Organization XIII is on it's way to kill Roxas and Roxas is too late in realizing who his true friend was.

Axel: "Let's meet again, in the next life."
Roxas: "Yeah, I'll be waiting for you."
Axel: "Silly... Just because you have a next life..."

When Roxas merges with Sora, it's over. He'll be whole again and if there's really such a thing as reincarnation, he'll be brought back as another human. But Axel won't. He'll either exist or not, because his heart was stolen and all that drives him to walk and talk is the fact that he has a strong willpower. And it's that willpower that tells him not to give up until everything is lost.

Then Roxas merges with Sora and he's once again alone.

But all is not lost.

So he kidnaps Kairi, in a desperate attempt to get Roxas out of Sora again, or to have Sora come to him just so he can be illuminated again. And Sora comes, but it's not for him, simply because he doesn't remember him. He has no idea who on earth Axel is and why Axel is calling out to someone other than him.

And then he realizes. Sora and Roxas both are Light, two separate entities, but when brought together, they represent someone that isn't Roxas. So he fights. Not with Sora; he knows it's no more use. Roxas is merged and will never come out again, and he's happy like that. He gives up his friend, the one person that makes him feel as if he's human.

To top it all off, Axel showed the ultimate act of friendship. He let go. He saw Sora as Sora, not just as the other half of Roxas anymore. He let go of everything that tied him to the world and sacrificed his life to save the boy he'd come to saw as a close friend, whether his name was Sora or Roxas.

In Twilight Town, he wasn't prepared to give up his life for Roxas, simply because Roxas didn't even know who he was. Why give up the opportunity to become whole again for a kid who didn't even know what Axel's name was?

Axel started out as a desperate man who wanted to cling on to the friend he had and the little chance he had to be whole again. He ended up like a true hero, probably saving the universe by helping out Sora, while all he wanted was to help out the little blond boy that called him his best friend and that ate icecream with him on top of the belltower in Twilight Town.

Requested by: keysotosoto129
Author notes: I gave this a lot of thought so it might seem like a rant more than an essay at times, please forgive me. :P
Spoilers: Manga to chapter 368, or something. :P

Haruno Sakura's ways to deal with being left behind

In a world where shinobi live and make a living, kill other ninja; in a world where there's a high chance of losing your parents every time they leave the village on a mission, where honor is the most important thing, where you're not allowed to cry when you see someone die, there's almost no place for a kunoichi without any special talents.

In a team with a brilliant Uchiha clan member, someone who is so far advanced in his group that he's constantly number one; in a team with another boy who first seems talentless, but has the ability to grow beyond anyone's expectations; in a team with an excellent and well-known Jounin, there seems to be no room for Haruno Sakura.

She's a twelve year old girl, with no particular goals except from marrying Sasuke one day. Romance seems to be the most important thing on her mind when we're introduced to her and everything she does, she does to gain Sasuke's attention. This continues on for a long time, until Haku ends his fight with Sasuke and seemingly kills him.

That's when she finally opens her eyes and realizes things. Of course, there's a chance Kakashi might get killed, she had seen it almost happen before. But it never occurred to her that Naruto or Sasuke, brilliant, first-ranked-in-academy-Sasuke, could be killed. And she learns the pain. She learns how harsh the world exactly is and exactly who and what she is.

Because even when he opens his eyes a little later, the fact remains that he was almost gone and she couldn't have done anything to prevent it.

When they get back in Konoha, she seemingly fell back into her own pattern. Waking up, eating breakfast, ask Sasuke out, do the missions, ask him out again, get rejected, eat dinner, go to bed. But even though she continues this, her inside has changed. So when Kakashi gives them the desired entry to the Chuunin exam and tells them they have a chance to decide for themselves, instead of as a team, whether they want to do the exams or not, Sakura hesitates.

Haruno Sakura, though talented at chakra control, has little up her arsenal. She's seen Sasuke at work, even Naruto. She knows how talented the other eight genin are, and how tough the competition will be. She knows she can't do much and gets depressed to the point that Sasuke notices even though she tries to hide it. He tells her she should train alone because she's weaker than Naruto, a method that works with Naruto, because Naruto is competitive.

