Secretary of Diplomatic Teas and Bombing Things ([info]reserve) wrote in [info]hp_essays,
@ 2009-09-26 11:02:00
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Harry Potter and Adulthood: a personal essay.
About a month ago I encountered an essay in The New York Times titled "Harry Potter is their Peter Pan," which deals with the general sense of nostalgia that is apparently felt by generation Y. "They're twenty-something and already nostalgic," the byline reads. The article also tells us that 45% of Halfblood Prince audience members surveyed were in their twenties. I don't find this at all surprising, because of all the books that I have read, Harry Potter fills me with the most intense nostalgia. I very recently re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, just after seeing HBP, and when I finished the book I felt like I had been punched in the gut. This may sound melodramatic, but I did experience an intense feeling of loss, and I'm not sure I experienced that upon my first reading.

For some reason, this time around, it became abundantly clear how much Harry Potter, and his world, mean to me. I realized today that I first read a Harry Potter book 9 years ago, when I was a freshman in high school. The seventh book came out the summer before my senior year of college. When the sixth book came out, I had just finished my first year, and I sent my copy to an estranged ex-boyfriend, who was living in Cleveland. I dressed up for the fifth book with a dear friend, and the boy she was seeing then. I read the fourth book on the plane to London with my high school choir when I was just 14. At first I thought the very idea was nonsense, but I guess I (like many others) have grown up with Harry.

The epilogue of Deathly Hallows is surprisingly heartbreaking, not because of its cardboard feeling, but because it places us in the thick of the Trio's adulthood happiness -- they are married, they have children, they are probably successful. In many ways, the reader is left in the lurch -- still young, unsure, digging him or herself out of the dust of childhood. I honestly felt left-behind, not relieved, when I finished Deathly Hallows this second time. I am struggling as I try to figure out my post-college life. I really am. But the Trio and their friends, they go through a world of trauma in young adulthood, they grow up in ways that we are still trying to. I think that Voldemort's death, and the journey up to it, is quite obviously about the rite of passage into adulthood, about the importance of family, community, selflessness, and love. These ideals are woven throughout the entire HP series, and yes, it is fiction,  but it is fiction that has touched many quite deeply. Looking at my life as it is right now, I wish there were a single, unbearable task that would force me to find my adult self, perhaps a Dark Lord to vanquish, or a daring quest to fulfill. The trials of my unextraordinary life are not as interesting, or rife with lesson-learning experiences as Harry Potter's trials are.

....and so I stumble. Often, the smallest of tasks seem unmanageable. But more than the day-to-day troubles, I am lonely. I have friends in this city, lovely good friends, and I have a boyfriend who loves me, but I miss the easy comfort of being in college or even high school. I miss the pleasure of knowing my friends were just down the hall, working on papers, checking facebook, knitting, or carrying on. Before the epilogue of Deathly Hallows, when the battle is done, Harry's parting thought is of his bed in Gryffindor Tower. After fulfilling his destiny, all Harry wants is the comfort and familiarity of his dorm room. Harry, I feel you. When I have a hard day I long for my old dorm with an intensity that I cannot explain. I want the messy living room, the poorly tuned piano, the Greek above the fireplace, I want my room above the dumpster and the funny bathroom wallpaper.  I want to crawl out onto the roof and look at the college pond at sunset. More than anything else, I miss the way my old dorm smelled.

I find that very few people understand the closeness I feel to my Alma Mater. I had no intention of making this post about college, but when I encounter Harry's love of Hogwarts, I feel an immediate kinship. I, too, have felt more at home somewhere than at 'home'. I understand what it feels like to suddenly belong in a way you never thought was possible. I know these things, I know them so well. It continues to break my heart now that I cannot go back to that world. And I hate to think that college was the best four years of my life.

