Remus J. Lupin ([info]r_moony) wrote in [info]hp_random,
@ 2007-12-10 20:00:00
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Current mood:"arrogant"
Entry tags:grownhp, lucius malfoy, remus lupin, roleplay, scorpius malfoy

Who? Remus Lupin, Lucius Malfoy, Scorpius Malfoy
What? Remus and Lucius need to talk to Scorpius.
Why? Because Remus refuses to let Scorpius make the same mistakes he does.
When? In the [info]grownhp6words storyline.
Rating: My guess is that it'll start at a strong PG-13. Then it depends on how their tempers go.


After his talk with Lucius Remus moved out of his office without bothering to check whether he was following or not at first. If he wanted to come with him he could. If he didn't, he could do just that. Lucius' comments at a moment when he just wanted to find Scorpius had set him on an edge and he was teetering so closely to that abyss that would unleash the beast inside him that, if he were to be his usual calm self, he would probably feel sorry for Scorpius for having to face him like this.

Right now that was not the case, however. Remus Lupin was rarely pushed to this edge, but when it happened he didn't care about the consequences until he calmed down - right now that moment was nowhere close. Scorpius would see firsthand the beast he had unleashed, because his actions hit so close to his past mistakes that part of his anger was not only directed towards the boy but towards himself. Not only that, but he had walked on Lily Potter - someone who was his family. He would not allow this to continue.

But he was trying to keep holding onto the last bit of calm he had left. Whether it was for Scorpius' sake or for himself it was unknown, but at least he was trying no matter how much the beast kept trying to get out.

Once they reached Arizona via portkey, Remus approached the house Scorpius was supposed to be staying at. The change in the weather went unnoticed to him because his body's temperature was never 'normal' whenever the wolf was near. This was no exception. Without turning to look at Lucius, Remus knocked on Scorpius' door with his wand ready. He would still give Scorpius a moment to answer on his own, but as soon as the door would open a charm would be set so that Scorpius would not be able to leave.

The boy would listen to what he had to say. Remus had given him fair warning - as far as he was concerned, that was more than enough.


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[info]yes_peacocks
2007-12-11 04:58 am UTC (link)
Lucius walked in silence behind the Professor, letting the other man to stew. If Remus was smoldering, it negated the need or desire for idle chatter with Lucius and the Malfoy patriarch was quite content with that arrangement. He had his own issues to deal with at the moment. His own temper.

Lucius did not have the excuse Remus did to dismiss his darker nature to some beast. He had never made apologies for his behavior or his attitudes before, and had never seen the need for it.

Which is why, he knew, he was in some god forsaken place called Arizona. About to face the one boy he owed everything to.

But how do you begin to apologize for ten years...

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-11 05:18 am UTC (link)
Arizona was about as far from his life in London as he could get. The house he chose offered him the illusion of wide open spaces. Because the wolf was so close to the surface, and it was demanding space. Space to prowl and hunt. Space to claim as it's own. He could feel it clawing and gnawing it's way to the surface, and here in Arizona he felt comfortable enough to let it do so.

The truth was, he was tired of fighting the basic instincts of the wolf because he had been doing so for ten years. He had been fighting the basic instincts of being a Malfoy too. Conflicting instincts, yet both wolf and Malfoy combined and twisted together to form who he was. That was why you would be mistaken to compare this situation to the one that happened with Remus and Dora years before.

Fact: Scorpius Malfoy was not in love with Lily Potter. He had not set out to marry her. It was a bloody fire dance.

Fact: Remus Lupin had willingly chosen to marry his wife. He had been in love with her. It was not a bloody fire dance.

Fact: Scorpius Malfoy was twenty-one years old. He was supposed to be at the cusp of becoming the man he was meant to be, and leaving the child behind. Yet the moment he chose to stand by what he felt was right for him and all involved he was called a cowardly ignorant child.

Fact: Remus Lupin had been in his mid-thirties when he chose to walk out on his pregnant wife.

Fact: When Scorpius Malfoy opened the door to his Arizona house his mask was gone. What the two men standing on the other side found was a very irritated young man who was product of wolf and Malfoy. One part influenced by Remus Lupin, and the other part influenced by Lucius Malfoy. So, perhaps, it was poetic that these were the two who were elected to come for him. Regardless he merely looked at both of them with cold grey eyes.

"Can I help you?" He asked in a perfectly polite tone.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-11 06:22 am UTC (link)
Cold blue eyes met his cold grey ones, any trace of the 'kind' professor long gone. If anyone who didn't know him were to take one look at him they would not even be able to guess that kind professor ever existed, because the wolf he always hid behind his own mask was too strong to keep hidden anymore. His actions and his words seemed careful and calculated, but his temper wanted to just explode and finally let go so badly that there were times when he could feel his blood boiling through his veins.

If Remus was supposed to feel guilty for invading his privacy it didn't happen. Scorpius' manners were obviously intact, but Remus' weren't as he made his way into the house, silently setting the charm into effect.

His voice was never raised. It still held that dangerously low tone it had gotten back at Lucius' office. "We need to talk to you."

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[info]yes_peacocks
2007-12-11 06:50 am UTC (link)
Lucius felt his temper ebb just slightly as he took in Scorpius. He hadn't realized how concerned he was for the child until that moment, when he stared into those familiar gray eyes, and released the breath he had been holding since he received that Owl.

Scorpius tone did nothing to damper that relief, as Lucius slide into the home. He took one long, searching look around the place. This had been where his grandson hid, had he? But how could he find comfort here? It wasn't...home.

