Friday Haiku

Store opens early
People already waiting
Store owners rejoice!

baggage claim stubs
my kids all home
for thanksgiving

- Deborah P Kolodji

today the doll
she takes to daycare:
Santa Claus

-- Sue Burke

in rising heat
green weeds I failed to uproot
expand

Here in Orlando
We pursue our lovemaking
And also pizza.

Didn't get this one in by Friday but I thought it handy to let you know I'm still around, not seing too well, but enjoying Florida for its pizza and other things. There are some updtes about my rip to Canada which I'll post over the next few days. This paragraph is merely an apology for posting late.

Watcha reckon, folks? I've been having a facebook conversation with an old friend who teaches haiku. He liked mine today:

soft grey sky
scent of jasmine
after rain

but thought the images in first and last lines very similar, would have preferred more juxtaposition.

So I came up with:

cool morning
scent of jasmine
after rain

which he liked better but felt the images still didn't resonate (his citerion for satisfying haiku) so I got to:

walking outside
after rain
smell of jasmine

Not everyone agrees that I have improved the first attempt. On the other hand, another friend asks if I could do without "smell" as, she says, "jasmine is mostly smell".

I'm interested to know what others think, if you don't mind participating in an impromptu mini-workshop here. This seems perhaps a good place to raise the question.

(I do get what my first friend means about "resonating images". Deb Kolodji's lone crow on a soccer field – a Nov. 7th entry here – still resonates for me!)

Days later, after much pondering, this is perhaps the final result, after having considered all suggestions including the first comment here:

pale morning
the scent of jasmine
after rain

Endless blue skies? check --
warm afternoons? check -- dry? check:
the desert still waits.

---L.

dry leaves
a sky too blue
for warmth


--- Ann K. Schwader

errands run
by the most scenic route --
scarlet maples

soft grey sky
scent of jasmine
after rain

Look at us, O Father, with your fathomless eyes...
Your everlasting love
Gifts warmth to autumn aglow leaves

PLAY OR DOWNLOAD VIDEO

plume of water the moon through new eyes

- Deborah P Kolodji

autumn muse
a red gerbera splays
open to the sun

b'oki.

the wind
in thinning leaves
second thoughts


--- Ann K. Schwader

en route
a truckload of stars:
deck the malls

-- Sue Burke

dust
coming over the mountain
the sky chills

dew glistens
on the soccer field
a lone crow

- Deborah P Kolodji

A week has gone by
Expected yet still a shock
My friend has let go

A week has gone by
My memories linger on
I miss her bright smile

A week has gone by
She gets to start over now
I've said my goodbyes

A week has gone by
She has moved on, transitioned,
Yet, still I remain