I'm a trendsetter ask me how!!!!!! ([info]wontletmedie) wrote in [info]hp_random,
@ 2007-12-29 03:28:00
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Entry tags:after 19 years later, harry potter, remus lupin, roleplay, sirius black

Who? Remus Lupin, Harry Potter and later Sirius Black
What? It's more then two decades later, but Remus and Harry have a score to settle with the veil.
When? Now. [info]hpsixwords timeline
Why? Because they both hate drapes????
Author's notes: This was discussed between the mun and I awhile back, but after the evil youtube vids of angst tonight we decided let's go for it.

It was cold, but Harry wasn't sure the temperature had anything to do with the way he was shivering. He hadn't forgotten the night that Remus and Dora found him in the Room of Requirement blasting replicas of the veil that Sirius fell into all those years before. More than once Remus had promised him that he and Harry would settle their score with the veil after the war was over. Of course after the war was over there were loads of things to do. Wounds needed to be healed; physical and mental, and families needed to be repaired. There was work to finish up. Friday was Harry Potter's last day as an auror. What better way to celebrate his retirement than arranging to meet with Remus so they could break into the Ministry of Magic and destroy the veil?

Harry had sent an owl that said simply, "Meet me at our park bench." He knew that Remus would understand which bench he meant. He excused himself from the house with excuses of things to wrap up at the Ministry. It wasn't a lie, really. It just wasn't the entire truth. Funny how easy that was for him to do now. Lying with the truth. He really was quite slytherin at times, or perhaps he had spent too many years working in a semi-political position. After all when you're the Head of the Aurors you have to become well versed at dealing with the public and those appointed with running the Wizarding world. He was better suited for that than he would have thought, but deep down he was definitely ready to walk away. His heart wasn't in the job anymore.

He made the walk to the park bench where he and Remus had talked not that long before and warmed himself up by sipping on the bottle of Irish Whiskey he brought with him. No tequila tonight. Harry was aware others would have wanted to come along with them to do this, but he felt, and he was sure Remus agreed, that this was something he and Remus needed to handle together. That night they had lost a part of themselves that they honestly never got completely back. Not even with Remus and Sirius's return. That night they had lost a member of the family the three of them had built together. Remus became the last Marauder standing, and Harry became more lost than he could ever remember being before. They'd gotten through it, but the fact remained they needed to do this. Settle the past so you can embrace the present and look forward to the future right?

Staring out at the empty playground, he took another sip of whiskey and waited for Remus to arrive.


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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 08:57 am UTC (link)
Dora had been napping when the owl found him. After he wrote her a note, saying that he would be back later and that she shouldn't worry, he grabbed his traveling cloak and apparated close by to the park.

He knew well enough which bench Harry was talking about, and he walked over at once as he kept his hands deep in his pockets. There was a nagging need to pull out the pack of cigarettes he could feel in there, but for now he didn't. Maybe later, he thought to himself.

"Hello," he said quietly to not startle Harry once he reached him.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 09:02 am UTC (link)
"Hello," Harry said in reply as he looked up and offered the bottle. He couldn't quite fake a smile, but then Remus was the last person in the world who would want him too. They were never very good at faking emotions with each other.

"I'm officially no longer responsible for upholding Wizarding law." That did make a bit of a smirk appear on his face. He wasn't sure if that smirk was his father's, godfather's, or Remus's. Perhaps it was a true Marauder's smirk. That sounded about right. "Bit chilly of a night, yeah? I thought we could do something to warm up." He had a feeling Remus would know exactly what he was referring too.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 09:17 am UTC (link)
Remus shook his head slightly when the bottle was offered first, and he took a seat next to him.

As soon as he finished talking, though, and he took in that smirk, he forgot about his early refusal and took the bottle. He did know exactly what Harry meant, and he could feel his cautious side step back for now. In its place there was the Marauder that Harry hadn't exactly met, because that part of him only came out in glimpses every now and then.

After taking a couple of sips of whiskey, a smirk of his own tugged at the corners of his lips. "I think that is a fantastic idea. And what better way to celebrate that you are free from having to uphold the Wizarding law, yes?"

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 09:25 am UTC (link)
"Absolutely. No way possible to bring disgrace to the office, technically at least, if it's just us. Not that I expect us to be caught, but well it's a likely possibility. I know Dora offered to help..." He paused and took the bottle back, taking a long swallow, the dark liquid burning a trail down his throat. "But she is still an auror, and well..."

He paused and looked over at Remus. It wasn't like the explanation was needed. They'd danced around the subject of that night more than once. Getting so close to it, and then pulling back because it was still so painful. There had been laughter and then a look on his godfather's face that had been burned into his memory like a brand. He was certain that look had haunted Remus as much as it had himself. "It felt appropriate to handle it this way," he finally said in a quiet tone. Exhaling a breath he hadn't realized he was holding he shoved his hands in his pocket as he tried very hard not to get lost too deeply in those memories from that night. "I was thinking about spells we could use, but I wondered if they would even work against it. However, fire is fire, and lighters and gasoline can be quite handy you know."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 09:35 am UTC (link)
"It needs to be just us," he said quietly, setting the bottle down so he could reach for his cigarettes. He wasn't stressed, exactly, but he needed to settle the thoughts and memories that were coming in sharp flashes and for now he couldn't swallow down anything. That night was still as vivid as if it had just happened yesterday, even if he knew well enough that Sirius was back. They had all even celebrated Christmas together, but that night was hard to forget. Impossible, even, and he knew that Harry had been as affected by it as he had.

It needed to be just them. If he was selfish, then so be it; in his eyes they had been the ones that had lost the most, and even if he knew revenge was pointless when it came to an object maybe it would serve as a sort of therapy.

"The only spell that comes to mind for that...thing is fiendfyre." He offered Harry a cigarette after he had lit his own. "But gasoline and lighters work just fine as well." He held up the one he had just used and he smiled faintly, wryly. "I already came prepared."

Edited at 2007-12-29 09:37 am UTC

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 09:46 am UTC (link)
"I'm not certain it will, but I think it could be easier controlled than fiendfyre. At least aguamenti would work easily enough on it. Though, honestly, I'm fine with the entire room burning. Minerva may have our heads for it, but it's not like they aren't already rebuilding the Ministry anyway."

It's funny how fast those old feelings could resurface. Proof that time doesn't heal old wounds, it simply provides you with distractions so that you don't obsess over what broke your heart or made you wish to give up. The veil had done both to him, and he was well aware it was not a pain he carried solo. In a way it made it easier to face it with Remus. They had been each other's reasons for not simply diving in after Sirius to hell with what would have happened.

