|
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
(1 comment | comment on this) Monday, October 6th, 2008
collectivisttt
|
11:27p
Today on my break I talked to this one girl who was pretty nice. For some reason, I kind of get a vibe early to people I can easily connect with. I always felt that with her. So she was talking about leaving the country. She told me she didn't feel like she fit into the place we're in or the people here. Then she also told me she'd be especially pissed if McCain won. And it made me wonder how well I fit in with the people of Tampa.
She told me she was in some class that teaches on the subject of feminism. We talked a little about that and she said that they learned about homophobia and racism as well. It seemed like a pretty cool class actually. But later on in the day, I just felt down. I know exactly how she feels. It's frustrating.
The people I work with are largely homophobic. Like most work places (I'd assume), they talk a lot of shit behind peoples' backs. This one kid at my job claims he's straight, but he acts very feminine. It's completely obvious that he seems like the feminine type. Some people call him, "gay" as if it were a bad thing. He even takes it as an insult. No one even wonders if maybe homosexuality isn't a bad thing.
Also, the vast majority of the people I work with are Christians. Most of my friends are either atheist or agnostic... and if you are very anti-religious... you may understand how stupid it sounds when people ridicule homosexuals. It's like little kids finding something "abnormal" about another kid to tease him/ or her about. Only the little kids are in their 30's.
I just feel that everyone has so much more potential. Do I really have to fly to fucking Seattle to start a progressive movement? Is there not a movement brewing in Tampa? I know anarchists try to get people to open their minds to anti-authoritarian ideas... but I'd be happy if people could just fucking be ok with each others' differences. I mean... ignorant people can't be free from themselves... let alone their bosses.
Fuck it, I fucking hate how the people of Tampa generally think. Fuck Christianity and fuck ignorance.
current mood:  tired
current music: "Fuck Shit Up," Wingnut Dishwashers Union
|
(9 comments | comment on this)
(9 comments | comment on this)
(4 comments | comment on this)
mistress_nomad
|
2:58p
Time's A-Wastin'...
So here I am again.
Almost a year ago, I came to the Dover Castle Hostel. I was 18, alone, and so sure the world was as wonderful as the picture books told me. Three days later I met who became one of my best friends. We sat on this couch until the sun came up the night we met.
Here I am again. Getting ready to say my good-bye's to London in the same place I started.
But nothing is the same.
Nothing is like it was back then, and it never will be again.
But as autumn sets in, I can sit here and know what was going on back then. I can sort of feel that excitment. I can remember running up and down the halls, caught up in the cute little whirlwind that was my life. I remember everything I thought I was, and thought I would be.
A year ago, when people used to say to me, "Gee, I wish I could do what you're doing," I used to tell them they could, and they should. But I think I'm a little wiser than that now.
I was watching Top Gear. The main talking head was reviewing an Alfa Romeo sports car of some sort, which he said that he absolutely loved. His co-anchor asked if he'd recommend one to a friend. He said absolutely not.
He said that Alfa Romeos are fussy, poorly built, overpriced monsters that practically hemorrhage resale value from the moment you drive them off the lot. He wouldn't tell his worst enemy to buy one. The dashboard would fall off on your way home, it would spend more time in the shop than on the road, and by the time you sold it, it will be worth about the same as a pack of gum.
Because Alfa Romeos aren't cars you buy because of any sort of considered review. They're cars you buy out of love. They're built to excite you. To make you feel like you're sitting in the cockit of a living, breathing thing. And no one can make you feel that way - you do or you don't. If you don't, it's not worth the toil. If you do, well, no one would have to encourage you to buy one in the first place.
With a bit of experience now behind me, I think the lifestyle I chose for the past year is largely the same way.
In theory, is it exciting to hop to another continent with no friends, no job, and very little money? Of course it is. But the reality is something all together different.
This has been the most heart wrenching, painful, exhausting year of my life. I am tired beyond your wildest dreams, and right now, I can hardly think about anything other than getting off the road a little bit sooner. I feel jaded and tired and like I have just thrown all of my youthful enthusiasm out the window and I will never get it back. I feel like I have aged decades, and when I look in the mirror, I look far more than a year older from when I left. My body hurts, my mind hurts, my soul hurts. Everything hurts.
But under all of the pain and misery and delirium, there is something special. There is the magic that you don't normally notice, but which makes itself so apparent when you strip everything else away. And for the rest of my life, I will be able to see it no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
I know what it's like to burn yourself to the ground and try to make something better from the ash. And it has been worth it.
Would I tell someone else to do what I've done? Never. I wouldn't wish all of this suffering and heartache on anyone.
And the fact of the matter is, that if you're the kind of person who could survive it with your soul intact, I wouldn't have to tell you. You would do it on your own.
But this is a lonely place to be. I won't meet very many people who know what I'm feeling right now. This is a lonely path that I've chosen.
But as I gaze out the window at the first view of London I ever had, it feels a bit less daunting.
