Poster:	bornatdusk
Date:	2008-01-30 08:54
Subject:	Stonie Again
Security:	Public

So I posted a while back about my daughter. Here's an update/rant. My last post was Date: 2005-11-03. It's now 01-30-08. Very little has changed.


I finished school, got a better job, and now I'm right back to looking at begging for gas money. "But, Stonie, you make 11.25 and hour! How could you be begging for gas money?!"

I got joint custody of my daughter. Brought my child support down to $35 a month. They're supposed to garnish my checks, well, I went without a job for about two months. Figured when I started working again, they'd start garnishing my checks... just like they have before. WELL. They didn't. Instead, they sent me a letter saying "Hey, you're behind in child support! Give us a call, or else! You've to 10 days!" Well, I didn't call them back immediately. I had 10 days, right? Wrong. They gave me 5 and then put a levy on my bank account.


Wanna hear the kicker?! My daughter's mom abandoned her to me a year ago. I didn't take her for full custody because I didn't want to drag her back into my daughter's life. $35 a month seemed like a small price to keep that woman out of my hair. THAT'S RIGHT. I'M COMPLETELY SUPPORTING MY DAUGHTER, 24/7, AND THE WONDERFUL DHS SYSTEM JUST TOOK ALL MY MONEY. FOR HER. So now, the child they took the money for isn't getting to fucking EAT! I've been fighting with DHS for more than TWO WEEKS now. I've borrowed all the money I can and I just can't seem to get DHS to get off their asses and DO something! I've provided everything they've asked for, and they're still "waiting to review" it. Complete. And utter. BULLSHIT. How do they expect me to get back and forth to work? How do they expect me to provide for my children? When I asked DHS how they expected me to get to work, that if I got fired, they wouldn't get anymore money... The snotty remark I got from a DHS worker was "Well, Mr. Williams, that doesn't seem like much of a threat considering it says here you haven't been sending in payments." TWO. FUCKING. PAYMENTS. I missed because I was in between jobs. TWO GOD DAMNED PAYMENTS of $35. THAT'S IT. So how do they pay me back for missing two payments of $35? They tax on all the back child support that's supposed to wait and come out of my tax return and take more than A THOUSAND. DOLLARS. They took an entire paycheck and my bank account is STILL over drawn by 300 bucks. I'm SICK of calling and being treated like a dead beat dad when I do everything, EVERYTHING for my daughter.




*takes a real big deep breath*
I'm going to stop now. before I look into how much shotguns cost and weighting the pros and cons of holding up the tulsa county dhs office.

Poster:	angelbunny69
Date:	2007-06-15 14:30
Subject:	Newbie here with several questions :)
Security:	Public

I'm not a man or a father, but my boyfriend is and i'm doing this on his behalf. He was divorced last year and his wife lives in syracuse, we live in buffalo. The only way his ex would agree to the divorce is if he agreed to her visitation agreement. he had a terrible lawyer and really got screwed. He pays her $320 a month in child support plus another $160 per month in arrears, for 1 child. His visitation agreement is 4 hours on saturday or sunday at her house or a mutually agreeable place, supervised by her and her sister in law. Nothing untoward ever happened that causes a need for supervised visitation, she just hates the fact that her son could love someone besides her and wants him to have no contact with his father. She has said several times that if she had it her way he would never see him. She constantly tells my boyfriend how terrible he is when ever he calls to talk to his son and due to financial issues he rarely gets to go visit his son. She is making it uncomfortable as all hell for him to go there as well. She never keeps him updated on how he is doing, what he is going to the doctor for, etc. when he asks she either says "he's fine", "you don't care" or “we’re fine without you”. All she wants is him to foot her bills and squeeze him out of his son’s life. He recently tried to come to some sort of agreement with her about changing the visitation and she pretty much said “over my dead body”. My questions are: 1. how likely is it that he will be able to get his visitation changed to weekends and every other holiday from what it is now if we go to court? 2. how can he find a good lawyer who won’t screw him? We have very little money and she isn’t paying her lawyer at all he’s doing it for free for whatever reason, so she can fight us as long as she wants. Is it safe to get a public defender or court appointed lawyer for something like this? I’m so wary after the last lawyer he had (not court appointed, he hired him outright) She will make up lies as long as she can to keep him from his son. 3. she has a high flight risk if he does get any sort of unsupervised visitation. Are there any safeguards that we can do to prevent this?
She has a history of mental instability in her family, her biological father is institutionalized and her brother is a 2 time convicted felon who uses drugs and has been arrested as well several other times as well as jail time twice. They spend a lot of time with her brother and his wife (the above mentioned sister in law). I’m sorry this is so rambly, I just have a lot in my head right now. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Also, if any of you know of any lawyers in the buffalo area that you would recommend, please do. Thank you very much for reading this.