When I see Harry in the epilogue of Deathly Hallows, I want to know so much more. How did he get over Hogwarts? What was it like while he waited for Ginny to graduate from school? Did Ron and Hermione get together straight away? How did they all manage to stay friends? Wasn't it hard dealing with the aftermath? Didn't everything have to change? I need to know these things because I am dealing with them right now. I have watched much loved friendships fall apart in my life since college ended, I have seen my mental state diminish, and I know that I have changed. So I feel a little bit betrayed, Harry Potter. You've been there for the last nine years. Why can't you be here for me now? Now is hard too.

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[info]burningmarl
2009-09-26 03:56 pm UTC (link)
I really, really loved this.

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[info]dragongirl_g
2009-09-26 04:38 pm UTC (link)
I know exactly how you feel.

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[info]eranim
2009-09-26 05:10 pm UTC (link)
Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes.

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[info]cecilegrey
2009-09-26 05:44 pm UTC (link)
Yep. *sighs*

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[info]sistermagpie
2009-09-26 05:56 pm UTC (link)
I've always hated epilogues like this in general, and I remember arguing exactly this before DH came out. When I was a kid I always felt kind of angry and hurt when books would do that to me with kid characters. Because I was still a kid and suddenly they sped up beyond me. It seemed like a coming of age story would end on the verge of adulthood with the future unknown. But I think the epilogue, because it's the end of the story, re-focuses the whole series--I mean, just that this was what it wanted to lead to, and that makes it slightly different.

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[info]annapie
2009-09-26 06:07 pm UTC (link)
Oh yes, so many times yes.

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[info]cantabile
2009-09-26 06:10 pm UTC (link)
It's hard for me to identify with your initial paragraphs, because I read the Harry Potter series as an adult who was already a parent - introduced to the books by a teenage daughter.

I too recently read Deathly Hallows (and actually Half Blood Prince) and when reading the epiloge was far less satisfied than the first time I read it. I agree, how did they get from the last paragraph to the epilogue?

As an aside, and not related to your post, I have questions about two other topics also. Why did Dobby go to Harry back in the Chamber of Secrets? Why did Dobby believe Harry was a great wizard when his family, the Malfoys, would never have supported that feeling in their home. How did he know?

And, how did the James and Lily relationship become so. How did that get resolved?

I'd love to know the answers to all of these questions and hope that one day some of the missing pieces of the jigsaw might be filled in for us. In the meantime, I suppose, we are free to think and ponder and come to our own conclusions.

Thanks for posting.

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[info]dianaprallon
2009-09-26 09:48 pm UTC (link)
You see, I really can understand how you feel about missing that you grew (in one way or another) with Harry Potter. I can count my life changing years through Harry Potter books and fandom.

I first got into fandom when I was a senior at High School. I met my first husband through it, a little after Order of the Phoenix was released. The first four books managed to make myself close to my sister, who was eleven at the time, when our age gap seemed huge.

When I first read Half-blood prince, I read it to my belly, my first child was born few months after that. Rowling's announcement that she had ended writing Deathly Hallows was made exactly six months after my divorce; and the book was released in the same month I had begun seeing someone new.

It changed my life, as well, even if I was already a grow up when it ended. And still I wonder, sometimes, how do you get from that end to that epilogue.

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[info]leeannslytherin
2009-09-26 10:16 pm UTC (link)
Thank you for posting this -- I couldn't agree more.

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[info]pathology_doc
2009-09-26 11:02 pm UTC (link)
Oh, please. Put away the violins, already.

I very recently re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, just after seeing HBP, and when I finished the book I felt like I had been punched in the gut. This may sound melodramatic, but I did experience an intense feeling of loss, and I'm not sure I experienced that upon my first reading.

I think you're way too over-invested in this.

Looking at my life as it is right now, I wish there were a single, unbearable task that would force me to find my adult self, perhaps a Dark Lord to vanquish, or a daring quest to fulfill. The trials of my unextraordinary life are not as interesting, or rife with lesson-learning experiences as Harry Potter's trials are.

This is the sort of mental attitude that led young men in huge numbers to volunteer unquestioningly for Kitchener's armies in World War One. You know what they got instead, don't you? It was necessary, but too many people went into it starry-eyed instead of clear-headed; and that contributed to the terrible disillusionment of the survivors and all that followed from that.

