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Fruits Basket FanFic Reviews
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| Fruits Basket Reader's Choice now OPEN! |
[01 Nov 2006|08:08pm] |
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"Lady of Dreams" by Vast |
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Sorry for the cross-posting! If mods have a problem please just let me know!
~*~
Current Contest Information:
Submissions will be accepted from November 1, 2006 – January 30, 2007. Voting begins February 1, 2007 - March 31, 2007. Winners to be announced on April 5, 2007 and awards will be given out around April 15, 2007.
I wish you all luck!
Eraya ^_~
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| [Review] Custody by issamalv |
[23 Aug 2006|08:57pm] |
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Title: Custody
Author: issamalv
Summary: Years after his family left to Germany, a terrible accident gives Momiji the chance to become the older brother he always wanted to be. Will he take the chance, or will he give up on the only family he has left?
Genres: Drama
Rating: K+
Source: FFN
Plot: The summary pretty much nails it. Momiji and Momo's parents die in a car accident and Momiji goes to Germany to pay his last respects and to ask Momo to come back to Japan to stay with him. Momo is still unaware of Momiji's true identity and there is also a maternal Grandmother to deal it.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: It has to be one of the more readable stories that I have come across in a while. There are hiccups in the prose and places where description just falls flat. The author also has a tendency to switch POVs in the same scene trying to show you the inside of everyone's head. That tends to make things a little confusing but still the dialogue is good.
Originality: Momiji-centered fics are not something you see very often and ones with him and his sister are also rare.
Characterization: Momiji and Tohru are very much in-character in this piece and well Momo is older so there is space for her characterization but is similar to what we see in volume 12/13. The OC grandmother characters comes off very interesting as well.
Entertainment: Despite slow places in the prose I found it to be endearing and sweet.
Canon: Manga
Flaws: Slow spots in the prose, POV jumping in the same scene and sometimes wooden descriptions.
Strengths: Characterization and originality for sure.
Suggestions: Try to stick with only one pov per scene, getting into the character's head is good but it really works better to only do it for one character at a time. Also most of the problems that I spotted really can be handled in the editing process. I would really suggest either taking time to edit each chapter or asking someone to help in the editing process. A fresh perspective is sometimes needed to catch what we miss.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) Promising leaning toward Good.
Sample of the story:
( An excerpt from Chapter 1 )
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| Vote for you favorite FB Reader's Choice contest fics! |
[31 Mar 2006|04:50pm] |
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"Wishing I Was There" by Natalie Imbreligua |
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Apologies for cross-posting! If mods have a problem, please just let me know!
~*~
All right everyone,
After seven strenuous months of gathering enough submissions to make this contest worth it, the polls are open! However, you've only got ONE MONTH to cast your votes.
Voting for your favorite fics runs through today, April 1, 2006, until April 30, 2006. That's it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I really need to wrap this contest up. I know it may be a little strenuous to try and read all the fics, but do your best. All the authors who entered would really appreciate it ^_^.
You may vote for as many fics as you want, however, in order to cast your votes you'll temporaily have to sign up for the group. You can find the group homepage here:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fb_readers_choice/
So that's that! Spread the word and make the voting happen! All the fics are awesome so it'll be worth a moment of your time ^_~.
Thanks everyone who helped make this contest happen!
Eraya ^_~
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| Reader's Choice Contest |
[19 Mar 2006|01:50pm] |
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"Good Day" by the Dresdon Dolls |
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Sorry for cross-posting!
If you have any further questions do not hesistate to ask! Also, GET THE WORD OUT! The more entries, the more interesting it is for the reader's as it's YOU who will be voting ^_~.
Eraya ^_~
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| [Review] Icicle Thief by Out Of Luck |
[03 Jan 2006|10:36pm] |
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It's been a while since anyone has left a review. I just wanted to let you all know that I will allow you to review fics without leaving a link to the author. It is completely up to you if you want the author to read your review.