Poster:	diamondroses
Date:	2006-05-30 20:51
Subject:
Security:	Public

Hello everyone. I've never made a formal introduction because I haven't found the time to sit down and type out our whole situation, but I have a question regarding child support.

My fiance was ordered by a judge to pay $800/month for child support for his two boys. His ex-wife just had a major surgery and we took care of the boys for the entire month of May. Does he still have to pay her $800 for the month of May when they were not in her care? Is it something he's going to have to take to court and fight? I, personally, do not feel that he should have to pay because there is no way that that money will go towards those kids, but I don't know the rules for this kind of thing. If anyone has any input it would be appriciated.

Poster:	teressaftmer
Date:	2006-03-06 11:44
Subject:	Child Support
Security:	Public

Does anyone know the process for filing for child support? My husband's ex just up and left us with their son when we got married and she moved out of state (we live in Calif. and she lives in Wis.) He paid he child support faithfully when their son was living with her, even when he was unemployed. Now we want her to start paying. My husband filed papers with the DA's office, but I don't know the rest of the process and I want to make sure we are doing all we can. Any resources I could use?

Thanks!!!

Poster:	okiearmywife
Date:	2006-02-12 09:31
Subject:
Security:	Public

my husband and i are currently in a custody battle for his 7 yo son....we have been together since his son and my daughter were both two so this is almost like my son also...we live in oklahoma and that is where he got divroced at ...the mother lives in NC and that is where she has lived for the past 7 yrs(the were seperated 2 yrs before divorce), when they got divorced they had 6month/6month custody but with my husband being in the military we agreed to let him live with her during the school year once he started school, after numerous attempts to find out what was going on with his school and such we started making our own calls around...we got a copy of his report card in which he is failing 1st grade, he has already missed 14 days of school this year and been late 25 days...with 90% of those all being unexcused.she usually moves at least 2x a year so i decided to call around and i found the person that owned the house she just moved out of, she told us she moved out the LAST week of dec. come to find out she moved out the first week of dec BECAUSE she was getting evicted for non payment of oct/nov rents, her electricity had been cut off on nov. 17th, the house had severe smoke damage from using oil lamps there was food and animal feces caked up on the floors, she left behind the kids clothes, beds, toys, furniture when she left....now she is living with her best friend, her husband, and her kid along with my stepson , her other 2 children and herself in a 3 bed apt., she is lying to the state saying we dont have medical insurance on him so she can get state funded medicaid and that way we dont find out when she takes him to the dr.(if she uses our insurance we gets statements saying what test or procedures were done everytime),we have tried to hire investigators but can only afford a couple of days and of course nothing ever happens on those days..the only way she will let us see him is if we pay for roundtrip transportation for him to come out here....otherwise she wont put him on the plane for us..
we are not mean people, i have 3 children from a previous marriage and me and my husband do whatever possible for my ex to spend time with his kids, we seldom go by visitation we go by what is convient for him at the time..but we are afraid that if we get custody if they allow her to take him back to NC for visitation she will run with him again...we need to find enough information so that she will have to have visitation here...any suggestions on how to go about doing this.

we are already in contact with a lawyer but he has also told us the same thing we need to have a very strong case!!!!!!!

Poster:	krazydiva
Date:	2006-01-15 00:28
Subject:
Security:	Public

Hi,
I am not a man, but I need to help one who is very near and dear to my heart. My brother in law has a daughter who is his whole entire world. His wife left him for his best friend about three years ago and it ripped his heart out. This little girl is all he has. I think without her he would literally fall apart and die. His exwife and himself share joint custody of his daughter, and have a very loose arrangement. He doesn't have to pay child support and she has the legal say on when he gets to see her. When they divorced, he was still under the allusion that it was all just a phase and they would get back together so he didn't fight very hard for his rights. Tonight she sent him an email that said her and her new husband have decided to pack up and move to California with his daughter because they need a "fresh start". (We live in Texas). Is there anything he can do to stop this. This little girl has saved his life and if she goes, I fear what will happen to him. She has been slowly trying to phase my brother in law out of his daugther's life for so long now. I have a feeling if she is able to do this, she will try to completely shut him out of her life for good. Does anyone have any good advice?