I find that very few people understand the closeness I feel to my Alma Mater.

I understand it very well, becuase I have similar feelings about mine. But you want to know something? Even when I was twelve or thirteen, I recognised that school (representing 'education') was merely the stepping-stone that qualified me for life afterwards and was picking my subjects accordingly. I knew I'd be leaving it one day, and much as I was fond of the place and still am, I don't sit in sackcloth and ashes and berate the fact I'm not there anymore.

And I hate to think that college was the best four years of my life.

Let me quote Rupert Brooke at you:

I had been happier at Rugby than I can find words to say. As I looked back at those five years I seemed to see almost every hour as golden and radiant...

This is quoted in Parker's The Old Lie: The Great War and the Public School Ethos, p93, Hambledon Continuum 2007 (reprint). Parker goes on to discuss how boys like Brooke were so fixated on the glories of their schooldays that the rest of their lives were an anticlimax (in Brooke's case, a neurotic waste); to the point where they almost longed for a glorious death before the humdrum mundane-ness of life overtook them - and their elders wished it for them too. When the time came, many of them went to France, Belgium, Gallipoli, Salonika and Palestine and got it. Some of them got an inglorious death instead, rolling around with a bullet in their belly or a limb carved off by shell fragments, screaming for their mothers with medical help just the other side of a German artillery barrage; or were shipped home crippled, blinded or their lungs wrecked by poison gas. The disillusionment of the survivors echoes to this day, ninety-one years on.

I hope to God you can snap out of your complex and find some sort of purpose, because you've got the rest of your life to live and you can't go looking to a fantasy novel series (and it's a good and insightful one, I'll admit) either for the answers or for a psychological crutch. It's immature on your part to think that it should, and it's an entitlement complex on your part to expect JKR to provide the answers for you.

I have friends in this city, lovely good friends, and I have a boyfriend who loves me...

Then you should consider yourself lucky. Many don't. And... now is hard? Of course "now" is hard. Life is hard, and we should consider ourselves fortunate if we have loved ones and friends (as you do) to help us get through it. There's no instruction manual for it; there never will be, because there can't be.

I don't know the specifics of your "now", and maybe there's something particularly difficult you're going through at this moment, but you're not unique in that respect. Stop living vicariously through fiction and looking to the past, and start living in the real world and the now/future. No, it's not easy - but it's necessary. At least you've got people to help you do it. Whining that you feel "betrayed" by Harry Potter (and by extension, Joanne Rowling) seems a very poor thing for you to be doing.

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[info]gentlespirit
2009-09-27 12:03 am UTC (link)
It seems pretty clear to me that this essay touched on some things that are apparently hot topics for you. However, I have to say that I find your response out of line. The original poster was not blaming the books for any problems or saying that their life is any worse than anyone else's. Were they expressing sadness at some disillusionment? Certainly. I, however, do not find that to be a crime. I have to wonder whether you honestly thought that your response would be in any way helpful to the OP, or if you simply wanted a way to make yourself feel better at the expense of someone else.

I do not even know them, but I feel the need to say that I think you are out of line. Sure, some people may be over-invested in your opinion, but is that hurting you? I do not understand why you would feel the need to spew all of that at someone, ESPECIALLY considering the fact that this is a community for people to write about Harry Potter.

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[info]pathology_doc
2009-09-27 11:55 am UTC (link)
this is a community for people to write about Harry Potter.

Look back at the OP's post, then, and see how much of it is about themselves: how they long for a Perfect Boarding School World as encapsulated in the books, how they are lonely, how they are drifting in a boring life, how they miss the convenience of their friends close to hand and the comforts of home away from home, and how they fear the best years of their life are behind them. This entire essay is only peripherally about Harry Potter and far more about the OP's idealisation of their boarding-college life and how they want it back.

The word "I" is used 59 times; "Harry" thirteen times, "Harry Potter" seven times... Ginny, Ron and Hermione are mentioned once individually each; "the trio" twice. If anything's not in keeping with the spirit of this community, it's the OP's post.