But Sakura is not competitive, Sakura doesn't work that way, so when she appears in front of him the next day and he sees she's even more depressed, he realizes his mistake and compliments her this time. And then she brightens up, and realizes that she might not stand a chance, but that she should try, and that she's got talents of her own.

And she gives it her all; she stands and defends her team mates when they're incapable of fighting, cutting off her hair as if to say that she's ending her previous life right then and there. She no longer is Sakura who chases after Sasuke; no, she's Haruno Sakura, genin kunoichi. She makes her stand against her friend, the one she willingly cut off, not only because of Sasuke, but because she wanted to prove that she can stand on her own two legs, without Ino's support.

And when Sasuke gets hurt by the Cursed Seal to the point that he can't even stand, it's Sakura who jumps in between Gaara and Sasuke, kunai poised, eyes blazing with resolve because she won't let history repeat itself. She won't let Sasuke almost die again because she couldn't intervene.

But Sasuke does leave in the end, and she blames herself for not being strong enough to keep him there. So when Naruto leaves on his journey to become stronger with Jiraiya's help and Sasuke trains with Orochimaru, Sakura leaves to the only sannin left. She's not exceptionally talented when it comes to ninjutsu, she knows that. She knows that while Naruto and Sasuke are the attackers of their team, the ones that make up the plan and attack, she'll always have the support role.

But not in the part she used to have. Sakura will not be standing from the sidelines and praying for them, no, this time, she'll be their support as they get hurt during combat and she'll be there to heal them immediately. This time, she'll be their support if they need some strong power to smash up things. This time, she can fight with them.

This time, she won't have to weep because she's powerless to do anything, because this time, she's stronger and she'll continue to ascend until she's stronger than anyone else, better in medic jutsu than Tsunade herself.

This time, Sakura finally found the willpower to continue train and become stronger until she can walk beside Naruto and Sasuke, instead of behind them.

Requested by: zelha
Notes: gydusfdusyfsyusgus. That's all.

Lorelai Gilmore was raised to be exquisite. She was raised to be a proper young lady, who would function well in the high-class society. The problem was that Lorelai was rebellious since youth and resented her sheltered and structured upbringing.

After leaving her home and getting Rory, she worked in an inn as a maid, living together with Rory in the back of a potting shed. Not the best circumstances to get around, but Lorelai proves herself as a true and brilliant mother, who goes through poverty and still had a very close connection with her daughter. Their bond can be seen as sisterly, or best friends. Despite whatever was weighing down on her, she was a mother and she was good at what she was doing, and got promoted to manager in the end.

Lorelai has determination. She showed that when she left home and lived together with Rory and worked her way up. She showed it again when the Independence Inn shut. When all hope was lost, Lorelai and Sookie started a catering service, which produced enough money to fund their very own inn. Lorelai Gilmore is successful, perhaps a trait she got from her equally successful father.

Is Lorelai Gilmore perfect? No, not by a long shot. Lorelai is insecure, because she feels her own parents, the two people that conceived her, prefer her daughter. Because Rory is more the 'perfect daughter' than Lorelai was, and although Rory is rebellious at times, she listens and blends in with the high-class society, something Lorelai could never do. She feels that Rory might be the daughter that her parents wanted, desired; someone more subdued, classy, 'feminine' than Lorelai.

She tends to isolate herself when she gets into an argument, trying to avoid confrontation to the best of her abilities. Lorelai can alienate people, whether it's her mother or her own daughter, indicating that she might have never learned how to deal with it.

Lorelai Girlmore is not perfect, she's human, but she tries so, so hard. And like most things in her life, she's successful in being a great mother, a great manager, even when she fails to be the daughter her parents wished for.

Requested by: rapturesmusic
Spoilers: The entire book ;D
A/N: Sorry about the delay! I think I went too far... I hope you like it though!

When we think of vampires, the first image that comes to mind is that from vintage movies; of the typical old man clad in a black, billowy cloak, sinking his fangs on the pale neck of the defenseless beauty. Bram Stoker turned this popular story into the desperate hunt for a man who, maybe, had had enough of his life and the curse he bore.