Title: Icicle Thief
Author: Out Of Luck
Summary: Kira and Noriko are high school girls from Sapporo and each have their own little... problems that got them kicked out of their last school. HaruOC, KyouOC, YukiTohru
Genres: Humor/Romance
Rating: K+
Source: FFN
Plot: Two Mary Sues transfer to Torhu and company's High School, so they can get together with Haru and Kyou.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Descriptions get a bit purplish. It definitely has poor pacing, the grammar is not the worst I've ever seen but the writing just falls flat. Plus she put author's notes in the story which is a no-no.
Originality: What originality it is the same old story we have had the misfortune to read in the past.
Characterization: Everyone is like a shell of their former selves.
Entertainment: This is about as entertaining as banging my head against a brick wall.
Canon: Anime.
Flaws: Poor characterizations, Mary Sues, lame "plot", poor pacing, misuse of honorfics, fangirl Japanese and existing.
Strengths: The spelling is tolerable...and nice use of the space bar.
Suggestions: Trash this story for something that is actually original. Nobody is interesed in reading about your self-insert Mary Sue characters.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) Toxic
Sample of the story:
( Read more... )
I need to invent a rating lower than Toxic. =_=
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| [Review] 108, by Serious Black |
[15 Jun 2005|12:49am] |
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Title: 108
Author: Serious Black
Summary: "Auld acquaintance, brought to mind: Hatori pays Shigure a visit on New Year's Eve. (Set one year after last ep. of the anime; is not manga-accurate.)"
Genres: Drama
Rating: K+ / suitable for all ages
Source: FFN
Plot: One-shot on a moment of unguarded friendship, as Hatori helps with cleaning places that really matter.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Third person narrative, yet a lot is said with a few words. I am a sucker for undertones, so I must say that I absolutely heart Serious Black's style. I did not spot punctuation mistakes, and she had the nicety not to include too many random Japanese terms in the story... Me like.
Originality: Just being a non-yaoi story with exclusively Shigure and Hatori should make it original enough ^0^.
No, seriously, even though serious friendship moments have been used as a plot to may fanfictions, this one has the merit of keeping protagonists IC and making readers feel like they are almost intruding on an intimate moment. Very nicely done.
Characterization: Very good characterization imho. I was reminded of chapter 26, with respect to the closeness between both characters. Beautiful.
Entertainment: I could read it every day of the week and still not have enough. It's my personal shot of good!fic whenever I can't find anything decent in the Pit. Or I'll just read it because XD. Very entertaining.
Canon: Anime canon, although there is not much reference to either manga or anime.
Flaws: A little short. Sometimes the style was a little choppy, but I think the author was trying to render the atmosphere between the two friends. She mentions a western alcoholic beverage that I am not sure would be used under such circumstances, but meh. XD [EDIT]Brandy is apparently quite ze rage in Japan. You go. *_*
Strengths: Definitely characterization and narrative style.
Suggestions: A sequel maybe?
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) Good Plus XD. I should give it a wow, but the 'brandy' thing just threw me off. It's really no biggie but... meh [EDIT] Wow. She apparently made the research on common Japanese beverages [or knows enough about it not to have to] What can I say? Just read the story, people...XD
Sample of the story:
( This isn't what it seems )
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| [Review] Turn Around by Asanji |
[11 Jun 2005|09:16pm] |
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Title: Turn Around
Author: Asanji
Summary:[One-Shot] When I turn around...I wish you would be standing there...[Tohru POV]
Genres: Angst/Romance
Rating: K /[All Ages]
Source: The Pit
Plot: It's just a short ficlet about Tohru's feelings toward her Mother's death.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: It's told from first person and the voice does sound like Tohru. I caught a couple of typos but nothing that ruined the ficlet.
Originality: I've been pretty hard pressed to find a Tohru-centric fic that was not about her love life. So I'd say this one is original in that respect.
Characterization: Tohru actually seems spot on in the way she is thinking.
Entertainment: It's a nice little read. It's not too angst and you get a brief little taste of a coupling but it doesn't over power the fic.
