Trees, trees

Still green, despite the encroaching autumn

I am glad.

The sun sets.

shadows, shadows growing longer

It is dark in here but the trees are comforting. Trees, plants...

Tokyo is all dust, suffocating dust, drab and dead

Here, one can dream... and be safe...

I collapse against a thick trunk and slip off into that land of dreams.

(ooc: parking her here for the weekend; she will not wake easily. outfit-wise she's still in "in-between" mode XD, i.e. woman's kimono, men's obi/hair)

I am not hungry. My body is tired, but the thought of sleep fails to interest me.

I should not have gone to her. I should not have gone to her.

Why is my judgment no longer what it once was?

And then, as the hours wear on, I find myself no longer caring.

What is done is done. There is nothing I can do but plunge on.

I think idly that I should leave a message at the Kite. Thank you for your help, I do not know how I can ever repay you, I apologize for the short notice, good-bye.

Not necessary, his voice whispers. You will not be missed.

Let's go, I say tiredly. Let's go again, to that place. That place where the magnolias blossomed beneath the blue sky, and the land was like a mirror reflecting water and air.

Yes, we will go.

I do not know the way.

Of course. You have forgotten, he says cruelly. You often forget such things. These things that should never be forgotten.

No, don't say that. I have never forgotten. Never. Never.

But I do not know the way.

But he does not reply and when I look, I see two snakes slithering along the side of the road. I wonder if one of them is the little green creature I released just days ago. I wonder many things but it is useless to wonder. They are both black anyway. Green does not turn to ink so easily.

They go on and on and on, and I step after them tiredly, and wonder where they lead me.

It does not matter.

All roads lead there in the end.

*wanders off*

We leave Takatsuki-san and keep walking through the park to an area with less people about.

"Tokio... What is going on?"

"I was going to ask you a favor," I admit reluctantly. "But I cannot impose on you any further. I am too deeply in your debt already -- you have helped me so much -- I am sorry for taking up your time." I make motions to leave.

But she grabs my arm and will not let me go. "Is it your husband? I thought him a good man. I would have intervened --"

I shake my head. "If only it were that simple..." I whisper. "Let me go, hime-sama. Forget you ever met me today. You have... your own duties to fulfill."

"Tokio! At least tell me... what it is you wished to ask of me."

"I can't --" I begin.

"You saved my life once. It is the least I can do in return."

"Hime-sama," I say seriously, "It was my duty to protect you. And the kindness you have shown me far outweighs --"

Suddenly she breaks out laughing and I stop in the middle of my sentence, frightened.

"You really haven't changed at all, have you? You always refused to let anyone get close to you, refused to accept anyone's help, refused to share the burdens you carried. Tokio, I won't ask for any details, but I could see something was troubling you from the moment I first saw you this morning. That scared me a little, you know? I remember... even in the darkest hours you remained a bastion of calm efficiency."

I laugh shakily. "Is it really that obvious?"

"I know you too well, Tokio."

And it is true. Of all the ones I ever held close to my heart, she was the one who came closest to understanding it. She glimpsed the darkness but she held the power to wash it all away. With her radiance, her warmth, her very presence, she kept the darkness at bay.

It is I who owes her my life.

(ooc: tbc, spottable, but she will run if approached!)

I finish work in time to make the appointment. I am, in fact, early. I use the time to relax. It is a beautiful place, Ueno Park, even in the autumn, when the famed sakura can hardly be in bloom. It is not my garden, but it is a beautiful place, nevertheless.

I wonder idly, if that person will come?

And then I see her. Walking regally down the path, dressed in a kimono that is simple, yet elegant. How could I not see her? She is one to whom all eyes are drawn... She has that air about her, the air of a mighty empress.

I take a deep breath, then creep up behind her. When I am close enough, though still at a respectful distance, I tap her gently on her shoulder.

She whirls around and for a moment she is startled. And then she laughs. "Ah, so it's Shinoda-kun, is it?"

I am shocked too. For one, she is older than I remember her; her face, once smooth and hard, is now softened and lined with age. But it has been some years since we last met. And then I realize that despite the care I took in changing out of my boy's outfit and into a kimono, I am still holding myself as a man, moving as a man. I did not have time to tie an elaborate obi, either, so am still using the man's obi, and my hair is still pulled back in the man's style. Careless of me. No wonder she was confused! I blush, embarrassed, then pull out the hair tie. And then I fall to my knees and bow down to the ground.

She makes a tsk-ing sound. "Now there, Tokio. There's no need to be so formal!" She adds, "So silent as usual; you surprised me."

"Hime-sama..." I murmur, rising, still with my head lowered respectfully. "You came alone," I reproach her mildly.

"Hmph. You of all people should know that I have never needed bodyguards! ... Not that I didn't appreciate it, you know," she adds softly.

I nod quietly in acknowledgement, and fall back a few steps behind her as she continues strolling down the path.

"Besides, it's such a beautiful day. Hardly a day for any danger to come to one so insignificant as me."

"You are hardly an insignificant individual, hime-sama," I protest.

"Teru," she snorts. " Teru-san if you insist. We are equals now, Tokio. And these silly titles are meaningless now anyway, in this new age."

I shake my head. "No, hime-sama. To me, at least... you will always be Princess Teru."

We fall silent then, but out of the corner of my eye I catch the barest glimpse of the soft smile that rests upon her face.

(ooc: tbc. thread invadeable. the princess recognizable by relevant people -- i.e. anyone who may have encountered her in the past.)