Vlad Tepes III is labeled as Count Dracula since both characters (the one from History and Stoker’s version) share a series of personality traits that blend the Count from the novel with the actual Wallachian Prince. But that’s just because of the appearance that Dracula portrayed; a noble behavior and flawless manners that only someone with royal ascendancy can obtain through the teachings and lessons that mold princes into heirs and, eventually, kings.

Dracula is a strange man with an even stranger look. Too tall compared to the average Englishman, fairly handsome, in a sort of savage, dangerous way that made him even more appealing considering the story takes place during the Victorian era, eyes that conceal a predator, hands that had to be covered by gloves given their unnatural shape, even in the dim glow of a fireplace... And despite all these physical quirks, he had (according to Stoker’s description) a deep, rich voice, refined with a foreign accent that had our hero and main character, Jonathan Harker, more than confused.

All in all, Dracula was an irony; a gentleman on the outside, and a beast on the inside.

Harker should have paid more attention to his hunches and flee, but that’s merely a reader’s opinion. Dracula was a voice and a spell, a caress in the wind and a horror of the supernatural. A creature of superstition, maybe, but with good reason.

Having a warm, living human being as his host and prisoner and using him with the excuse of writing his memoirs was probably his first attempt to mingle with the Victorian society, passing as a dandy gentleman with a dark secret. This little project crumbled down the moment Harker fled from the castle and went straight back to his house and wife, though. Maybe it was then that Dracula planned Lucy’s possession, using her as an outlet for his animalistic urges by making her one of his servants, and also because he wanted to inflict some of the pain he suffered from the rejection of his supernatural nature. And of course, Lucy proved to be much more twisted than his former brides, providing him with a source of wicked pleasure and more than sinister cruelty towards his enemies.

As for Mina’s spellbinding and transformation attempt, I assume it was merely out of revenge. Jonathan upped and rejected all of his gifts in knowledge that he -Dracula- gave as peace offerings. Acting as fundamental as a Viking warrior, yet as cunning as the predator that lured inside of him, he tried to shred the eerie calm the old Victorian London regarded with such high esteem to ribbons.

He was used to being obeyed, to being followed blindly like some sort of Gothic messiah. He believed himself to be in possession of the Truth, to be the ultimate form of a god that came down to the world in order to reshape it into a fully-fledged utopia.

Conclusively, we can say that Dracula was way ahead of his time. Setting his dark, bloodsucking facet aside for a moment, the Count was too smart; his mental processes were much more advanced than anyone else’s, even Van Helsing’s.

Why was it, then, that he allowed himself to be captured? Was he fighting his own wild, supernatural nature? Was he tired of being hunted down? Did he want to be released from his curse to finally fall into the void of Death after years on end at the threshold?

Dracula was a monster, yes, but… what if he was just trying to be understood? What if Van Helsing was actually a tool for his plans?

Then again, maybe all he wanted was to rule the Victorian kingdom and turn everyone into part of his kin... to have a whole country worshiping him as king and sire and god.

Plausible thoughts.

Requested by mitsukishiroi. She likes to keep me on my toes! ♥
Spoilers: The entire manga since the Uchiha Massacre and the recent events in the manga and Shippuuden.
A/N: I'm VERY SORRY about the delay! My lovely beta katwamp had some internetz issues and we couldn't wrap this up sooner. Enjoy!


It’s not easy being a genius.

Not when you have an entire clan looking on after everything you do. Not even when you accomplish impossible feats, only to be recognized by those privy to the real extent of your abilities.

But what happens when you know that what you show to the world is not even ten percent of your real capacity?

We do not know the real reasons as to why Itachi slaughtered his entire family, as well as his clan, leaving only a youngling to tell the tale –his little brother. We only know of what he told Sasuke when he confronted him about it:

“To see if I was capable of doing it.”

Uchiha Itachi is everything but a psychopath. A sociopath, maybe, since he prefers avoiding contact with very other member of his family –including Sasuke– in order to train and further hone his skills. He was held in very high esteem by the Uchiha clan; he was the prodigal son, the epitome of flawless behavior and manners, the one that had the power to position the Uchiha name far higher than the Hyuuga. Those old rivalries, like the Montesque and Capulets, never grow old.

