Chapter Fifteen – Complicated

The weeks that passed went by in a blur and quickly turned into months. Cameron had to testify and make another statement, neither being particularly pleasant experiences. But she made it through, and after a final check at the hospital, she was ready to go back home, to try to start living her life again and pick up the pieces of normalcy.

It was hard to believe that it had been almost six months since the attack. She was well in the throes of pregnancy and felt mostly at ease due to the fact the hospital were extremely attentive regarding her routine checks. Although despite that, they had warned her that complications she could have suffered due to the traumatic ordeal she’d endured had the possibility of only presenting once the baby was born. She’d accepted this harsh prospect and resolved to put as far to the back of her mind as possible.

She’d managed to convince Cuddy that she was ready to return to work, though neither Chase nor House were entirely convinced she should return before the birth.

“Oh come on, I’ll be forced to go on maternity leave before long. I need to be back at work. They’ve discharged me now and I’m going to be standing on my own two feet again. Stop depriving me. It won’t help.”

House had smirked and shook his head. She’d been one step away from stamping her foot and pouting like a five year old deprived of Barbie dolls. He couldn’t deny that he’d be glad to have her back, pottering around the office, making him coffee and sorting his mail. What Chase made could hardly be classed as coffee, as House made a point of stressing every time he was handed a cup. And he’d actually had to do paperwork himself since she’d been absent. It was an unusual and somewhat unwelcome concept and took far too long in his opinion. But over six months he’d managed to pass a majority of it off onto Chase and Wilson, which he was rather pleased at himself for accomplishing.

Now she was coming back, and though it was a welcome development, there was still worry that she was pushing herself too far. The OBGYN and the Attending had signed her off as able to go home, yet he still worried. He’d come to realise over the months that where she was concerned, worry was starting to come as part of the deal. He worried when he saw that flash of momentary fear in her eyes if Chase got too close; he worried at the slightest expression of pain on her face; he worried at the thought of her going home to an empty house without anyone to protect her. It wasn’t sudden, apart from in his mind,

It was around the time that she was released from the hospital full-time care that Cameron knew she had to straighten it all out with Chase. She’d been thinking a lot about her feelings for him over the months. He was always there for her, had visited her every day; he wasn’t afraid of telling her that he loved her, even when she couldn’t say it back; and he was her child’s father. That factored a lot into her concerns. He was her child’s father and he desperately wanted them to work. He’d made it clear that he wasn’t pushing her into the relationship, and acknowledged how difficult it was for her to even have someone stand a little too close, never mind anything else. But he didn’t care. He still wanted to be with her and he wanted the baby too.

But then there was House. She felt safe with him near, even after everything that had happened. He wasn’t an exception when it came to her fear of being touched, but that didn’t bother him either. He cared about her, that much was obvious. But it wasn’t his baby she was carrying. Technically, she had more of a tie to Chase. But she didn’t love Chase.

---

 

“Robert, we need to talk.”

She caught up to him in the cafeteria and he smiled warily, paying for his lunch and waiting for her before they found a seat. He assessed her expression and tried to read her body language as they slipped into their seats but that wasn’t doing anything to calm his worries. She sounded serious, almost apologetic. And that didn’t bode well, in his opinion. He pushed out the little voice in his head telling him he knew what was coming.

“I’ve…been thinking. About us.”

He broke eye contact and pushed the fries around on his plate. The sinking feeling in his stomach made him dread the words on her lips. He could almost feel her slipping through his fingers, and he couldn’t catch her.

“You don’t want a relationship, I know that. I know I can’t touch you and I accept it. But you’re having my baby, Allison. Please don’t push me out completely.”

She stayed silent, twisting her fingers around the pendant she wore. It wasn’t only Chase who had the sinking feeling in his stomach. She hated to hurt him, to push him further out of her life, but she couldn’t hang around letting him think there was a remote chance they’d suddenly have a happily ever after once their child was born.

“That’s exactly why I’m doing this now. I…I don’t want to give you false hopes. What we had, it was uncomplicated at first, like it was meant to be. It was just sex. And then it became a one-sided relationship. I didn’t want it and I made that clear. This baby…yes, it’s yours, but I’m not. I never have been. And just because I’m having your baby…it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I don’t love you; I never said I did. And…I can’t.”

Her words were soft but the sharp edges of what she was saying cut into him. She was killing every kind of hope he had hung on to. And he knew it was better that way, she was doing the right thing, the kinder thing, by cutting this off before their baby came into the world to complicate it all even further. That still didn’t lessen the impact, the finality of it all.

“I’m not saying you can’t have a part in the baby’s life. I just don’t want you to be a part of my life in the way you want to.”