The smirk on his face grew a bit when took one of the cigarettes and spotted the lighter. "You are usually better prepared than I am. It won't be hard to get gasoline at this hour." Lighting the cigarette, he took a long drag, and felt his lungs burn in protest. A reminder that despite dying twice he was in fact still alive. They were survivors, the lot of them, and that blasted veil was finally going to get it's due. "Right, so...best get to it, I suppose?" He didn't have any hesitation, it was mostly that need to prepare himself facing it again. "I could never bring myself to visit it. I wanted too after it happened. I...I suppose once I had access to visit the room whenever I wanted, well Sirius was back and it didn't occur to me to wage war against drapery then." He paused and took another drag on the cigarette, following the slow stream of smoke with a drink. "Carrow's gifts reminded me how much of I still hated it. What it stood for. What it had done. Reckon Sirius ever thinks about going back to it and doing this?" He paused again and then said quickly, "I don't want him anywhere near it. That's why I didn't tell him what we planned to do."

Edited at 2007-12-29 09:47 am UTC

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 10:04 am UTC (link)
The mention of Minerva made that cautious side come back, and he reluctantly nodded very slightly. Gasoline would be better, even if that other part of him didn't care what happened next as long as they settled matters already.

"I am rather glad you waited, actually. Between us I am sure we can figure out a way to not get caught."

That night when he had seen Harry blast one veil after another, deep down he had wanted to join him and destroy one after another as well, but now he realized his hesitation had been because the memories were pure torture that day and he wanted to destroy the actual thing. It had brought out that hatred that he could feel bubbling within him, and it had been almost so strong that part of him wondered just how he hadn't made his way to that room earlier.

Fighting back the way his stomach tightened at just the idea of Sirius being near that damn thing, Remus stood and took a drag again, and then another. His mind was already working how much gasoline they would need, on maybe getting another lighter. They would definitely need more whiskey.

"Sirius doesn't need to know." He dropped the stub once he was done, and took out his wand so he could just dissolve it into dust. "I am sure the Prophet will cover some news about it tomorrow, he can read it then."

With a small deep breath he turned to him, his eyes flashing a sort of devious glint mixed in with everything else he felt towards the drapery that had taken Sirius away. "Ready when you are."

Edited at 2007-12-29 10:06 am UTC

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 10:15 am UTC (link)
Another drag on the cigarette, and then he discarded it. Standing up, he stubbed it out with his boot and took another swig from the bottle. He handed it back to Remus as he stretched to work the tension knots out of his shoulders. "Figure we should take it with us, just in case." Liquid courage.

Though courage wasn't something either of them was lacking. It was more to help numb some of the memories. However, after seeing first hand how therapeutic fire could be after setting the shack on fire, Harry figured this would be exactly what both of them needed. It would help to put to rest something that had been nagging at them for some time. If they were going to tie up the loose ends of the last war they may as well begin with what was left over from the one before it.

The walk to get gasoline was a brief one. All they'd need to do after they filled up the container that Harry purchased in the shop would be to portkey to the ministry. They could enter through the front door, and Harry would make up some excuse or another should they be stopped, but he didn't expect them to be. After all, it wasn't like either of them was a stranger to the ministry.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 10:36 am UTC (link)
Remus took more than one drink from the bottle by the time they got the gasoline, and if he talked in the process he honestly would not be able to remember what he had said. Part of him wanted to block out the memories, the other one was taking everything in as a sort of fuel of his own. Not like he needed that in order to want to burn the place down, but it still helped him focus more than what he already was.

Once they had the gasoline and were standing in front of the Ministry, Remus took one look at the building and it was all he needed to do in order to get rid of any hesitation that could possibly be lingering.

As they walked through the front doors, his lips tugged very faintly at the corners. Even if he could feel a knot or two in his stomach about being back there, not out of hesitation but just at being there, he was mostly just relieved to be there because soon it would be over. The veil would be gone, and he just wanted that reassurance already.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 10:47 am UTC (link)
There was barely anyone in the ministry this time of night. Just those who pulled the late night shift either for guard duty or to finish up the things they needed to do. One good thing about being the recent head of aurors was that no one gave you a second look as you made your way through the ministry and toward the department of mysteries where the room was waiting.

They moved quickly, but naturally enough that it wouldn't draw suspicion. No one had reason to realize that Harry had gasoline concealed under his cloak, and Remus had the lighter and the whiskey. The closer he got toward that room the clearer the memories of that night hit him. Running as fast as he could because he was so convinced that Sirius was being tortured.

"You have a bit of a saving people thing don't you?"

Indeed. But he'd come to terms with that thanks to his time with Kat in heaven and hell and most of all purgatory. Everyone was responsible for their own choices, and the fact was that Sirius left them doing the thing he put above all else; protecting his godson, his family, the order.

Once they managed to make it in the room he felt the familiar chill and for a moment he felt fifteen years old again. He remembered how impossibly tight Remus's grasp was as he held on to Harry to keep them both from going in after Siri. He remembered the look on his godfather's face, and the sound of Bellatrix's voice as she taunted him.

"Did you love him, baby Potter?"

Indeed he had.

"Right, so first things first," Harry said as he drew his wand and cast some quick spells to muffle the sound and at the very least help keep them from being discovered so quickly. Casting a look at Remus, Harry took a deep breath and then slowly, deliberately approached the veil.

Looking at it he felt the rage hit him once more. It had taken what belonged to him and Remus. How dare it? Pulling out the container of gasoline he began to pour it around the base of the veil and promptly stopped as he spotted carved initials and a date.

"THAT BLASTED GIT. I'M GOING TO KILL HIM."

Er...well yeah, he was going to kill his godfather. Looking up at Remus with green eyes flashing with anger he pointed to the spot. "Look at what he did, Remus. LOOK."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 11:08 am UTC (link)
"There's nothing you can do, Harry--"

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"

"--it's too late, Harry."

"We can still reach him--"

He couldn't breathe for a moment as he stared at the veil, and the memories he had started to accept as fuel started to burn him so strongly that he started to wonder how that could be when he felt so cold.

He could see everything so clearly that he would be able to swear that he had used some blasted time turner and had gone back to that particular night. He could see Bellatrix. He could hear Sirius laughing. He could see how he fell back and his chest tightened then as he truly allowed himself to feel everything from that night. For him it had barely been two years since that particular night, and not once had he allowed himself to truly remember it no matter how many nightmares he had of it. Usually he tried to distract himself in order to not go back to the Department of Mysteries to bring Sirius back, because he knew that he needed to stay behind no matter how much it felt like that just ripped through him and killed him every time.

Right now there was no hiding. No ignoring. It was all so vivid and there, and--

Harry's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, just barely, and he blinked as he saw how furious he was. Frowning in confusion, he walked over to where he was and he stopped short when he saw what Harry was pointing at.

Initials. A date.

Remus didn't say anything, but the muscle in his jaw twitched as he looked at the archway. He could still see Sirius there, but at the moment he wasn't feeling grief, exactly. Instead, right now, that anger he had felt towards the veil that had taken away someone he loved so much was pulsating through him so strongly that he had to look away.

Initials. Date. Veil.

...right.

Sorry mate, he thought bitterly as he took a swig of whiskey, now not even feeling the burning sensation as it trailed down his throat. That won't be here in a few minutes anymore.

"We should still probably get rid of this damn thing before we set out to kill him, hm?" He offered the bottle, his eyes locking on letters and numbers.