It is not a busy night, and I am soon done for the night. In the privacy of my room I unbind myself before I retire. It is like a ritual, slow and deliberate. I feel a sudden spike of disgust with my body. This woman's body. Helpless and fragile.

For the first time in a long time, I dream of magnolias. I am walking through a hall of mirrors, sprays of blossoms reflected into eternity. The reflections fade, and suddenly I see myself, again as I was all those years ago, delicate and alone, untouched by winter's frost or the kiss of steel.

"Ojou-sama? Ojou-sama!" Our old gardener, a stern graying man with hands like leather.

"I... I didn't mean to...!" A sudden outburst, coming out of nowhere. Surprisingly quiet, almost a question.

The beautiful purple blossoms float on the water's surface with stems and leaves, clumsily plucked and gathered. "I thought they would like it. I thought they would like eating something pretty for a change."

A sigh, soft as the breeze. "... Remember this, ojou-sama. The loveliest of things are also the most dangerous... Do not be deceived by beauty, ojou-sama. For under the mask of beauty often hides the deadliest of dangers."

And then I wake up, the voices still echoing on in my mind. lonely little thing, playing all by herself she couldn't be expected to know shouldn't she be training in more womanly ways but the younger one, her brother, so sickly, of course, especially after they lost the other

And the smell of fish...

I sit there, lost in thought for a while. Then I shake my head. It seems it is still early. Today there is someone I must meet. And there is a letter that needs to be written, sent out.

I finish writing my two notes and sneak out into the early gray morning to send them out.

As for the first, I hope it does not inconvenience the recipient. It is, I suppose, rather short notice. I would not do it if I did not know I am running out of time...

As for the other, by the time it is received, it will all be over.

"Ojou-sama? Ojou-sama!"

"I... I didn't mean to...!"

A sigh, soft as the breeze. "... Remember this, ojou-sama. The loveliest of things are also the most dangerous... Do not be deceived by beauty, ojou-sama. For under the mask of beauty often hides the deadliest of dangers."


I arrive back at the Kite just in time to start helping out for dinner preparations.

"Are you okay there, Shinoda-san?" someone asks. "You look kind of sick."

"Ah, no, it's nothing. I'm fine."

"Is it the fish? Those fish-sellers are really going to get it if they sold us spoiled wares!"

I shake my head slowly. "No, I think it's fine. I just..."

"Ah, I know, you're vegetarian, aren't you!" The babble continues, moving on to something about some monk someone once met, or someone's old great-aunt who ate nothing but tofu and mushrooms and got sick at the very sight of meat.

I just smile weakly. The truth... it doesn't really matter.

There is nothing that remains constant in this world, anyway.

"I am going to kill you."

"That won't work against me."

"You, better than anyone, should know this."

"You know what I am capable of."

"Why? Do you even need to ask?"

"You know why."

"I won't hold back. The monster grows inside me. Someday, when it has grown to its full extent, it shall devour me whole, from within. But I am ready for it. I will be waiting, and when that time comes --"

DIE


My hands are sticky and somehow it feels I'm running in a dream. I am gasping for air like a fish, like one of the many fish they cut up in the kitchen or cook and watch their tails curl and it's really very strange. When did my hair get so disheveled?

I wash my hands in a nearby pool. Sticky. Sticky and warm. But the water is cold and crisp. I am thankful for it. Water is life. I dry my hands on my hakama.

It is really quite strange. They're so sticky. Sticky and disgusting. It is an unfamiliar feeling.

I think: Someday, I will finish this. Someday soon. Then I will be free...

But for now I must hurry back to the Kite.

*exits*

It doesn't take much asking around to find Enishi-kun's new, ahem, enterprise. Soon I find myself staring up at the Kite.

Of course, it isn't open for business yet, not at this hour, but I'm not a potential client anyway.

I knock on the door. Moments later, a well-dressed young woman appears. After a moment of puzzlement, she bows to me. "One moment, grandfather, I will bring you some food."

"Oh, that isn't necessary, ma'am. I'm actually looking for your employer. Is he in?" I wonder how I should introduce myself to these people. After all, I highly doubt Enishi-kun has mentioned my existence, or my relation to him.

She looks astonished, and perhaps a bit alarmed as well. "Could you wait here a moment?"

I nod. "Of course. Take as much time as you like."

She turns and heads inside, closing the door again.

Despite everything, despite my utter exhaustion, when I wake I find that the sun has not yet risen.

I suppose old habits die hard.

Things are going as well as they can be -- not the best, of course, but no road could possibly be smooth for me from this point on -- but things are not the worst they could be either, and I am thankful for that.

I miss my garden.

Such a silly thing to miss, of all things I could be missing now; but somehow I just cannot stand the thought of my garden standing there, uncared for, the weeds growing and strangling all the flowers I worked so hard to cultivate.

I dress in the tranquil silence of the morning, carefully wrapping the bindings around my chest.

So another day begins, and so my shadows draw ever closer.

We enter. Yukishiro-san is sitting at his desk, reading something.

If this were the usual me, I'd hop over to where he is, try to read over his shoulder, maybe even grab the book to get his attention.

But she is here, and her presence pricks me like a thousand pins.

I stand at a distance, politely. "Yukishiro-san. This is Shinoda-san, who wants a job here."

(Somewhere inside my mind, I suddenly have an image of Shinoda-san as the doorman and me as a serving girl. It almost makes me smile. Almost.)