Current location:	PPTH
Current mood:	thoughtful
Current music:	lucylou - any time is slash time

now, if Dr. House actually taught at med school...
Because the popularity of House has suddenly exploded and there's been a sudden emergence of new fans, I figured it was high time for a House Frequently Asked Questions. Much like TelevisionWithOutPity, which has a small summary and FAQ to read before diving into the forums. And in the spirit of Dr. House, information is power. Granted, this may not stem the ever massing flow of fandom wank, but it's nice to know that not every fandom eats their own. We just happen to be snarkier than most.

PLEASE do comment to this. Questions? Tell me your theories! Add notes. Put in your memories. In short, comment saying anything you want to!

ps - thanks to celbalrai for the beta!

1. So, I just watched my first episode of House and OMG am totally a new fangirl SQUEE yay!
Good for you. Welcome to the LJ House fandom. Watch for falling snark. The show comes on Fox at 9/8 CST, Tuesdays. The first episode was November 16, 2004, and it has been renewed for a second third fourth season, as it is constantly doing well in its timeslot. Check out TV Tome for more information about cast and such, but do be aware of spoilers.

We don't quite know why House has become so popular. We know it's a fantastic show and everything, but some of the fangirling is a bit... odd for a medical drama where the main character is a weird old guy with a cane.

2. Why is Dr. House such a gimp?
Dr. House had an infarction in his thigh, and the muscle is dead. so what is an infarction? Well, a myocardial infarction is a heart attack. If it occurs in the lungs it is a pulmonary embolism, and if it's in the brain, it's called a stroke. It basically when a clot blocks the flow of blood to muscle and tissues, resulting in lack of oxygen and consequently muscle death. There are a number of things that can cause this: deep vein thrombosis, trauma, standing for long periods of time (maybe House was a surgeon?), poor circulation, smoking. One LJ user came up with a diabetic condition! Hell, there's a higher incidence of blood clots when you are on birth control pills. The point is that the only symptom was pain, and the doctors did not treat it in time. It happened about 5 years ago, although the exact date is a little… unclear, due to a slight lack of continuity. Now Dr. House is addicted to Vicodin, a hardcore, extremely addictive prescription pain reliever. He says it "makes him neutral" so that he can do his job.

3. What kind of doctor is House?
He's a board certified head of diagnostic medicine, specialist in infectious disease and nephrology (the kidneys). He has tenure and three of his very own doctor fellows, known to fandom as 'ducklings' (see below). Cuddy says he's "the best damn doctor [Princeton-PlainsburoughTeaching Hospital] has". Dr. House is a brilliant diagnostician, but an arrogant bastard as well. A few words to describe him: closed off, curious, nosy, snarky, restless, easily bored, evasive, fickle, irritable, manipulative, perceptive, witty, adaptable, and extremely eloquent. He has a penchant for monster trucks, Nintendo D.S., jazz, rock concert t-shirts, cotton candy, and sneering at patients. He's a television fan too, liking "General Hospital" and "The O.C." He plays a mean piano. His mantra is "Everyone lies", and, unlike Hugh Laurie, has a horrible fake British accent.

4. Who are these pretty doctors and why does everyone keep calling them ducklings?
Those ducklings are House's personal diagnostic team. They are fully-fledged doctors who have passed their residency and are legally practicing doctors.

- Dr. Robert Chase: an intensivist – one who specialises in intensive care, a rare breed. Australian. House hired him because his father (a famous rhuematologist) made a phone call – saying what, nobody knows. Chase has spectacular daddy issues which are seen a lot in Season 2. His mother died from alcoholism related disease. He went to seminary school, dropped out, and has a dislike of nuns. Enjoys crossword puzzles but hates fat people. At the time of the pilot, he's been with House for a year.

- Dr. Allison Cameron: immunologist. Supposedly hired by House because she was pretty, and he was intrigued by the fact she went into medicine rather than an 'easier' career. The most emotional of the team, she was married in college to a terminally ill husband, and has a rather disturbing crush on House. Pro-life. In the pilot, she's been with House for six months and checks his mail.

- Dr. Eric Foreman: neurologist. He was supposedly hired by House because he has a (juvenile) rap sheet, after breaking into someone's house (something which all the ducklings do on a regular basis). Called the token black guy. Extremely arrogant, but not in the cuddly Dr. House way. He likes and respects House. He does whine however, and tries to listen to logic more often than House. In the pilot, he's new.

The term "ducklings" was apparently first seen by DrEpi over at TelevisionWithoutPity. It stems from a nickname at hospitals about med students/interns/residents and how they follow blindly anyone in a white coat. Sometimes they waddle after the senior doctors too. It may be from doc'lings, and is usually a putdown, but we love these ducklings.

Now, ever since TWoP started recapping House, their term for the ducklings is cottages - little Houses. The consensus is that the recaps over there aren't very good, although they are very snarky. However, their board system is highly organized and top rated.

5. That Dr. Wilson is HAWT, but why is he always around?
We don't know why Wilson is always around – except, perhaps for his undying love of House? Dr. Wilson is an oncologist (head of dept, actually), Jewish, on his third wife, wears ugly green ties and French shoes, and hits on women constantly. He's quite the charmer. Also wears a pocket protector in his lab coat, bless, but otherwise looks sharp. He spent the first season Christmas with House, and was the brains behind "Detox". House's only friend, he counts House's friendship and his job as the most important things in his life.

6. That Cuddy woman sure is mean to House! OMG they TOTALLY are my OTP! Tehehe, she has nice boobs.
Yes, that she does, and she constantly wears suits that show off her cleavage (hey, if you got it...). Cuddy is the chief of medicine at PPTH, making her a doctor, but one that only occasionally practices. She does practice her voice by yelling at Dr. House a lot though. Just for your information though, the prevailing OTP around here is House/Wilson. More obvious. We have yet to wank about ships, so it's not too big of a problem around here. Other popular 'het' ships include House/Cameron and House/Cuddy.