Even his own father pressured him to go beyond his limits, therefore leaving Sasuke obviously jealous of all the attention his aniki gathered unto himself. The whole clan fawned and fussed around Itachi as if he was their shepherd. Why?

Having such a high status in a big family can only bring chaos and pressure to the prodigal child, simply because he is being treated like a god, expected to perform miracles and brilliant deeds in order to bring glory back to the clan. He is not allowed to play with other children, of course, not permitted to eat sweet desserts nor candy, for a leader in the making does not indulge on such common pleasures. The only thing he is allowed –and expected– to do is to rub the family name in other’s faces if the need arises.

Itachi had basically everything: a loving family, a successful career, a clan pleased with him and a bloodline most would kill and die for. Why is it, then, that he wiped out everyone that cared for him, along with everything he accomplished? To see if he was capable? I very much doubt that. Perhaps he was sick and tired of being the center of attention of the whole village?

Maybe the murdering of his clan was the Leader’s test to allow Itachi to join the Akatsuki organization. Then again, why leave only Sasuke behind, broken and full of hatred for a brother he once idolized?

Itachi’s reasons might be quite disconcerting, yes. But still, he showed a great deal of leniency as he fought Kakashi for the first time when they met in Konoha. He very well could have killed Kakashi with his Tsukiyomi, but he simply drained his mental strength by stabbing him repeatedly. He could have killed Sasuke when he was about to kidnap Naruto. Still, he just drove Sasuke mad with fear and went on his merry way.

He could’ve killed both Sakura and Naruto when they came face to face with his clone during the Shukaku’s extraction. Naruto’s sparing is understandable; after all, he needed him alive in order to acquire the Kyuubi. Sakura, though... he could’ve killed her, and yet he didn’t. Why? Because she was weaker than him? What about Kakashi?

Itachi is quite the reticent person. He doesn’t speak unless spoken to and he seems to learn everything he can about any given situation just by observing the events that take place and how people interact with one another. Still, he knows how to threat convincingly when he has to, and Orochimaru is proof of that. Given the fact that Orochimaru all but fled from the Akatsuki, one can only imagine how the Uchiha responded to Orochimaru’s attempts at obtaining the Sharingan.

Despite everything, he is fairly capable of showing emotion. When the Akatsuki learned of Orochimaru’s demise at the hands of Sasuke, he was as surprised as Tobi (rumored to be Uchiha Obito or Madara himself). Maybe because he didn’t consider his brother to be that powerful. Maybe because he realized that his foolish little brother managed to achieve the ultimate Sharingan level, the Mangekyou. And don't forget his wistful pondering under the rain when they knew about Deidara's death, defeated by his own little foolish brother.

I can’t help but to think he already knew he was going to lose his humanity the precise moment he decided to don his back and red cloak. Perhaps he really wants to die by Sasuke’s hand. Perhaps he regrets every sin he has ever committed, and trusts that Sasuke’s hate will be strong enough to free him from his nightmares. Maybe he wants to be his brother’s savior and so he pushes him to sever the ties he shares with his friends, as well as with his village.

We aren’t going to know whether these theories are right or not until he finally decides to spill the truth in the middle of his final showdown with his younger brother, though.

Requested by mitsukishiroi. I love you, little one 8D
Beta'ed by my lovely Hephaistia, katwamp ♥.
Spoilers: Anime series until second season.
A/N: I apologize for the shortness of this essay, apparently Fai is quite hard to decipher. *apologetic bow*
Nonetheless, enjoy and comment on the little box downstairs. ^^u


Regardless of his cheerful and constant bright façade, Fai hides a past enshrouded in mist and sadness. We know he is actually a sorcerer, though he prevents himself from using his skills in order to travel alongside his companions. The princess Sakura, Shyaoran, Kurogane and Mokona –the last being the only one who, surprisingly, reads him better than anyone else– all know, or at least suspect, that Fai is running from himself.

Fai is another well-known conundrum. His smile –always sad, even when he teases Kurogane with all those silly nicknames– is his mask of choice as he jumps from one dimension to the next along with his friends. He does enjoy every new world they manage to come across with, and explores it without reservation, surveying every pleasurable little thing while keeping his conclusions to himself and only sharing them if they stumble upon some immediate danger.