Edited at 2007-12-29 11:10 am UTC

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 11:18 am UTC (link)
Harry wasn't feeling cold at all. If anything he felt fire pulsating through his veins. His godfather had come back here. He'd come back to the place that had sucked him away from this world, from Harry and Remus, and for what? For initials and a date? For some twisted version of a headstone?

He wasn't dead when he went through the veil! He wasn't. He'd had it confirmed, but he couldn't tell Remus. He couldn't reveal that secret because it had been nearly too much for him to swallow down when Sirius was honest with him. Damn him, didn't he bloody well get it? He might not have been dead when he went through that veil, but for a moment...longer than a moment, Harry had been. He'd wanted to go after him in more ways than one, and he was quite certain Remus had felt the same.

Angrily stalking around the room like a lion who had been poked one too many times in his cage, he splashed the veil with the gasoline. It was covered by the time Harry had run out of the liquid to pour. He smelled of it, and he didn't care. Once he reached Remus, he took the whiskey and took another long drink as he stared at the veil and thinking of that night, of those initials, of how many ways he could kill his godfather.

"We'll have to blindfold him of course. Otherwise he'll use those eyes on us. We'll need to ensure he doesn't switch off to Padfoot either. That would be cheating, and we both know he's not above cheating." He was angry, but the problem with being angry at his godfather was...Harry sucked at it. He couldn't never quite hang on to it for too long.

"Perhaps...he needed his own sense of closure. We're driven to do INSANE things at times for closure." He shrugged as if to say we're proof of that now aren't we? "Do you wish to light it?" Because as much as he felt this was their shared grief...Sirius had been Moony's much longer than he had been Harry's. He wanted to give him the chance for his own closure.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 11:50 am UTC (link)
It really was a good thing Harry didn't mention that Sirius hadn't died when he had gone through the veil, because that would probably push him to some edge he wasn't sure he could come back from at the moment. That was a question that he often thought of, because every time he heard Harry screaming in his head about how they needed to get him back the guilt would gnaw at him more than usual.

As he stared at the initials, Remus didn't care why he had done it. Right now the fact was that he had done it at all, and if he was able to eventually tear his eyes away from them it was because he just had to. Otherwise he would have forgotten about the gasoline and would have used fiendfyre instead to make sure that none of that rot would remain.

A humorless smile crossed his lips as Harry mentioned the blindfold, but he didn't say anything. He really doubted Padfoot's eyes would even have any effect on him at all at the moment, although he knew that eventually he would probably forget that he was angry at all. Because, like Harry, Remus sucked at being angry at Sirius for long.

But for now he was livid. It was probably a good thing Sirius wasn't around at the moment, otherwise he would probably be getting constantly hexed at the very least.

Turning to Harry after thinking about it, he tossed him an extra lighter. "I'll start it, but we should both burn the bloody thing down."

Sirius had been his, but... It was their grief, not just his own. It had been their loss. It was their pain they needed to burn down and bury once and for all.

Without turning to the veil at first he lit it and stepped back to watch as the flames made a trail wherever Harry had spilled the gasoline. "Here's to closure," he muttered under his breath, just taking in the sight in front of him.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 12:02 pm UTC (link)
The only reason Harry knew that Sirius had been alive was because he had asked. He'd asked at a time when there was no way Sirius would have been able to cover the truth and Harry not see right through it. The moment he'd asked he'd gotten his answer in the wince and the look in those grey eyes long before he'd found the words to answer him.

He'd seen more when Kat took him on the tour of the afterlife. Perhaps that was why, deep down, he understood why those initials were there. It was that desperate need to remind himself, to remind others, Sirius Black had been here. The problem, of course, for Harry and Remus was that they knew that without needing to see those initials and that date carved into stone. Perhaps what made Harry so infuriated about it was the fact it reminded him of another place with other messages carved in stone.

There was no monument to Sirius here, but Merlin the memory was etched so deep into Harry and Remus's skin, minds and heart that they would never be able to forget that Sirius Black had been here. After all, this was where they had lost him was it not? No body to bury. No place to grieve. No time to truly appreciate the loss. Move along now, the war stops for no one, but what about the grief? Did it stop at all?

He watched as the flamed emerged. He felt the kiss of warmth. He inhaled the stench of smoke. Settling into a crouch he set the opposite side on fire, stepping back quick enough so that he could stand next to Remus and watch it burn. It would not replace the memories or even make things right, but Merlin it felt...like something was lifting off Harry's shoulders. Side by side, they stood, watching as the flames grew larger and the veil became smaller. The wind from the other side whipped around at it and then...Harry was being yanked back as the door opened and three aurors rushed in. Gideon had been the one to grab hold of Harry's shoulder and shove him back and then he reached for Remus to do the same.

Bastian and Rhia were already casting spells to attempt to gain control of the flames. "Are you two out of your bloody minds? Stay put." As if to prove he didn't trust them, Gideon cast an anti-diapparation charm before rushing into the room to assist the others.

Harry looked at Remus and then back at the ashes that remained of what had haunted them. "I do believe we will be detained." A beat. "It's so worth it."

Edited at 2007-12-29 12:02 pm UTC

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 12:30 pm UTC (link)
Remus had been enjoying watching the archway burn so much that he had even taken another swig of the whiskey and was about to light another cigarette when Gideon yanked Harry back. He had been too busy absorbing just everything in order to have another memory of the veil - a good one - that he hadn't even noticed them walking in.

When he saw that Gideon was about to reach for him, though, that anger that had been running through him made him glare at him at once as his features hardened and he pulled away from him. He wasn't going to leave or even try to, and he tried to show him by holding up his hands as if to surrender, but he'd be damned if he'd be touched right now by anybody. In the mood that he was in that was the last thing he needed, and he could feel a certain snarl at the back of his throat in case anybody else tried it.

"I don't have a single regret," he informed Harry with a Marauder smirk as he lit the cigarette that was still in his hand. "In fact, it's a rather lovely sight, I think."

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 12:38 pm UTC (link)
And there was laughter. Not quite the barking laugh, but laughter all the same. The kind of laughter that comes when someone feels it from head to toe. Not the crazy laughter Harry felt in the prison break. No, this was genuine joy at that smirk, at sharing this with Remus, at taking back the power that veil held over them. At taking the risk to get their closure.

"Merlin, I never would have thought my first stint in jail would be with you. Dad will be so bloody proud of both of us." He wiped at the tears that fell and felt his shoulders shake when he heard Bastian call out from where he was helping Rhia toss aguamenti all over the flames.

"That's right, let's take away the barrier from our side to the other side. Brilliant move. HOWEVER DID THOSE TWO NOT GET SORTED EAGLE?" Well someone was a bit pissy.

A few moments later the flames were contained and all that was needed was clean up so they were once again faced with Gideon. "It would serve you both right if Moody appeared and hauled both of you to the holding cell in the office until we messaged your..." Gideon paused and arched an eyebrow at the both of them. "Who shall I be informing of your incident this evening? Tell me it's Molly. Come on, give me that."