"As Professor Lupin has so eloquently put it," Lucius drawled, turning back and facing those angry proud eyes. Such arrogant, bold eyes. How defiant. "We need to..."

Scorpius Malfoy was a brave boy. He did not need to be sung to, or comforted, he did not need his grandfather to come and chase away some demon. How many times had Lucius heard that speech over the years?

Bugger that, Lucius needed it. He pushed forward, for a moment, despite that familiar pride and hugged the boy in front of him, for one brief moment.

"Scorpius," He whispered, "Are you...well?"

Of course he wasn't. But Lucius needed to ask it anyways. He needed to be assured that Scorpius was real and standing before him.

Then, they could go back to being proud.



Edited at 2007-12-11 06:52 am UTC

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-11 06:58 am UTC (link)
Scorpius found the lack of trace of kind professor easier to deal with honestly. Because the obedient polite student was left somewhere back in London. It was funny how one had to go so far away to be comfortable in their skin.

It was his grandfather's reaction that caught him slightly off guard. He had expected to duck the cane, or to have himself ordered home. Being embraced made him flinch, both inwardly, and outwardly because he didn't catch it at first. That flinch of disgust and the need to put a comfortable distance between them. He would hope that Lucius hadn't noticed, but his grandfather was a smart man. He survived as long as he had by always being observant. Just as Scorpius had been an observant child who caught that first flinch of disgust all those years before.

"I was better when I was left on my own, but please come in and make yourself at home." His tone was polite, but they knew he was feeling anything but hospitable. He closed the door after he stepped away from his grandfather.

With a flick of his wand, red and white wine appeared along with goblets. Not elf-made wine, of course, no. It was something from one of the California vineyards. He liked it well enough.

Flopping down into a chair, he didn't bother with pouring himself a drink. It was there if they wished to help themselves. He turned his gaze on to Remus and for just a second the wolf inside him stirred in recognition to the alpha being as close to the surface as he was. But the fire in those grey eyes went out just as fast as it had emerged.

"Well then, you've come this far, by all means, speak." He cast a silent protego in case either of them had it in their heads to attempt to hex him. He would be polite, but he would not be stupid when dealing with them.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-11 07:48 am UTC (link)
Remus didn't bother to even look at the wine, nor did he look for a place to sit. He was far too restless to sit or drink anything; instead he just took in Scorpius' appearance and his expression.

It was during this time that he cast a protego of his own, because if history were to repeat itself it would be Scorpius the one trying to hex him even if Remus was in the right frame of mind to hex him across the room and back again. Over, and over, and over.

As soon as he opened his mouth Remus felt his control start to slip even more but it was too late to stop now. He could not just turn away. Scorpius was like a son to him, and if he had been the one to make him regret putting up any facades in front of him to make him see the struggle to control the beast then he would see every bit of it.

"I am not going to pretend that I have a power strong enough to magically change your mind. I may be 'arrogant' for making the attempt, but I am not arrogant enough for that.

"You were right, in what you said in that last owl," he continued, starting to pace. "Our situations are not completely alike. While I left my wife and child, I loved them both. You obviously do not. Our reasons are the same, however. You left trying to protect Lily and that child from what you are, and I understand that completely. I cannot reproach you for that, because I did the same. And I know you had no wish of having a family of your own, and it is for that reason that I am going to make this perfectly clear: Don't you dare get near that child if you are going to put up your bloody facade and pretend you care for them when you don't. Don't you dare go back if you are not willing to love that child as you should, because I swear Scorpius if you do... There will be no power strong enough to hold me. I will never allow you to do that."

He was close to growling and he knew it, but he continued.

"The wolf clawing to the surface is obviously something that happens. Because something happens with this damn curse, Scorpius, and we lose control of our lives. Yes, I understand the need for it because that is what my life is based on, but the only thing you can do is fight it and control it. You let it roam on full moons and exhaust it long enough so it can stay caged until the next moon. Sometimes it does not work, and I am well aware of that, but we have to keep on trying. What are you planning on doing here? Are you planning on setting it free? Are you planning on becoming that abomination we get accused of being? A monster like the one that did this to us?"

His jaw clenched tightly, glaring and never once looking away from him. "You were raised better than this. Your parents raised you to be better, and I did my best to help you in what I could. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know that because I think I know you well enough. You said I could call you an immature bastard, but I will simply stick with immature and selfish coward, because that is what we become when we do what you are doing right now."

Remus turned to Lucius for a brief moment and gave a barely visible nod to say he was done with what he wanted to say for the moment. Not making any attempts to calm down just yet, he started to pace as his gaze went back to Scorpius, studying him carefully.

Edited at 2007-12-11 07:49 am UTC

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[info]yes_peacocks
2007-12-11 08:20 am UTC (link)
Lucius had noted the flinch, but made sure he did not act on it. That would have been too easy, to push forward and expose that kill wound. Too easy to take advantage of it. So instead, he followed Scorpius' lead and took a seat opposite him, reaching over and pouring three drinks.

It cost nothing to be polite, and it gave his hands something to do as he listened intently to Remus' speech. He wondered for a moment what was the Owl he was referring to, and what already had passed between them. But then, the words began to form that made Lucius bristle.

Images of the beast that was once kept on a tight reign danced through his head. The way the blood glistened from a man's face, the way corpses and victims were spayed in front of him. And then the images of his grandson, standing there in the midsts of it.

Lucius felt his hand slip on the glass he was holding. Not. My. Grandson. Never. My. Grandson.

He had only moments to squash that nightmare, but he didn't hide the pain on his features from the speech. He let Scorpius see it, let Remus see it. He took the nod in silence, and then looked at his grandson.