All in all, Fai can be considered as one of the most adorable characters in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, surpassing even princess Sakura’s sweetness. He’s quite affectionate when he’s cheering his companions up, on a case-to-case basis, of course; towards Sakura, he sometimes seems as wise as her brother’s counselor, the magician Yukito. To Shyaoran, his valuable input is, most of the time, the piece needed to solve the puzzle at hand. As to Kurogane, he’s an exemplary fool, yet a complete enigma.

His skills in reading people are exceptional; when in dire need for answers, he offers advice and helps the others solve their vast existential issues. But, as Mokona once said, he’s full of sadness behind that smile of his.

We know Fai has deserted his king, Ashura, though the reasons remain unknown. All the same, when he found Chii as they traveled from world to world, he managed to shock his companions once he dropped his mask and showed a great amount of anxiety towards her. This made them question why he acted the way he always did, calm and collected. Silent, yet playful. Cheerful, yet wistful.

Truth be told, not even he knew he could lose his cool in such blatant manner. Nevertheless, he dealt with it as fast as he could and told no one about his past.

Why is he such a privacy whore? We could claim it’s because he really doesn’t trust his friends, but if we look closely and examine his traits and demeanor, a thought comes to mind. Maybe he does trust them, yet he chooses to remain silent and secretive because he wants to protect them. From what, you might ask. From himself, perhaps?

We don’t know why he caged Ashura in an underwater crystal prison. Maybe he really is a criminal, though this is uncertain.

It’s possible he’s running from his sins and emotional weaknesses and existential issues. We have yet to see the light within him, that’s for sure.

Requested by:

mitsukishiroi 
Spoilers: Soul Society Arc
A/N: This isn't exactly what you call 'deep' but it's the best I could do at 11:30pm on a tiring Sunday night. Monday is approaching with frightening speed and I am quite reluctant to start a new week. >__< Hope this manages to make you stop and think for bit. ^^ 


The rawness of need

I think that one of the traits that best describes the Gin and Rangiku pairing would be raw emotion. The past they shared, the way they interact and the semi-concealed feelings they harbour toward each other… all these are evidence of much deeper undercurrents that Kubo Tite doesn’t make evident in the manga but that are there nonetheless.

The tormented past of Gin and Rangiku isn’t a secret. Or at least, their past in Soul Society isn’t. Whatever existence they led before that remains a mystery to us fans even though I am sure it affects their behaviour greatly, especially towards one another. Their meeting will always be engraved in our minds and the image of Gin offering a small strawberry-blond girl some food can be considered one of the most touching scenes, in my opinion. Especially with everything that happened afterwards.

Their meeting took place in a moment of dire need and I think that that precise instant defined what would be one of the most inscrutable relationships in the series. Everything that followed was born from the instant in which Gin leaned down to give Rangiku some food. It established patterns of interaction towards one another that they would follow for a long time. What happened between them immediately after their meeting is also an enigma but one thing is clear: they both shared a life together and in doing so, they developed feelings towards one another that would mark them deeply.

From the beginning Gin was the one that gave. It didn’t matter what it was… food, comfort, relief… whatever you wish to call it. He was the giver from the very start and thus, Rangiku came to expect a certain degree of generosity from him, accepting whatever it was that he could give her and was taught that she couldn’t ask for more than what was proffered. She needed to grasp whatever Gin threw in her lap without asking any questions, without demanding anything in return.

Gin, on the other hand, gave because he wanted to be needed. He wanted to have someone depend on him, to yearn for him. Behind that sly grin of his, the workings of his elusive mind made Rangiku long for him in a way that fit his own need… in a way that managed to diminish his own loneliness but that at the same time gave him the freedom to do as he pleased.

This pattern established their interactions from the very beginning. We all know that behind her cheerful façade, Rangiku harbours a deep melancholic longing (and after Gin betrayed Soul Society, a deep resentment) towards the silver haired man and we are given glimpses of her sudden faltering into sadness every so often. She learned to never question Gin’s actions, something which left her feeling empty and a fault that she must’ve have regretted later. If she’d overcome her inability of being able to ask Gin about his life, the whole plot he had been scheming with Aizen might have been discovered on time.

