dreya_uberwald ([info]dreya_uberwald) wrote in [info]goodomens100,
@ 2005-07-10 15:50:00
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Title: Stolen Property
Words: 100
Challenge: Crossover including a canonical fictional book
Points: Crowley and Aziraphale


A menacing ‘Eeek’ reverberated around the room.

Aziraphale found himself standing between a near-homicidal orang-utan and an irritated demon. “Now really you two, what on earth is going on?”

“Ook,” roared The Librarian.

Aziraphale gaped. “Crowley is that true?”

A look of mild embarrassment flitted across the demon’s face. “I was only borrowing it.”

“You’ve been keeping The Joy of Tantric Sex, with Illustrations for the Advanced Student in your freezer.”

“Ook!”

“Fine, I’ll give it back,” said the demon, rather too compliantly.

“Along with the photocopies, I hope.”

Crowley scowled.

Aziraphale braced himself for another week of demonic sulking.

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Nice work, as always.
[info]she_flame
2005-07-10 08:18 am UTC (link)
I can imagine Crowley 'borrow' the book in question, but keep it *in freezer*? How's that?

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Re: Nice work, as always.
[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-10 08:27 am UTC (link)
Thanks :D

but keep it *in freezer*? How's that?

In the Discworld novel in which 'The Joy of Tantric Sex' is referred to, it's mentioned that the book needs to be kept under several feet of ice water, but I thought that Crowley would probably opt for a modern freezer cabinet when it came to the matter of storage.

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Re: Nice work, as always.
[info]chelonianmobile
2005-07-10 10:03 am UTC (link)
That's what you get with magically printed books.

Do you think they have that problem in the Hogwarts Restricted Section? (My school library has a Restricted Section of its own for the Year 12 and 13 students, where they keep the "Senior Fiction" and 18-rated films. I've looked and it's actually mostly pretty boring stuff. The Hogwarts section wouldn't be.)

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Re: Nice work, as always.
[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-10 11:33 am UTC (link)
Do you think they have that problem in the Hogwarts Restricted Section?

Undoubtably. I also expect that there are a few copies of The Joy of Snacks hanging around in there too (of course they'd probably have to acquire them via L-Space interlibrary lone).

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Re: Nice work, as always.
[info]memii
2005-07-10 04:54 pm UTC (link)
Hermione finds the Joy of Snacks, and doesn't quite get the point of it. That just begs for a fic.

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Re: Nice work, as always.
[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-14 08:59 am UTC (link)
*Attempts to fend off plot bunnies with a large stick*

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[info]sazzlette
2005-07-10 09:54 am UTC (link)
Wheee, obscure canon references :333

I want to know what Aziraphale plans to do with those photocopies.

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[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-10 11:38 am UTC (link)
Glad you liked :D

I want to know what Aziraphale plans to do with those photocopies.

Well he's clearly going to keep them in a very safe place and study them with great interest in order to make sure they don't get into the wrong hands.

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[info]sazzlette
2005-07-10 12:43 pm UTC (link)
It always amazes me how much you can make me laugh with a mere 100 words.

Hee! I do hope so. *encourages sequel plot bunnies*

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Because I'm suggestible....
[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-10 04:28 pm UTC (link)
It was about a month later that Crowley, on paying an unexpected visit to Aziraphale’s shop, found the stack of lurid colour photocopies tucked inside and ancient looking ledger. The angel, on returning from a visit to his favourite teashop, found the demon sitting smugly on the counter, brandishing his find.

“You’ve been snooping,” said Aziraphale, accusatory tones tinged with embarrassment.

“You said you were going to destroy them,” countered Crowley. “’Too dangerous to remain intact’, you said. ‘Could get into the wrong hands’.”

“Well,” said Aziraphale, looking vaguely flustered. “It is art. And I do rather feel that as an agent of the divine I should be able to prevent any residual traces of thaumic energy from leaking.”

“So what you’re essentially saying is that you confiscated my porn just so you could have a good ogle yourself.”

“Oh please. It’s not pornography it’s erotica. And I was not ‘ogling’ as you put it, I was…er… appreciating the artistry; though I doubt that you could possibly make either those distinctions.”

Crowley smirked. “And have you learnt anything interesting from your artistic appreciation of the porn… I mean erotic photocopies.”

Aziraphale nodded in an almost worryingly earnest fashion. “Oh yes. I can show you if you like.”

Crowley’s jaw very nearly hit the floor.

Ten minutes later a panting and moaning demon found himself being coaxed into position #452 by an angel who’d clearly been very diligent in going about his art appreciation.

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I knew you couldn't resist.
[info]sazzlette
2005-07-10 05:07 pm UTC (link)
Crowley had been more than a little surprised to discover that Aziraphale intended to use a very practical method of increasing the demon's appreciation of art. He was more shocked still to discover that the angel had clearly been practising the positions in his spare time; Crowley very much doubted that Aziraphale's body had become that flexible all by itself. The angel then did something very interesting with his left knee and Crowley groaned loudly.

"Surely-" he gasped, trying to stop his voice from squeaking, "-surely this is the sort of thing that'll get you chucked out of heaven."

Aziraphale then did something else which made Crowley incapable of speech for a whole ten minutes.

"I choose to look at it this way," muttered the angel between mouthfuls of various parts of hot sweaty demon, "He knows everything that goes on, and so, much as it pains me to think this, he knows what we're doing right now, and therefore," here he paused and did something with made Crowley utter a long string of obscenities.

"Don't say it's ine- oh HEAVEN," moaned Crowley pitifully.

"Quite right, dear boy."

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[info]finmagik
2005-07-10 10:18 am UTC (link)
*Giggle.*

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[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-10 11:38 am UTC (link)
:D

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[info]vulgarweed
2005-07-10 11:59 am UTC (link)
Heee. This is great.

I would think Aziraphale should be pleased to see Crowley at last learning to appreciate the finer pleasures of rare old books.

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[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-10 04:36 pm UTC (link)
Thank you :D

I would think Aziraphale should be pleased to see Crowley at last learning to appreciate the finer pleasures of rare old books.

If it hadn't been for the fact that Crowley was on the verge of causing an interdimensional interlibrary incident, he may have had a more positive attitude towards Crowley's choice of book. As for the photocopies, I strongly suspect that Aziraphale's inevitable arguments about them being liable to give off dangerous amounts of thaumic radiation were made in order to get them removed to a safer location, such as his shop.

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[info]leatherdykeuk
2005-07-11 04:03 am UTC (link)
*laughs*
Both were superb!

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[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-11 05:42 pm UTC (link)
Thank you :D

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[info]migratory
2005-07-12 10:45 am UTC (link)
Brilliant. And as for the sequel...

Awesome stuff.

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[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-14 08:58 am UTC (link)
Thank you :D I'm sure that both Crowley and Aziraphale have both learnt a great deal about the joys of 'art apreciation' from the whole incident.

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[info]burntcopper
2005-07-19 02:53 pm UTC (link)
:falls over laughing:

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[info]dreya_uberwald
2005-07-19 03:25 pm UTC (link)
Hee. Glad you liked :D

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