Canon: The writer said manga in her author's notes but it could go to either the manga or the anime because of the subject matter.
Flaws: A few typos and it's short.
Strengths: Tohru's characterization. Actually centering the fic on Tohru's thoughts of her mother rather than making it an all out coupling ficlet.
Suggestions: Fix typos and I would love to see this writer dive a little deeper in Tohru's mind. There is a lot more going on there then meets the eye when it comes to Tohru.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) Good
Sample of the story:
Since it is short I'll give you all a taste.
( Read more... )
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| Too Common and Overused Plots |
[09 Jun 2005|10:17pm] |
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The essay below was written at the request of **Promise Keeper** for Neko Ino's author support section. It was also suggested that I post it on furuba_reviews, so here I am.
The below are some of the most common and thus highly overused plotlines in the Fruits Basket fanfiction world. Each is listed with a small summary and exceptions that contain some ideas on avoiding the cookie cutter trap. It was written both to vent frustration at finding more than 15 fics with the same 2 plots on 3 pages at FF.net and also to hopefully help the fandom in some small way.
Disclaimer:(Also known as "Please don't hate me for this")Nothing written below is meant to be offensive, merely informative. If you’re currently using one of these plots, this doesn’t apply to you. This is meant to keep future fics from becoming too repetitive for the sake of people who read lots of fanfiction and would prefer some variety. This is also only meant when the listed premise is the main or only plot of the story. If it’s part of the story but there’s also a new and interesting twist, this doesn’t apply either.
( Read more... )
Conclusion: The main thing that I learned from this is that these overused plots are the result of two things; people using too vague of an idea for a plot and people not taking a common idea one step farther to make it more unique. These are things that can be easily fixed if a little time and effort were put into them for the benefit of the author and readers alike. Take a chance and do something a little different; the odds are someone’s been waiting to read just that.
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| [Review] Fruits Fiction by Jill Manga |
[17 May 2005|11:59am] |
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Title: Fruits Fiction
Author: Jill Manga
Characters: Mabudachi Trio, Kana, Mayuko, Tohru, Uo and Hana, Akito.
Brief cameos by Miine and Rin. Yuki and Kyou only mentioned.
Pairings: Hatori/Mayuko, Hatori/Kana, Shigure/Mayuko, Shigure/Kana, and perhaps some implied Akito/Hatori
Summary: Hatori tries to move on by starting to date Mayuko only to learn that Kana's marriage is falling apart. As Kana's life crumbles around her, memories of her time with Hatori return. Against the desires of his own heart, Shigure tries to make Mayuko happy by getting her together with Hatori -- only to get caught in the cross-fire of the love triangle. Angst ensues.
Genres: Romance/Angst with some Comedy
Rating: 13+
Status: Complete at 14 chapters
Source: author's personal webpage
Plot: Very well done. In spite of flaws inherent in the writing, I was completely sucked into this story both now and when I originally found it.
It should be noted that when I originally found it, I was new to Furuba (i.e. had no CLUE who Mayuko was) and searching for Ayatori fic -- meaning I normally would have moved on right away. The story itself caught my interest in spite of those things.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: This is what will put off most readers. I may be mistaken, but I don't think English is the author's first language. If that's so, this author has done an excellent, excellent job, and it's lightyears ahead of all of the other ESL fics I've seen.
Still, it suffers from the same anomalies of grammar, sentence structure, homonym confusion, and sometimes just wrong word choice (ex: "risk" instead of "wrist" - this is a mistake I don't expect a native English speaker to make) found in other ESL fics. Punctuation is good, spelling generally correct, except where homonym confusion occurs. It leans towards Engrish at times but not strongly enough to discourage a reader who
a) has a familiarity with Japanese grammar and sentence structure
b) is patient
or c) has already been sucked into the story.
A word on style: The author did a good job of keeping the reader's interest by skipping back and forth between scenes at crucial moments; however, I would have appreciated some notation that one scene was ending and another scene was being skipped to. A new paragraph is not enough to suddenly shift from Kana's point of view to Shigure's point of view in a separate scene.
