forks it.

Edward VS. Jacob, The Saga Continues

2008-07-14T00:31:16Z

Forks Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lack of lives of Twilight's not so elite.

Spotted: the uber mature, logical, sane, and passionate members at sortofbeautifulavoiding lion_lambbecause the Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black hate is just too much to bear. Too bad, so sad.

It’s obvious members of the Edward/Bella haven are meant to glorify Taylor/Jacob in the community created exclusively for him, lion_lamb. The rabid fangirls of lion_lamb ’s posts and comments referring to Edward Cullen as “some kind of god” frighten the dog enthusiasts. They have chosen to remain the in safety of their own lair to obsess over a 16 year old/dog unless they have “back up”.

Reports of the Taylor/Jacob hate on lion_lamb has reached all areas of the internet, many visited the community for evidence. And yes, their worst fears were indeed confirmed. Members of lion_lambDO love Edward Cullen more than Jacob Black. The horror.

The numerous untagged posts regarding Edward VS. Jacob on lion_lambthat begin with something like, “I don’t know if this is allowed” which are then promptly deleted by a mod have clogged countless friends pages, and many have left the community. Or have they?

Only time will tell.

XOXO, Forks Girl

Special Opinion Column #1

2008-07-06T18:05:21Z

Don't Bite the Hands that Feed You
It goes both ways

Twilighters are a rare kind, and I’m happy to say that’s a very good thing! Honestly, we here at forks_it don’t really know how to respond most of the time when we watch the fandom. Most of the time, I don’t even think they need us here to point out the ~details~ and yet, here I am.

Yesterday, three clips were released on YouTube, giving the fandom a “sneak peak” at the sneak peak, and I guess technically those clips are practically illegal because the Penelope DVD hasn’t even been released yet, and the Twilight Lexicon hasn’t even posted about it, so I guess we shouldn’t even be talking about this without ~permission~.

Er, anyways.

I’m getting a sense of deja-vu whenever new Twilight footage is released. There’s no pleasing this fandom, is there? They complain about the lack of Rob/Kristen/Edward/Bella on Twilight Tuesday, but once they get some clips featuring just the two of them, they complain about the acting, script, and editing.

I’m not even going to quote all the times fans went on about the ~awkwardness~ between the actors in the clips, because it’s more times than a Twimom has stalked RPattz. If I do that, then this article is going to be as long as decaffeinated ’s Twilight Moms installments. That complaint has been driven to the ground and trampled on with anything that has legs and a temper.

mental_picture points out that “Kristen Stewart is awful :D,” and yes, thank you for that insightful viewpoint.

“I don`t like that Summit release this stuff...i feel that by the end of the year i`ve watching the entire movie by pieces,” astrid_lane comments, and that’s when I point a finger (perfectly aware of the three fingers pointing back at me) and snap “stop watching the clips then!”

Also, next time I hear “the movie is cheesy, omg I don’t like cheesy lines,” I’m going to hire my Italian guy friends to sneak into your house and steal your Twilight Series. I don’t want you to get nauseated from the ~cheese~.

This turned out longer than I wanted. If you find any of this incoherent or all over the place, don’t blame me; blame the subject matter. I feel like what I’ve written is above and beyond dumb and lame. And why is that? What’s even the point?

The point is that is fandom makes me sound absurd.

Source: Lion_Lamb entry #1, Lion_Lamb entry #2

What's Cold, Hard, 100 Years Celibate and Patent Pending?

2008-07-04T21:35:25Z

I rarely find myself speechless. If you know me, you know this. I generally can and will respond to nearly anything. Well, the first time I looked through the following screencaps from the Vampire Physiology thread at Twimoms, I was struck dumb. It took me several tries to write this.

I've said this before, and it bears repeating: I love the Twimoms. Honestly I think they are nearly all very nice and lovely, and nearly all sane and normal. I'll even say that I admire their assertiveness in creating a place for themselves on the web. But sometimes, they just make me very uncomfortable.