Harry looked at Remus and then back at Gideon and said immediately, "Sirius." Hey, he carved his initials in the place. He obviously had no problem coming back, right?

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 12:53 pm UTC (link)
Hearing his laughter made Remus laugh as well, because it was so contagious that he couldn't help it. For a moment he even almost choked on the smoke, especially when he heard Bastian yelling.

"The quiet ones are sometimes the ones people should fear the most, hm?" he asked with a straight face, although the smirk was back. He did feel liberated, in some sense, because it was over. That...thing didn't exist anymore, and Sirius would never be able to get near it again...

With a few long drags he finished the cigarette before stubbing it out against the wall. One more mark wouldn't hurt, right? That could serve as their sign that they had been there. ... Not that burning the archway hadn't been enough.

"Yes, Sirius." Remus played with the lighter he was still holding, turning to look at Harry briefly before back at Gideon. Although he looked calm, there was a certain edge in him that he couldn't shake off. "I believe it is his turn this time."

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 01:01 pm UTC (link)
Gideon shook his head and turned back to Bastian and Rhia. "I'll leave you two to it. I'm going to haul them over to the cell, and then start the paperwork so they can be released."

There was some muttering from Bastian that was cut off when Rhia poked him sharply in the side with her wand. Harry just smirked. Those two were his aurors. He hand picked them. They'd find the humor in this situation eventually.

Well. Maybe Rhia would at least.

"Wands," Gideon said as he held his hand out. Harry passed his over without incident. It wasn't like he planned to make a break for the door.

He caught that edge in Remus though and found it a bit intriguing. Honestly, Remus like this reminded him of how he fit in with his dad and godfather. He held it closer to the vest, but it was still there. Harry was glad to witness it first hand. Sirius may not feel the same way once he showed up.

"This way then," Gideon said as Harry had already begun to walk, but he kept close to Remus. "I'm sure you know the way by now." If you blinked you missed the wink from Gideon to both of them. "I'll patronus Sirius asking him to rush over to help me with something. That will keep you in the clear from my niece and Tonks for a bit then. But you realize this will get out soon enough." A beat. "Merlin, I better be the one who gets to tell Minerva."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 01:19 pm UTC (link)
The wand was handed over without protest, and his lips tugged slightly at the corners as he continued playing with the lighter. "Do I get to keep the lighter, or do you need it as evidence?"

His smile widened a bit more at the wink, but he just walked. He knew that Tonks, Ginny and Minerva would not be amused at the whole thing, but... The Remus Lupin that would be fretting and concerned over that had been left behind at the park. Right now he just fought back a chuckle and just cleared his throat very slightly.

"Ah yes, that would probably be better than the news leaking somewhere else."

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 01:27 pm UTC (link)
"I don't think we'll need it for evidence. But if you set the holding cell on fire you're going to wish I took it," Gideon warned, but there was a twinkle in his eyes. He placed both of them in the cell, locked the door and then cast his patronus, a small panther, to Sirius with the message, "Meet me at the auror's office. Have something urgent to discuss with you."

When he left them alone so he could work on the paperwork, Harry flopped down on the floor and drew his knees up to his chest, resting his arms on his knees.

"I didn't realize I'd feel this much better. I knew it'd help. The shack helped, but this..." He flashed Remus a big smile, "I'm glad you were the one who came with me. Try not to kill Sirius in the building though. I'd hate for us to have to come back and burn another room."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 01:36 pm UTC (link)
Remus sat on the floor as well, but he leaned against the wall as he usually did whenever he did so.

Returning the smile, he stretched out his back before leaning back completely. "I am very glad we got to do this as well. We really did need it."

His lips quirked into a very small smirk at the suggestion, although he could feel that particular something - that odd mixture of grief and anger that he had started to feel once he saw the initials - starting to run through him again.

"Not to worry, I will wait until we are outside." A beat, and then he added with a straight face as he continued to play with his lighter. "We need to make it a little harder for Gideon and the rest of the Aurors to catch us next time, after all."

Edited at 2007-12-29 01:36 pm UTC

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-29 10:20 pm UTC (link)
"Meet me at the auror's office. Have something urgent to discuss with you."

Urgent was never good. Sirius knew that Harry had gone out, to the Ministry...but he hadn't felt anything that would have warned him of a death. All there had been about a half hour ago was a twitch and urge to bake some chocolate biscuits.

"Kreacher, do take those out in ten minutes and allow them to cool," he muttered, before he hurried back upstairs and grabbed his coat and wand, lit a cigarette, and made his way downstairs.

"Master Sirius, must you smoke in the house?"

"I'm going outside," came the reply, before he tugged the door open and stepped onto the porch. He focused on the Ministry, on the auror's office, then raised his wand.

crack

The cigarette butt dropped to the front step outside Grimmauld, still burning, as he disappeared.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 10:42 pm UTC (link)
That look on Gideon's face when Sirius arrives? Yeah, that should confirm to Sirius that something has happened that he will either find very amusing, very irritating, very confusing, or some other very strong emotion. "Sirius, we've had a little incident here tonight. I was wondering if you'd be willing to sign for Harry and Remus's release."

Without giving any further information, he walked Sirius to the back room where his godson and best mate were sitting in a cell.

Harry tilted his chin up to look at his godfather and then looked over at Remus. Oh yeah, Sirius was so in trouble. "The good news is I don't think they will make you post money to bail us out of here." What? It wasn't like either of them was going to run off. "The bad news is..." and with that, he was off the ground in one fluid motion and at the bars of the holding cell. "We saw your initials, Sirius Black. What in Merlin's name were you thinking when you went back there?"

Gideon folded his arms across his chest and then looked at Sirius. "Reckon it's not every day that the person who comes to release the wizards in the cell is the one who gets read the riot act." A beat as he cast a look in Remus's direction and noted his expression. "I'll start the paperwork to release them to you while you keep an eye on them. Careful of Remus, I forgot to take his lighter away after he and Harry set fire to one of the rooms in the ministry."

Yes, Padfoot, be careful of Remus because of the lighter. Really.

ooc: keep with the sirius-harry-remus rotation?

Edited at 2007-12-29 10:42 pm UTC

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 10:56 pm UTC (link)
The lighter never left his hand, and he didn't even pause while he kept playing with it. In fact, while he heard Gideon speak he didn't even look up; it was until he heard Harry's voice that he turned to look at Sirius.

There were no words at first, though. No matter how much he tried to find something to say, there was just nothing. Just that particular look while the muscle in his jaw twitched. Part of him wanted to chew Sirius out for going back to that room. Another part wanted to break through those bars and just hug him to make sure that he was really there.

"They're gone now," he finally said quietly, the edge he had felt earlier still there. And he stood, but he didn't move towards him. He just leaned against the wall, turning back to the lighter. "Your initials and that blasted, bloody thing are gone. I'd apologize, but I'm not at all sorry for it."

Edited at 2007-12-29 10:57 pm UTC

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-29 11:12 pm UTC (link)
Sirius had stared at Harry for a long moment, when he'd mentioned the initials...and then stared longer at Remus when he mentioned that the veil was gone.

