Honjou Kamatari ([info]kama_okama) wrote in [info]himuragumi,
@ 2006-01-15 19:46:00
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Entry tags:chou, kamatari, soujirou

October 9, 1878-- Afternoon-- Streets of Tokyo
Chou and I manage to get Sou-chan out of the bookstore without any trouble, which I'm thankful for. The last thing we needed was Shinomori making a scene, or something.

The streets are noisy, and I frown in irritation. A man is shouting at the top of his lungs that some fishmonger shortchanged him. I roll my eyes. I couldn't care less. I've got my own problems right now.

I'm still not sure what set Sou-chan off like that. Ok, so I do know-- it was that kid, Eiji-- I just don't know why.

Sou-chan's been strange since I ran into him. Well, he was always strange, but now he's strange in a different way. He's acting like a child now, and that includes having a child's fear. Damn it, what did Battousai do to him when they fought?

It doesn't surprise me that this is all Battousai's fault. It always is. I really hate that bastard. None of this shit would be happening if Shishio-sama was around.

Damn Battousai.

But I can't think like that right now. I need to try and cheer up for Sou-chan's sake. Kid's got enough problems right now without me being in bad mood.

Right, cheerful, I can do cheerful. "So, Chou," I say noting the cookbook in his hand, "I hope you're planning to cook us something good from that book."

(OOC: Chou and Soujirou moved with permission.)


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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-16 07:13 am UTC (link)
Kama-Oni seems mad about something. Not at me, though. But I bet I freaked her out when I freaked out.

Does she know about...Before? I don't remember if I've ever told her. Or anyone else, for that matter.

"So, Chou, I hope you're planning to cook us something good from that book."

I look at the cover. It's full of strange symbols I can't understand, like a book of magic spells or something.

"I sure can't make heads or tail of it," I say.

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[info]sawagejou_chou
2006-01-16 02:47 pm UTC (link)
“Jesus Fucking Christ!” Why the hell did I suggest going to that freakin’ bookstore? “The Chou thought you needed some kind o’ friendly service ta run a freakin’ shop! Freakin’ Shinomori had ‘nuf charm ta bankrupt the place in a month!”

I look at the book I bought from him. I don’t know ‘bout using this for Sekihara-san. She’s a down-home girl and the Chou wouldn’t want ta ‘fend her like with too much foreign cookin’! ’Specially since I gotta see if’n I’ve got any o’ the ‘gredients for this stuff!.

"So, Chou, I hope you're planning to cook us something good from that book."

“Hell yes! The Chou is gonna treat all the Juppongatana ta dinner again real soon like! But not this here night, ‘cause the Chou has plans ta cook for a right purdy lady for dinner!”

Count on Kamatari ta try ta lighten up and take Sou’s mind off’n his worries. But the Chou is too damn curious ta let it go jus’ yet.

“Sou-chan, who the hell was that kid? The Chou don’t know ‘im.”

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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-17 09:51 am UTC (link)
"Eiji-kun of Shingetsu village. You remember that village, don't you, with the hot springs? His brother was a spy for Saitou-san, so Gentatsu killed his whole family. Then Saitou-san and Himura-san showed up at Shingetsu and kicked us out."

How do I explain what I feel about Eiji-kun? I don't even understand it myself. It's a whole bunch of memories bunched up together, unhappy ones that I don't like to think about.

"Chou-san, Kama-Oni...did I ever tell you how I met ShiShiO-sama?"

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[info]kama_okama
2006-01-17 12:01 pm UTC (link)
I liked those hot springs. I decide not to say this. It's far too flippant a remark for Sou-chan's very serious mood.

"Chou-san, Kama-Oni...did I ever tell you how I met ShiShiO-sama?"

I shake my head. I always wondered, but it felt too strange to ask. It's weird to think that Sou-chan might have had a life before Shishio-sama. He was there when Shishio-sama found me, before there was a Juppongatana. He was a constant.

Sou-chan... what happened to you? What made who you are- a strange mix of child and deadly killer? How long has this fear and sadness been simmering below your smile?

This is so strange. I feel as if we're all teetering on the edge of something, and that the bottom is very far down.

I don't want to jump. I want things to be like they were.

But they can't.

I take a deep breath, and I step of the ledge- metaphorically speaking, of course.

"What happened, Sou-chan?"

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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-17 04:18 pm UTC (link)
"I--"

My voice catches in my throat. It hurts so much to just think about it. It hurts so much to let these memories out.

But it hurts so much more to hold them in.

Maybe it will be easier if I pretend it's not really me.

"Once upon a time, there was a little boy who wanted, more than anything, to be loved."

I'm probably crying now. I'm not really paying attention.

"He was a very, very good little boy. He did everything he was told. And he always, always smiled. But it was not a real smile, because the little boy was sad."

Have I ever smiled for real, from the bottom of my heart? Not many times. Not very many times at all.

"He was sad, because his family did not love him, could not love him, would never love him, even if he was Their flesh and blood."

Bones of my bones, flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood. And I killed them all, because I was afraid. So afraid.

"He was not the son of Their mother, so They hated him."