Now, admittedly, there was a noticeable decline in the creepiness of their posts in the Hotties threads, after they decided to start enforcing a stronger Keep it Clean policy. It worked, and while some wankiness slipped through the cracks, it was much harder to mine the threads for lulz.

But then I found the Mating thread.

It was like I had been sifting through a wide river looking for pebbles of gold, and after many fruitless hours, I gave up and left, exhausted. And then tripped and fell into a giant hole full of diamonds.

Okay so it starts out as a basic kind of rhetorical question: how do you think vampire mating differs from human mating? First up to bat is multitaskmom who points out the whole super-strength thing, and wonders if Ethan Allen just won't cut it.

Queenofmycastle is like, 'omg lol do they have permaboners?' And Lisa 314 is all, 'I don't want no minute man'.

Backup_Bella feels like she is the Kinsey of vampires. She is not.

DeegansMommyTrish blows my Goddamn mind:

No, I mean she is really, really, really into this. Everybody hurry out and register your CrotchVenom.Com domains, GODDAMN.

At this point my sides were so sore from laughing I wasn't sure if I should go on. But then Roo brought her internet expertise to the table with a hell of long, srs bzns discussion about crotch venom. And I thought, FOR SCIENCE! and continued.

Twilighter isn't sure what she should study in junior college. May I suggest CS350: How to Get Off a Fictional Character's Dick and Return to the Real World? I hear it’s good.

Roo keeps up the good work. And by good work I mean creepy vampire fetus hypotheses. Amy0 can't believe she never thought of that before. I can.

Some mundane combustion / creepy personal fantasy talk.

Queenofmycastle reminds us of menopause. Thanks.

There is a ton of hymen talk. I never really expected to have to type that sentence. This isn't vaginapagina, you know?

Peepee teepees.

More hymen talk, this time with icicle penises!.

Edwards_obsession laughed so hard she had to use her inhaler. I can only imagine what was here before the mods beat me to whatever she said that was inapprop.

A mod reminds us that IT ISN'T OKAY TO SAY YOU WANT TO FUCK EDWARD. Not outright, anyhow.

But glitter bukkake is totally acceptable.

Isn't that right, Jonnie Angel?

OMFG.

2008-06-20T02:33:03Z

BREAKING NEWS
MTV SUCKS
Witty subtitle.

We have intercepted a scathing email from a private source concerning MTV and Twilight. This email contains graphic language and may not be suitable for children. However, we at forks_it are dedicated to giving the Twilight fandom the hard, upfront and not-sugar-coated-at-all news.

Here is the email in question. We thought our readers had the right to know.

DEAR MTV:
YOUR NAVIGATION SUCKS. WTF. PLEASE JUST MAKE AN EASILY ACCESSIBLE TWILIGHT PAGE AND UPDATE IT FOR GOD'S SAKE OMFG. OMFG AND EVEN WHEN I FIND THE VIDEO I AM LOOKING FOR IT'S EMBEDDED IN THE PAGE REALLY SMALL AND THERE IS NO BUTTON TO FULL SCREEN IT. THEREFORE YOUR VIDEO PLAYER ALSO SUCKS. FUCKING GET ON THAT OMFG OR I WILL ALWAYS GO TO YOUTUBE FOR YOUR RIPPED INTERVIEWS AND SCENES AND YOU WILL LOSE SITE TRAFFIC FOREVER.
SINCERELY,
AN ANGRY FAN

Harsh words, but troubling nonetheless. Will MTV ever "fucking get on" their supposedly "sucky" navigation and video players? Will they lose site traffic forever? The questions of a fandom in peril resound: how much more disorganization are we willing to take?

