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The Fifty Worst Lines in the Caribbean
Arr, avast and welcome! I thought I'd begin this community with a post that reminds us of why we trawl through the Pit of Voles and take the time to mock the sludge that appears in Mary Sue reports.

What better form of comedy than these oh-so-precious, bona fide Suethor lines?


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-Jack grinned at his new challenge; Min was going to be a hard cookie to crack, but he was going to crack her.

- There was a spark of something in his chocolate orbs, but it disappeared as soon as it appeared.

-The man wore a red head band that rapped round his forehead.

-She leaned over Jack, his face buried in his pillow, which streaked of old fish.

-How can I shut her up for now?’ He thought when an idea popped into his sexy head. This fic features the same “hard cookie to crack” Min mentioned above.

-Gwyneth could see the coal lining his eyes.

-She knew how close she was to being thrown in the Gallows, but that mattered not, the only thing that mattered was that she had a sword, with a solid gold hilt, and she was having fun.

-His khol-lined eyes were closed and his coat was soaking wet.

-"Look luv, none of this has anything to do with being fair. I keep you locked in here because I didn't think that ya fancied the possibility of gettin' gang rapped by the crew!" This is the same fic responsible for the “galleons” mix-up.

-"She had no curves though she did have a nice chest."

-Not a very, very happy man but a happy man nevertheless who had his arm wrapped around an exhausted wrench.

-And then her black eyes met his copper ones. *Suck beautiful eyes.*

-'Cry not liuhl one, sshh,' came the whisper, 'Ther' may be 'naught but tears teh cry upon m'whithr'd arm, bu' I'd see m'self dead, buried an' all, before y'cem teh h'rm.'

- "'ow is it that the famous Strumpet of Swashbuckling got 'er ship wrecked? Eh? Plunderin' 'ere ya don' belong? 'ell jus' 'ave ta turn ya in after we 'ave our 'ay wit' ya, won' we Captain?"

-“This isn’t a fairytale and you can’t save me,” Will whispered, crystals glittering in his eyes. You may remember this fic from the “exhausted wrench” above.

-“Jack! You took my melanin! Ye a thief!”

-A rich man indeed... She thought noticing his moneybag that seemed to be filled to the brim with dabloons.

-Any pirate that had the galleons to spend spent them on one of Madame D'arcy's whores. To the author’s credit, she re-vamped the fic, and put in “gold” instead of “galleons.” Not to her credit, she really messed up her paragraphs, and doesn’t seem bent on fixing them. Fortunately, the timeless error was catalogued here.

-The stuff animal was made up of a shaved pillowcase and different colors of socks, and was currently rather destroyed.

-'Wowwy, wow, wow! Look at them two!' Jack said pointing to the two, ravishing ladies approaching. 'I've got dibs on the one in the blue!'

-“Because life sucks,” Will answered weakly.

- ..and oh how [Will] missed just throwing on his old work cloths and working on a sward or two.

-"Whenever I'm in a really tight situation, and I can see no way out, I always ask myself- WWJD? That's 'What Would Jack Do?', you see.”

-Her green eyes glinted dangerously, shoving and kicking and punching all the while screaming...

-As she looked into each cell her wavy, golden brown hair would too.

-'WELL DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN HE PUT ME THREW DO YOU KNOW MUCH SORROW I HADE IN SIDE OF ME!!!!!!!! I DON'T THINK YE DO SO GOOD BYE AND GOOD REDDENS!!!!!' you yelled. Check out this Suethor’s bio. Ugh.

-'Thank you Gillette' answered Elizabeth 'Will's out' she lied 'So can I have a hug'. In the moment they hugged Elizabeth pick pocketed his gun. 'One more thing Gillette, remember to die'. She shot him.

-"Ah, Mr. Gibbs. Tortuga…well, doesn’ that sound like i’s righ’ out of a fan fiction. Tell me, does the Cap’n ever go anywhere else?”

-‘Then finally I propose my weasily little black heart out to you hoping that you accept my hand in Marraige.' Jack responded.

-Her sword in her hilt and her pistol in her belt, she crawled out from under her lifeboat. Ah, the infamous Alpha Jessie Iceflake.

-"I don’t need a pirate to tell me that,” she put her sword in her hilt. Another double-whammy fanfic. (See this girl’s wavy, golden brown hair in action above.)

-He carried a beautifully crafted sword that he had made himself. It was made of folded silver…

-He replied in his famous, almost one breath sort of speech voices. The title of this story was originally, “Even Villians Learn to Love.” When I told the author that Jack did not have copper eyes and that she should pay more attention to the movie, she asked if I was PMSing and then told me that I didn’t deserve to read proofread work.

-They engaged in combat all around her, shooting, stabbing, and otherwise mutating the sailors.

-"Oh honey, you are absolutely too beautiful to go and sit in some pirate ship and be a hoar!"

-My thoughts though, were focused on Sam. That is, until Will had walked up to me. God, can't I just make up my mind about who I like..o well, maybe later.

-Pleaz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The THREE lines above all came from the same fic.

-Anamaria opened the door and pooped her head in. I sent this girl a review telling her about her silly mistake, and, rather than acknowledging her error, she DELETED my review. Well, now a lot more people know about it than would have if she had just fixed it. Enjoy the infamy, evanjaleene, darling.

-Anamaria stunk into the captain’s cabin…

-I could of made this chapter longer, but I wanted to get it out quickly. Four pages in word, I’m getting better at this length thing.

- She had a scar going down her Left eye, she was born with it. It enabled her to have visions, and sometimes, receive a visit from the dead... Ewe freaky!

-"No! You can't do this!" This cry came from a bound and tied young woman by the name of Raziya Nebkhefkharonheb, an Egyptian pirate, Raz for short.

-"Let me be!” Jack cried to the sky. These wounds won't seem to healThis pain is just too realThere’s just too much that time cannot erase “Please! Leave me alone! I admit! I love Will, but please, I must be free of his ghost!” Jack sobbed.

-He wore a white lose shit with a brown vest over the top of it. The story has been edited, and while the "folded silver" has not been changed, the, er, white loose shirt has. Evidence of its former grotesqueness can still be found here, in the review section.

-Our sotry startz wit Elisabeth Swan she was beatiful and she wuz sittin on a gadren bench and singin when Will Turner (AN: he's soooo pretty lol! he looks especually perrty today he had his hair combd an all) comes by. (AN: o yeah this fan fic is called Jack Spaerowz pantz lol) "Hi will sayed elisabeth" and Will sayed back "I want to sex u."

-That's what we do. Protect the island and the inoccent people that dwell on this island in the Caribbean….Eight years ago our village was attacked by samurai. This fic was originally rendered as a 2500 word paragraph.

-"Oh you stupid toothpick, shut up. Yes, circulation and I hope your hand with the freakishly manicured nails falls off and you become a homeless cripple."
~Will to his true love, Elizabeth

-He was not here to oogle her backside, but to spank her, and spank her well!
~Will’s tender thoughts toward his new wife

-“Allow me to introduce myself; I am Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pear, Savvy!”

-“My name is Salina Rose, AND I AM A PIRATATE!”
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Note: The title "The Fifty Worst Lines in the Caribbean" is, sadly, exaggeration on my part. I have no doubt that somewhere there appear much worse lines than these. If you care to add to the list, comment with your favorite flub!

Happy Sue-hunting.

'Til next time,

Araeph