Takasugi Shinsaku ([info]squidboyno2) wrote in [info]himuragumi,
@ 2005-12-04 00:30:00
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Current mood: troubled
Entry tags:ayu, takasugi

Oct. 8, 1878 - Morning: Duck Hunting... Again
I'm not sure we've gotten as much rest as we ought to, having been occupying ourselves with other things, but when morning comes around we set out to search for Aisa.

First stop -- Ueno Park. Things I have lost seem to tend to gather there, after all. (What is it about the place, that draws everything there?)

Not to mention the strange slip of paper I found among my belongings this morning when I was sorting through my clothes. I am not sure Ayu noticed it. I am not even sure when it got there.

But I know. I know what it means.

Something seems determined to seep away any remaining cheerfulness from earlier this morning.

I find myself wondering about Himura. So he has found love again, has he? Or so Ayu tells me. I wonder... what kind of a woman she is. And sincerely hope that the turbulence of his emotions yesterday was just a fluke, that this second love of his will go smoother than his first. That he has found happiness after all.

He was young when he first married, younger even than I was.

He was young when we made him into a killer. Our assassin.

I don't want to think of such things, not now, but the simple note tucked away in my clothes now weighs heavily upon my mind.

We have arrived. I am not sure I want to know what we will find here.

It is strange, this uncertainty. When did it come to me, begin to eat away at my very being? There was a time I feared nothing. No, that is not true. There have always been fears, lurking in the shadows of my heart -- but there was a time I had the strength to push them aside in mutiny.

I am going crazy.

I stop and turn to Ayu, but words will not come to me. And yet she is here, and she is real, and she is by my side. This morning was not a dream, nor was yesterday.

There are no such things as ghosts.

(ooc: given info by and directed ayu with permission.)


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[info]yamazaki_ayu
2005-12-04 08:03 am UTC (link)
This morning, things seem slower and calmer than the day before. And slowly and calmly I try to walk beside Shin, as we make the walk to the place near the temple, thinking about not just finding his beloved pet, but also about whether the happiness I feel at the moment will last.

I also wish that the children could be here with us-- but I am still afraid to expose them to this unknown city and still uncertain dangers.

As we come closer to the spot where I first spotted Shin and the duck, I let my fingers reach for his arm, wondering what he is thinking about.

"Shin?"

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[info]squidboyno2
2005-12-06 07:39 pm UTC (link)
"We played together as children," I begin quietly. "My... wife. She fell ill while I was in Shanghai. I came back to find her dead."

Disease -- the invisible enemy that creeps upon its victims and takes them without notice. The enemy that cannot be fought with words or swords.

"I... never really loved her, I think. I cared for her, but..." What did I feel about her? I really cannot say. Lust? She was a beautiful woman, after all. Brotherly affections? I had played with her as a child... No matter how I try to reason it out, I cannot explain it, even to myself.

Because I loved her, yes... But...

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[info]yamazaki_ayu
2005-12-06 07:48 pm UTC (link)
His words catch me off guard. I thought we were here looking for Aisa. But then again, yesterday he had mentioned his wife and her sister...

I try not to falter as I keep walking with him. I am not his wife, but I love him as much as the one he speaks of.

"I'm sorry," I say. I am sorry he didn't love her. It makes me sad. "Was it.. because of that woman who taught you that song? Did you or do you love her?"

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[info]squidboyno2
2005-12-06 08:07 pm UTC (link)
"I don't know. My parents arranged the marriage, but I liked her well enough... It was my duty to get married, father an heir. I always remembered being fond of her." I brush a hand through my hair. What is it that I'm trying to say? "I even remember being jealous of my cousin, when he got married and had a child..."

"It was in Shanghai that I met that woman." I pause. "And yes, I loved her."

"But -- she is only a fond memory now... while my wife..."

Ghosts. I do not believe in ghosts!

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[info]yamazaki_ayu
2005-12-06 08:19 pm UTC (link)
Oh.

I don't really know if he knows what he feels either. Sometimes that's how I think he is with respect to me too. But, I suppose I can't ask him. It's not really my place to do that.

"But -- she is only a fond memory now... while my wife..."

