Sodapop Curtis... God knows I love him so much.

That's why I lied to him... That's why I had to hurt him.

When my parents found out I was pregnant, the first thing they did was to call Darry, Soda's older brother and tell him just what they thought of his "hormone crazed brother" getting their "poor baby" pregnant.

Soda wanted to marry me. But my parents said, "No sixteen-year-old kid is gonna marry our Sandy.

Well, first of all, I'm only a month older than Soda is. He was only two weeks from turning seventeen.

But they said I couldn't marry Sodapop. So they sent me to my Grandma's in Tampa.

I kept telling myself that it was only a matter of time before I'd go back, and Soda would be there, waiting to marry me.

But the more I thought about it, the sicker it made me. Thinking of Soda, sweet, happy-go-lucky Soda, out in Tulsa worrying about me and the baby... our baby... And besides, Soda didn't want to do anything until his younger brother, Ponyboy, was out of school. He wanted to help Darry put Pony through college if it was possible.

I fought it for a while, but then, I did the merciful thing... If merciful and cruel can be used to desribe the same thing. I wrote him a letter... and lied to him. I told him the baby wasn't his. It was impossible, though. Soda and I... I mean, he was the only one. I think he'll always be the only one. But he didn't have to know that. I told him that I'd been two-timing him. And that he didn't need to worry about me anymore, because the baby and me wasn't his problem anymore.

Soda wrote me back, but I couldn't open it. I couldn't read what he wrote. But it killed me wondering if it was words of hatred or words of forgiveness... So I wrote "Return to Sender" on it, hoping that he'd give up.

Because I love Sodapop Curtis, and a little pain now will save him so much more pain in the future.

I don't want him to hurt anymore.