Then again, even if asked, it is questionable if Gin to would've given her a true answer.

Both of them, in their own strange way, developed a sort of balance. Both of them rose in the shinigami ranks separately, going in their own direction seemingly without looking back. But the truth is that they did look over their shoulder, more often than they would admit, trying to catch a glimpse of the other as they both gained power and respect in their own ways.

Thus, I believe that the true basis for this relationship lies in raw emotions. Rangiku and Gin do not share an ‘everyday’ life together like some other pairings (for example, Kyoraku-taichou and Nanao); they do not concentrate on small talk or casual banter. They base their unconventional relationship on the emotions they shared from the beginning, bypassing everything else in between. The intense feelings they developed from the very start are what kept them together throughout time and are what keep them longing for one another, like two opposite poles drifting towards one another.

The very circumstances of their meeting, Rangiku’s raw need and Gin’s decision to provide for her, are the undercurrents that will always fluctuate between them. They are the base for their unhealthy relationship. Ranguki will always be the deprived and starving little girl in Gin’s eyes, the one that desperately needs him; and Gin will always be the distant and puzzling provider for the fuku-taichou, the one who taught her that whatever small part of himself he gave her, it simply had to be enough.

Strange how we can sometimes see the pathological patterns we are playing out in our lives but cannot find the strength of will to break them, isn’t it?

I can picture Gin perfectly, whispering into Rangiku’s ear just before he left Soul Society…

“When I am gone, will you still need me?”

Even if we'd like to think otherwise, I believe we all know the answer to that question.

Essay requested by: gin_neko
Spoilers: The entire manga up to the Hueco Mundo arc.
A/N: ...asdguifdd, Gin is one hard character to ponder about. I went all out with this essay, scrutinizing openings/endings with him in it, the lyrics to his songs, the way he reacts to persons etc.

Ichimaru Gin, the smirking enigma

Ichimaru Gin is one hard character to describe, simply because we hardly know anything about him and he acts in such a mysterious way that you'd question his agenda a lot of times over the course of 280 chapters.

Ichimaru Gin, without the shadow of a doubt, is one sneaky bastard. Although his motives seem questionable from almost the very first moment we spot him, he only becomes more mysterious as time passes by and by the time that Aizen's body is found, I think we all had in mind that it was Gin, especially seeing how he walked towards the entire scene, still wearing that smirk, while we all were completely shocked.

So, what happened to Gin that he turned out like this? Who has the biggest influence over him, or does he have a double-agenda and is he someone who will betray Aizen in the end, despite his seemingly great loyalty?

From flashbacks, we know he was the one who found the 10th Division's Vice Captain, Matsumoto Rangiku, while she was still a child, collapsed on the ground. He gave her food and with a smile similar to the one he wears later on in the series, he introduces himself as 'Ichimaru Gin' to her. What happens afterwards is left up to guessing, but Rangiku and Gin turned out to be great friends in their childhood, Gin giving her a birthday (the day the two of them met). But somewhere along their childhood years and now, their relationship changed. Gin left at times, never telling Rangiku where he goes to, and to this day, when she sees him go away, her first thought-pattern is: "You never tell me where you're going." This implies that even though they were friends, he was mysterious, even in his younger years.

They went to the shinigami academy and were placed in different division. Gin's was probably the fifth division (lead by Aizen Sousuke) seeing as he later on becomes Aizen's vice captain. Rangiku was presumably put in the 10th division, where she becomes vice captain to Hitsugaya Toushiro. It was probably here that she stopped being the closest person to him, and Aizen stepped in to claim the spot.

Gin is Aizen's vice captain for quite a long time and from some conversations Aizen has after his betrayal becomes known to the entire seireitei, we can gather that they grew very close and have a very comfortable partnership with each other. Gin is seemingly loyal to Aizen and Gin seems to be one of the few person that has (some of) Aizen's trust.

Aizen and Rangiku both play a huge role in his life, and he does seem to be uncomfortable when having to fight Rangiku, immediately retreating.

