S/he said what?!

I make perfect sense

2008-09-02T20:43:05Z

Moi: :'(
Walsh: wht u bloody cryin bout? :P
Moi: you're mean
Moi: and made of carrots!!
Walsh: :-O
Moi: i dont like carrots
Walsh: :( im nt made of carrots :(
Moi: you lie
Walsh: notttt lying :(
Moi: foolish carrot boy

funny_convos @ 2008-09-02T01:03:00

2008-09-02T08:03:39Z

Katie: i want someone to touch me nonconsensually
ME: me too
ME: meeeeeeeeeeeeeee too
ME: fuck, i'd even take a hug
Katie: hahaha
Katie: awwww
ME: whack off to that shit
ME: LMAO
Katie: why are we starved for affection
Katie: hahahahahahahahaha
Katie: just a hug!
Katie: that's hilarious
Katie: and then when they let go be like "that was so good for me, man. i've never come like that before."
ME: hahahaha
ME: theyr'e like "wtf..."

funny_convos @ 2008-08-29T09:11:00

2008-08-29T16:11:24Z

So un-PC, but I'm in hysterics about it. Don't go under here if you're sensitive.

So we're drinking heavily, and we get hungry. Jake is part Guamanian and part Mexican. Chris is white.

Jake: Let's go to McDonalds, it'll be on me!
Chris: Yeah let's do it!
ME: [grumbles] I hate McDonalds.
Jake: It's fucking free food, asshole.
ME: You've convinced me. I'm in.
Jake: OK, so who's gonna drive? I can't.
ME: Whoa, me neither.
Chris: I will.
ME: Well, I mean, how far is it?
Chris: Haha Fernando, that's not a good way to look at it.
ME: I just want to know the probability of hitting someone, and it gets higher the farther the distance.
Jake: Chris, don't worry about it. It's only OK if you hit natives or blacks.
ME: LMAO Jake, that is so bad!!!!
Jake: Haha I know, I'm so awful! Oh well, it's not my fault I'm on top of the fucking food chain.

And then, in my bed...

ME: Do you need anything, like water?
Jake: Yeah, actually I do.
ME: What's that?
Jake: More room! [he pushes me off my bed]

Text messaging fun

2008-08-26T12:01:04Z

So, I live in Denver, and unless you've been living under a rock you know the Democratic National Convention is going on here. I texted a friend who was downtown today to ask if it was a zoo down there, and I get this reply

"There's all kinds of idiots all over the damn place. The protesters don't even look like protesters, they look like a special ed arts and crafts parade"

I don't know about you, but I lol'd.

funny_convos @ 2008-08-23T12:13:00

2008-08-23T19:13:13Z

Jake: [on the cell] Why are you so break-y up-y?

funny_convos @ 2008-08-20T21:48:00

2008-08-20T20:48:03Z

Me: *throws sheep*
Walsh: *throws goat*
Me: that's mean on the goat
Walsh: and it's not mean on the sheep?
Me: no! the sheep is wooley so it'll bounce
Walsh: hmmmm
Walsh: u make an interesing argument
Walsh: but what if the sheep had just been sheared?
Walsh: it is 'summer' after all
Me: it's a psychologically damaged sheep
Me: hates nudity
Walsh: f/e

Oh, my dysfunctional friends.

2008-07-21T09:34:54Z

Chelsea: He threw the phone at me. Why? For my attitude? Who the fuck are you, Santa Claus? You don't get to decide if I'm naughty or nice!
Me: I'm totally writing that one down.

I make sense lots of the time.