All Aboard the Failboat; Twimoms Attempt to Clean Up Act

2008-06-16T01:57:50Z

Hello again, my magnificent readers! I know it’s been a while since we first tentatively tested the Twimom forums’ murkiest waters, and I apologize! As much as I’d like to pretend it’s because my life has been achingly busy, it’s not. It’s because I am a lazy, filthy sloth, and have been laying about uselessly, spending the first couple weeks of my summer vacay in nigh coma status. While these sleepy weeks have been quite refreshing, it’s time for me to get back on the internet ball. So I thought that my first order of business would be a new installment of some creepy Twimom screencaps!

But shock!

Horror!

Agony.

Where has the ♥ Hotties ♥ forum gone??

Apparently our favorite matriarchs have been doing a little housecleaning (not the real kind, silly!), and have done away with it. Well, not entirely. Instead, they’ve introduced an access-by-special-request-only area called "The Basement". No, I’m not making an incredibly funny joke about them being homemakers and also creepy. That is in fact what they’ve named it.

Even more intriguingly, the Moms seem to be tightening the reins on content, further updating their "Keep It Clean" policy. What I found interesting about this was that it went down after our previous installment. I’m not going to assume any actual linkage of the events, but it’s certainly a funny coincidence.

Still, the wank soldiers on. So our insider sent an email straightaway requesting the proverbial key to this proverbial room, hoping for plenty of entirely nonproverbial creepiness.

And here it is.

Yes, there is a thread in Vampire Physiology concerning vampire "mating". And one just about sex in BD.

Feeling a little too queasy this time around to sludge through the mating thread, but wanting to give you guys a peek anyhow, here is the latest page’s most prominent conversation:

Yeah, it’s definitely about lube. Vampire lube.

But I just ate, so I’m not about to backtrack through that thread. Let’s keep it vanilla this time and see how they’re doing back at the heart of the Twimom forums; the Robert Pattinson thread in ♥ Sigh & Swoon ♥.

JessLynn is a teacher who wishes she could browse Twimoms at work. Those pesky kids, hungry for knowledge!

Esme’s Protogee, on the other hand, can access it at work, and is having difficulty juggling career and celebrity photographs. Being a modern woman is so difficult!

At least she’s in good company. edwards_obsession has the same ish, trying to keep the window hidden from her coworkers and boss.

Then the topic of Rob / Edward dreams is brought up. Oh boy, we’ve been through this.

But JRHatto raises the bar to a weird, meta level, explaining that she dreamt about posting about Rob on the forums. And isn’t sure if it’s a good dream or not. Uh, we can help you figure that one out.

marci.hearts.edward complains about her intrusive spouse’s needs, and then dismisses them, choosing to honor Rob’s alleged wishes instead.

Did you know Robert can also serve as inspiration for cleaning? Incredible! Gone are the days of being bothered by how dirty the house is being a hint that you should clean. Robert will control your schedule from now on.

Yes, Rob can be all-consuming. He even affects vision, as artistically recreated here. Poor KStew.

Robert also may provoke loss of coordination. And an increase in appetite for sparkly graphics.

They have seemed to have formed some kind of club, known as the RAA. I have no idea what this is, but I’m going to go out on a limb and hypothesize that it may stand for the Robert Appreciation Association. Or like, Rapists Almost Anonymous. Who knows.

ferrarimum asks if she’s the only one who has sensorial hallucinations about Robert’s skin. I sure hope so.

There’s another funny trend the ladies exhibit. In keeping with the tighter ‘Clean’ policy, whenever they feel like they’re about to enter the proverbial gutter, they say things like this:

edwards_obsession thinks they’re going to need something bigger.

ferrarimum persists.

Someone opts out of the barge in favor of straddling him, but hopes that imagery isn’t too "untoward".

Later, the sheer idea of Robert in the New Moon movie sends these mothers into an emotional flurry.

What bleak as fuck toilet paper commercials has she been watching?

RAA! RAA! RAA!

Ugh, husbands and kids again! It’s so inconvenient when they bring up their need for food.