And for a moment, he resisted the urge to hold the child once more.

"Well," He asked, "was that why?" Did you mean to become Fenrir by coming here...

He could not speak, could not argue yet. If he knew what to say, he would have but right now it was just raw emotion. He was staring at his grandson long and searchingly, looking for something...familiar.

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-11 08:35 am UTC (link)
Scorpius listened to what they had to say. They had his complete attention. If there was something that Scorpius excelled at, it was listening. Observing. Taking it all in, picking it apart, looking for flaws in theories, and proof in examples.

He waited until they were both done before he merely stared at Remus. He had to resist the urge to smirk. Talk about the fight for control.

"I see. So, you wish for me to stay away from the child if I can not be sure that I love it. You wish for me to not subject the child to what it feels like to not be accepted unconditionally by those who are supposed to love them most. You wish for me to ensure that this child will grow up in a home where it knows nothing but love, understanding, and constant support then? It will not be subjected to prejudice by it's family. For, while we can not control how society views us, we can at the very least, give our children the understanding we did not have as children. I see."

He gestured around to his temporary home as if to say well then, I am already doing just that. He looked away from both of them for a moment as he looked out at the view of the sky. Lovely view in this house. Wide open spaces.

"I believe then you have come a very long way to say well done, Son. You did just as I wished you to do. You realized that your prejudices against yourself would surface to this child, and this child and it's mother will see as clear through your issues as you saw through your family's. You're welcome, Remus. I aim to please."

His tone was still so polite, but it edged on condescending. "I am here living my life. Do you know what a coward would do? A coward would force a smile, would hide behind a carefully orchestrated shield of charm and old world manners. A coward would make vows he had no intention of keeping. A coward would embrace a child one moment and then go out and shed blood to wash the stench of that child's touch off their hands. That would be a coward. A man would take a good long look at who he is. He would see his flaws and realize he is not at a place to be able to help the mother of his child. He would realize that she has enough to deal with to not have to take on his issues on top of it. He would remember what it was like to learn first hand what it was like to go from the hope of his family to it's shame. And he would vow that his stupid mistake on the island would not come back to harm that child and it's mother any more than it has too."

Scorpius stood up and snarled at Remus in a way he had never snarled in human form before. Grey eyes grew impossibly dark as they locked on to his mentor. His second father.

"I refuse to fake it because children can see through it. Children see more than adults will ever realize. You write me off as your kind as if it's this curse that has driven me away from everyone." He laughed suddenly. A cold ugly laugh as he turned his gaze on to his grandfather. "Yet it's just as much your kind that influenced how I feel about myself and this child. You both think you know me? You have no idea who I am because I learned from both of you how to shield it. How to swallow it down and present a comfortable picture for those to see. Don't hate me because I am as good at it as you are. Don't come here and judge me because I'm more man than either of you will ever be." He paused and let out a growl of frustration. "I know I am beneath her and this child. I know that I will hurt them by forcing them to see me like this. I know that I will hurt my parents, grandmother, and siblings because they don't understand what it means to hate what your family stands for, and hate yourself for not measuring up to them. You think I struggle with the wolf inside me? Try struggling with the Malfoy inside me on top of it. Now, unless either of you have something to add to this, I believe we are all in agreement here. I have no place in London while I feel this way."

Edited at 2007-12-11 08:39 am UTC

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-11 05:02 pm UTC (link)
For what it was worth, Remus listened to every word. He took them all in and analyzed them as he would, because he would not let the wolf anywhere near that side of him. Once the boy had finished talking, though, even if he was standing perfectly still and his face looked relatively calm, he could feel himself shaking. He could take words and still hold on to that sliver of control he had been clinging to so desperately, but the second Scorpius snarled it sent the wolf into a frenzy. A pup speaking to him this way? The predator finally took a hold then, claiming its territory at once. He could feel it how the wolf he always fought and kept at bay dug its fangs deeply into his neck; how its claws tore at his chest and clutched so tightly that it didn't take long before the coldness took over.

Remus Lupin was gone. Fluffy wanted Moony - the Moony that Remus feared and kept locked up from everyone he loved - to come teach him a lesson this time? The wolf was more than happy to oblige. His 'calmness' disappeared in a blink of an eye and before he knew it his fist was reaching to make contact with Scorpius' face as hard as it could, because in front of him he was seeing everything he hated in himself and in others. In his child. Scorpius might think he was arrogant for thinking he could save him, but on top of it Remus was greedy. That self loathing rot was only supposed to be for himself and no one else; especially NOT his children. He had supposedly killed Fenrir ten years ago, and it was like he was seeing him again in Scorpius.

"Poor Scorpius Malfoy," he sneered. "How difficult it must be you, with your two curses in one lifetime. I was your age when I went into hiding, but I only did so because my family was dead. And my parents, who acted how your grandfather did that first night he found out you were bitten, were dead as well so I did what seemed logical at the time and left. And yes, I learned to control what I was. I learned how to hide behind masks, because that was my only method of surviving. Because I lived in a time when his kind," he said as he pointed at Lucius, so livid that he could swear he was starting to see red, "would do everything in their power so that werewolves would never be able to lead anything that resembled a normal life. Some would 'take pity' and would gladly go out on hunting sprees to 'end our suffering.' There was persecution, and a discrimination and hate towards us that, if you hide because of what you live now, you would never be able to survive. What you have right now, even with HIS possible disapproval is paradise compared to what you had to live through back then. Those slurs you hear, about 'dirty halfbreeds' and all that other nonsense? That is nothing. If I am supposed to feel pity for you, the only pity I feel right now is because you have to live with your ridiculous behaviour."