So that had been the twitch.

"I see."

It wasn't that Sirius was upset, because he wasn't. He was more amused than anything but for the sake of the auror, he felt he should at least play the part. For the moment, anyways. He sniffed at Harry and cocked his head. "Did it the muggle way, did you? You're lucky you didn't light your clothes on fire as well."

The barest hint of a smirk tugged at his mouth but he managed to fight it back since Remus was...and Harry...

"Well it wasn't if I wandered back all the time to say hello," he protested. Though part of him wanted to go and see that it had been destroyed.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-29 11:21 pm UTC (link)
Harry merely arched an eyebrow when Sirius sniffed. Yes, they smelled like gasoline. Yes, they did it the Muggle way. No, they were not sorry. Of course one look at his godfather and he could tell he wasn't sorry about carving his initials near that blasted veil either.

"You shouldn't have been near it." Ever. EVER SIRIUS BLACK. YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN NEAR THE BLASTED VEIL. Ahem.

"Right, if you will just sign here you are free to take them home..." Gideon looked at Remus and Harry and then back to Sirius and couldn't resist adding, "Though, looks like you might be better off signing for them and getting a head start before I let them out. I could count to fifty." Another look at Remus and he said, "Right, twenty is the best I could give you."

Harry was so not amused by Gideon's quips. Of course he wasn't going to snap at him though. Not when one patronus message from Gideon could have his mother-in-law here before he was even out of the damn cell. "Will you please tell Minerva I will be in touch in the morning to er explain."

"Oh, you can bet your arse I plan to tell Minerva, but sure kid, I'll add that part too." Gideon just grinned and held out the quill for Sirius.

"It's ridiculous for you to call me kid when I look older than you." Right well that was a bit snappy.

"You're in a holding cell less than twenty-four hours after leaving your post as Head of the Aurors and I'm ridiculous?" There was that Prewett smirk.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-29 11:38 pm UTC (link)
Remus was as amused as Harry was about Gideon's comments, and he made it perfectly known by how he looked as if he was ready to burn down the damn building with the lighter. But his attention wasn't really on Gideon; he could only stare at Sirius most of the time. The flashes of memory kept coming and going, and the fact that Sirius didn't even look sorry for going back to that room...

"So should we thank you for coming back just once, then?" He wasn't yelling. His voice never raised, but he did step away from the wall and walked over to him. "Or twice, I should say. Not like there's much anyone could have said to stop you anyway, yes? It didn't work the first time, why should it work the second time."

He wasn't angry enough for the wolf to come out. This was just Remus, fighting back that mixture of grief and anger that had collided in him while in the Department of Mysteries.

"I have been trying to wrap my mind around just why you came back after...that night. Why you had to go so near it, and--" He had to stop there, because he was feeling like he was choking for a moment. Maybe it was the smoke that still lingered in his lungs? Maybe it was something else, but he was too busy trying not to lunge himself at Sirius to really figure it out. "Why. I need to know. I know why you came the first time, but why again. Why?"

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-29 11:59 pm UTC (link)
"You honestly want to know why I came back?" Sirius' voice had taken on the same edge that Remus' had, now, and he pulled in a deep breath before he spoke again. "I came back because I had nothing. There was no body," he said. "There was no service, there was no headstone, which I don't blame either of you for because I wasn't really dead but I spent years existing in a practical hell that nobody could save me from and when I got out, I just wanted to see it. I wanted to see where it happened, because it had been so long since I'd been there. I wanted to look at it and I wanted look at it without being scared."

His eyes were dark. Not with anger, not with fear, but just dark.

"I came back and I just looked at it. Then it wasn't enough. It's never enough to just look at something. You have to touch it. You have to beat it. And I did just that. I touched it, and then I made certain that it wouldn't just be this reminder of the second worst day of my bloody life," his voice shifted just ever so slightly. "I wanted it to be a reminder of the fact that I died for something. Not that it won, not that it took me away, but that I did something that mattered."

Sirius Black had always been a man with an ego, but this was not ego in the sense of a confident, cocky student who knew he could have whatever he wanted. This was not the cool member of the Order, who had his grace under fire.

This was twelve years in prison being told you didn't matter, twelve years in prison where they spent those twelve years beating that cocky nature out of you, twelve years of breaking your spirit...

Gideon was getting quite the show.

"I spent twelve years in Azkaban thinking about the worst day of my bloody life, the day your mum and dad were murdered," a glance at Harry, then to Remus, "And the day my best friend, the day the whole world thought I was a traitor!"

There was that snap.

"Then I spent...gods, I've no idea how long, time didn't pass like it should've, when I was on the other side, being..." Sirius closed his eyes because those memories were something he didn't want to show to either of them. "I spent years and years being told I didn't matter, and I'm sorry that I went back there and I'm sorry that I touched the blasted thing but I needed it to be more than the place where I left this earth. I needed it to stand for more than that. I died for something important and I needed that."

He took in a deep breath and then snatched the quill and paper from the auror, scrawled his name on the lines for the both of them and then jerked his head at the two of them. "Wands, back to them. If they want to bloody hex me, let them."

As Gideon unlocked the cell, Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets, then turned to leave the office, both of them following behind.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-30 12:20 am UTC (link)
Harry was quiet as he listened to Remus and then Sirius explode in their own personal ways. He processed every word, every look, every shade of darkness that passed across their faces and reflected in their eyes. He'd hoped that Remus wouldn't hear about Sirius not being quite dead, but perhaps this is what they needed. To air out those things that each had kept in an effort to protect the other two.

He remained quiet as the cell was opened and his wand was handed back to him. He walked past both Remus and Sirius and headed for the back door because he needed air and he needed it now. If Sirius wanted to see what they had done he could go back for it. But right now Harry would quite like the three of them to stop giving other people a show.

Leaning against the wall of a building, his hands were stuffed in his jacket as he looked up at the stars. He could pick them out by now. Sirius, Andromeda, even Draco. When he sucked in a breath of the cold night air he exhaled it slowly and produced a stream of smoke even though he wasn't smoking.

He waited until they had joined him before he spoke. "There was no body, nothing to bury, no time to properly grieve, because we had to continue on. I had to go back to them and pretend things were all right because I couldn't very well tell them anything that happened in this world. Not when they were so determined to try and forget that this was what I was just as my mother had been. I couldn't discuss it via owl with my mates because what could I say? Yes, Hermione, you were right. It was a trap and I walked right into it. Yes, Ron, it hurts, but it will heal. It always does."

His tone was so quiet, but there was an edge to his words as well. It was like being transported back in time, and while the veil was gone and no longer a threat it didn't erase what happened that night. And all those things Harry had swallowed down because there was always something else to do. Some other task to complete. Some other body to bury.

"You wished to go back and remember and to know that you died for something important. Right, all right. You want to know what you died for, Sirius? Do you really want to know what you died for?"