Also, since this is at least the second time the misspelling has appeared, I’d like to point out that ogle is spelled O-G-L-E. I don’t know what oogle is, unless the Twimoms have developed some Google Images spinoff solely devoted to hotties. Which, you know, not a bad idea. Get on that, Rhonda.

But let’s end this on an appropriately depressing note.

That may actually work in the husband’s favor, for once.

Source: Twimoms.

WAAAARRR.

2008-05-24T02:17:04Z

SPECIAL forks_it FEATURE!!
HARRY POTTER OWNS TWILIGHT?
Really? Are you sure you're not just wasting your time with this?

It's happened, and it was only a matter of time.

"We'll smack the truth in their faces with such an epic force," says hpownstwilight's el-jay community title/subtitle, "they won't know what hit them!" The promise-come-threat infers just what Twilighters have been dreading: the Harry Potter fans' next weapon in the ongoing one-sided, one-brain-celled, one group diagnosis of why-are-you-wasting-your-carbon-footprints-on-caring-so-deeply-about-not-caring-about-a-book-series-itis fandom war. The weapon? After intense and life-threatening weeding through the posts made by the invite-only members of hpownstwilight, courageous investigatory journalists have uncovered the divisive plan to uproot and disprove the Twilight fandom's love for Twilight: poorly-crafted mocking and a manipulated graphic of Robert Pattinson playing dead.

When confronted by with the issue of provoking a war, hpownstwilight member boleyn stated she could feel one coming and that: "IDK. We can take them." papered replied: "LOL, I am FAIRLY SURE that the number of HP fans >>>>>> the number of Twilight fans, LMFAO. They probably don't want to do that, lmfao."

Part of their mocking strategy incorporates the long-held effective means of generalizing and talking up one's ass, such as claiming "Only Twilight fans have said stuff like" JKR is an "untalented bitch." "They're just upset that Stephenie Meyer couldn't write a good enough book. OR SOMETHING. idk," according to downpour. Upon further research, it has been confirmed that downpour has not read the epilogue to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ("the morning of the first of September was crisp and golden as an apple") and has biassedly compared both series while suffering from an acute case of JKR Worship-kemia, a disease similar to that of the Stephenie Meyer's Word is the Word of God-itis.

Reliable and amused sources close to the Twilight fandom are "glad" to report that hpownstwilight will be ineffective towards the fandom's feelings towards Stephenie Meyer's popular book series. However, these same sources are inclined to warn the Twilight fandom that such mockery will most likely continue despite the majority of Twilighters rolling on the floor and laughing their asses off about it.

hpownstwilight had this to say about Twilight fans roaming their community: "If you think Twilight is better than Harry Potter, GTFO," as well as assuring others that they have in fact, "all read the books" and that the community is not "SOLELY" based on "bashing Twilight." They are simply "loyal Harry Potter fans saying that the book comes nowhere CLOSE to the caliber of Harry Potter." More investigation will be conducted on whether or not hpownstwilight realizes that the only people who are comparing the two series happen to be them at this point, and that by bashing Twilight they are only spamming their own flists with more "Twilight-related things." It's been confirmed that no one cares but them. And just them.

blush has made the following statement about the issue: "It's summer. Take a walk. Lug your HP books out on a picnic. Take an elderly person to see Prince Caspian. JOIN A BANDOM."

forks_it recommends either the trifecta of Cobra Starship/The Academy Is/Fall Out Boy or perhaps Taking Back Sunday. Those kids are pretty chill.

Source: hpownstwilight, blush's personal journal with permission

ow. brains trickling out of ears.

2008-05-17T19:33:35Z

*HEADDESK*
WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDE...
...the stupid spawns into mutant HP/Twilight babies.

O OK.

There is nothing inherently sensational about the article in question, but it spawned more than it bargained for.

We here at forks_it were going to write our own thorough analysis of the replied comments, but then we decided it was even too stupid for us to bother with.