Looking just about ready to strike again, he approached him as the wolf demanded to take over more territory. "You want to see things change? You want his kind to be silenced and proved wrong about what a terrible 'disgrace' we are once and for all? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You are a Malfoy; you have endless chances and possibilities, even as a werewolf, because of the name you bear. And instead of taking advantage of it..." As he trailed off he made a point to pause and look around the house before turning to him with nothing but disgust in his face. "Well. I don't have to tell you much about that, do I. Except you, instead of taking advantage and making a change for the better, you simply use your family fortune to hide in it, and your name as another excuse to hide. You want to hurt them? PROVE. THEM. WRONG. THAT is how you win. By living and proving to them that, despite everything, you are better than they are. That you are stronger than they can ever be.

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-11 05:02 pm UTC (link)
"If that child faces any prejudice," he continued, "you think they will be better off without you? Yes, Scorpius, how bloody brave of you; hiding out and not facing the world with them. If they did inherit your condition, you are willing to face it by themselves? You don't have to stay married to Lily or even be with her to raise that child, but you are so willing to just drop it all and pretend it never existed. At least Fenrir Greyback raised his pups, for better or for worse. You think you can save them from anything? You think YOU have that power? The arrogant between us is not me. Then again, what else should I expect. You are behaving like a true Malfoy."

Taking advantage of the strength and the adrenaline that was running through him he reached to grab him by the collar. "The only way you are proving yourself to be my son is that you are making the same mistake I did thirty years ago. Other than that you are not my son, because my son would know better. I made the mistake of leaving, but if there is one thing I learned is that I would never dare let my children face what my curse ties them to alone." Which was, in one way or another, why he was here as well but he didn't mention that. "Doing that makes you more of a monster than Fenrir and all that you say you hate, and I have no respect or sympathy for your choice in that matter."

Remus shoved him back then before he could let himself strike him again. Later on he would feel the sting of Scorpius' words, and even his own. He would feel the guilt pressing on him for crossing a line he had sworn to himself he would never, ever dare to cross but right now none of that existed. With everything that he was feeling, it was hard to believe it ever existed at all.

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[info]yes_peacocks
2007-12-11 08:05 pm UTC (link)
“Professor Lupin, do try and refrain from abusing my grandson in my presence.”

Lucius’ words were just above a whisper as he spoke, shifted slightly in his seat, as he stared down at the wine goblet in his hand. “But I suppose it’s my turn for the indignant speech, is it? Well, you’ve seemed to be licking your wounds quite nicely, Scorpius, so I’ll try and make this brief.” He said simply as he sipped the wine once more before placing the glass on the table and rising slowly, not trusting himself to reach for the cane and having a weapon so readily available. It made his movements jerky and unrefined. Painful. Even after ten years, it still hurt. He let it hurt. He let the discomfort and the wounded pride scratch his beauty. Scorpius wanted to see what his grandfather was, did he? Very well.

“Tell me, I’m an old man and my manners aren’t what they use to be, my timing’s a bit off.” Lucius Malfoy drawled as he stepped unevenly towards his grandson. “Is there where I step forward and prove you are right? Where I admit to you that I have viewed you as a failure and disgrace to my name all these years? Is there where I call you a beast and a creature, as something beneath me, that has only ever brought me shame and pain?”

“Is that what you want to hear?” He asked, searching those damn familiar gray eyes. His hand longed for his cane. He wanted to smack that the boy for his self-centeredness, for his utter stupidity. For believing such vicious lies about himself. “Well, then. If that is what you want to hear, I suppose then you should be a man about it. Because that is what you’re doing, after all, isn’t it?” With each sentence Lucius took a step closer to Scorpius, letting his eyes bore into the boy’s. “Being a man? Well then, for Salazar’s sake, be a man and stop throwing a tantrum. Stop claiming the desire to protect a father, and mother who love you, siblings who adore you, a wife who cares and worries for you, admit what you are doing for what it is. Own up.

You are becoming a thing because it’s easier. Of course it’s easier. You can dismiss a thing, after all, a monster. A grandson, a son, a husband and a brother…those things are harder to dismiss aren’t they? So tell me that’s what your doing. You are hiding. Licking your wounds. Because you’re afraid it will be hard. Alright, Scorpius, you are my grandson and I adore you. I will give you the world if you asked it of me, you’re asking for a hiding spot and that’s no big thing. That’s no big thing at all. But you have to ask me for it. You have to tell me that’s what you want. Tear out a piece of your soul,” Lucius whispered as he stared at the house and its wide-open spaces. “Throw into some cheap facsimile, and then continue on with that half-life and see if it makes you as noble and loving as you thought it would. I have no…objections for that. I have done it before. You destroy something innocent, to protect your own comfort and you let all those who love you deal with the fall out. What do you care, you’re comfortable.” Lucius’ tone was gentle, so soft he could have made the words sings. “You are secure.” He leveled his eyes on Scorpius. “I can understand it. But I’m old, Scorpius, my instincts aren't as finely tuned. If that’s what you’re doing, I can understand it. I’ve done it after all. But that’s what you’re going to have to say…because if this is…protection…you’re wrong.” He looked over. “My hope.”


Edited at 2007-12-11 08:09 pm UTC

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-11 08:26 pm UTC (link)
The punch surprised him, but he didn't raise his hand or his wand to strike back. He merely stood his ground and stared Remus down. The words were there, but they were making little impact. Because they were missing the point. He didn't want to be a father. He had never wanted to be a father.