Some readers may be violently annoyed at the amount of Japanese included in the dialogue. It is, however, arguably not "fangirl Japanese" but appropriate, grammatically correct foreign language insertion into the dialogue of Japanese characters. The author seems to have a good listening comprehension of Japanese, if nothing else. I was distracted by repeated misspellings of "urusai" and "sukebei," but chalk it up to a lack of formal Romaji training or simply good listening comprehension but bad reading/writing comprehension of Romanized Japanese. I actually enjoyed the inclusion of Japanese in the dialogue, but it will be confusing to dub-only watchers and infuriating to those who like to have their fics in a single language.
Originality: I don't read many fics and haven't yet begun searching for my current pairing, so I'm not sure I can rightly say how it compares to what else is out there with these pairings. That said, I have yet to find or hear of another fic so accurate to canon and which handles the difficult characters so well and believably. I've never seen Japanese used as often or as capably in dialogue, either. The depth of character theory to be found in this story is laudable and rare in this fandom.
I remembered this fic from accidentally stumbling on it a year ago. 'nuff said.
Characterization: A++++++++++++++++++++++ Characterization of Shigure is excellent. The best I've seen anywhere. Though the story is a bit dialogue-heavy, she nails Shigure's graceful pirouettes from flippant jest to blatant cruelty.
Hatori is his reticent, stoic self, though a bit less decisive than I picture him being.
Ayame is fabulous, though totally undeveloped on his own behalf - exact to canon.
Mayu is dead on bitch-facade hiding fragile dreams and hurt inside.
Kana's characterization is questionable, but only because we get so little of it in canon. Conjecture has to be made, and I don't think the author oversteps the bounds of possibility here.
Tohru is naive as ever, but her recognizably flustered, ditzy, well-meaning, talks to herself self. She's not given much to do, but she's definitely Tohru with the exception of one brief questionable scene with Hana, Uo, and Mayu.
Uo and Hana are way too interested in their teacher's and Shigure's personal life, IMO. They're not given much to do, and thus it's not glaring OOC.
Akito is male but in character but for the fact he's thwarted a little too easily. All in all, though, I don't think Akito fans would disapprove of this portrayal.
Miine is in character for her very brief appearance.
Rin is just random, her appearance nothing more than a plot device, thus questionable.
Entertainment: I could not stop reading this story. I'm a nit-picker, and I ignored the flaws in order to finish it in short order. I would read this story again just to admire the characterization and character interaction, both of which were well done. I'm not sure if this is a story that would appeal to everyone, but for Trio fans and Hatori/Kana fans, it's a must-read
Canon: Manga canon up to and including chapter 71. Anime continuity is alluded to once or twice as well, but it's definitely manga-based. I have yet to read an author with as thorough a knowledge of the manga and who incorporates it nearly as accurately and well into fanfiction as this one does.
Flaws: Grammar and sentence structure. Over-use of Japanese in dialogue. No clear breaks between scenes. Random characters using the word "anyways." >_<
Strengths: Thorough knowledge of manga canon applied in character theory and extrapolation of past events merely hinted at in canon or not fully explored. Excellent attempt at tying up loose strings Takaya-sensei herself may never bring together (much to my personal dismay). Good story-telling, in spite of the problems in text. Excellent characterization over all.
Suggestions: Get a native English-speaker (someone over 18 with good language skills) to edit this. Go over it again yourself and catch the extra/missing words that were left on previous edit (ex: "After Shigure said goodbye, Hatori hung and let out a sigh.") Use asterisks or some definitive form of break to separate scene shifts.
Overall rating: If I'm right, and the author is ESL, then it qualifies as Wow. If not, I can't give it higher than a Good, as much as I like this piece.