2008-07-17T20:49:18Z

Me: weff
Walsh: that actually mean nethin?
Me: weff?
Walsh: ye *pokes*
Me: weff
Me: i mean
Me: weff
Walsh: mosfigagkjherwite
Walsh: nsuaeijgwe
Walsh: nioeirgotl
Me: no, weff
Walsh: go weff yourself
Me: you wish

Don't we have good conversations at lunchtime. XD

2008-06-25T17:08:46Z

Steve: What was the creepiest object in "The Draw"?
Freya: *resigned* A vibrater.
Pete: Nice ot know your Mother is pleasured in the right way.
Everyone: Ohhhhhhh!!! *lol*
Dan: You didn't just cross the line, you shat on the line.
Freya: I love that that itself crossed the line.
Dan: Oh look! Sam's actually blushing on behalf of him!
Freya: I don't actually think my Dad knows about "The Draw". I think it might be something to do my Mom's cyber affair. I am never using that computer or the webcam ever again.
Natalie: I don't think your Mom knows about "The Draw".
Freya: *didn't hear what she said*
Everyone else: Wohhhhhhhhh!!! *lol*
Me: Oh Natalie, I can't believe you went there.
Natalie: I wasn't going to...
Me: But you did didn't you?
Natalie: Yeah... I did.
Freya: *flaps* What did she sayyyy?!

funny_convos @ 2008-06-15T21:59:00

2008-06-15T21:06:01Z

Me: Note to self - Get Doc Martens. Wear when near Shaun.
Shaun: No get velvet slippers.
Me: With steel toe caps.
Shaun: Satin toe caps.
Me: Velvet and satin...sounds like a brothel....for your feet!

Scones.

2008-06-08T20:23:42Z

Natalie: do you say scon or scone ???
Me: i dunno
Me: i think it depends on my mood

funny_convos @ 2008-06-06T01:32:00

2008-06-06T00:36:27Z

Cliodhna: Yeah, I think I'd get the bar in the arm, it's the best of all of them because it lasts for five years and there's only a few side effects.
Me: Yeah, and your fertility comes back straight away.
Cliodhna: .......................did you say virginity?
Me: No, FERTILITY.
Cliodhna: Oh good, because I was like no Becca, it doesn't really work like that....

isn't superstitious

2008-06-04T21:14:03Z

nor can I spell it...

Calumn: UR HAVING A BBQ ON FRIDAY 13TH!?
Me: yeah
Me: but i'm not really a superstious christian
Me: and i doubt the first to leave is actually gonna betray me to the authorities
Calumn: LOL

funny_convos @ 2008-06-01T15:16:00

2008-06-01T14:43:13Z

Aoife: Melissa's wandered off again.
Me: Let's call her names and see which one she turns around to.
Aoife: Ok! Dumbass.
Me: Retard.
Aoife: Melon-breath.
Me: Tuna-breath.
Aoife: Soft cheese breath.
Melissa: Hey guys!

Aoife: She's gone again. Striapach.
Me: Whore.
Aoife: Wee-head.
Me: Poo face.
Aoife: Dick face.
Melissa: What are you guys up to??

Me: (after trying to write on Aoife): It's no fun when you're willing.
Aoife: YOU'RE SUCH A WANNABE DOMINATRIX.

Aoife: I'm a retard.
Me: Yes you are. NOW STOP KNOCKING THONGS OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
Aoife: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA???
ME: THINGS, I meant THINGS.

Me: Hey Aoife!
Aoife: GET OFF ME YOU LESBIAN!

Me: What would I do without you?
Aoife: Be a virgin.

Me: Aoife, look at this rash.
Aoife: Ew that looks sore, what happened?
Me: I don't know....I bet you my mother changed the washing powder again and lied about it.
Aoife: THAT BITCH!

Helena: Jim has a son, you guys.
Cliodhna: I wonder what his name is.
Aoife: (dead seriously) Jam.

Me: AOIFE
Me: THIS IS YOU
Me: *lick finger wipe on his or her shirt* Let's get you out of these wet clothes
Aoife: Oh God
Aoife: I.....ugh.....swear that wasn't me.......
Me: OH MY GOD you actually used that line? AHAHAHAHAHHA
Aoife: Oh sweet Jesus.......