From all the signs we've seen in the entire manga up to now (which is very little), Gin probably has some symptoms of a personality disorder called "DPD", or Dependant Personality Disorder. I'm not a psychologist, so I can't say for sure (ask celticoak for her diagnosis) but I honestly think this is one of the main things that makes him so loyal to Aizen.

For those who have no idea what it is:

Dependent personality disorder (DPD), formerly known as asthenic personality disorder, is a personality disorder that is characterized by a pervasive psychological dependence on other people.

During the time we see him with Rangiku, although it's just a few pages/seconds, we see that he's helpful and lends out a hand to help her out, even though he barely knows her. They're close and trust each other completely. Then she somewhat disappears, seeing as she's placed into another squad and he comes into regular contact with Aizen, it seems he started changing and turned into the cold, ruthless man wearing the smiling mask day and night to avoid showing emotions.

By the time we actually get to see him in action, he's a grown man, and completely loyal to Aizen, although his reasons for joining Aizen's little gang are unknown. He doesn't seem to be interested in Tousen's path of justice or Aizen's want for power. It seems as if he's just there as the spectator and doesn't really care about what happens to Hueco Mundo. It's almost as if he followed because Aizen is something close to a leading-figure in his mind.

He disregarded Rangiku after Aizen showed up, only showing that he cares for her when she stops his attack that was directed at Hinamori Momo (current vice captain of Aizen Sousuke) and looks genuinely shocked that she's there, stopping his attack. When she tells him that he should stand down or she'd be forced to become his opponent, he stands down and walks away, just telling Hitsugaya that he should take care of Hinamori. This action shows he knows Rangiku is/was his friend, and that he does care about her, but also knows she can take care of herself. She's important, but Aizen is more important, and he will always choose Aizen's side.

Gin knows that what he's doing isn't right. He knows he shouldn't disregard Rangiku, showing her that he cares in the most awkward moments, such as his goodbye. He tells her he wanted to be held for a little longer, then turns around, and with his face showing true regret, he tells her he's sorry.

Also, in the duet "Fuyu no Hanabi" (winter fireworks) Rangiku and Gin sing together and the lyrics just tell the entire story, and tell how well Rangiku knows Gin, and what a fool she thinks he is for leaving with Aizen, instead of staying with her.

Rangiku: Are you scared to be loved?
Gin: Just a little longer, being held by you
I wouldn't have minded, It's too bad
Rangiku: I can't believe it

This basically tells how she feels about him and how she has got him figured out. He IS afraid to be loved. He was loved by Rangiku and perhaps by Kira to a certain extent because Kira respected him immensely and was obviously very upset after Gin disappeared. He left them all and those someone who could lead him. He's not the leading figure, he wouldn't do well as a captain because he doesn't care about his underlings. To him, they're just shinigami, while to other captains such as Hitsugaya and Ukitake, they're more than shinigami; they're someone they should protect from harm. Gin doesn't get that. He has issues when it comes to getting close to someone and rather goes to Hueco Mundo without a clear objective than stay amongst people that do like him.

GinRan: Where do you want to go? What do you want to be?
Rangiku: Picking up a stray cat and throwing it away again
GinRan: If you can't carry it, don't bother carrying it
Gin: I'm sorry
Rangiku: Such an idiot

These lyrics struck me immensely because this just describes Gin completely. He picked up a stray cat (Rangiku) and threw her away again when he found a better stray. He can't carry her, that's why he's not bothering to help her out. Then he apologizes because he knows she's important, even though he's not there for her and Rangiku scolds him, because she knows he understands and still chooses the wrong path. And the first line of lyrics just reflect very well on the fact that Gin doesn't know where he wants to go to or what he wants to do. He needs to be leaded because he can't go on his own.

This is how I perceive Gin anyway. He is sadistic and ruthless, and although not all captains are the same (Ukitake, Kyouraku & Unohana) it's certainly a character-trek of them. But despite his sadistic nature, there's also the spirit of a young boy who is confused and scared and needs someone with a strong personality like Aizen to lead him. Rangiku, how dear and important she is to him, will never be enough because she doesn't lead him. She doesn't walk in front of him and direct where he needs to go, but walks beside him, together with him. She'll never lead him and that's why he threw her away, she can take care of herself.