He wouldn’t cry. Not here, not for everyone to witness the pathetic excuse of a man that he’d become. He’d sat by her bed for weeks when she’d been in a coma after the abduction. He’d stuck by her throughout the pregnancy so far, and he’d hoped she would change her mind about what part she wanted him to play in her life. He’d known she would never refuse him contact with his child, but he’d desperately hoped she’d want him in her life, as more than just the father of her son or daughter.

“Is this the end of it then? You’re really breaking it off? You really want to go this alone? Allison, don’t push me out. I care-”

“I know you care. You tell me enough times!” She rose out of her seat, but quickly calmed and sat back down as people turned to stare.

“Chase, I know you care about me, and I appreciate it. I’m grateful for all the things you’ve done for me these last few months. But…I’m not carrying on letting you think there might be some kind of hope we’ll end up together. It’s cruel and I couldn’t do that to you.”

He slowly nodded, realizing that there was no way he could change her mind, and he knew it wouldn’t be right to try to. She was doing the right thing, in his heart he knew it, he just wished it didn’t hurt so damn much. He was in love with her. She knew it; hell, pretty much the whole hospital knew it. But she didn’t feel the same, as much as he was reluctant to acknowledge it; he knew she’d never had those feelings for him. She’d never lied to him. She’d felt no kind of love for him and she’d never feigned any. There was only one man in the hospital she regarded with what he could call love, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth, because he’d treated her so badly yet she still loved him. And no matter how he’d tried, she had never had those kinds of feelings for him.

“Do you love him?”

His voice was soft, gentle, and he couldn’t shake the feeling of déjà vu. They’d had a similar conversation when she’d first told him she was pregnant, before a man from her past had put them through hell.

She hesitated, a hand absently rubbing the nicely developing bump of her stomach. At thirty-two weeks the bump was prominent, especially considering her petite frame. From behind it was almost impossible to tell she was with child, but from the front she looked ready to burst, as House had so kindly pointed out quite a few times. That was one of his reasons for arguing against her return to work.

“Don’t want her dropping the kid during a differential diagnosis.”

It had been so blunt she’d almost laughed. His approach had never been sensitive and she hadn’t expected anything more from him. Under that toughened exterior, she knew House cared about her though. He just wasn’t as comfortable showing it as Chase was.

Snapping back to reality as Chase said her name for the third time, the mist cleared in her mind and she sighed, shaking her head as he repeated his question, searching his eyes for the truth.

“Do you love him?”

“Chase, I don’t want to talk about this-” and almost as if it had heard its cue, her pager went off and she silently thanked it reverently, “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later.”

And with that she carefully stood and made her way out of the cafeteria, still feeling awkward with the weight she was carrying around. She’d always been in good shape, small-boned and delicate. So the strange sensation of adjusting to carrying a considerable weight was definitely a strain. A hand on her back to try and lessen the tension there, she sought out the elevator for the short journey to the floor above.

---

As the elevator doors rolled open, familiar ice-blue eyes settled on her and she wasn’t sure whether she was going to appreciate his presence. Stepping inside, she offered a polite smile and pushed the button, settling her hand on her stomach and catching the quick flicker of his gaze on her bump. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his and he had that look in his eyes, giving away the fact that many thoughts were tumbling around his mind right now. She wished that just for a moment she could read those thoughts; maybe obtain an insight into the words he always held back. Breaking the gaze, she directed her eyes to a more neutral, easier position on the elevator doors.

“We have a new patient?”

That seemed to snap him back to reality and he gave her a brief nod.

”Forty-year old pregnant woman, admitted with severe nausea and vomiting but since she came in she’s complained of chest pains, shortness of breath and developed rashes across most of her body. She’s got PIH and mild tachycardia but that’s under control.”

Cameron regarded him critically, wondering why he hadn’t spurned at this case, as it seemed like what he would consider ‘boring’ and would usually just brush off in favour of some more exotic condition presented to him.

“Are you just wanting to surround yourself with pregnant women?”

She asked, the humour evident in her tone as she took the file from his hand and gave it a once over. House scowled at her and she understood clearly that he wasn’t too impressed at having this case either.

“Cuddy made me take it. Said she’d triple my clinic hours if I didn’t. Patient’s some friend of the family or whatever. Still doesn’t make it interesting.”

A glint in his eyes made Cameron wary and she knew he was about to suggest something less-than-legal, so she shook her head before he even had a chance to voice his idea.

“Whatever it is, I’m not doing it. Go entertain yourself with your immoral plan yourself, but don’t drag me into it.”

He looked disappointed and mumbled something about digging up dirt on Cuddy and Cameron sighed in weary tedium at his childish games to wind their boss up.