Someone: so whats this talk about?
Someone else: Dunno.. i heard it was about study
Someone else2: I heard it was about prefect stuff
Someoneelse3: well i heard it was a sex talk!
Aoife: Yesssssssssssssssss
(A nun walks into the classroom)
30 mins....
Aoife: well that DEFINITELY wasn't a sex talk

Aoife: Yeah that new guy teacher is so small.... hes like a jockey! aww
Me: WHAAAAA? OMG! IS HE ACTUALLY A JOCKEY??
Aoife: No Becca

Aoife: yeah you're hair is greasy
Me: RIGHT THATS IT, NOT TALKING TO YOU
Aoife: jeez its a flipping joke LMAO
(5 mins later)
Me: I love you Aoife
Aoife: I know Rebecca, i know

XD

2008-05-28T21:20:58Z

Walsh: brb
Walsh: washin up :\
Me: not humping your car?
Walsh: maybe later

funny convos = addictive

2008-05-25T22:54:35Z

Overheard in a Maths lesson... and yes, in Borat-type voices :/

Al: You want sexy sexy with this turtle?
Ashley: Er... No
Al: Is very nice turtle...has wings... good wings
Ashley: Is baby turtle?
Al: yes, good baby turtle
Ashley: How much for sexy sexy?
Al: You give me 200 dollars
Ashley: Have only 20
Al: Uh... deal... here your baby penguin...
Ashley: ...you have condom?
Al: 200 dollars
Ashley: Ah, i give you money.

2 because of.... your face

2008-05-25T22:20:27Z

ME: you... are a whore
Calumn: excuse me?! please back up that insult with evidence????

Walsh: dfhpoiihdaohi
Walsh: sorry
Walsh: my keyboard was momentarily possessed by the devil
Me: wow, sexy

Sex and the city

2008-05-25T00:21:26Z

Chelsea: are you gonna see sex and the city movie
Me: probably not
Chelsea: why
Me: i dont really watch the show
Chelsea: thats because its for lonely old horny women and gay guys
Me: So does that mean you're seeing it

funny_convos @ 2008-05-13T12:37:00

2008-05-13T19:37:26Z

ME: you should congratulate me; i'm officially part of the nau alumni program
David: really
David: when you solve some of our world's problems send me a memo
David: I mean
David: Congratulations!
David: the worse is yet to come
David: I mean
David: good luck with your future
David: sorry I'm a pessimist
ME: ...
ME: thanks for those... inspirational words
David: hug it out bitch

Mmm, muffins

2008-04-26T09:27:14Z

*Wanders into mothers room*
Me: Would it be weird if I made muffins right now?
Mom: *Looks at clock which reads 1:30 AM* Uh, yeah
*Long moment of silence*
Me: So should I make Lemon Poppyseed or Chocolate Chip?
Mom: Chocolate, I want one when you're done.

funny_convos @ 2008-04-16T00:41:00

2008-04-16T07:41:04Z

With my friend helping me write a paper

N: I would tell you if I had a bad feeling about the work we did
N: I believe in its success and you should too
N: he will help you revise and point out the mistakes...then we fix it
N: ok?
ME: yes
N: good....
N: now lets talk about something fun
N: I feel like punching a baby
ME: LMAO

funny_convos @ 2008-04-05T16:56:00

2008-04-05T23:56:09Z

ME: Never have I ever... seen a live vagina.
Carrie: A live vagina? What is it, an animal!?

funny_convos @ 2008-03-23T00:57:00

2008-03-23T07:57:49Z

ME: Let's go for a run.
Jesus: OK. Are you gonna talk to me, or can I take my iPod?

funny_convos @ 2008-03-21T21:11:00

2008-03-22T04:11:11Z

Katie: oh, she's ugly
Katie: does she have a speech impediment/
ME: KATIE MARIE
ME: that is not nice
Katie: does she??
ME: no!
ME: why do you say that?
Katie: because she has dimples
ME: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
ME: that, my dear, is the best thing i've ever heard

funny_convos @ 2008-03-17T11:04:00

2008-03-17T18:05:22Z

ME: let's drink in celebration of our irish roots!
Eric: i always do!
ME: i think i'll have a rum and coke right now...
10:40 AM
Eric: that sounds kinda good right now
ME: and yes, it is only 1030
ME: lol
ME: haha
ME: i haven't even eaten yet yikes
Eric: hmm...
Eric: if you don't eat, you'll get drunk faster!
ME: good tip!
ME: or warning...
ME: haha