Sample of the story: ( Kana prepares to blackmail Shigure into helping with her master plan )
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| [Review] Closed circuit by jester84 |
[12 May 2005|11:46pm] |
Title: Closed circuit [Capitalization hers/his]
Author: jester84
Summary: Something is wrong with Yuki. Has something happened in the teens life or had he just reached his limit?
Genres: Angst/Drama. I see a bit of Mystery in it as well.
Rating: T.
Source: The Pit
Plot: There isn't much of a plot, (Yuki is suffering the after-effects of a rough night of... something) but at least the author tries to make something of it.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: It starts out well enough, but the story suffers from some unfortunate choices of adjectives, (Tohru's lips erupt) frequent if usually minor grammatical errors, awkward prose, and analogies that just don't work. The pacing could be a little bit faster, but works well enough with the theme in the two chapters that are up. Confused homophones (whoa-is-me) are present, and there are unnecessary slips into the passive.
That said, the story is readable. The author has a decent vocabulary, (now if only s/he didn't try to use it all at once) and the moments of minimalism are quite nice. The level of description would be lovely, with perhaps some better choices of adjectives, and we do get to see in Yuki's head, if not in one of his better moments.
Originality: I'm assuming Yuki's Wild Night consisted of sex. (We still don't know with whom.) Sex is hardly original in fanfiction. I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's probably yaoi as well, since the author seems to be working her/himself up to it. I'll give the author credit for a more tasteful approach than usual, though, and trying to spice up an otherwise hackneyed plot device. (Characters having sex.)
Note: If Yuki's Wild Night did not include sex, but something far more original, I will gladly eat my words.
Characterization: Pretty good. Nothing to really challenge suspension of disbelief. Tohru is in danger of becoming the Innocent Madonna of Wonderfulness, but the Yuki POV allows for some of that, so it's cool.
Entertainment: If not for the stiff spots in the prose, I could have really gotten into this. The flow is otherwise decent, and trying to guess Yuki's Mystery Meat was entertainment all by itself. (My bet was on Kyou for a while, but now I think it's going to be something more Shocking. Maybe Shigure in dog form!) There were several points where I could see it in my mind well.
Canon: Hell if I know. It uses American spellings for the most part, though IMO it should be Souma or Sohma, never Soma. Hitori I hope was a typo. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume Anime canon, but it could just as easily be following the Tokyopop manga release, which isn't up to the juicy stuff yet.
Flaws: Oh, for better wording. If the descriptions didn't constantly yank me out of the prose, I would have enjoyed this so much more.
There doesn't seem to be much of a plot, either, but I've been known to live with that.
Worse still, rather than loosening up in the second chapter, it stiffens more, and starts to lose its hold on pacing. This could improve radically, or it could deteriorate into rigor-mortised prose without plot.
Strengths: The author has a grasp on the characters and basic formatting. (I take that back, s/he doesn't know how to capitalize in a sentence with quotes, and that is a mortal sin.) Spellcheck was used, which I always give props for. It shows the author actually cared about what they were producing. In fact, I'd say the author probably cares for this story quite a bit, which is why s/he tries so (too) hard. Cliche may be present, but the story stays on track, with little to no fangirl rambling. Paragraphs are used effectively. They tend to be short, but that goes with the style being attempted. Author should be careful, it isn't choppy, but it could go there.
Suggestions: Your thesaurus isn't helping you if you can't figure out which words are appropriate in context. Stop trying to show off to Teacher and write the story the way it feels in your head. Since the story isn't exactly purple, rather than stripping adjectives you should try to find ones that work. If you can't find the perfect word, use a more invisible adjective that at least sounds natural. And watch out for thar passives.
If you have such a simplistic plot, make it into a oneshot, because this idea won't sustain a longfic as it is. Since the chapters are already so short, this is begging to be a oneshot. That way you have time to tease the readers with your mystery just long enough to be pleasurable, but resolve it before harping on it gets annoying.