As for the rest, that's just a reminder that people who remain fixated upon past glories and wonder where, after all that, there is left to go are prone to falling under the sway of idealisms and ideologies of all sorts (religious, spiritual, political etc.), with whose disappointments they are ill-equipped to deal and which may leave them feeling disillusioned and bitter when the new 'ardent glory' (whatever it is) doesn't work out as expected. IOW they're ill-equipped to deal with life, and I don't want to see the OP (or anyone else) end up like that. Think of it as a cold bucket of water on their heads.

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[info]thatwhichiam
2009-09-27 01:52 pm UTC (link)
My English Lit teacher gave us the mantra that the most important thing about a book is the meaning it has to you. The OP has given us what the book means to them. I found it an interesting point - I had never thought about it from that point of view.

Also, small point, maybe the OP uses he/she instead of characters' names? Because there's nothing else to say except I/me to represent the first person, it may seem like they say it more.

I know that I'm currently living the best years of my life and I will be sad like the OP when they are gone, but far from being unable to cope with life because of it, I feel I'm being prepared for life by my university years. Don't tar everyone with one brush. The OP may merely be going through a melancholy stage and will soon pick up. I don't, however, see a problem with her using fantasy books as escapism from hum drum life.

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[info]naya_gal
2009-09-28 04:53 pm UTC (link)
Some of us may understand what you try to hint at, however the response indeed was rather on the cynical and cruel side. This was an essay regarding the experiences of growing up and how they may tie with the progress and completion of a long-lived series of novels, such as Harry Potter. Not an admission that adolescent life was more fulfilling than the adult one. Or, in more plain words, she said that the books happened to walk alongside her own passage through teen life and as such, they have come to represent her own teen years for her. You answered that she was an immature creature who couldn't appreciate the true value of adult life and wasn't equipped to handle with it? She wrote how she may have missed the also important stage of making life-changing decisions as young adults with the way the epilogue ended. You compared her to a group of mal-adjusted teenagers that suffered horrible deaths as adults? I'm not trying to be offensive, merely attempting to portray why most people might find a comment like this uncalled for. And for what it's worth, most people have fond memories of their past life phases. Personally, I attribute it to the "past" part, hehe. The fact however remains that there really is a generation of teenagers out there (or people who were teenagers when the first book came out) who grew up with Harry Potter. And it was nice seeing someone comment on this side of Rowling's books.

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[info]totalreadr
2009-10-06 01:31 pm UTC (link)
Oh, please. Put away the violins, already.

You were born between 1961 and 1981.

I know this because your entire post is hilariously Gen X (note: old link, written in the '90s, thus the "young adults" reference).

Don't worry, fellow Xer: The Millennials are not like us. They will not be destroyed by war like many in the Lost generation (who were, like us, underprotected children in a time of social upheaval, and grew up dreaming of treasure and glory). The Millennials (who have indeed been more protected and are therefore more "entitled" than we) will be successful, or at least accepting of their fate, like the GI generation.

The kids are alright.

Meanwhile, thank you for inspiring me to look up the war poetry I was interested in as a teen.

Who’s for the game, the biggest that’s played,
The red crashing game of a fight?
Who’ll grip and tackle the job unafraid?
And who thinks he’d rather sit tight?
Who’ll toe the line for the signal to ‘Go!’?
Who’ll give his country a hand?
Who wants a turn to himself in the show?
And who wants a seat in the stand?
Who knows it won’t be a picnic – not much-
Yet eagerly shoulders a gun?
Who would much rather come back with a crutch
Than lie low and be out of the fun?

-- James Potter Lily Evans Jessie Pope ... and JK Rowling.

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[info]reserve
2009-10-19 06:44 am UTC (link)
I'm glad you share a love of esoteric WW1 trivia as well.