"Fenrir went out of his way to create his family." Whisper soft tone and carefully chosen words. "He wanted to raise them in his image. Perhaps, you are not so different from him or the Malfoys, Remus. Perhaps, you too, wish to raise your children in your image. If not your true image than the one you try so very hard to project to those around you."

His hand reached up and brushed the blood from his lip and jerked free of Remus's grip. He didn't move any further away from that. His focus was on his grandfather now. Listening to his words as he tried to force some semblance of respect that he really didn't feel toward either of them right now.

"I want to be left alone to sort through my thoughts and my desires. I don't want or need either of you to pity me. I would like you to respect the fact that I am a man. And like any man I have the right to choose what is right for me. Would this be an issue if I wasn't a werewolf? Would either of you be here telling me how wrong I am to not wish to raise this child? Because that is what you two are missing; I don't want to be a father to any child. Not to one with my condition or without it."

He let out of a growl of frustration and stared down hard at his grandfather. He looked so old. When did Lucius become so bloody old? "I don't want to lie to my wife and make promises I can't keep like you and Father did. Lily understands my choice and respects it, and frankly her opinion is the only one that matters right now."

Scorpius turned and looked back at Remus. For just a moment some of the anger subsided and his expression softened, but it was a brief moment. "I'm not ready to be the man you think I should be. I'm not willing to fake it until I feel it. I am not hiding. I'm choosing to put distance between me and those back there until I can sort myself out. Until I can get a clear picture of the situation at hand and figure out the best way to handle it for all involved. How dare you come into my home and criticize the choices I made just because you don't agree with them? You say you want to fight for equal rights then treat me as an equal. Because if I was just a man who realized he had gotten a woman pregnant after accidentally marrying her, and knew he did not want to be a husband and father and chose to walk away yet still financially support his responsibilities would this even be an issue?" He paused and then gave Remus a curious look. "Tell me something, if Lily had decided she wished to terminate the pregnancy would you be yelling at her about being a coward or having a tantrum, or would you respect her choice?"

Edited at 2007-12-11 08:30 pm UTC

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-11 09:06 pm UTC (link)
His own voice lowered, but the edge and the coldness was still there. "I will treat you as an equal the minute you act like an adult. Because this is not being a man. If you want to be under that illusion, however, and you feel comfortable and believe that lie, do as you please. I have done and said what I could."

He stared at the stranger in front of him, not bothering to return the favor of even trying to find a single ounce of respect. There was no love or admiration in his eyes how there had once been because what he had in front of him was just a shadow; a shell. In his eyes there was just anger. There was even disgust. But there was no recognition of the person he had once cared so fervently for.

"If Harry or Teddy would have walked out on their child, yes, I would have gone after them as well. If for even a second you have to doubt it, then you obviously do not know me." A small, humorless smile crossed his lips, his hands clenching so tightly into fists that his knuckles were turning a bright white. If Lucius hadn't asked him to not hit Scorpius again - he had earned a bit of his respect after his words to the child - he would have done so. "Then again, you have already proved that by even implying that I wish to raise any of my children in my image. I just try to raise them to be who they have the potential of being, werewolf or not, but if you don't understand that by now then it is pointless for me to even try to explain. As far as Lily is concerned, I doubt I would have to yell at her because she would not throw a tantrum and therefore I would be able to treat her like an equal. And yes, I would try to talk to her, but ultimately it would be her choice. Your example has little to no relevance here, however. The child is part of her body. Here the child is part of your life. Comparing the two, to me, is pointless."

He turned to Lucius, jaw clenching for a brief moment before he spoke once more. "If you wish to stay, feel free to do so. I have no interest in staying here any longer, and I am trying to respect your wish for me to not 'abuse' your grandson." He turned to Scorpius, his eyes hardening. "Because ten years ago I killed the beast that attacked us, and right now that is all I can see when I look at you. And, quite frankly, it makes me sick to realize that. I bet you have made him so very proud."

And, with that, he turned to leave.

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-11 09:17 pm UTC (link)
The words stung deeper than anything physical Remus could do. Scorpius visibly flinched and stepped back from both of them. Desperate to put distance between them. He wanted them gone. He wanted them to stay. It was this constant struggle of conflicting thoughts.

"I am not like him. If I was I would have attacked her instead of leaving. I would have attacked you when you struck me. I am not like him." His voice cracked just a bit and there was only a flash of fear. Not fear of what either of them could do, but of the fact that he was more like Fenrir than he ever believed possible.

"I would never trick someone into doing what I want them to do by dangling their family in front of them. I would never destroy someone just because I could. I'm not like him. I will never be like him."

He backed up again and felt those walls closing in again. He wanted desperately to put his mask back up. To be able to pretend that the words hadn't cut him to the core, but he felt unable to do anything but continue to back up until he slammed against a wall.

"You can't really see him when you look at me. You can't. I've fought too bloody hard not too..." He looked up and stared at Remus in horror. "You're lying. I'm not like him."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-11 09:37 pm UTC (link)
The flinch went unnoticed, and even the way he stepped back. It was until he heard that crack in his voice that he turned, and seeing him like that brought another struggle in him. The beast wanted to capitalize on this moment of weakness. It wanted so badly to tear him to shreds.

Seeing him like that, though, was bringing back that side of him that wanted nothing more than to protect his boy, but he couldn't take back what he had said. He hadn't said lies just to get him to crack - the sad part was that he had been telling the truth.

"There are other ways of being like him - physically attacking someone was not the only thing Greyback did, and it is not the only way of harming others."