But he can't. And he'll never be able to unless he double-crosses Aizen, throws him away and shows us that he has a will of his own, no matter which path he wishes to take.

Essay requested by mitsukishiroi. I hope you like it, honey. ♥
Spoilers: Anime SS arc and manga up to Arrancar arc.
A/N: I thought it would be nice to give this a shot. It's totally unbeta'ed, so please point me out typos and grammar mistakes because I want to refine my domain of this language.
Saa, enjoy and comment on the little box downstairs. ^^


Trying to understand Ichimaru Gin's mental process would drive you crazy. Maybe because he does not drop that trademark mocking smile of his, not even in the climax of the Soul Society events. He only drops his facade when Matsumoto stands and face him. Matsumoto Rangiku's mental process is a little bit different, yet alike. She keeps a mask too, a mask of cheerfulness and silliness, while on the inside she feels nostalgic about her lost love.

All in all, seeing how Gin enjoyed messing with Hitsugaya's mind about killing Hinamori, we can point out that he likes to be ambiguous and ruthless to boot. But then again, isn't supposed all Captains of the Gotei 13 need to be ruthless with their enemies? More than that, he did not jump into cheesy conclusions and tried indeed to kill Momo. Why?
We can lay some facts on the table: First of all, Hinamori is Aizen's fukutaichou, so her fussing about his Captain could be a nuisance (and he was dead right on that). Second fact, he need a diversion from the happenings in Central 46, so he went ahead and created a ruckus. Third fact... he likes to be where the things happens, for he is quite the spectator... but, he always keep his thoughts and conclusions to himself.

Ichimaru Gin is quite a conundrum for the whole Soul Society people. I believe that only two (maybe three) people can understand him, and those are his very leader Aizen Sousuke, his childhood friend Matsumoto Rangiku and maybe, just maybe, his own fukutaichou, Kira Izuru. The principles of duty and honor doesn't matter to him, only watching people crumble and enjoying it silently. He's sneaky and very much an enigma, but that didn't matter to Matsumoto in that special situation and jumped right in front of Momo in order to block Shinsou's blade with her own Haineko. This is the second time we see Gin dropping his smile, and he actually looks a bit distressed (and surprised!). Maybe he lost control of himself in this battle against the Tenth Division Captain? Remember that he showed some distress too at Hitsugaya's katana direct attacks at his face.

The third dropping of his mask was in the Soukyoku Hill. He didn't expect that Matsumoto herself would try to harm/restrain him. He showed a great deal of regret for his emotion standards, and that's a lot to say. He didn't say good-bye to anyone but her. Maybe he regretted all the lies he had to tell her, maybe he regretted that he had to leave her.

Bottom line is, Gin and Rangiku might be canon, but it's the longing in Matsumoto's glances in two anime openings and the question of that unknown man embracing her in another one, that gives them away. We know, as observant fans, that they had something going on in Seireitei. Maybe Rangiku was the bond that tied him to sanity, maybe Gin was the representation of wicked insanity for her. They both completed each other, and despite Matsumoto's apparent dumb and lush attitude, she still misses him. But she also believes that's wrong because he discovered himself as a traitor and mostly, he lied to her. That's enough reason for a woman to be scorned.

Nonetheless, Rangiku is a practical woman. She follows her Taichou into the Living World to help fighting the Arrancars, maybe because she wants to see him again. Maybe because she wants to yell at him because of what he did or the irony of the situation at hand if he happens to come around her. She proves herself two or three times, fighting Grimmjow's followers and also speaking words of wisdom to Orihime. Little prophetical words that proved to be too much true for Orihime, but that's another matter.

Rangiku does not fall into self pity and misery because her loved one, her childhood friend left and said good-bye. I think she still believes in him, despite knowing he's dual. She knows of his unclear ambiguity.
Hence, note that he does not speak about her either during his few appearances in Las Noches. He still keeps his cheeky facade, hiding his true feelings. That might mean that he misses her too, with all her laziness and her strong girl power aura.

Who will come out of denial first? Only Tite knows, but he won't say.