S/he said what?!

Moi: :'(
Walsh: wht u bloody cryin bout? :P
Moi: you're mean
Moi: and made of carrots!!
Walsh: :-O
Moi: i dont like carrots
Walsh: :( im nt made of carrots :(
Moi: you lie
Walsh: notttt lying :(
Moi: foolish carrot boy

Katie: i want someone to touch me nonconsensually
ME: me too
ME: meeeeeeeeeeeeeee too
ME: fuck, i'd even take a hug
Katie: hahaha
Katie: awwww
ME: whack off to that shit
ME: LMAO
Katie: why are we starved for affection
Katie: hahahahahahahahaha
Katie: just a hug!
Katie: that's hilarious
Katie: and then when they let go be like "that was so good for me, man. i've never come like that before."
ME: hahahaha
ME: theyr'e like "wtf..."

So un-PC, but I'm in hysterics about it. Don't go under here if you're sensitive.

( Talking about natives and black people )

And then, in my bed...

ME: Do you need anything, like water?
Jake: Yeah, actually I do.
ME: What's that?
Jake: More room! [he pushes me off my bed]

Jake: [on the cell] Why are you so break-y up-y?

Me: *throws sheep*
Walsh: *throws goat*
Me: that's mean on the goat
Walsh: and it's not mean on the sheep?
Me: no! the sheep is wooley so it'll bounce
Walsh: hmmmm
Walsh: u make an interesing argument
Walsh: but what if the sheep had just been sheared?
Walsh: it is 'summer' after all
Me: it's a psychologically damaged sheep
Me: hates nudity
Walsh: f/e

Me: weff
Walsh: that actually mean nethin?
Me: weff?
Walsh: ye *pokes*
Me: weff
Me: i mean
Me: weff
Walsh: mosfigagkjherwite
Walsh: nsuaeijgwe
Walsh: nioeirgotl
Me: no, weff
Walsh: go weff yourself
Me: you wish

Steve: What was the creepiest object in "The Draw"?
Freya: *resigned* A vibrater.
Pete: Nice ot know your Mother is pleasured in the right way.
Everyone: Ohhhhhhh!!! *lol*
Dan: You didn't just cross the line, you shat on the line.
Freya: I love that that itself crossed the line.
Dan: Oh look! Sam's actually blushing on behalf of him!
Freya: I don't actually think my Dad knows about "The Draw". I think it might be something to do my Mom's cyber affair. I am never using that computer or the webcam ever again.
Natalie: I don't think your Mom knows about "The Draw".
Freya: *didn't hear what she said*
Everyone else: Wohhhhhhhhh!!! *lol*
Me: Oh Natalie, I can't believe you went there.
Natalie: I wasn't going to...
Me: But you did didn't you?
Natalie: Yeah... I did.
Freya: *flaps* What did she sayyyy?!

Me: Note to self - Get Doc Martens. Wear when near Shaun.
Shaun: No get velvet slippers.
Me: With steel toe caps.
Shaun: Satin toe caps.
Me: Velvet and satin...sounds like a brothel....for your feet!

Natalie: do you say scon or scone ???
Me: i dunno
Me: i think it depends on my mood

Cliodhna: Yeah, I think I'd get the bar in the arm, it's the best of all of them because it lasts for five years and there's only a few side effects.
Me: Yeah, and your fertility comes back straight away.
Cliodhna: .......................did you say virginity?
Me: No, FERTILITY.
Cliodhna: Oh good, because I was like no Becca, it doesn't really work like that....

nor can I spell it...

Calumn: UR HAVING A BBQ ON FRIDAY 13TH!?
Me: yeah
Me: but i'm not really a superstious christian
Me: and i doubt the first to leave is actually gonna betray me to the authorities
Calumn: LOL

Aoife: Melissa's wandered off again.
Me: Let's call her names and see which one she turns around to.
Aoife: Ok! Dumbass.
Me: Retard.
Aoife: Melon-breath.
Me: Tuna-breath.
Aoife: Soft cheese breath.
Melissa: Hey guys!

Aoife: She's gone again. Striapach.
Me: Whore.
Aoife: Wee-head.
Me: Poo face.
Aoife: Dick face.
Melissa: What are you guys up to??

Me: (after trying to write on Aoife): It's no fun when you're willing.
Aoife: YOU'RE SUCH A WANNABE DOMINATRIX.

Aoife: I'm a retard.
Me: Yes you are. NOW STOP KNOCKING THONGS OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
Aoife: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA???
ME: THINGS, I meant THINGS.

Me: Hey Aoife!
Aoife: GET OFF ME YOU LESBIAN!

Me: What would I do without you?
Aoife: Be a virgin.

Me: Aoife, look at this rash.
Aoife: Ew that looks sore, what happened?
Me: I don't know....I bet you my mother changed the washing powder again and lied about it.
Aoife: THAT BITCH!

Helena: Jim has a son, you guys.
Cliodhna: I wonder what his name is.
Aoife: (dead seriously) Jam.

Me: AOIFE
Me: THIS IS YOU
Me: *lick finger wipe on his or her shirt* Let's get you out of these wet clothes
Aoife: Oh God
Aoife: I.....ugh.....swear that wasn't me.......
Me: OH MY GOD you actually used that line? AHAHAHAHAHHA
Aoife: Oh sweet Jesus.......

Someone: so whats this talk about?
Someone else: Dunno.. i heard it was about study
Someone else2: I heard it was about prefect stuff
Someoneelse3: well i heard it was a sex talk!
Aoife: Yesssssssssssssssss
(A nun walks into the classroom)
30 mins....
Aoife: well that DEFINITELY wasn't a sex talk

Aoife: Yeah that new guy teacher is so small.... hes like a jockey! aww
Me: WHAAAAA? OMG! IS HE ACTUALLY A JOCKEY??
Aoife: No Becca

Aoife: yeah you're hair is greasy
Me: RIGHT THATS IT, NOT TALKING TO YOU
Aoife: jeez its a flipping joke LMAO
(5 mins later)
Me: I love you Aoife
Aoife: I know Rebecca, i know

Walsh: brb
Walsh: washin up :\
Me: not humping your car?
Walsh: maybe later

Overheard in a Maths lesson... and yes, in Borat-type voices :/

Al: You want sexy sexy with this turtle?
Ashley: Er... No
Al: Is very nice turtle...has wings... good wings
Ashley: Is baby turtle?
Al: yes, good baby turtle
Ashley: How much for sexy sexy?
Al: You give me 200 dollars
Ashley: Have only 20
Al: Uh... deal... here your baby penguin...
Ashley: ...you have condom?
Al: 200 dollars
Ashley: Ah, i give you money.

ME: you... are a whore
Calumn: excuse me?! please back up that insult with evidence???? 




Walsh: dfhpoiihdaohi
Walsh: sorry
Walsh: my keyboard was momentarily possessed by the devil
Me: wow, sexy

ME: you should congratulate me; i'm officially part of the nau alumni program
David: really
David: when you solve some of our world's problems send me a memo
David: I mean
David: Congratulations!
David: the worse is yet to come
David: I mean
David: good luck with your future
David: sorry I'm a pessimist
ME: ...
ME: thanks for those... inspirational words
David: hug it out bitch

*Wanders into mothers room*
Me: Would it be weird if I made muffins right now?
Mom: *Looks at clock which reads 1:30 AM* Uh, yeah
*Long moment of silence*
Me: So should I make Lemon Poppyseed or Chocolate Chip?
Mom: Chocolate, I want one when you're done.