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-12 08:16 am UTC (link)
Scorpius didn't know what to do here. Remus had struck the nerve, the fear, that had always been his most vulnerable spot. The spot he refused to let others know exist. That knowledge that the boy who went into the woods that night changed in ways that no one would comprehend completely; unless of course they had been through the same experience.

"Why?" It was such a simple question, and he asked it in a way that made it clear he really didn't understand. His eyes were locked on Remus, searching for some clue to the the answer he was missing.

"Why does this make me like him? You said you didn't want me near the child if I couldn't treat it the way it wanted to be. So what am I doing wrong then? I..." His tone became a little more desperate and he hated that his grandfather would see this part of him. "I saw Lily as prey, Remus. I could smell the emotions rolling off her. I could count her heart beats. I wished to...it's Lily. I've known her since we were children. I've wished to protect her...since we were children. How...do you know what it is like to view someone you care so deeply for as prey? How can I help her with this when I have not had the time to fully process what these changes made? I left because I didn't wish to hurt her or my family. I didn't wish..." he looked down and in this moment he let the truth fall from his lips, "to be faced with how much I was like him in that moment. Ten years I have fought not to let him surface within me, and I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving. And now you saw you see him when you look at me. Why? WHY?"

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-12 10:07 am UTC (link)
"You saw Lily as prey just how I am seeing you right now, then?" His voice didn't soften, instead the edge was back to it because revealing his own weakness, and in front of Lucius Malfoy, was also not something he had wanted to do. The vulnerability was making that struggle to regain his old self so much harder, because the wolf wanted to lash out before anyone could hurt it anymore. He had offered him a chance to do this on their own, but Scorpius had refused and this was yet another consequence. Yet another reason to be upset at him for.

"You reek of fear. I can count your heartbeats. When I saw that blood I was able to draw from you my first instinct was to get more. When I saw that weakness in your eyes I wanted to tear you apart piece by piece, and I have seen you like a son for ten years. I've wished to protect you, and I care deeply for you, but this loss of control happens. This beast that just takes over if you let it, if it gets provoked like this..."

There was a growling in his ear so strong that he had to pause and rake his fingers through his hair before grabbing a handful of it as if that way he would be able to take a firm hold of his emotions and control everything he was feeling. "I don't plan on returning home for the next day or two to push this side of me back to its cage, because I do not wish to scare my family or my students either. If you would have gone to me and talked to me so I could explain to you that this is bloody normal, I would have understood. I would have even helped you find a place to stay so you could do the same thing, because I know that fear of hurting the ones you love. It is what every piece of my nightmares are made of.

"Instead you are here. Hiding, but to me it is not the same type as the one I just mentioned. I have lived with this curse for most of my life - did you think you are the only one that gets to deal with these instincts that take over? Do you honestly believe you are the only one that has to fight for whatever control you have over it, so that it does not take over your life?"

He paused for a brief moment, but it didn't last long. His voice dropped lower as he continued, "Fenrir could have controlled what he felt. He could have fought those urges, just how you and I have done for years, but he didn't. He gave into them, and he did make sure to make the most of it. You have yet to do that part, but you being here and refusing any help from someone who can help is not giving me much hope." He turned to Lucius, jaw clenching for a moment before turning back to the boy he so desperately wanted to hug and help, yet also shake some bloody sense into him.

"He is right, being a thing is so much easier than being everything you have back in London. It is so much easier to stop fighting and letting that thing destroy you and take over, and I don't see you struggling anymore. This," he said as he motioned towards the house, towards his damn open spaces, "tells me you may be finding a way to sort what you are feeling, but while giving into what the wolf wants. Whether you realize it or not, whether it was a conscious decision or not, it is unclear."

"He hid from society and stayed at the outskirts of it simply to attack when necessary. That was his form of rebellion against what 'normal' wizards stood for. And this, all this you are telling me just screams rebellion against what your name stands for."

His features softened then to reveal the grief that was gripping at him, but it didn't last long as his emotions clashed yet again within him. "I don't know the words to explain to you this sinking feeling in my stomach, or the way I see vivid glimpses of him on you in your arrogance. I just...do."

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-12 10:27 am UTC (link)
"Help me," he said quietly. His voice cracked again and he hated it. Hated that he couldn't get his walls back up. Hated that he felt so bloody exposed. It was as if someone had sliced him open and revealed his insides to both of them, and he hated it. Despised the weakness that it felt like. The lack of control that he so desperately fought to hold on too. "Please."

He looked away from both of them and out at the skyline that this house provided him. Because it did soothe the wolf. The wide open spaces and lack of confinement had made it settle. Blended into something manageable. Something easier to accept than the beast that had been clawing it's way to the surface when Lily told him the news. Just as the beast had clawed it's way to the surface here when he had allowed himself to snarl like an animal while in human form.

"I thought it was supposed to be different. That because it was easier for me than it had been with you that I was supposed to be immune to those...impulses. I've grown up on the potion. I've never been alone for transformations. I thought..."

He looked back at them, at his grandfather who looked impossibly old yet still so strong because to Scorpius he was a God among common men, and at Remus who looked tired, angry...and even a little dangerous. The Alpha wolf if you will.

"When it happened, when I felt that impulse to hurt her, to make her...I thought it meant that I'd become something that my aunt had warned about. When she had swore that they should have let her put me down. I thought that I proved her right, and I knew that no one would. They didn't when I was a child, and they wouldn't now nor would I ask them too. I didn't wish to die, but I couldn't stay there and put people at risk. I'm so bloody disgusted with myself. So, yes, I was arrogant, all right. I thought that I'd mastered the control and that because of my circumstances and the things that were available to me...I wouldn't become him."