I am falling down...down down down down down...into the well of memory. But I keep talking. I have to. The words are piercing my insides like a thousand swords.

I tell Kama-Oni and Chou-san everything. How I was beaten, and starved, and frozen, night after night. How one night, I saw ShiShiO-sama, burnt and bandaged.

How, in the rain, Soujirou the Boy died, and Soujirou the Tenken was born.

"The strong live, the weak die. That was the truth that ShiShiO-sama taught me. But is being weak so wrong?"

Himura-san is lucky. He wears his scar on his face.

I wear mine in my heart.

"That night, in the rain, I smiled, but in truth, I was crying."

That was the truth that destroyed me.

That was the truth that saved me.

"I WAS CRYING!"

((OOC: Soujirou's whole story can be read starting from here.))

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[info]kama_okama
2006-01-17 06:18 pm UTC (link)
Shit.

Shit, what am I supposed to do? This... this is wrong. Sou-chan isn't weak. Sou-chan can't be weak. It doesn't work that way.

I'm surprised to discover that I've put my arms around him without even thinking about it.

What do I do? I can't comfort someone. I'm a ruthless, cold-blooded killer. We don't do "comfort."

I glare at the people who are staring at us, almost baring my teeth.

Fuck off, you bastards. Haven't you ever seen a guy break down crying in the middle of the street?

...Ok, they probably haven't.

I don't know what to say. I can't say "I'll take care of you" or "I won't let anyone hurt you." Those are are words for the weak. We aren't weak. Sou-chan doesn't need to be protected. He doesn't. He can't

"It'll be all right, Sou-chan. I'll take care of you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Who is this person and why are they using my voice?

"It'll be ok. I'll make it ok."

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[info]sawagejou_chou
2006-01-18 07:16 am UTC (link)
What the fuck, one minute the Tenken is tellin’ us ‘bout Eiji from Shingetsu, (but that don’t tell us why the hell he freaked out!) and the next, he’s all blubberin’ after tellin’ us ‘bout meetin’ up with Shishio-sama! Shit!

Kamatari, bless her, takes pity on the poor kid. No one ever gave a shit ‘bout 'im 'til Shishio took 'im in. No wonder he’s a screwed up mess o’ a young ‘un.

The Chou puts one arm ‘round Kamatari, and t’other ‘round Sou-chan. We must look freakin’ ridiculous! I start herdin’ ‘em towards the side o’ the nearest buildin’. If the Chou is gonna put on a show for the folk, he damn well wants ta get paid for it!

Fuck. Standin’ here out o' the way o' strangers, I realize that we don’t look all that freaky. Nope. What this little groupin’ o’ the Juppongatana looks like ta freakin’ outsiders is a family comfortin’ it’s son. Damn. Ain’t nothin’ for it! The Chou’s gotta be the Daddy here. No freakin’ way Kamatari can do it, ‘sides she’s too busy bein’ the Mama. So the Chou stands way close, protectin’ the sight o’ Kamatari comfortin’ Sou from the freakin’ stares o’ passin’ busybodies. Jus’ like Daddy Sawagejou woulda done! Or Mama Sawagejou woulda kicked his sorry ass!

“Don’t you worry none, Sou-chan. Kamatari and the Chou are gonna take right good care o’ you from now on. Not jus’ ‘cause we’re Juppongatana, neither.” Damn straight. Not that bein’ Juppongatana ain’t reason ‘nuf. “Kamatari and the Chou care ‘bout you Sou-chan. We’re family.”

Now what the fuck can we do to prove it to him? How the hell can we help that smilin’ tortured soul o’ his that gets off on killin’?

“Maybe both you and Kamatari should come stay with the Chou for a while. If’n we’re livin’ tagether like, we can make sure nothin’ bad happens ta ya!” An’ while livin’ at the Kite like is the Chou’s fav-o-rite wet dream, it ain’t doin’ nothin’ for Sou-chan.

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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-19 09:02 am UTC (link)
"It'll be ok. I'll make it ok."

I want to believe that so much. I hug Kama-Oni tighter. Please, please make it okay.

And now, Chou-san is holding me, too.

"Kamatari and the Chou care ‘bout you Sou-chan. We’re family."

Family...

A real family...

I--I'm not alone anymore.

Or maybe, I was never alone.

It feels so nice...

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[info]kama_okama
2006-01-19 07:04 pm UTC (link)
Chou manages to both hold the two of us, and get us out of the crowd. I'm so relieved, I take back half the rude things I've ever said to him.

"Kamatari and the Chou care ‘bout you Sou-chan. We’re family."

I nod. "Exactly."

Chou suggests that we both come and live with him. I'm actually surprised that he offered, but I guess I shouldn't be. Chou may be a rogue and a bit of an ass (in a good way), but in the end I can always count on him.

"What do you think, Sou-chan? Does that sound good?"

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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-20 06:44 am UTC (link)
I nod. I still can't speak, because my throat hurts from all the crying. My eyes are burning from the tears, too, but they just keep coming.

I need to sit down.