“Well, you go take the full patient history; she can make me take the case but she can’t make me see the woman.”

Again, she sighed and rolled her eyes as the elevator doors opened. Walking in comfortable silence toward the patient’s room at the other end of the corridor, her thoughts wandered away from the patient for a minute and instead drifted back to House. Not that it was an unusual occurrence. But since her talk with Chase, she knew she had to talk with House too. She still loved him. She knew part of her always would, and the fact that she couldn’t even let herself get close enough for him to touch her – if he’d ever even take that initiative – made it harder still for her to decide what to do.

---

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

As they neared the room, Cameron pushed the thoughts of her mess of a love life out of her mind and she had to hold back her laugh as she saw the occupants of the room. Not only was there a heavily pregnant older woman in the bed, but sat beside her was a teenage girl, around eighteen years old, who was also pregnant.

“You must have died and gone to heaven.”

Cameron commented quietly, fighting the urge to let the amusement escape her too obviously. House shot her a glare as they entered the room and she barely managed to compose herself and regain her professionalism before the two women in the room turned to them expectantly.

“Mrs. Benson, I’m Dr. Cameron-”

“And I’m just here because I have a fetish for knocked-up women.”

House chimed in and Cameron threw him a disapproving glare as the patient and her daughter stared at him in confusion before looking to Cameron for some kind of explanation. She shook her head and politely advised them to ignore him, before continuing with what she had been saying.

“I’m going to be your physician, and in order for us to come up with a rational diagnosis we’ll need to take into account all the factors.”

She proceeded to take a full medical history from Claire Benson and it was right around that time House decided to make his escape. Seeing that the teenage girl was watching him intently, somewhat intrigued by his presence, he put his finger to his lips and exaggerated a “don’t tell!” gesture before limping toward the door as quietly as possible. The girl cracked a smile and shook her head, decidedly entertained by his immaturity. But before House left, he saw the flicker of amusement in her expression die away and instead turn to one of pain. She grasped the arms of the comfy chair she sat in and looked up at Cameron, as though for reassurance, as a gasp passed her lips. Claire’s eyes grew wide and she almost shot out of the bed as she saw her daughter’s expression.

“Cassie, what’s wrong?!”

“Dr…Dr. Cameron…”

Cameron turned quickly to the girl and House made no move from the doorway, watching vacantly as he assessed the situation.

“I-I’m bleeding.”

The teenager looked dazed and her mother called her name again. Cameron looked over at House before quickly addressing the situation and pressing the code button. It was barely a minute before nurses rushed in and Cassie was helped quickly into a wheelchair before being whisked out of the room. The focus had shifted from mother to daughter in a matter of moments and Cameron could tell this would be one hell of a case…or cases, rather.

 

---

 

“Well, this has to be a first.”

Chase and Foreman entered the office a few minutes after House and Cameron, and seated themselves around the table as House wrote up the two patients’ symptoms on opposite sides of the board.

“No, not really. If they’ve both got symptoms in common, it could be an infection. That’s not new.”

Even with the added ‘excitement’ of the additional case, House was still not enthralled with the case. Cameron rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair, her hands resting on her own pregnant belly as she considered the patients.

“The mother didn’t mention any bleeding, which would have been pretty high on the concern scale, if you ask me.”

“And did I?”

“What?”

“Ask you.”

It took her a moment for the impact of his slicing remark to reach her and she sighed, refusing the give him the satisfaction of seeing her hurt, but at the same time too tired to retaliate. Chase decided to jump in then and spare them all from the uncomfortable tension settling over them at House’s words.

“What about an Enterovirus? Echovirus would explain the rashes, shortness of breath and nausea.”

Foreman’s brow furrowed in contemplation as he shook his head.

“But that won’t explain the chest pains. It could be Bornholm disease though. Caused by Enteroviruses but it accounts for the chest pain too.”

Cameron took a moment to assess the symptoms in her mind and took into account both Chase and Foreman's suggestions.

“Maybe it’s not an infection. They’re both pregnant – maybe an autoimmune disorder. Their immune systems are compromised so it could be a perfect time for lupus to present.”

“Oh, you! I was wondering how long until one of you brought it up. Go to the naughty corner – why is it that every diagnosis seems to require a consideration of lupus? It’s not lupus. Go do a blood work and ECG. See what’s going on with her heart and test for broad-screen viruses so we can narrow it down. And maybe while you’re at it you can skip ahead and just treat for lupus now so we can move on to a more realistic diagnosis.”

 

---

“Where are you running off to so fast? I’m sure the labs aren’t really that urgent. And didn’t your mom ever tell you it’s not nice to make a cripple run after you?”