He leaned against the wall as if expecting it to support him from falling deeper into the abyss that seemed to be swallowing him up. "I thought I was doing the right thing. The honorable thing. Leaving before I could hurt anyone. Leaving before I could pass on the prejudices that were passed on to me. I knew she'd be all right. Lily is so strong, and her family would never, not for a moment, make the child feel as if anything but a blessing. I...I thought you didn't understand that I was a true threat to them, and that was why I was lashing out because I thought above all else you should understand, but if you didn't then it must have been something I alone felt. I thought...I failed at what you and Padfoot spent years teaching me." He let out a sigh as he looked up at the ceiling. "I thought I was supposed to be alone so I wouldn't hurt people, and that you were blinded by your affection for me to see that it was true so I was trying to be strong enough for all of us to do the right thing."

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[info]yes_peacocks
2007-12-12 11:02 am UTC (link)
Fenrir was laughing. Someone was holding Lucius' back and Fenrir was laughing. Lucius fought against the restraints, ignoring the pleas, the whispered warnings. He even ignored the Dark Lord's steady gaze because he knew he was watching.

Lucius was burning. Fenrir laughed.

"Want me to fix it," Fenrir was asking, his hungry wild laughter only feeding Lucius' rage. Why were they holding him back? That beast had destroyed a name that had withstood centuries of tradition and time. How dare they protect that beast from Lucius' wrath. That beast had hurt his grandson. "I'll fix it, Lucius. Make it nice and proper for you." The Wolf howled as he lifted his disfigured hand towards the Death Eater. "But you have to beg this time. Ask me to touch him and take away this from you. BEG ME."

Scorpius words had brought up a memory that he hadn't understood till now. Had Lucius been in full possession of his soul when Fenrir had spoken to him ten years back, he would have understood then. But he hadn't. He had become a thing because it was easier then being a Grandfather who did all those terrible things. He had left his family to deal with the fall out...

Because it was...

Remus likening Scorpius to Fenrir had thrown Lucius back to the present, to that scared, angry child before him with his eyes. Lucius wanted to shut Remus up. He would have killed the man if this had been any other place, but this was for his Grandson. To rescue him, and instead he let the words fall. He listened numbly, feeling the world turn black around him. Till he heard Scorpius speak.

Help me please...

All that was Lucius sprung into movement now. He jerked Scorpius' forward before the younger man had chance to move. He threw his arms around the boy, clutching to him because it was the only thing keeping Lucius upright at this moment.

"Come home." Lucius begged, ignoring how broken he sounded, how desperate and old he felt. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We can settle anything...you want. We can take care of it. But come home. Scorpius, my beautiful-" He felt his voice fail him as realization continued to twist deeper into his heart. "Come home. You are not alone, Scorpius...and that child will grow up loved and cherished. As you have always been. You don't have to do anything you don't..."

He buried his head in Scorpius' shoulder, "Just come home. Please."

Edited at 2007-12-12 11:03 am UTC

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-12 11:32 am UTC (link)
Just how Scorpius' words brought Lucius back, they managed to bring some of Remus back. Enough to hold back the beast that was glaring and ready to strike yet again for a fatal wound, because Remus couldn't leave Scorpius like this. Seeing him that way took him back to when he had first met him, and every instinct he had felt then to protect him from Bellatrix and the rest of the world came rushing back. It numbed some of the anger and the rage the beast kept making him feel, and for now that was more than enough.

"I will always help you." He walked over to where they were but kept a respectful distance because Lucius was Scorpius' grandfather, and they both needed this moment more than what anyone could realize. He knew this well enough.

"The potion is not enough to take away the beast, Scorpius. Nothing is, so you will never master this. All you can do is fight it and control it, and keep it locked in a cage until the potion can make it retreat again. Feeling that struggle, it does not make you that beast, however; that only happens once you give in. Instead you control it. Sometimes it feels like it gets harder than before, but if you give in... If you give in rather than trying to fight it, then it wins."

Just how it had taken over him. Just how he had let it win as well, but he already knew what he had to do while he had failed to teach Scorpius how to deal with his own demon and instincts. "Instead of giving up what you are willing to fight for, you need to keep them in mind. You have to find something that grounds you and reminds you just why you cannot allow the wolf to take over. It is not simple, and I do know how it feels like you are getting ripped apart from the inside out, but...that is the only thing that works."

His voice softened in the slightest. "As your grandfather said, you are not alone. You will never be alone, and we will do whatever we can to remind you of it."

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-12 11:46 am UTC (link)
He didn't flinch when his grandfather held him. He did not push him away as he had when he was a little boy who was far too brave to have his grandfather scare the nightmares away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him, buried his face in all that long silver-blond hair, and shook as he listened. Maybe Lucius hadn't been able to accept him right away when it first happened. Scorpius's logical mind had understood of course. You can't wash away all that you have stood and fought for simply because it ends up on your front door step. Tolerance takes time. He knew that. But the little boy who had been his grandfather's crown prince had been certain no amount of time would bring that tolerance. That when Lucius looked at him all he would see is what he lost that night in the forest.

And what Scorpius hated most, what he didn't wish to reveal to anyone, was that he would have gone out there again. If even for the chance that it had been his grandfather seeking his help, he would not have been able to ignore it, and he would have rushed right back into that forest looking for him again. This was why he could not blame anyone but himself for if he had learned as Professor Snape had taught them, to quiet that heart, then this would not even be an issue for any of them.

"Come home."