"If I were Pattinson and some reporter sidled up to me asking “How does Twilight compare to Harry Potter?” I would just say “No comment.” That is one question that it is a no-win to answer, no matter what you say.
Posted by Cromer on May 07, 2008 @ 09:45 PM"
On the contrary, if Robert Pattinson were to have said "no comment," Mr. Cromer, the Twilight fandom would have skinned him alive for implying Twilight isn't better. Because when Twilighters say you cannot compare the two series, what they really mean is Twilight is superior in every way, shape and form. Unsurprisingly, this is what Harry Potter fans mean as well when they say: "No, Harry Potter should never be compared to Twilight. Harry Potter should never be compared to any series. Ever. ... Posted by Taylor on May 08, 2008 @ 03:27 AM"

"Why is it always Twilight vs. HP?! They can live in harmony, you know…
Posted by AA on May 07, 2008 @ 10:27 PM"
Oh, AA! Thanks for the laugh!

"Um yes, comparing “Twilight” to HP is pointless. But “Twilight” is still bad, as I said. If you’re a romantic, you might like “Twilight.” I guess.

And I agree a “Twilight” newsroundup is unecessary. I don’t mind telling us that Pattinson has been cast in “Twilight,” but followups on it are pointless. Besides, I’d like to avoid hearing about “Twilight” as much as possible.
Posted by Kelly on May 07, 2008 @ 11:47 PM"
Uhm yes, so Kelly pointed out that maybe posting follow-ups on Mr. Pattinson's acting career is "pointless" because she harbors an intense and unfounded personal dislike for the series. Here at forks_it, we agree that the personal preferences of one person should be forced on everyone else, as well.

Then, dear readers, there is Kerrie, who despite many deleted comments and anti-Twilight sentiment, stuck around for over ten pages of comments.
"OMG Twlight is sooo good. “New Moon” is quite boring but “Eclipse is so excellent!” Its such a great story. And Robert is absolutley PERFECT as the sexy vampire Edward Cullen! He really becomes the character i think. The tortured vampire who tries to be good and not kill people and he falls in love with his singer (the person who he wants to kill the most because her blood smells the sweetest). He just does it so well! I think the Twlight series would appeal to most Harry Potter fans who are getting older and looking for a fantasy story thats more mature and a bit sexier. The characters in Twlight are so much more interesting then in Harry Potter, (for example the history of each of the Cullen’s and the way they interact as an adopted family is very sweet and interesting), the relationship between Edward and Bella is extremely intense and addictive hehe. And lets face it, sexy vampires are just way cooler then wizards, no matter which way you look at it hehe. I would just like to commend Rob on his excellent acting! You are going to be the most popular young actor for teen girls now! hehe. And i would also like to commend Stephanie Meyer for writing the first young adult fantasy book thats intense and sexy hehe. The vampires are so unique in, the special powers they have (e.g. Alice seeing the future, Edward reading minds), the fact that they glow in the sun, the fact that a few vampires are “vegetarian” and don’t eat people for moral reasons, its all very original and creative. BRANDI: Yes i would definitley recommend the Twlight series, if you are looking for a more mature fantasy story, this is for you!
Posted by Kerrie on May 08, 2008 @ 04:29 PM"

"Cristipotter: why was my last comment unnessecasry? I thought i made some valid points lol. Even if people do not personally like Twlight (and thats fine, i don’t mind, honestly), they cannot deny that its more mature and sexier then HP. Its a fantasy story for older Harry Potter fans who are looking for something a bit deeper. I swear, i would not lie. Give it a chance everyone, i would say most of you will like it. Its not ALL about love and relationships, there’s bad guys and excitment too hehe. I think its got something for everyone to be honest.
Posted by Kerrie on May 08, 2008 @ 05:23 PM"
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH hehe.
Many fellow Twilighters jumped on the Kerrie bandwagon, and many Harry Potter fans continued being ridiculous. It's been reported that they should know better by now.

"Kerrie it must be very hard to be so defensive and so right all the time. I’m sorry you can’t marry Edward in real life. Now please tell us more about how well read you are. It really shows in your command of English. You type like a drunken monkey.