His eyes turned the exact shade of Slytherin green as he pushed himself off the wall and approached his godfather. "You died for me. And I know that was important to you. Dying for me or Remus was the most important thing you could have done. Dying for the order or the family that you still claimed as your own was a close second then. You died because you and I are bloody well reckless. Because I couldn't stop and listen to the cleverest witch in my year when she pointed out how obvious it was that I was being manipulated. So, I rushed off, and I would do it again. That's the beauty of it. I'd rush off again, and you'd chase after me again, and that is what you died for. That and..."

He clenched his jaw as the memories of that night collided with the pensieve memories that he saw from Carrow. "And because you laughed. You laughed and you taunted her, and you underestimated how quick she was. How lethal she was. How bloody well crazy she was, and then that was it then. There was no body. There was no blasted closure. There was Remus holding on to me so I would not follow you. So he would not follow you, and then that was it. That was all there was to it, and if you think you needed to remember so be it. But it didn't change anything did it?"

He felt the anger wash over him like a cold shower. Shouldn't anger feel hot not cold? "Because you're still as reckless as you've always been. You're still you, and Merlin I wouldn't want to change you. But maybe you should remember that every choice we make leaves a lasting impression on those that are left behind. You want to see your tombstone? Your memorial?" He pointed to himself and then to Remus. "It's us. We were the proof that you mattered. We were the reminder that you died for something important." He shook his head and turned to walk away, pausing suddenly before he looked back at him and spit out, "At least you didn't die over a dare."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-30 07:37 am UTC (link)
That fire that had been burning so strongly in his eyes died as soon as Sirius said those words. That he hadn't been dead. It felt like something cold washed over him then and left him numb even if he could feel everything crashing against him. Every word felt like a slap. Like a punch. Like someone was gutting him as he just stood there.

'But that's what you do, isn't it,' a little voice whispered in his ear. He had just stood there while Sirius fell back. He hadn't listened to Harry. He had been the one that kept saying how he was dead, how...

No...

He couldn't remember how he had made it out after them. Everything felt like a daze until he became aware of how much he was shaking. Because he had ignored feelings for two years - or twenty-one, depending on how someone wanted to look at it - and he had never processed them. He had never let himself truly grieve.

As he watched Harry start to walk away, he was sorely tempted to just swallow everything down. Keep his feelings to himself, put up a mask, and go back to being that bloody hypocrite that kept urging others to talk about what they felt while all he did was push everything deeper and deeper inside. That was what he did, wasn't it? Remus Lupin was not one to share his feelings.

The words spilled out before he could stop them, though. And although some anger still remained, his voice dripped with a mixture of emotion that included much more than that.

"More than once I tried to convince someone to let me talk to you when you got taken to Azkaban, but they wouldn't. If you had betrayed Lily and James, they kept saying, who was to say I wasn't on your side. I was a Dark creature that could have easily been on Voldemort's side the whole time." He turned to look at Sirius, pausing only for a moment because he couldn't breathe. They were outside, getting all the fresh air they could need, but he couldn't breathe.

"That's what they kept saying, at least," he finally continued, a hint of a wry smile tugging at his lips. "I wanted to hear from your own mouth what had happened, but they wouldn't let me because they feared I was on Voldemort's side. That I was on your side, and that I would help you escape. And how can I blame them for thinking that? If you thought that I could have been the traitor rather than Peter, what stopped them from believing it?"

His eyes started to sting and he just shook his head briefly, as if to get rid of everything he was feeling, but every wave that kept colliding in him kept getting stronger and stronger. Merlin, how could his heart keep beating if he couldn't breathe?

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-30 07:38 am UTC (link)
"I loved you. I trusted you with everything I was, and you knew me, yet you thought I could have been the traitor long before I ever believed you had betrayed Lily and James. And even when you were in Azkaban, I still loved you. You always mattered, because I couldn't stop caring about you. Not. once."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he choked out an empty sort of chuckle as he looked down at the ground. "You carved your initials in me long before you ever marked that veil. And when you went through... If Harry and I kept living it was only because there was no other choice. He couldn't go after you because I wouldn't let him. And I didn't go after you because I could not leave him alone. He needed one of us. He needed you and Merlin you don't know how many times I wished it would have been me, because you had already suffered so much. And I am so, so sorry," he added as his voice finally broke and his shoulders slumped, "but Harry needed me here. Other than that, there was nothing else that would have stopped me from going after you. Because I would have. I was steps from doing so, because you did matter. You meant the world to us, and when you went through..." Words failed him then, so he just said the next best thing. "You were everything."

The lighter he was still holding felt like it was burning through his hand, and he just tossed it on the ground as he added under his breath because his voice was suddenly gone. "You still are. So I'm sorry if we destroyed the thing that had a marking about how you mattered, and that you had died for something, but you matter so much to us that we couldn't let it keep standing. Not when it took you. Not when it destroyed us the way it did, all three of us."

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-30 08:09 am UTC (link)
To say that Sirius was speechless was putting it lightly, but eventually, he found the words, he had to stop and start a few times.

"The veil...it wasn't..."

Christ, I'm a bloody idiot.

He swallowed hard and then stared at the ground, unable to meet his best friend's eyes. "And you...I didn't want to believe...but everyone was so bloody terrified and I just didn't know..."

Sirius was flashing back to those nights around the table and the prophecy, the discussions in secret, being secret keeper but changing it to Peter because who would have ever suspected quiet Peter Pettigrew to be the rat...

"You know damn well if you'd come after me I would have turned you 'round and marched you straight back out there, Remus." He lifted his eyes with the barest hint of a smirk, before it turned to sadness again. "All I ever wanted was to be loyal to the Order and loyal to me best mates...I failed James and Lily, and somehow, I failed Peter...I failed you...and I wasn't going to let that happen again, not after getting out of Azkaban, not after getting that second chance."

Sirius felt his throat grow tight, and he cleared it as he ran a hand through his hair.

"You know the entire time I was in Azkaban, I wanted you to come and see me," he admitted. "I knew they wouldn't let you, and Christ, Moon, I didn't want you to see me like that I but I wanted to tell you that..." his voice grew quiet, almost wounded in a sense. "I wanted to tell you that I fucked it all up. I had it all wrong, I tried so bloody God damn hard to keep us together..."

The Marauders had fallen, piece by piece. James at the hand of Voldemort. Sirius at the hand of Peter. Remus at the hand of Sirius, in a sense. And Peter...he'd fallen before any of them had a chance to help him up, dust him off, tell him that they cared.

Sirius was not a man to show more emotions than he had to when it came to people he cared deeply for. Azkaban had stripped those emotions away and tossed them into the sea, down into the depths, into the chill...

He shivered and closed his eyes.

"I fucked it all up, and Christ, I wanted to...I knew they'd never let me out...but I wanted t'tell you I fucked it all up, that I was wrong..."

He raised his eyes to lock with Remus' and swallowed hard.

"I was wrong. I just wanted to tell you that I was so bloody wrong and so bloody stupid about the whole damn thing, I just wanted to tell you that I knew you weren't the traitor, because you...because I...because I loved you and...and I'm sorry...I was so bloody sorry. I never should have changed the keeper and I never should have gone after him alone, I never should have trusted him...I never should have laughed..."