All paths end where they began.
Love,
Cassie
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
(comment on this)
(comment on this) Sunday, October 5th, 2008
(comment on this) Saturday, October 4th, 2008
insanepsychotic
|
1:27p
You know you look so good...
How many total songs?
301. I had wayyy more, but I deleted all the 80's songs on there that I had, except a few.
Sort by song title - first and last?
Aerie (Gang Of Eagles) - Grace Slick
96 Tears - ? & The Mysterians
Sort by time - shortest and longest?
Lost Carol - Silent Hill 3 (0:37)
How Suite It Is - Jefferson Airplane (12:25)
Sort by Album - first and last?
After Bathing at Baxter's - Jefferson Airplane
(No Name) - Zhenya Otradnaya
Sort by Artist - first and last?
Akira Yamaoka
The 5th Dimension
Top five played songs?
White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane (318)
She Bop - Cyndi lauper (250)
Somebody To Love - Jefferson Airplane (241)
All The Things She Said - t.A.T.u. (180)
Chocolate River - The Seeds (135)
Find the following words. How many songs show up?
Sex: 0
Death: 0
Love: 23
You: 37
Home: 2
Boy: 4
Girl: 5
current mood:  cheerful
|
(comment on this)
(comment on this) Friday, October 3rd, 2008
mistress_nomad
|
6:29p
Get Your Vote On
Ok, guys. No excuses now. Most of you are as old as me, if not older.
Have you registered to vote yet?
How about now?
Now??
DO IT NOW!!
This Message Has Been Brought To You By Caffeine and American Hysteria.
Love,
Cassie
P.S. I have made a deal with myself that I will go for 5 entries without swearing. This one counts.
|
(3 comments | comment on this) Thursday, October 2nd, 2008
mistress_nomad
|
9:16p
I've seen better days...
A bad day is calling your house because your roommate has your keys to have someone let you in, and being told he moved his girlfriend into the room, and you can't move back in. I'm fine. I have money. And Uxbridge is frankly rather isolated and boring anyway, not to mention that my house has no internet and a poorly-functioning shower besides the fact that one of the housemates always turns off the hot water.
Never mind that I'm paying for the damn place (though the rent I've paid is pretty much up, so no big loss).
Never mind that no one called me first, instead waiting for me to call them, expecting that, as I did last week, I still had the room (that I paid for).
Never mind any of that.
Let's talk about my experience with the people from Uxbridge.
A tantruming sociopath who likes to date rape everyone he meets and abuses his girlfriend. A speed freak who likes to inconvenience everyone in any way he can, from turning off the hot water and locking the room to leaving 2 weeks of dirty dishes in the sink and then promptly disappearing. A plethora of gossipy women, stalking men, and the one I thought was kind of a decent guy, who turned out to be the one who kicked me out of my own room and finding nothing wrong with that.
They like to imagine themselves to be enlightened Socratics because they attend university, despite the fact that half of them are flunking and never turning up. They like to imagine that begging their way into higher education cancels out their overwhelmingly lacking personalities.
What in the hell kept me from kicking them all out of my life sooner?
He wants to hang out with me in Central. Nope. Already have his number screened. He had the audacity to ask me for money so he could buy weed. I already paid half your rent - fuck off.
I seriously have a knack for meeting the best and the worst of human kind. On one hand I have Jules. Who was kind enough to let me stay for a couple days while I get my stuff and booked a hostel, despite the fact that he's packing to leave the country soon.
And then on the other hand I have this worthless lot.
What. The fuck.
I officially have no time for this bullshit every again. I am booked into ETERNITY when it comes to this kind of crap.
But you know? Karma's a bitch. A girl who spent about 2 months making my life miserable by screaming at me, and not paying her side of the rent for the room we shared, and accusing me of stealing her things when I was living in the hellhole in New Cross wound up getting scammed for a deposit and put on her ass. And you know, that's sad. But that's what you get.
That's what you get for the sort of asshattery that I have put up with. Without striking back. Without beating the shit out of them with a frying pan. Only very occasionally and very understandably raising my voice. Despite the fact that I am nuttier than a Snickers bar, I have managed not to murder them all, even though I surmise that the world may well be better off.
I really do believe that these people will get what's coming to them, or already have. Flunking out of uni, getting arrested, getting cut off (deservingly so) by their poor, poor parents. Imagine how upset you'd be if your kids turned out like that.
I also enjoy that me ignoring them has apparently made them all extremely upset. They don't have anyone to put up with their bullshit anymore.
I'm not an angel, but I'm not a bad person. My karmatic universe is sometimes upset by the fact that I occasionally have no taste, but I am not a bad person.
But what I am is a REALLY pissed off person who isn't going to set fire to my bridges. I am going to nuke my bridges.
Fuck. This. Shit.
Love,
Cassie
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
(2 comments | comment on this)
(12 comments | comment on this)
(comment on this)
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
hippieicons
crazy