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[info]sawagejou_chou
2006-01-20 02:11 pm UTC (link)
Jesus Fucking Christ! The Tenken is crying so much he’s startin' ta really worry me. ‘Course, I s’ppose that is better’n him smilin’ all the damn time like – even when there weren’t nothin’ ta be smilin’ ‘bout. He and Kamatari both seem ta be willin’ ta live with the Chou for the time bein’. That may be the bes’ thin’ for all o’ us. ‘Ceptin’ when the Chou has fe-male company comin’ for dinner – like tonight!

“The Chou has ta get home ta start cookin’ dinner for Sekihara-san. Why don’t both o’ you come along an’ join us. The Chou is sure Sekihara-san won’t mind none.” An’ I’m jus’ as sure this means the Chou won’t be gettin’ lucky neither! Shit!

“You can move your stuff in tomorrow, an’ we’ll be all comfy and family like, right Sou-chan?” Good damn thin’ the Chou has two extra rooms. “Kamatari can have the extra bedroom and the Chou will clear out his weapons storage room extra room for you, Sou-chan. I’ll get it all set up like and we’ll all be real cozy.” An’ if Kamatari don’t monopolize the freakin’ bath house, we’ll all live through the ‘xperience!

I give Kamatari a “look” over Sou’s head. We done good work today. The Chou knows that freakin’ Fujita wants Kamatari ta keep an eye on Sou, this oughta make it easier for everyone. ‘Specially if Sou-chan wants ta stay in To-ky-o.

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[info]kama_okama
2006-01-20 11:32 pm UTC (link)
Sekihara-san? Oh, Sekihara Tae, Wow, Chou must be really worried about Sou-chan, if he's willing to let us interrupt dinner with a woman.

“Kamatari can have the extra bedroom and the Chou will clear out his extra room for you, Sou-chan. I’ll get it all set up like and we’ll all be real cozy.”

"Sounds good to me." Hm, living with two other people is going to take some getting used to, now that I've gotten used to privacy. Oh well, I'm used to it. There were other people when I stayed at Mt. Hiei, and I almost never got a moment to myself at that boarding school in france. I'm just glad that they all believed that was living in Japan had made me horribly modest, and that was why I never let anyone see me in any state of undress.

Yeah, me, modest. Chou would laugh if I told him that story.

Well, it looks like I'll have plenty of time to do it.

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[info]sawagejou_chou
2006-01-23 07:31 am UTC (link)
The time for my fixin’ a decent dinner for Sekihara-san is ‘vaporatin’ ‘long with the sunshine. The Chou don’t like ta rush a guy in distress, like, but wouldn’t Sou-chan be more comfy cryin’ his eyes out at my house?

“Ya ready ta go, Sou-chan?”

I give Kamatari another “look” over Sou’s head. Let’s get him the fuck out o’ here, ne?


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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-24 08:59 am UTC (link)
Deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths.

"You ready to go, Sou-chan?"

I shake my head. "You guys go on ahead. I need to sit down for a while."

I give Kama-Oni and Chou-san another long hug.

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[info]kama_okama
2006-01-24 06:33 pm UTC (link)
I bite my lip slightly. I don't like the idea of leaving Sou-chan here. I'd feel better if I could keep an eye on him.

Geez, what am I talking about? The kid can look after himself... maybe. After today I'm not quite so sure.

Finally, I just sigh and say "if you're sure."

I look at Chou. "If Sou-chan's going to be here a while before heading to your place, shall I wait until you've finished entertaining your lady friend?" Wouldn't want to ruin Chou's chances of getting laid.

Really, I'm serious.

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[info]sawagejou_chou
2006-01-25 11:20 am UTC (link)
Sou-chan says he wants ta stay here by hisself? I don’t like it. Not one freakin’ little bit! But what the hell, he is the Tenken. I know he can take care o’ hisself, and if’n he knows we’ve got his back, maybe that will be enough for tonight?

“If’n you’re certain you don’t want to come now, Sou-chan, you should come after you’ve finished workin’ at the Kite, ne? Bring your stuff and the Chou will have your room all ready for ya, ok?” He still looks mightly rough ‘round the edges.

Kamatari offers ta come later like, too, which is really damn nice o’ her!

“Damn straight, Kamatari! Let me give the little lady a nice supper an’ a little entertainin’ a’fore she has ta deal with more’n one o’ the Ten Swords, ne?” An’ maybe I’ll give ‘er a little piece o’ the Chou, too!

“Bring your stuff over later, or I’ll help ya with it first thing in the morning.” After I have my freakin’ owls! The Chou ain’t no good for nothin’ without his freakin’ owl onigiri in the mornin’.

“Don’t you worry none now, Sou. From now on you got a family backin’ you up anytime you need it like! You jus’ holler and the Chou’ll come a runnin’!”

I give ‘em a big ol’ Chou wink and set off ta my place…..I gotta shit load o’ work ta do ‘fore runnin’ off ta collect Sekihara-san.

(exits thread, waving back ta Kamatari & Sou-chan as he exits)

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[info]cold_smile
2006-01-26 02:58 pm UTC (link)
((OOC: Wanders off to crash threads. Whee.))

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[info]kama_okama
2006-01-28 10:02 pm UTC (link)
*exits*

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