That laugh. That moment. Red light and then he fell backwards, through the veil, watching as everything around him faded. Harry's eyes, full of shock and pain. Remus...

No.

Sirius looked up again, having looked down at the grass, and honestly looked at Harry, then at Remus.

"I should have..."

No.

Then he shook his head. "There's a million damn things I should have done differently, but I swear, right now with both of you...I am never losing either of you again," his throat was tight as he looked between the two people in the world that he loved most, his godson, and his best friend, and he wiped quickly at his eyes, before he grabbed both Harry and Remus and pulled them in close for a hug.

"Never again, will I be such a bloody idiot."

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-30 08:34 am UTC (link)
Harry believed that people had a habit of locking other people in at a certain age. Adults that see children grow up tend to still visualize them as children. Harry believed that some people made you feel younger too. Albus, Minerva, Severus, Molly, Remus and Sirius definitely made Harry feel young at times. Times like now, actually, as he stopped where he was and listened to what Remus said. For a moment he had been prepared to turn on Remus if he started in on Sirius or Harry being so bloody reckless, because he still had that clear memory of discovering Remus on that table looking as if he was sleeping. That memory had always triggered a mixture of feelings in Harry, but there was anger there. For a time he had been angry enough to hate him, yet he'd hated Albus too. The only reason he hadn't hated Sirius was that for years he had blamed himself for his death.

They seemed to do a lot of that actually. Blaming themselves for the actions of the others. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism. If you carried the guilt then you carried the memories clearly. You didn't run the chance of losing the sound of their voice or the smell of their hair, or how their eyes looked when they were smiling or smirking.

Hearing Remus's words, his tone of voice, it was cutting Harry up inside and he wished he knew how to take his pain away. Just as he wished he knew how to do the same with his godfather. But if growing older had taught Harry Potter anything it was that you could not carry someone else's pain, no matter how much you wish you could. You could not pressure them to lean on you or to share what is bothering them. Sometimes you simply had to be there and wait for them to come to you.

When Sirius spoke he felt the anger he had at his godfather drain away as well. Perhaps that was his lot in life, the inability to stay angry with Marauders. It balanced at their inability to do the same with him. Brushing the hair out of his eyes he listened as they moved past the night in the ministry and back to when things really fell apart for the three of them and yet forced them into a new family unit.

Harry returned the hug silently, his hands rubbing each of their backs as he stood there for a moment and just gave thanks that no matter what reckless choices they had made, and Merlin knew that all three of them had made them, that they were here now and he honestly believed neither was in a hurry to rush off and die again. He himself had given up that chase for death as well. Pulling back, he brushed a kiss on each of their cheeks before taking one more step back and reaching for the whiskey in his cloak.

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-30 08:34 am UTC (link)
"I never understood how either of you could doubt the other back then. I didn't understand until I was fighting the second war and I saw first hand how easily it was to have that little bit of mistrust and doubt explode into something bigger. I need you..." He paused to take a sip before passing the bottle to Remus. "I need you both to remember something that I think, perhaps, you forget at times. You were not much more than children back then. Look at Mum and Dad if you need to be reminded of how truly young you were when you were faced with the choices you had to make."

Harry folded his arms across his chest and took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly before he continued. "You were the first parents I had. The first real family I had, and I am grateful for the sacrifices you both made for me. I'd hoped when I was thirteen that Sirius's name would be cleared and the three of us would be able to be a family." He paused again and blinked as his eyes stung just a bit. "And when I had to accept that you needed to run because things played out the way they did, and you had to leave Hogwarts because that git once again ran his mouth and ruined my sense of family, what got me through those summers was the knowledge that I was never an orphan. Don't you see? Once I knew there were two people out there that my parents loved and who loved my parents and me, I simply was not an orphan. We were a proper family, Siri. No matter if we were together or apart, we were a proper family."

He wasn't exactly cold, but he felt a bit drained yet oddly a little at peace that certain things were out there. Things that should have been said before now. "We all made mistakes that hurt each other, but if you weigh the times we came through for each other versus the times we failed...it's clear which side is larger. You were twenty-one years old, both of you, and I was fifteen. So," he looked up finally and leveled his gaze at both of them, "If I can't bloody well hold myself responsible for destroying us when I was fifteen you two have to knock off the rubbish that you made fatal mistakes at twenty-one. Fair is fair. Because the simple fact is, no matter how much the three of us may despise it, we were not completely in control of the choices we made. Information was withheld from us, doubts were planted within us, things played out the way that someone wished for them to play out. It is what it is, but the fact remains we were then and we are now a proper family." Stuffing his hands back into his pocket he rocked back on his heels. "And don't make promises you can't possibly keep, Sirius. We're Gryffindors. Idiot comes with it."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-30 09:21 am UTC (link)
Since for the first time in years Remus had voiced things he had planned on burying as deep as he could within him, he felt so vulnerable and exposed that he just wanted to disappear.

As soon as Sirius wrapped his arms around him, though, and he could feel him there, and just...everything, it took all he had to not just fall apart how he had almost done so many times over the years that he had been gone. First the years during Azkaban, and then after the veil. Whenever he had gotten close to that point he had always found a way to ignore what he was feeling, because breaking down wouldn't bring him back, but now...

Now he just clung tightly to him. To them. Because they were there, and after everything that had happened now they were together again. They were a family again. Now they had a much larger family, but for so long it had been just the three of them that, as he hugged them, he finally felt as if he started breathing again. Shakily, but breathing. That had to count for something.

Taking the bottle, Remus took a long drink from it as he kept an arm around Sirius even if Harry had pulled back. Earlier he hadn't wanted anyone to touch him, and had been about to shove anyone that would dare away, but right now he needed the reassurance. He needed some sort of warmth, and he needed Sirius, because he couldn't stop shaking no matter how hard he tried.

"Harry's right," he finally said quietly, passing Sirius the bottle. And not letting go just yet. His lips quirked very slightly, even if his eyes kept stinging. "Not only about us not being idiots anymore, but just...everything. I believe we raised a very smart man, don't you?"

He turned to Harry, a faint smile on his lips and feeling so proud of the man he and Sirius had raised together even if it had just been for a couple of years, before turning back to his best friend.

"I don't blame you, for anything. Not for doubting me, not for...anything. We made mistakes, all of us... But we're here now, and you are not losing us again. We are not going to lose you, either. We have already lived through so much together, whatever comes next... It has to be easy to face, yes? After everything, the rest will be much easier."

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-30 09:44 am UTC (link)
Sirius accepted the bottle and took a small drink off of it, but kept his arm around his friend because he could feel that shake and he didn't like it one bit, especially if it had come from their conversation and his stupid initials on the veil.

"A very smart man," he echoed, before he took another drink and curled his fingers around the bottle. He wanted the warmth in the pit of his stomach because of the odd, empty feeling he felt. "And you're right Harry...we were a proper family because we loved one another. We are a proper family because we love one another."