Poster:	the_other_schwa
Date:	2005-11-15 15:01
Subject:	Need Advice, support, understanding
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

My wife and I are facing the end of our marriage after six years. We have a four year old daughter who will be five at the end of the year. Recently, at least three months ago, she decided she wanted to separate because of a fight we had. Here's a little history in regards to my wife's behavior. She often goes out and stays out all night. I used to count two to three nights a week as often, but now it's more like every night. Because she stays out all night she generally sleeps off and on the next day. My daughter is at home with her, and it's my opinion that this is abuse/neglect.

I have no idea if the courts would see it this way or if there is any way to prove this. My goal was to get my daughter in daycare, but I don't have any money because my wife spends it on bars, cigarettes, and I believe she may be giving money to her boyfriend. Yes, we aren’t even separated yet and she has a boyfriend.

I came home from work the other night to find that my daughter hadn't been fed dinner, and apparently my wife and her boyfriend had been sacked out in her room. My wife claims she isn't sexually involved with this guy, but she has cheated on me before in the past. We have both been going to counseling, and she constantly tries to make me out to be the bad guy claiming that her anger at me for breaking my promise to her--my promise was to give her lots of kids, a promise I made before I knew staying out all night and neglecting her child was the standard. We've both agreed to try a mutual parenting solution.

The idea was to get a duplex and live side-by-side to make it easy on my daughter, but as it is now, I seem to be the only person with my daughter's interest at heart. I have given her plenty of time to find a job so she can support herself, and in that time she has found a boyfriend and gone out on numerous dates, gone out of town for a concert with one of our mutual friends, and spent borrowed money on clothing for future interviews. She claims she has sent out a bunch of resumes over the web and I know she has filled out three job applications.

She managed an interview with one but was late because she had spent the morning with one of her friends (all of this has been over a two month period). I really want to try and make the mutual parenting thing work, but I feel like I'm just being used as a money source and an easy babysitter.

My real question now is am I going to be better off trying to work this thing out mutually, or should I just go to a lawyer and fight to insure my daughter is cared for appropriately and that I'm protected from any future issues? I really want to try and be the good guy here, I want to try and make it easier for her to make a life for herself independent of me, but I do see that she's even making an effort--in fact, I feel like she is undermining our goals every step of the way.

This post may seem very one sided, it probably is, because my greatest crime in all of this is that I haven’t been emotionally supportive--however, in the world I live in people aren't supportive of bad behavior and shouldn't be expected to be loving and affectionate when they are treated like a carpet--or worse, an ATM! I never cheated on her, was never abusive, and have always provided for her every need and just about any whim. I'm a nice guy, I work hard at my job, and I'm a good father. I feel like I've gotten the really wrong end of the deal.

(*BTW - if you look at my account, it will look like a fake. I don't have much there because my wife likes to look through all my online stuff so I created this account specifically to get some advice. Thanks)

Poster:	bornatdusk
Date:	2005-11-03 11:57
Subject:	Intro
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Been A Long Time - BLS

Hey, folks. My name is Stonie, I'm the father of a beautiful 19month old little girl, Katelynn. I was uninvolved in Katelynn's life for the first year she was born. Back in June, her mother called me, decided that Kate needed to have a family, and her's wasn't cutting it. Everyone lived out of state and she couldn't hold a relationship in a bucket. In December I got engaged to a lovely woman named April. All of my family lives here, in or around, Tulsa.


Let's see. it's kind of hard to get my thoughts straight when there's so many of them. See, my mother re-married several times when I was young. I know what the multi-parent thing is like. Been there alot. I hated it. Honestly, my life would have been a lot better if any of my 'fathers' would have let go and just went away. They held on just to hurt my mother; they never cared about any of us. They were abusive and manipulative.

I never wanted that for my daughter. I guess I was half afraid that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, ya know? Anyway. because of my own reservations, I wanted visitation to start out slow. Baby steps. maybe a lunch every other weekend for a month. Then every weekend. Then spend one Saturday a week together. Real slow-like. I didn't want to rush things and I didn't want to tear Kate away from her normal life. I didn't even know Katelynn existed until December of last year when I was ordered to start paying $250 a month in child support.