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(Anonymous)
2009-09-27 04:41 pm UTC (link)
I find it disappointing that, when faced with a literary theory essay, people will criticize the perceived life of the essayist instead of exploring the merits of the theory or the writing of the essay itself. I cannot decipher, through text alone, whether the writer is doggedly trying to find meaning in a post-adult life while immersed in family and a challenging career, or if they are attempting to rise from the “dust of childhood” in the basement of their parents house, enshrined in nostalgic baubles. To presume either is just that, a presumption, and to presume the worst is more a reflection on my own cynicism than the mental state of the author.

Harry Potter might just be a juvenile fantasy series, yes, but I admire the ability to use a piece of literature to articulate an otherwise vague and ambiguous feeling of inadequacy, or disappointment. To be able to explore the choices in any work of art and apply it to real life using the tools of theory is, to me, the merit of artistic expression. Art is the medium by which people are able to transcend personal and cultural boundaries to express their own experiences in a meaningful way to a broad and diverse audience.

If J.K. Rowling had written a gritty final chapter to illustrate the laborious task of picking up the pieces after a fierce, soul-crushing war, I do not believe that anyone, including the OP, would have found the answers to a satisfying adult life. But the OP has, in my mind, effectively drawn a thread between two moments of dissatisfaction and better illustrated why young people in their early twenties might find themselves entrenched in a world lacking direction or meaning. We could argue the merits of J.K. Rowling’s choice to skip over the difficult choices of early adulthood, we could even argue the language of the essay and whether its decision to take a decidedly personal stance is limiting in its ability to effectively communicate the intent of the essay to a broader audience. If we choose to simply diminish the validity of the author’s emotional viewpoint then we are taking the least academically useful route of all. And if we wish to use this pithy, condescending attitude to also tack on some ego-polishing historical trivia, then that is an even more useless academic discussion.

The feeling of loss, of uncertainty, or loneliness upon reaching adulthood is real. It has been a driving force behind the recruitment of wars. It has driven people to occultism, to religious zealotry, and to self-destruction. It has also driven people to become thinkers, achievers, and pioneers of both science and industry. This has been a theme in fiction since fiction existed. And the absolutely least interesting way of exploring this time-honored theme is, in my mind, to turn up our noses and proclaim, “Get over it.”

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[info]ginevrawp
2009-10-01 04:06 am UTC (link)
I understand you as I remember the day I got my deathly Hallows copy. It took me twelve hours to finish it, knowing that this was it, there were no certainties about Harry surviving to star another book, no wait for another installment.
I hadn't been expecting so many deaths, at least not so soon. The book had barely started and already Voldemort was after seven Potters. MadEye's death was a blow and then it all tumbled down.
I tried to hold myself together but then came Snape's memories and my Harry whispering to a snitch that this was the close. I cried and kept on reading, right until I found out all was well.
It took me some time to realize that I was mourning not only the deaths and pain this beloved character had to endure, but also my childhood. Those wonderful years that were woven with drawing scars in my forehead, going to movie premieres and waiting for a new Harry Potter book to come out. I was crying because I was sixteen and my childhood should have lasted longer. I was crying because Harry deserved his epilogue and I hoped I would one day get mine.
I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up an adult the next day.
I know one doesn't grow up in the course of a night, but it was a leap in quality after several little leaps in quantity.
Nevertheless, I wouldn't have it any other way. This characters needed their happy ending, they had earned their right to have children and marital bliss. I, for one, remember their -it was also mine, as I made it through them- journey with a bittersweet sigh. I could never stay mad at them for coping with adulthood far from where I could grow with them.
I'm just grateful they were once with me to begin with.

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[info]totalreadr
2009-10-06 01:30 pm UTC (link)
I wish there were a single, unbearable task that would force me to find my adult self, perhaps a Dark Lord to vanquish, or a daring quest to fulfill.

There will be, young Millennial. (Note: The links were written in 1996 -- that's why you Millennials are described as "children.")

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[info]zanesfriend
2009-10-28 06:17 pm UTC (link)
If you are that interested in exploring what happened to the characters between the end of the Battle of Hogwarts and the Epilogue, why don't you fire up your word-processor and write a few good fanfics on the subject?

That's what Euripides & Co. did when they wanted to know what happened between the gaps of Homer.

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