The canon relationships are House/Vicodin, and House/Stacy, although when she arrives at the end of season one, they have been apart for five years. We know she is a constitutional lawyer, and is still friends with Wilson.

acrimonius: The real story behind Stacy and House is that House had his infarction while they were dating. Instead of amputating the leg after he was finally diagnosed and had the clot removed, House opted to go into a chemical coma for two days to hopefully ride out the toxins his strangled leg was releasing into his system; House's theory was that the damaged muscle might revive enough to allow him to have almost full use of his leg. Stacy, being House's girlfriend and House's medical proxy, overrode House's decision the moment the concoction put him in a coma. The dead thigh muscle was removed, and House woke up to being crippled and in pain for the rest of his life. Up until that point, Stacy and House had been madly in love.

Really, it's surprising what removing a little leg muscle will do to a relationship, isn't it?

7. Okay, what's all this otp, n00b, Mary-Sue thing about? I don't know what it meaaaaaans.
The Fanfiction Glossary. OTPs are good as long as there are no kerfuffles, squeeing n00bs can get annoying, and Mary-Sues are to be avoided at all cost. Slash is all but unavoidable here.

8. So where is the House fandom around here?
Everywhere. check out acrimonius's Comprehensive House MD Community List!, but here are some notable ones:
house_md - main forum
housefic - for all your stories
houseicons - 100x100 goodness. Commenting is appreciated,crediting is a MUST.
house_slash - for all your stories, but only slash.

There is an episode sharing community out there. Do NOT ask for it publicly. Nobody wants to see it shut down.

Transcripts are here.

Screen caps can be found here, here, and also here. Sometimes they're posted to house_md and houseicons, so watch out for them. bourderbunny30 made a comprehensive F.A.Q. for screen caps right over here.

9. What's with that fandom wank place? Why do we end up there?
Fandom Wank is a wretched hive of snark and mockery. Amusing place, so don't be frightened. Just don't troll, because the Hive Vagina does eat it's own.

As for specific House wanks, they are:
wank #1: About fanfiction and Mary-Sues.
wank #2: Small metaquotes kerfuffle about slash.
wank #3 (here too): about n00bs, the end of meta discussion, and spoilers.
wank #4: Letter to writers with much squee, and banning comments.
wank #5: Plagiarism, deleting comments, and snitfits.
wank #6: Troll in the fandom! The inherent ev0l of fanfiction.
wank #7: Chase is a child molestor omgwtfimbdfcclapd!
wank #8: I hate slash fic! I hate the Yankees! watch me get mocked mercilously!
wank #9: "Cameron a slut" "omg feminist/linguist/HouseCam oppresion!"
wank #10: We're like Harmonians, in a way.
wank #11: "Buttsex - Slightly Less Serious Business".
wank #12: Warnings - Angst, rape, crying, not to mention canon rape, pixelated icons, and badfic.
wank #13: "The 'your grammar sucks, therefore you are stupid' sideshow".
wank #14: House Fandom Slash Backlash Rehash (with a side of sucotash).
wank #15: Fuck if I know what's going on here, it's another shipping wank.
wank #16: "Medically-shoddy-yet-highly-entertaining doctor shows are, as always, Serious Business."
wank #17: RPS wank! I wondered what took it so long...
wank #18: "And once again the great F_W Moral To House Fandom appears: You are not House."
wank #19: POLLZ LOL WANK! because we're such a pansy ass.
wank #20: a refresher course in "RPF is serious fucking business"
wank #21: passive aggressiveness turns wanky, except no one can come to a conclusion on what is passive aggressive or wanky
wank #22: cannon fodder - an online petition to make House/Wilson canon.
wank #23: spoilers, even though they may be fake, are SRS BIZNESS. and I blame it all on TWoP.
wank #24: House either has Asperger's or a severe case of assholeitis.
wank #25: The House/Asperger's Wank, Part II: Electric Boogaloo
wank #26: capslock_house turns over a new leaf, world ends
wank #27: House is immoral, one guy is shocked about this.
wank #28: wank #9 part the second: what are your thoughts on yaoi Cameron?
wank #29: wank #9 part the third: Mad Libs edition!
wank #30: House kicks puppies!
wank #31: She talks to her therapist about slash relationships in House?
wank #31: Please register all your House crossover plot bunnies please!
wank #32: Gay marriage is srs bzns, that it made wankitywank.
wank #33: "We got your comments RIGHT HERE"
wank #34: "When f_w and CLH look at you the same way, you know you've done something wrong"
wank #35: "How to Outwank a Hurricane" by plagiarizing fics on MySpace
wank #36: this H/W is pastede on yaye and we can prove it

10. What's an lj-cut and I'm confused about icons and how do I credit people blahblahblahI'mnewatlivejournalcakes.
Popular Livejournal FAQ.

11. What's with this unaired pilot business?
A s00per-speshul Entertainment Weekly went out (to a lot California subscribers, damn them) that had a pilot episode for House. In a TV Guide too. It's basically the pilot that aired in November, aside from a few scenes. Wilson grabs House's cane, that's about it. You can find this DVD on eBay (or visit the locked LJ community to download it).

12. I have a crush on every boy! I'm going to download every episode!
Then do it at the appropriate but LOCKED LJ community - that's what it's there for. Or try a torrent - mininova perhaps? Episodes are not posted here. Please don't ask outside of a locked post.

So what is snark?
If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Finally, there are some hospital brats (those with doctors in their family, and students) in the community, but are there any actual doctors/nurses/allied health professionals around here? I'm always interested in other's views.