"normal". God, I was wrong.



my daughter was a year old, over a year, when I started seeing her. She was still wearing 3 month clothes. 3 month!! Her mother was feeding her NOTHING but milk. In bottles. All day. That’s it. it had stunted her growth. She wasn't even trying to teach her anything like talking; drinking out of a sippy cup, eating solid foods... she left it all up to DayCare. And DayCare didn't give a shit. Let's not even talk about the fact she didn't know what a hug or a kiss was. God, I felt like such an ass. To protect my daughter I had stayed out of her life. And it was the worse possible thing I could have done.


I've had my daughter every day for the past four months. She's grown 8inches and gained almost 15lbs. She's now wearing 2T clothing. Her speech still isn't up to par, but we're working on it. She's completely off bottles. Eating dinner like the rest of us.


Mind you, I have no rights to this girl. She is with me because her mother is 'kind' enough to allow it. If I fuck up or don't suck up to her just the right way.... bam. No more Kate. She goes back to daycare and bottles. Not to mention the fact that I could end up in jail for kidnapping if that's what her mother wants to call it.


How can I be civil and polite to a woman who damages a kid like this? Who doesn't even TRY to be a mother? *sigh* I don't know. I'm just looking for some support, I guess. To make things worse, I still have to pay child support. I had to get a smaller job so I could take some college classes to make more money to support my family. Now I make 120 dollars a week. 60 goes to my ex. 60 goes to my kid. I have to beg for gas money. Sometimes I just don't know what I'm gonna do it. I feel so... just.... stuck.




Anyway. Hi, folks. Stonie onboard.

Poster:	teressaftmer
Date:	2005-10-25 15:06
Subject:	In need of some suggestions...
Security:	Public

Hi. I'm a new member here. My husband has a 9-year-old son from a previous marriage. My husband's ex originally had custody of their son for the majority of his life, besides the whole weekend visits. Two months before we got married his ex said she was leaving the state and that her son was too much for her to handle so he could live with us during the school year and have summer and holiday visits with her. My husband and I agreed it would be very good for him to have a 2 parent home and one in which he was not getting verbally abused. So he has since lived with us for a year.

Last week my husband asked his ex to start paying child support and she has refused saying that it wasn't her choice in the first place to have him live with us and she wasn't going to support that. My husband has faithfully paid his child support from the time they were seperated until the time his son started living with us last year. We did not ask for child support last year from her, but we feel it's time for her to start paying for him, just like my husband did for so many years. The problem is that we don't have enough money to hire an attorney to get the custody documents changed. Does anyone know of a way to do this without spending tons of money on attorney costs? Or is that the only option to get custody changed and her forced into paying the child support? Thanks in advance for your help. I'm new to all of this and didn't know where else to turn.

Poster:	chrisskrnich
Date:	2005-10-21 17:37
Subject:	Ex wife is crazy
Security:	Public

Hey guys,

Just need some advise if you have any ideas. My two kids, 2 and 4 years of age live with their mother. I am ordered to pay $740 a month for child support. My ex is meeting someone from one of those dating things online. The guy lives in NJ and is 28, with no kids or ever been married. I asked to watch the kids the night this guy comes over but I was told no. The Ex says I need to trust her but what if this guys beat the crap out of her and then comes after my kids. I am not in good standing with my employer since I keep having to take time of work since the mom is not that great and needs my help.

Also, on an ongoing basis, I get the kids every other weekend. Growing up with no parents I am not sure how to raise the kids? I mean we watch tv, play with toys and visit the parks. I am told I am a push over with the kids. I just feel like I am not raising them like I should. I am so broke that I can't go out and buy them stuff like their mom does.

Any suggestions on either problem?

Poster:	lunariaa
Date:	2005-09-28 17:16
Subject:
Security:	Public

Hey,

I'm new,

I'm the girlfriend of a man that was once married, and his
ex is now trying to distroy what's left of his life.
I know, I'm sure many of you have herd it before.

It's bad enough that after having a child his finances
credit and living quarters whent down the hole, just so he could
visit the kid

but now he's having custody issues.
It's coming down to the last few court cases,
she's throwing all these blunt bullets just so he'll
look like a neglectfull slob.
And it's just not true, his child is the number
one pillar in his life. He has tried to do everything
to make this woman happy, totally go out of his way for years
(the cusdity issue has been prolonged alot)
and she continues to ignore it and walk all over him.
He gives her uneeded information to make her happy,
like numbers of places he's going on the few days that he gets
his child, what he's going to eat for every meal, where
their going, how long, when, how why EVERYTHING.
Not once has she sincearly said THANK YOU.
I know this man is a good man, he has a heart
of gold I promice you. And I'm not just saying
that becuase I'm his girlfriend, he's a goof sometimes,
but his intentions are pure.