I just look at the pond for a moment, thinking about that woman. He did love her, I know. I remember how he spoke of her when he sang that song for me. I think it's always made me realize that I couldn't ever be the first anything for him.

And that didn't bother me at the time, since he wasn't the first man I loved either. And I know that there is no way I can compete against a memory. Memories have a way of perfecting themselves, in a way that the people in front of you can not.

Even so, his wife deserves something. A little more feeling, anything.

"I hope she didn't realize that--" that he didn't love her.

The water makes a strange sound. To me it sounds sad.

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[info]squidboyno2
2005-12-06 08:55 pm UTC (link)
"I wondered, in the beginning... if that was why she succumbed," I admit. If it was because I had not been there for her, if it was because I had been with Uno, instead of her... "But I suppose that was a silly thing to think -- our son could not have died for the same reason."

I shiver a little, involuntarily.

(I never saw him. I have never seen him, except in my dreams.

A beautiful child, she'd written. The most beautiful little boy in the world...)

Disease was something I would never win against, in the end. Even if I myself lived on... It was disease, not swords, that had stolen away those closest to me. These wounds and scars I carry, that have yet to heal -- it is disease that lies at the root of their cause, not blades or guns.

"I don't know if she realized it. We spent too little time together. Most of the time I was away."

Whether with Katsura or other comrades, or in the company of geisha (or... other women).

"... I should have been there for her..." I whisper.

"It wasn't until my return from Shanghai that I learned of her sister's existence... and of my own illness."

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[info]yamazaki_ayu
2005-12-06 09:47 pm UTC (link)
I hear the sounds of quacking from far away, across the waters where the temple of the patron goddess stands as does that tree of my mother’s.

It will never come to pass, that wish of hers, I know. Listening to him talk, I am grieved to know that even then -- his heart never belonged to just one woman – the one who bore his son and died. But that is the way of men then and now in this place.

The fond memory nags me so. She was perfection, the woman of jasmines. She was the one who kept him from going home when he should have been there to see his child.

I want to ask him why he was in Shanghai and about this woman, but the topic changes too quickly, and I feel unable to ease that nagging feeling that something of him was left there, never to return.

I notice he is shivering, and I shiver too, unnerved by the parallels he keeps drawing.

"I don't know if she realized it. We spent too little time together. Most of the time I was away."

Yes, that is how it was for me too.

And later… he was gone when I had my son, and I was frightened and alone. She must have been too, wondering why he didn’t hurry home. And perhaps she realized then that he didn’t love her enough. Or perhaps at all.
.
"... I should have been there for her..."

My fingers reach out for his. His thoughts hurt me, but I know he needs me. I will not let him drown, even if by easing his own guilt and fears, I drown instead.

"It wasn't until my return from Shanghai that I learned of her sister's existence... and of my own illness."

“And… is that when you began to drink?”

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In a Tree
[info]misc_tokyo_ppl
2005-12-08 07:42 pm UTC (link)
Ninja #1 played by: RoChan

It’s such a pain to follow people sometimes, especially if they are shinobi! Honestly! It’s a good thing we split up to track the two down or else we would have lost them both. I was afraid that I was going to be caught by that drunken bastard! Every time he looked out the window in my direction, I swore he saw me. But he didn’t say anything. *snort* I don’t know what the elder wants with him, it’s clear that Yamazaki Susumu is just a washed up ex-ninja.

Still… we were all so convinced that he was Ayu, especially when someone came in looking like them as a male, that it wasn’t until that ‘Sanosuke’ came in accusing that we even thought otherwise! The elder had said that Yamazaki-kun was a master of disguise, still the way he had been acting the past year none of us thought he was good enough to pull it off!

We had underestimated him, but we had also underestimated his sister too. When the three of us had split off, I was stuck following Yamazaki-chan. I figured that since we had enough knowledge to know there were only two Yamazakis that if her brother was parading around as her, then she must be him, no wait… she was she and he was he but he was her and she was him but not really him and uh… ANYWAY! I thought I was going to be bored, guess not.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I get a letter talking about how Yamazaki-chan killed the kunoichi we had allied. That was enough to make me weary of them, that and how in the last ten to fifteen years no one knew where either of them were. We got hints and stuff but there was always a dead end. Maybe they weren’t as washed up as I thought?