Formatting: "You've been a naughty boy," she said. Note the comma and the lowercase S. That is how your sentences should look. Fix this to avoid looking like a plebe. "Circuit" in the title should also have the first letter capitalized. You might want to do the same for your first chapter title. These are minor details, but combined with the numerous grammatical errors in your fic, they helped to lower my rating.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) Promising. I started out leaning towards Good, but after being constantly jolted out of the otherwise pleasant prose by bad choices of words, and having my inner grammar nazi poked with a sharp stick, my rating slid. It's a shame, because I love descriptive minimalism, and Yuki is my favorite character.
( Sample of the story: )
Tell me if you think I went too hard on this poor soul.
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| [Review] Split Persona by Black WInged Angel Sami |
[12 May 2005|06:36pm] |
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Stone Cold Crazy // Queen |
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*Curses uncontrolably* I'm determined to be helpful.
Title: Split Persona
Author: Black Winged Angel Sami
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Tohru never seems to get angry no matter what you do? Why she keeps it in? Well, when a friend of hers from America comes to take her 'back' will we learn more about our onigiri?
Genres: Humor/Fantasy
Rating: [13+] / T
Source: FFN
Plot: An old friend of Tohru's comes back from America and it is revealed that both she and her friend can change genders.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: I've been coming across quite a few stories with poor pacing. No build up exist it is just a series of events leading to a poorly done plot device. I'm a strong believer that if you can't show what is going through your lead character's head or find a mood/tone that the story will fall flat. Relying too heavily on dialogue just doesn't cut it for chaptered stories. It may work for small short stories, drabbles or ficlets but for a chaptered story you really need to set a mood/tone, even for humor stories.
Originality: I've never seen Tohru turn into a dude before so that is actually pretty original.
Characterization: I'm not going to mix words. Everyone is either OOC or former shells of themeselves.
Entertainment: Sorry this fic is just headdesk all the way. It's like reading a poorly done Ranma 1/2.
Canon: What is that? It doesn't seem to exist in this fic.
Flaws: Poorly developed OC, lack of mood/tone, poor pacing, sorry sentence structure, rushed through characterizations, lack of realistic or at least explained plot, using American culture references in Japanese culture, the blantant misuse of honorifics.
Strengths: Since it is a humor/fantasy fic, the idea of Tohru transforming into a boy could be very funny but it has to be executed better. Meaning no cliche jokes and better punchlines.
Suggestions: Perhaps put some serious thought into the plot device, ease up on the clothing descriptions and describe something else like the emotions of the characters, their mindsets, or the atmosphere. Stop applying American culture to Japanese culture that is a big no no! The honorifics either learn to use them properly or drop them completely. Develop your OC before he/she becames a Gary Stu/Mary Sue and beware of turning Tohru into a full out Canon Sue. As it is she is leaning pretty hard toward the Sue arena.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) Considering the last two that I have read this one is just Bad. It is only on it's first chapter but if it keeps going in the direction it is headed than it will be Toxic all the way.
Sample of the story:
( Read more... )
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| [Review] Unknown Zodiacs by Furubaluver |
[12 May 2005|05:41pm] |
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Bohemian Rhapsody // Queen |
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Because it has been so slow around here, I'll be doing some reviewing. So here is another not so glowing review.
Title: Unknown Zodiacs
Author: Furubaluver
Summary: What happens when two foreign exchange students come to live with the sohmas? What would happen if they were the 'unknown zodiacs' of the family?
Genres: General
Rating: [13+] / T
Source: FFN
Plot: Two foreign exchange students come to stay at Shigures house and they turn out to be cursed zodiac members as well. *yawn*
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Pacing is a big problem with this story, the prose just doesn't flow well. The grammar isn't the most horrible that I have read but it needs work. The story is dialogue heavy and does little to set a tone or mood.
Originality: Geez, the extra zodiac animals has been done to death. The foreign exchange student moving into Shigure's house is yet another scenario done to death. Both these plot devices combined is indeed done to death. It is very cliche and boring. New curses can be an interesting read if approached from the right angle but this story is too poorly executed to be interesting.