Becuase of the overwhelming child support it's been practically
impossible to make ends meet. He lost his car, cell phone, he can barley
buy his diabeties medicine, and had to move all in the last year.

Then she comes along and writes this nasty report through her lawyer that he dosen't
have a cell phone, even though he uses mine to talk to her
all the time, and never has she once had trouble contacting him.
And that he dosen't have a car even though I've lent him mine and he's
never had trouble picking his child up or dropping him off. And that
at his new room hes renting he wouldn't let her in or tell her who the owner
was. He was FULLY expecting for her to go in but she never asked in the two times
that's shes been there to pick up the child, and he dosent' know the last name
of the person he's renting from! He offered for her to ask the owner himself
and she didn't, but now she's still blaming it on him.

She's totally omitting all these details and making him look like a reckless
malacious man who is being so cruel to her. But he's not!
And it's breaking my heart! I wish there was something I could do!

Now they are going to court over coustidy and he's most likely
going to get this cheap deal where they get partial coustidy and
if they don't come to an agreement then she gets to choose. What kind
of bull crap is that?
It's bad enough all this has happened to him but no matter how hard he tries
bad things CONTINUE to happen to him!

I so wish there was something I could do!!!

Poster:	browneyedgirl75
Date:	2005-08-19 13:41
Subject:	So frustrated - please help!
Security:	Public

Hi everyone. I'm new to the community and wanted to introduce myself.

I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship. I'm not married, but I am dating a man who is divorced, has 3 kids and an ex-wife that lives to screw him over.

We live together, so it's starting to affect MY finances, and as much as I tell him what he needs to do, which is stand up to her and stop letting her take advantage of him, for some reason (could be the result of a verbally abusive 10 year marriage to someone who's parents even wanted to have her bakeracted a couple times), he won't stand up to her.

I'm at my wit's end. I hate that SHE is all we talk about. SHE is what we fight about. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do.

In the past 6 months she has:

1. Foreclosed on the house because she refused to pay the mortgage once he started paying child support instead of the mortgage (and the house was only in his name). The divorce agreement was that she would take over the mortgage payments once he started paying child support.

2. Refused to give back HIS car, even though it's even in the divorce settlement that they are supposed to switch cars (both are in his name).

3. Had him sign over the $2700 income tax refund they should have split because he "owed" her.

4. Told him "You know I'm about to receive a settlement, and you're not entitled to it since you weren't the one that was hurt" (she was in a car accident a few years ago while they were married, but he had to take time off work and from that point on, deal with her constant headaches and drama). It's a $13K settlement.
Of course, if the shoe was on the other foot and HE was the one getting a settlement, I know with every fiber of my being that she would be demanding at least half of it (she would find a way to take it all).

5. He's only supposed to have the kids every other weekend, but we've been taking them every weekend. At first, so that she can go to these classes she's taking to get her childcare license. Now, she just assumes we're going to do it. And, if course, my boyfriend loves his kids and wants to see them, but it's getting to the point where we can't afford it anymore. She's getting food stamps, but guess what.....she's only feeding them 4 days out of the week!!! And that's just dinner!! We're shelling out $90 a week to buy enough groceries to feed them on the weekends!!

There is so much more, and I'm actually still working on typing it up. I'll post it if ya'll want me to, I don't mind.

At this point, I don't know what to do. It never stops. It just keeps getting worse. We can't afford a lawyer sicne she is sucking us dry, but I feel that is our only option.

For some reason, even though he can't sleep, eat or do anything anytime he has to deal with his ex because his stomach is so in knots, he still won't stand up to her and lay out the boundaries. He's stalling on talking to a lawyer, and at this point, I've about reached my breaking point. Like I mentioned, MY finances are suffering.

I just can't take it anymore. I needed somewhere to turn, for support, advice, to vent.....so here I am.

Poster:	inky_g
Date:	2005-08-11 21:42
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

Hi all. I hope you can offer some suggestions.