Scorpius longed to do so, but there was still so much fear that the wolf was close to the surface. That it would spring back up in full force before he could swallow it back down. He couldn't trust himself right now. Especially when tears were falling and he was allowing himself to be comforted in a way that he had refused before he was turned into this.

"I want too, but I don't want to hurt anyone. How can we be certain that enough time has passed that it is safe for me to do so?" He wiped at his eyes before he allowed himself to raise his chin and look at either of them. He still had his pride.

"I'm sorry that I handled it incorrectly and that I hurt those I wished to protect, but it seemed like the right thing to do. It felt like the right thing to do. How are you sure when it's safe to go back, Remus? How do you know when you can trust yourself again?"

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-12 12:06 pm UTC (link)
Remus had known better than to ask him to go home right away, but he couldn't blame Lucius for doing so. If it wasn't that he knew well enough that struggle he would have done the same, after all, but right now he was in the same predicament. He himself was not planning on going home right away because he needed to push away the same instincts and forces that Scorpius had desperately tried to get away from.

As he watched him not pull away, however, he couldn't help how a corner of his lips tugged ever so slightly upwards. It was the most he had smiled in days, and something cringed and tightened as he heard his voice soften again but he continued nonetheless.

"Like I said, I do not blame you for retreating how you did, just how the rest was handled and how final you made everything sound. But I really do understand wanting to place some distance between yourself and others while you gain control again."

He took a small deep breath. "I've yet to fully figure out a way to know for certain that it is safe. I think that the fact that you have not pulled away from affection is a good sign, however, and also that you are not acting like we are cornering you. Sometimes there just comes a point when you simply hope for the best and finish whatever battle you're in once you see those familiar faces."

Edited at 2007-12-12 12:09 pm UTC

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[info]yes_peacocks
2007-12-13 08:23 am UTC (link)
He held on for a small eternity before finally releasing his grandson. He was about to object again, his mind already working on the arrangement for the solicitors and healers and the conversations that needed to be had, or avoided. He was making the world fit his desires as it always had.

He forced himself to pull away. To listen. To control his own...Lucius didn't even know if he could call them emotions or memories anymore. They were at once confusing, clear and damning. He found that each one swooped into the forefront of his mind to attack and then disappeared again to linger and harass the wound.

But he listened instead of bleeding. It was easier. He couldn't understand exactly what Scorpius and Remus spoke of, but he understood the principal. He had lead armies once of people these two feared to become...

"You could never become what you fear." Lucius said, knowing full well his heart was speaking. It was a simplistic truth, a grandfather's demand that had little basis in reality except for the firmness of his tone, the validity in his heart. Then, he considered. The politician acting. "But if you require distance, you can have it. But I refuse to allow you to go through this alone."

He looked up again, swaying a bit. He had no pride that kept him from trembling, no vanity to force him to retrieve his cane and remove the pain. He wondered how he was even standing at all.

Had to be charity.

"Your father, perhaps." Lucius offered, quietly. "If...you do not have a better option in mind. You..." need us. We need you. I need you. "you don't have to do this alone. Please. Allow this one compromise."

Edited at 2007-12-13 08:25 am UTC

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[info]dadnamedme
2007-12-13 08:32 am UTC (link)
"You'll stay with me?" Scorpius asked his grandfather even though he already knew the answer to it. Of course his grandfather would stay. How foolish Scorpius had been not to see that in the ten years since his incident in the woods he had somehow been returned his crown as the prince of the Malfoys. His great-grandfather would be ashamed, but Scorpius never knew him. To him it was Lucius that was God. It was Lucius word that was etched in stone.

"Father shouldn't leave Mother and my siblings. I'll just need a few days, I think. Just to sort my thoughts out. To swallow back down the wolf and to find that inner calm I usually hold on to so easily."

But he knew that it should be Lucius, and Lucius alone with him. Not that he didn't appreciate Remus's concern, but he knew that neither of them were likely to swallow down the wolf while in each others presence right now. Scorpius had challenged him, and Moony had risen to the challenge. Now they needed time and space before they would be safe with talking again.

"You'll be all right?" He asked Remus in a quiet tone. "I'll be in touch in a few days, you have my word. Until then, in case you make in back to London before we do, will you please not reveal our location? I'll owl my parents to set their minds at ease, but I'd prefer some time with just my grandfather for now."

He crossed the room and immediately fetched the cane for his grandfather. Returning it to him, he said quietly, "No floors for you. There is plenty of places for us to rest here." He paused for just a moment before looking into his grandfather's eyes, the eyes that he too had and said, "Thank you." He paused for one moment more before looking at Remus. "Both of you."

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[info]r_moony
2007-12-13 06:00 pm UTC (link)
Remus gave a small nod at the thank you, but he couldn't bring himself to smile anymore as the struggle inside him got harder and harder with how vulnerable they both looked. Remus would never harm them, but right now it wasn't Remus who was in control. He needed to leave soon if he wanted to gain it back.

Heh, he thought, now it wasn't Scorpius the one that was like Fenrir. They had managed to pull Scorpius from that edge, though, and that was the only thing he wanted to concentrate on. Scorpius would be all right. He would be with his family soon and, after that (and comparing it with it with the inner battle they were both living through) things would be slightly easier.

"Yes," he responded, his own voice quiet to hide the edge that he could still feel. "I'll be fine. And I promise, I will not tell anyone where you are. Either one of you."

Well, Harry already knew but he would inform him there was no need to lead yet another hunting party.

A small twitch of the lips, trying his best to reassure him, and Remus turned to leave once more. Lucius needed room to breathe and heal. Scorpius needed room to go back to who he was. Right now, Remus needed to go do the same.

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