Characterization: Kyou is stuck in capslock, and Tohru only pops up to fall on Yuki and cook meals, so basically she is the maid. Shigure goes around singing High School girls everytime he pops up, and Yuki is well, when he is not flirting with one of the Sues he is beating Kyou at Rich man, Poor man. Akito is the mad man and I guess Hatori doubles as man servant to Akito at this point.
The two Mary Sues, sorry but I call things the way I see them. Anyway all they do is talk about how cute Yuki and Kyou are and what not. They come off pretty shallow and just grating in general.
Entertainment: Well if you like the sound of nails on a chalkboard, you may find enjoyment in this fic.
Canon: I'm going with Anime since, the High School girl song kept popping up.
Flaws: the Mary Sues, the mixing of two very unoriginal plot devices, poor characterization, the abuse of the capslock key, the poor pacing, the lack of setting description and emotional description.
Strengths: -_- This may be the first time that I am stomped for a strength..wait the spelling was okay. The writer shows some potential.
Suggestions: File this story in the trash heap. Nobody wants to read about self-insert new Zodiac Mary Sues. If you are a fan of Furuba then show us by writing something worth reading. Keep your fantasies in your notebook please.
Overall rating: TOXIC, without a doubt.
Sample of the story:
( Read more... )
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| [Review] The Goddesses Toh and Hru by Ikiwa |
[11 May 2005|10:38pm] |
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Think of Me // Phantom of the Opera |
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Well it looks like I'll be the first to give a review on a less than shining fanfic.
Title: The Goddesses Toh and Hru
Author: Ikiwa
Summary: Tohru’s birthday is here. But, she's been acting weird. Surely she wants this day to come. Tohru’s secret is reveal. She is a goddess not just one but two.
Genres: Fantasy/Romance
Rating: [13+] / T
Source: Fanfiction.net
Plot: Um Tohru splits into two goddesses named Toh and Hru. That's it.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Oh goodness I don't even know where to begin. The pacing is very poor, the choppyiness of the writing gives you no sense of timing in the story. The scene cuts are confusing and there is very little description of setting and characters. The reader barely has time to connect with any of the characters or settings since the writing is so very rushed.
Originality: Believe it or not Tohru as a Celestial being has been done before and some of those stories were slightly better written than this one. All this writer has done is created a sort of Yin and Yang Goddess persona for Tohru, which might be interesting if the writer knew how to characterize her Goddesses better.
Characterization: Which brings me to the fact that this story is lacking characterization big time. I'm assuming she is going with Anime canon but everyone is so grazed over you barely get a sense of them. The Goddesses come off as...you guessed it Mary suish. One is the Golden good side, while the other is the Silver evil/bad side. The writer doesn't take time to explore the characters thoughts, she or he just grazes over everything.
Entertainment: Well if you enjoy banging your head against blunt objects than this story is for you.
Canon: I'm assuming Anime but who knows really.
Flaws: Um, charactization, barely there plot, grammar, pacing, and just about everything.
Strengths: ^^;;; Well if the writer actually developed the Goddesses it could be an interesting way to explore Tohru's feelings, but it looks like it is just a lame attempt at romance. Sorry I call 'em like I see 'em.
Suggestions: Honestly, I think this story should just be scrapped and the writer should try again. As is this fic is a lost cause I don't care how many doting reviews it receives. It won't change the pacing, characterization and plot problems. Plus the chapters are so short the fic is barely over 1500 words and it is on chapter 5. Starting over wouldn't be a bad thing here.
Overall rating: Gah! This fic is super Toxic.
Sample of the story:
( Read more... )
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| Writer of the month for May: Ysabet! |
[03 May 2005|05:02pm] |
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Congratulations to Ysabet, aka ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) umadoshi, who is the Writer of the month for May. ^^ So now I get to write a post about her. Kind of like an advertisement! *wraps Ysa in pink ribbons* O_O..
Anyway! Here is Ysabet's very purple fanfiction website. Ysa is very good at characterization in general, but her specialties are Haru, Rin, and of course, Haru/Rin. So you will find a lot of fanfiction about them there.