It wasn't cold -- there was a chill, it was London in December, after all -- but he felt cold, like he'd felt years ago in Azkaban, when he could never get warm, no matter how hard he damn well tried to rub his hands together or keep himself huddled in a ball.

"You know, they could take all the memories away from me that I had of the time I spent with everyone, because the dementors..." Sirius shivered and felt the arm around him tighten somewhat, which he was grateful for. "The dementors could get inside my head and take them away, or really, make me lock them up and keep them hidden..."

He was quiet for a moment before he looked up at Remus. "Even if you couldn't come to Azkaban, you...when I was Padfoot, I could remember everything the two of us did, when we'd go for runs in the forest and such, and even if you couldn't come to see me...you were there. I wanted so badly to get out and tell you that I was sorry, that I loved you, because all those years...Padfoot kept me sane...and Moony was always there."

Then he smiled, just a little bit, as he took another drink and then passed the bottle. He was feeling a bit better now, having gotten that off his chest. "I made some chocolate biscuits before I stopped by," he offered, as a means to get them out of the cold and back to the warmth of Grimmauld Place. Then his lips twitched into a smirk.

"And the rest had better be easier," he quipped. "Or I'm going to write and ask for my money back."

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[info]wontletmedie
2007-12-30 09:52 am UTC (link)
"I think you two should go back to the house, have the biscuits and continue your talk," Harry said quietly. Because he was settled as far as he was concerned, but the history between Remus and Sirius went back before Harry was even thought of. And there had just not been time to talk about things, and sometimes you needed to be left alone to discuss things.

"I'm going to go back inside, help with the clean up, and wait for Minerva so I can plead out case. I don't think she's likely to press charges, but we may owe the current Gryffindors a huge apology when she takes a million points from them."

He gestured to the bottle as he turned to walk away, "Keep it. Oh..." he paused and looked at both of them, "I am who I am because of your influence. Everyone who helped to raise me helped to mold me into the man I am today, but the best of who I am comes from the both of you, Mum and Dad. I'll see you back at the house later."

With that, he turned and walked back toward the door of the ministry. He might have to go back to the house to grab Lily Dora to help plead his and Remus's case depending on how cross Minerva was, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. For now, he was ready to face that room because there was nothing to fear any longer. His family was back, and they would be all right. Everything else would sort itself out.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-30 10:18 am UTC (link)
Remus only took his eyes away from Sirius because Harry started to excuse himself. His smile widened very slightly once he turned to him, and he gave a small nod as a thank you for helping him burn down the veil, for the words that he had said, and for just being there.

Once he saw that the door closed, he turned back to Sirius and opened his mouth to say something but for now nothing came. He could only stare at him and, after the night they had had, after their talk and the memories that had been mentioned, Remus didn't say anything. He just couldn't.

Instead he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Sirius' before bringing him even closer for the kiss he had been longing to give him. Because, even if their arms were still around each other, he needed some other sort of reassurance that they were...there. Alive. Together. He needed some warmth that the whiskey couldn't exactly provide, although now that he could taste it in his lips he could feel it starting to subdue the shaking he had figured he wouldn't be able to stop.

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-30 10:38 am UTC (link)
Alive.

The feeling of being alive was such a very difficult thing to pin down, especially when you were technically dead...ish. That was why Sirius would smoke cigarettes (or any other things you could smoke) -- to remind himself with that burn, the heat of the smoke curling in his lungs -- and why he would do stupid things like get into fights at the pub, because if you hurt, if you bled, if you woke up with the feeling of a dozen circus elephants marching across your forehead, you knew you were truly, honestly alive.

Existing was one thing. Ghosts existed. Sirius knew quite well what that was like, just sitting and watching (with the occasional prank on a young student in the few months before the battle when he'd been able to touch things like the other resident ghosts of the castle) and well, it was rather boring.

Sirius Black did not do boring.

Many people would say that Remus John Lupin was boring, because he'd rather read a book or study his spellwork than tease other students or play pickup games of Quidditch in the afternoon. But not Sirius. While Sirius would much rather cause mayhem or something else, there were times when he would lie there on his bed, watching as Remus would practice spells for the next Charms lesson. And despite his efforts to distract Remus, he never could quite manage...and that fascinated him.

Remus had always fascinated him.

Much like he was fascinating him at that very moment. Sirius had the brief thought in his mind -- He's married. To your cousin. -- before he had another thought -- Not the first married man you've snogged, who gives a damn.

And that smirk that crossed his features when he slowly pulled back from the kiss crept up into his eyes, and he just tried his best not to snicker. "Why Moony, if I didn't know any better, you've been wanting to do that for years..." he tilted his head to the side before he leaned in closer and returned the favor.

One good snog deserved another, after all.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-30 11:11 am UTC (link)
Seeing that smirk, Remus couldn't help but smile. Just smile, feeling the way his heart kept beating wildly in his chest. He was married, and there was no doubt that he loved Dora, but there had always been something about Sirius. Maybe it was the fact that he had been the first person he had truly loved so strongly. Maybe it was the fact that a part of him would always love him, because first loves were hard to ever forget.

Maybe...

For now he didn't focus on that. He just returned the kiss, his hold tightening because he had been wanting to do that for so many years that he just wanted to absorb everything. His taste, his scent, that feeling that he got while being near him, the feel of his lips against his...

Merlin, he felt like he was back to being a teenager.

Pulling back just barely once he needed some air, his lips quirked upwards but not once did he loosen his hold on him. He would, eventually, but... Well. Moony was having a hard time letting go even if he knew that they had to.

He brushed his lips against his before whispering against them. "I do love you. I don't think I will ever be able to stop, and you will always matter to me. Nothing can ever change that, even if things are...different now."

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[info]bigbadpadfoot
2007-12-31 07:17 am UTC (link)
Back to being a teenager was a good way to put it. And being that one of the last times Sirius had been honestly happy was before James and Lily had been killed, before he'd been sent to Azkaban...he'd been just a bit older than a teenager.

Not saying that the time after he had escaped from Azkaban had been bad, because it had been quite a happy time (despite being locked in the house for his own protection) but the last time he'd felt honestly alive, with his whole life ahead of him, and carefree...

"Things are different now, yes," Sirius cleared his throat just slightly before he smiled up at Remus. "But puppy love lasts forever, I'd say." Then he hugged Remus close again. "Thank you for burning the bloody thing down. I thought I needed it to remind myself that I was alive...but I think that having it gone has made me realize that there are more important things to mark my place on the earth."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-31 08:14 am UTC (link)
"Forever, indeed." Remus returned the hug, holding him just as close because for the second time tonight he wanted to be selfish and stay there a little longer.

"You're very welcome," he said quietly, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "If you ever need us to remind you of that we will gladly do so, as many times as it is necessary." A beat. "You know, I am actually quite proud of getting arrested."

Although he kept a straight face, that particular Marauder smirk could easily be seen in his eyes as he added somewhat playfully. "You are a bad influence, Padfoot."

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