Please call us Kerrie dissenters disgusting some more. It’s awesome.
Posted by lulu on May 15, 2008 @ 01:11 PM

Lulu i was not refering to Kerrie and her supporters as disgusting actually. I was refereing to people like Cain and Jface who continue to talk absolute crap and insist on insulting someone for their opinion. They are the really disgusting people here.
Posted by Alison on May 15, 2008 @ 01:39 PM

I love how I’m disgusting because I’m arguing properly against someone. I love how I talk crap because I simply dare to take one person’s word against herself. I love how someone can call me on ‘insulting someone’ (which I would to be pointed to in my last posts, btw) when they’re themselves insulting me. It’s really instructive to have debate to see how people, without adding anything to the discussion, just call others name.

Having an opinion is fine. Holding as a truth is not.

And Miss C,

selling million != good
Posted by Cain on May 15, 2008 @ 02:03 PM

I definitely can’t type…

It should read :

” I would like to be pointed to [...] “
Posted by Cain on May 15, 2008 @ 02:06 PM"
And the mud slings! Here at forks_it we are monumentally amused by those who criticize people with bad grammar, and then embarrassingly enough fail to practice what they preach. This is definitely heating up.

"Alison, if you can’t back up your attacks on me, by quoting at least some of my post, I suggest you avoid making these attacks. What I ask was a some exemple of my rudeness and how you would debate. I was trying to ‘defence’ myself and you can’t even follow with your attacks.

Maybe we have a different definition of ‘being rude’. While I’m admit I’m not always nice, I’m not insulting people and not shoving my opinion down anyone’s throat. I’m defending my opinion. The difference lies in the manner you do it.

And if you really had better things to do with your time, you would not have post here just to call some people ‘disgusting’.
Posted by Cain on May 15, 2008 @ 03:36 PM

“defend myself [...] “

Not defence. =_=
Posted by Cain on May 15, 2008 @ 03:38 PM

Cain since you want an example so badly here you are: “And Kerrie, don’t try to play the wounded beast. You’ve wanked, assume it.” Your tone of voice throughout this whole conversation has been unnacceptable, rude and babyish, just like that example. I will admitt that jface was a million times worse then you but you were still bad. Gotta go.
Posted by Alison on May 15, 2008 @ 04:05 PM

I’ll explain myself on this one.

My tone is not nice, I don’t deny it. I stopped trying to be nice when I realised it’ll lead nowhere with some person but I’m not as rude as you make it sound. I’ve already argued with Kerrie before and whether I’m being overly nice or not, she’s always behaving the same way. If my tone displeases you, it does not mean it’s rude and unnacceptable. I’ve never insulted anyone on this board. If you think I’m rude, good for you. And don’t want to play ‘the badass card’ but if I wanted to be rude, it’ll be quite worse.

Concerning this phrase :

“And Kerrie, don’t try to play the wounded beast. You’ve wanked, assume it.”

It was in answer to that quote of her :

“it wasn’t even written well. Oh well, clearly i’m out numbered. I don’t care one little bit. You guys ganged up on me and acted like its a crime to think that something is better then Potter. “

She played the ‘persecuted’ card, everyone had ganged up against her. And I answer to that. I was simply telling her to assume what she did. How is that being rude ? While I’m not being very nice in my way of telling her, it’s not unnacceptable.
Posted by Cain on May 15, 2008 @ 04:22 PM

Typo again… u_u

” And I don’t want to play [...] “
Posted by Cain on May 15, 2008 @ 04:23 PM"
Yeah, there's more than one definition of rude! It's totally acceptable to be subtly rude as opposed to overtly rude! It's also totally understandable to get overly-emotional and offended over a non-entity and a few hastily slapped-together comments over two book series! Yeah!