My brother lives in Colorado, in Arapahoe county. He has an existing divorce decree from 1998 that outlines that he can see his daughter on certain days - custody is pretty much split 50/50. But now the mother of the child wants to move herself and the child out of state, so she is filing papers to make that happen. In the meantime, she won't let my brother see or talk to his daughter. She claims that its bad for their child because my brother supposedly grills the child about the moving situation (which, for what its worth, he doesn't). My brother can't afford an attorney, but makes too much money for Legal Aid. I don't know what to tell him what to do, but its killing him not to be able to see his daughter.

Any suggestions? Can he call the police or do something to get the ex to follow the existing agreement, since she hasn't succeeded in changing it yet?

Thanks,

Poster:	no_innocence
Date:	2005-05-23 05:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	melancholy

Hello. I am new to this community. I am here to say my part and to ask you all to help me in whatever ways you can, advice or support or both.

I have a daughter who lives just out of state with her mother. She is almost 2 (June 5th) and I have not been allowed to see her since the beginning week in December. I had the right to see her and did last year; twice a month I would drive 250 miles one way and pick her up, then take her home again after 2-3 days. This was convenient for my daughters mother, and sister, whom lived together, and only twice did she ever meet me halfway. I even moved closer to her location to make it an easier trip and to try to save money on cheaper rent. But then, last Dec. her mother (grandmother) moved back in and childcare became no issue. Within two weeks of that time I was not allowed to see my daughter again. I was even asked , after child support court, if I would sign away my rights to my daughter. You can imagine how angry that made me.. considering I personally knew of dads who didn't want a thing to do with their children Mine included. All I want is to be a part of her life.

Right now work is very slow, and I have child support and other bills eating almost every penny I make. I have been desperately trying to saave up for the filing fees to get some sort of custody (I'd never go for full unless she was a bad mom, which she isn't, technically) and even with that there is also my substantially lowered income to deal with. I have been applying everywhere there is, but not one offer. The closest thing to Legal aid within 150 miles of my location wants to charge me just 500$ to even OBTAIN the filingpapers, not including filing costs or filling them out. I already have the papers, just need the filing fees.

So my idea was to take an online store I have and set it up where I can sell custom products...the income is very minimal from this site (it's a drop-ship company) but It does allow for custom products and event discounts. Right now this store has things in it not child friendly but I am remedying this as soon as I can. if you guys could check it out that would help, or just give me a bit of advice on what to do about custody that would be even more valuable.
my email: MAIL KEN
my store: Ash Wedensday

again, any help would be generously appreciated, and I will do custom sayings and graphics for the products available. If you require other graphic needs like logos, picture work/restorations, animations or ads, I will do these at a VERY discounted rate. All this is to help win my little girl back.

hopefully this appeal isn't inappropriate for this community.

thanks either way
~Ken

Poster:	bowtomecha
Date:	2005-04-21 09:07
Subject:
Security:	Public

Hi. I need some help. I live in LA county in California. Here's the situation:

My cousin Chris is a 16 year old dad who has an 8 month old baby. The girlfriend's mother passed away before the baby was born and her father is a drug addict who couldn't keep up the rent. So they were evicted. The girlfriend has been under our care since before the baby was born. She was over everyday and spent the weekends here with the permission of her father. She is considered part of the family. We have helped her with babysitting, school, any expenses, rides to doctor visits... etc...

Her sister (same age) became pregnant this past summer. Their 33 year old brother called up social services on the father for the eviction (there has been bad blood for years as he's a drug user and got his wife/the kids' mom into drugs and she passed away from hepatitis as a result). This brother hasn't been very involved in the girls' lives and hasn't been involved in the baby's at all. The other family members on her side didnt want or couldn't take her in. So my cousin's mom and her 7 kids and myself have cared for her the whole time since.

Social services came over and talked to the girlfriend last week. She has nowhere else to go so she's going to the brother's house. He's planning on some kind of guardianship over her and is filing to be the caretaker for the baby. My cousin Chris is unsure what to do. Don't they technicaly have joint custody? What can Chris do to guarantee his own visitation? Or the baby spending the night at his house? The girlfriend's brother has already said that he won't permit the girlfriend to come over and wont let the baby stay the night. My cousin will go from seeing his daughter everyday for many hours including the entire weekend to perhaps a few hours a week at best. What steps are there to take? Where can I find information on how he should deal with this? Anybody have experience with this?

Also is there free couseling or some kind of support group to help him understand things?

Thanks so much.