Currently, at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) 30_kisses she has claimed the Haru/Rin pairing, and the two pieces she has done so far can be found here:
Imprint
Against the World
You might have heard of "The Ceremony of Innocence", which is a novel-length piece of fanfiction by Ysabet that includes pretty much all of the cast. ^^ That can be found on her website as well.
Besides writing, she also has two very well-developed information pages on the characters Hatsuharu Sohma and Isuzu "Rin" Sohma. They are definitely worth reading if you want to get to know the characters better. ^^ (I would directly link them, as well as The Ceremony of Innocence, but her website doesn't let me do that really.. xP )
And now I am done being a kiss-up. ^^ I hope everyone gets a chance to enjoy her writing.
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| May's Writer of the Month |
[03 May 2005|12:20am] |
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Yeah your mod is a space cadet. Anyways Ysabet is May's Writer of the Month. When I'm more awake I'll do a post with a link to her site and links to her various stories. Those who voted for her feel free to leave me links to your favorite stories written by her.
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| Shigure's Secret Homosexual Bondage Dungeon by Evil Asian Genius |
[27 Apr 2005|07:04pm] |
Ooh, this community looks stupdendous!
A review to get you started, lovelies.
Title:Shigure's Secret Homosexual Bondage Dungeon
Author:Evil Asian Genius
Summary: Shigure accidentally lets the existence of aforementioned dungeon slip to Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo. The boys become intent on finding out more about it.
Genres: Humor. If it were anything other than humor, I would cry.
Rating: T, whatever that means
Source: FFN
Plot: It's a short fic, so there's not really much in the way of plot; pretty much just what I described above. But that is enough, friends. That is enough.
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Yuki's name is spelled with two u's, which is probably acceptable, but slightly off-putting. I think there might be an its/it's mixup or something like that, but otherwise refreshingly good.
Originality: Highly original, in my opinion.
Characterization: Well done, especially poor embarassed Kyo and always-calm in weird situations Shigure. The only thing that came across as odd is that I'm not sure Hatori would "play along" with Shigure and not spoil it from the beginning. As with many things, it's a bit difficult to really assess in a story of only 3000 words, but no one comes off as OOC.
Entertainment: I could read this story every day for the rest of my life and still laugh at it. Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I love it to pieces. And I really do laugh every time I read it.
Canon: I suppose so. It certainly doesn't go against canon.
Flaws: I've discussed them above... they're really quite inconsequential.
Strengths: Hilarity, sheer number of times the phrase "secret homosexual bondage dungeon" is repeated.
Suggestions: That this author should have written more than one Furuba fic.
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!) WOW. This is really my favorite Fruits Basket story. =)
( Sample of the story: )
Enjoy!
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| Reminders |
[24 Apr 2005|05:33pm] |
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Fukai Mori // Do As Infinity |
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Just thought I would throw up a reminder for members and lurkers.
If you haven't voted for May's writer of the month please do so. ^_^
http://www.livejournal.com/community/furuba_reviews/5047.html
Also don't feel that you only have to review good or wow worthy fanfics you can actually review poorly done fics as well. Trust me those writers need the feedback much more than the awesome writers do. The key to reviewing a bad fic is to let the facts do the talking and refrain from taking personal shots at the writers. Criticize the writing, not the writer.
I do hope some of you will give the reviewing a try. ^_^
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| Poll for May's writer of the month. |
[20 Apr 2005|11:47pm] |
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Well these were the writers who were nominated. Only one can be May's writer of the month. Writers can be nominated more than once so if your favorite doesn't get choosen for "Writer of the Month" then nominate them again next month. ^^
Only six writers were nominated this month but I have to say that it is a good crop of writers so I don't envy the voters here.
You have to the last day of April to get your votes in. The writer with the most votes will be dubbed May's Writer of the Month.
Poll #479012 Writer of the Month for May
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None Choose who you think should be Writer of the Month for May.
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3 (33.3%)