His cane wedged the elevator open and he staggered in carefully, hitting the button with the handle of the cane and watching as the doors closed soundlessly in front of them.

 “Got an ultrasound appointment,” she informed him curtly, ignoring the rest of his rant, “may have to be admitted sooner than I would normally because of…everything that happened.”

He hesitated before giving her a small, curt nod. He didn’t want to drag up that part of the past.

“Well that’s probably lucky, wouldn’t want to be popping it out in the Clinic now would you? Or even worse, in front of the preggo patients we’re dealing with right now.”

She suppressed the urge to laugh at his apparent fondness for dysphemisms and instead chose to shake her head. There weren’t many words spoken between them lately that could be categorised as a conversation. If they weren’t talking about a patient, they weren’t talking. It stung a little to acknowledge the distance between them that had only strengthened in the last few months. It seemed as though the progress of her pregnancy only served to aid the progress of their deterioration. And it made her identify the expiation she felt at being in this situation, simply because Chase was involved.

A twinge in her stomach caused her to frown a little and glance down as she drummed her fingers on her heavily pregnant belly. It didn’t so much hurt; it was just…unusual. She hadn’t been in the position of impending motherhood before and she was no gynaecologist, but that twinge – she felt it again, a lot stronger this time - she was sure, felt almost like…

“Shit…” her eyes travelled up to meet House’s once again and the alarm reflected back to her was clear, “House, I think I’m going to be ‘popping it out’ sooner than we thought…”

The next thing she knew, the elevator doors were rolling open and House was gripping her arms, and as quickly as he could – considering he’d left his cane abandoned in the elevator – was guiding her towards the nearest wheelchair and sitting her firmly in it, much to the annoyance of the nurse who had been pushing it.

“Back off Brenda,” he warned the nurse who, familiar with House’s unorthodox and offensive approach, shuffled away indignantly.

“How far along are you, Cameron?”

He asked, keeping all concern from his voice and staying entirely impassive and professional, if such a word could ever be applied to Dr. Gregory House.

“Thirty-two weeks. This can’t be it, not yet, it’s far too soon-”

A bolt of pain surged through her and took her breath away. With a sharp intake of breath, she looked down at her bump. Even before she saw it, she could feel what was happening. And she couldn’t help but sense the irony of it all.

“House…I’m bleeding.”

House followed her gaze.

“Well I don’t think the kid much cares if you want it out yet.”

With that, he went to retrieve his cane just before the elevator doors shut, and returned to Cameron, rounding the chair and pushing her down the corridor toward the ultrasound suite at surprising speed. This was perhaps the best place she could be if the baby was going to be making an appearance sooner rather than later.

---

 

“Well, you’ve go great timing, Dr. Cameron. We need to schedule an emergency c-section – if you look here you can see the beginnings of placental abruption. The baby’s heart rate is a little elevated but if we get you to surgery now we can minimise the distress.”

The woman quickly pressed a button on the wall to her right and summoned two doctors. Cameron didn’t recognize them, and she could almost feel her blood pressure rising.

“You’d been expecting this though, I’m not going to lose this baby now, please just tell me-“

“We'd been hoping this wouldn’t happen, obviously, but yes we were prepared for complications. Thirty-two weeks is…early. But we’re going to do our best, Dr. Cameron. And babies are born much more premature and still survive. Rachel, could you get Dr. Cameron prepped for surgery.”

House could do nothing but watch and he felt as though he was being sucked back into the destruction of all those months ago. They both knew the risks of placental abruption. She could go into shock in the OR, and if she went into DIC…well, he couldn’t even begin to consider that. But as the diagnosis rolled around his head, something clicked. Placental abruption. He didn’t know why he hadn’t considered it earlier. Maybe it had been too obvious. But right now, that patient was on the backburner. If it came to choosing whether Cameron or the patient was treated, he didn’t even have to think twice.

“Do you want me to get Chase?”

He asked slowly, unable to meet her eyes as Rachel helped her into the wheelchair again. She looked up at him nevertheless and shook her head.

“I talked to him earlier. I told him I didn’t want to be with him and he’s accepted that. House…stay with me. I can’t do this alone.”

She reached out and grasped his hand as Rachel went to wheel her out of the door. House looked down at her small hand grasping his and then met her eyes for a moment, before tearing his gaze away and trying to ignore the knot forming in his stomach. She needed him...and he couldn't do it. She released her gentle grip of his hand and swallowed the lump in her throat. Nodding in silent and dignified acceptance of his rejection, she turned away and allowed Rachel to wheel her out of the doors.



...On to Chapter Sixteen [Connections]...