Poster:	midnight_vodka
Date:	2005-04-03 18:52
Subject:
Security:	Public

This post in in addition to my last post about my fiance and his child support issues.


We have recently found out the his ex-wife has gotten re-married. We are thinking the reason she wants him to sign off is so that their "new father" can adpot them.

Does this change anything? He's been thinking about signing off just so his kids can have a better life but he doesn't want to because he wants to see his kids.

So basically I guess what I'm saying is, his ex can't force him to sign the papers or change his children's last name (they have his last name) without his consent or him signing off on them right?

His main thing is that he wants the children to keep his last name.

Thanks in advance.

Poster:	midnight_vodka
Date:	2005-03-28 22:20
Subject:	The Right Thing To Do, What is it?
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious

Hello everyone. My name is Liz and I am new to this community. I have actually joined this community in search of help for my fiance. I am 20 years old and my soon to be husband is 34. He has been divorced for about 4 or 5 years and he has two children from the marriage.

First of all, I should start off that I am not trying to make excuses for my finace, I am merely trying to figure out what is best for him and for us.

Chris was in a relationship with this his ex for 12 years. In those 12 years, they had 2 children together. Sometime in the 10th or 11th year, Chris found out that his wife was talking to random men on the internet. It soon became apparent that he and his wife were getting a divorce. Chris moved out and got an apartment, saw his kids all the time, paid child support and all that good stuff. Well, there would be times when Chris would drop the kids back at home and find men in bed with his "ex". This by all means upset Chris as he did not want his children to be witness to it. However, there was not much that he could do.

Over time, Chris met a new woman and moved across the state with her. He continued to pay his child support and did so until he lost his job.

I met Chris in the summer of 2002. He was paying child support at this time. Soon Chris got fired from his job and was out of work for some time at the economy in which he was living was very poor. I soon left for college and in the winter of 2004, calle Chris and asked him if he would move to Idaho to be with me. He had a hard time saying yes because he did not want to leave the state in which his children resided even though he never got to see them (every time he tried to go and see his children, his ex would call the police because he has back child support). Chris eventually said yes and moved out here to be with me.

It did not take Chris long to find a job and because of the way his payroll was setup, child support was not coming out of his checks. He eventually got a job where his child support started coming out and we were happy that he was finally able to start supporting his children again even though it put a strain on our finiancial situation.

Chris then switched to a higher paying job and it took a month for his child support to begin getting taken out of his checks. Today in the mail, we recieved a letter from his ex (we are thinking she got the address from FOC). She basically told him she was turning him in to the Friend of the Court and that
he had two options, sign off on the kids or pay his back child support (we found out it's $11,000.). I have never had to deal with FOC or anything dealing with child support.

I guess to end this my questions are:
1.) What exactly would signing off on his kids bring for Chris? Would that mean he only has to worry about paying back child support and he gives up any rights to ever see his kids?
2.) If he has child support coming out of his paychecks, is there anything that FOC can really do?

Thank you for all of your help.

Poster:	andy1
Date:	2005-03-23 21:38
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

Hi my name is Andy I live in the UK. I am a single dad of three kids their Mother walked out on us January4th 2004 I am now divorced. I would like to hear from people in a similar position to myself male or female my story can be read on Single Parents on my Lj around abnout the end of January begginining of February 2005 if people cant find it please let me know and I will get the precise date for them. Before I leave this comment the one who left her thre kids now wants the youngest two back if I have my way that will never happen for obviouse reasons. My eldest Lauren aged 13 does not see or speak to her mother any more she recived nothing for her 13th Birthday on 1st March 2005. Her mother does not want custordy of Lauren due to the way my ex has acted in the past she tries to make herself out to be a victim and gets away lying about me in courts etc. Any one else had this problem???

Poster:	cucumberqueen
Date:	2005-03-12 16:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	worried

Hi Im Val.I had some questions.First let me tell you a little about the situation.

My current boyfriend is having some trouble with his wife,and wants to take his parental rights away.I say wife(cause there still married,just been separated/not living together for many years now)They have 2 kids.The wife just finished police academy and is now wanting him to sign over his rights to her.So that if the event that she gets killed in the line of duty,the kids will goto someone she chooses,not her husband(my b/f)He has been active in his kids life,seeing them(not as much as he'd like)but he has always help out financially.(not court ordered,on his own)He has receipts and bank statements showing deposits into the kids accounts.She wants to take him to court over this.Can she do this and win?