Man, this tree is making me cramp up. I hope her beau leaves soon so I can kill her already.

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[info]squidboyno2
2005-12-08 08:12 pm UTC (link)
“And… is that when you began to drink?”

I laugh a little, trying to light up the mood. "Well, no. I started drinking the day I turned fifteen."

But I know that is not what she means. "It is when I started drinking on a more... regular basis," I say quietly.

You are the one who saved me. I take her hand into my own. She does not know it, but she was the only reason I promised that old hag Nomura, at the end...

And, well, I guess I broke that promise yesterday.

...

"Thank you," I whisper, for everything, before tensing a bit.

A feeling... of being followed. Watched. Her?

But no. It cannot be. If it were her I would not feel it. Or, well, it would not feel this way.

I'm a little annoyed. Nerves, I guess. I've been somewhat on edge ever since we got here.

I frown and let go of her hand, reaching into my kimono. "Know anyone who makes a habit of perching in trees?"

Well, other than her and her brother I suppose.

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[info]yamazaki_ayu
2005-12-08 08:23 pm UTC (link)
He chuckles, and yet, everything about him feels so heavy.

"It is when I started drinking on a more... regular basis."

"Shin," I reach forward and stroke the front of his kimono. I have nothing comforting to say. Part of me wants to tell him that I am sure she forgave him, and yet part of me isn't sure that that really is the truth. I did not know her, after all.

"Thank you."

I tilt my head to the side, wondering what he is thinking about.

"Know anyone who makes a habit of perching in trees?"

And then I blink, feeling the muscles beneath my fingers tense ever so slightly. *

"No," I mouth silently, and understand.

(*permission given by squid-p*)

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[info]misc_tokyo_ppl
2005-12-08 08:29 pm UTC (link)
Ninja#1 played by: Ro

Hmm? What’s this? The chatty pair quiet down a bit and I don’t like how that beau is moving. Letting go of her hand like that and then reaching into his kimono seemed really suspicious to me! Did they spot me in my perch? And who the hell was he anyway? Didn’t move like shinobi…hn…

I ready myself in case trouble should start and he wants to defend Yamazaki-chan. Oh well if it made that samurai feel better than by all means! I didn’t care if I had to kill him too. heh

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[info]squidboyno2
2005-12-12 08:19 pm UTC (link)
There aren't any other people around. I suppose that can work in our favor. Or not.

For one thing, I'm not quite sure *which* tree this bastard is hanging out in. (Damn ninjas. They make life so much harder.)

Lucky there's not particularly many trees around then. And even fewer that could possibly hide any potential attacker from view. It is autumn after all. And these are not particularly tall trees to begin with.

Well, he can't be terribly close, otherwise I would be able to notice him. On the other hand, he can't be too far away either, if it's us he's spying on (and who else could it be?).

So if I were a shinobi, where would I be perching now?

(I wonder vaguely if this has anything to do with the nonsense Yamazaki-the-younger was babbling about last night. Hn.)

It doesn't take too long before I figure it out.

"I don't think Aisa is here," I say.

And then I take my gun and shoot into the leaves. These guns don't aim particularly well -- not that I have any idea where to aim for anyway. But it doesn't particularly matter if I get him or not.

"Let's go."

If there are more of them around, we need to get somewhere where we're less exposed.

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[info]yamazaki_ayu
2005-12-12 08:23 pm UTC (link)
I know that something is wrong. I know it because he has that certain tension in his demeanour... and so the knives are in my sleeves waiting to be deployed, when instead he fires a bullet into the tree.

A ninja? But...

But...

Let's go.

I take his hand, suddenly even more afraid than I was last night.

And I start to run.

*Squid and Ayu exit like the wind!*

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[info]misc_tokyo_ppl
2005-12-19 04:42 pm UTC (link)
Ninja#1 played by Ro-Chan

It took everything that I was not to cry out in surprise as the man shoots really close to my foot! Damn the guy and his good aim! I was preparing to attack or flee should he decide to take a second shot when the two of them start RUNNING AWAY!

MAN! Today totally sucks!

I take after them in a hurry trying not to loose them.

((Ninja#1 Follows))

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