"um ok…i have not commented since page 26, and that was like two days ago so i don’t know why people are still continuing this pointless disscussion and repeating the phrase “let it go” because i let it go a long time ago. The only reason i kept commenting was because people called me names and assumed things about me that were not true. Anyways I let this go a long time ago, i just will not tolerate name-calling thats all. Some people like Twilight, some people don’t, and thats fine. I don’t really care any more. Everyone is different. People need to stop this constant battle. If you don’t like Twilight thats cool, just move onto other articles that are related to HP. Don’t come to this page on purpose just to insult Twilight because to be honest, no one cares. Bye! :) Peace out. Hopefully we will have a HBP trailer soon. Fingers crossed!"
Posted by Kerrie on May 17, 2008 @ 02:40 PM"
Whew, glad that's over.

"OK guys you may know me…or you may not. I’ve shown myself around here before! Ok so I don’t quite know if I am going to get in on this yet… I’ll have to consult Dom on that one. My totally neutral response at this moment is laughter. I love how this nice little article has been twisted into a battle of the books. I love Hp and Twilight. We do share Robert don’t we?? Really people, you all have different views, and we are all certain we are right aren’t we? None of us will be swayed in our opinions just because something another says will we? Hence isn’t arguing about it pointless? I think you should state your opinion and back it up. If someone contradicts you, you don’t have to respond. So I don’t get why everyone has to say EVERYTHING that is on their mind about their opinion, or another’s opinion. It seems to me as it a lot of these message boards just lead to the endorsement of people judging other people. I’m not saying I haven’t done that in the past. Ok so this entire rant leads me to this. You don’t need to say everything that you think. You don’t have to fight everything that other people say. Life goes on no matter if you hate Twilight, or love it. Get over it! Cho for now Bristi
Posted by bristi on May 08, 2008 @ 09:38 PM"
Who is this sane person, and what is she doing here?

Honorable Mentions:
"Am I the only one that noticed how freking CUTE he was in the trailer??
Posted by Erika on May 07, 2008 @ 11:12 PM"

"Robert Pattinson is a good looking and seemingly lovely guy – so why does he look like an 80’s New Romantic band reject in the pic? It looks like he’s off to an audition for Duran Duran.
Posted by miriam on May 08, 2008 @ 05:37 AM"

"“Its a fantasy story for older Harry Potter fans who are looking for something a bit deeper.”

Posted by Kerrie on May 08, 2008 @ 05:23 PM

Yeah, LOL, I’m surprised they didn’t cast Miley Cyrus in the movie; it seems like her target demographic.
Posted by HP on May 08, 2008 @ 05:27 PM"

SOURCE: TLC (The Leaky Cauldron).

mod post!

2008-05-04T00:57:11Z

Hey guys! We have some news/information we’d like to share you all.

First, we just wanted to say WOW to all the members we’ve gotten. We’re excited that you guys are enjoying the comm and the funny. Makes our job even more... fun. :DD

Second, we mods have been talking through some different ideas for the comm, and we’ve come up with a couple so far that we’re going to start.

forks_it_mods We are going to be making various Public Entries on that comm, and we’re asking you guys to simply WATCH it. DO NOT JOIN IT, because we will have to disapprove; just put it on your friends list. That comm is for us to talk about different subjects and ideas for the comm. HOWEVER:
SUGGESTION BOX. That will be where we let YOU GUYS have a little say in what we may write about. While we consider ourselves resourceful, we know we won’t always catch everything out there on the net. So we’re gonna have to rely on you guys. If you find something you think we could wank, let us know on the post (whenever we make it). REMEMBER: You MUST have links/sources. Don’t just say “oh on this ‘website’ they said this and that, blah blah.” No, we need the links. Also, just to cover our bases here. We can’t guarantee that we’d be able to take on every single story you guys throw at us. We’ll definitely try, but there are a couple of reasons why we might not. 1). If there are a lot of suggestions, it’d be hard to complete every single one. We may have to pick and choose. 2). We may not feel we’d be able to wank it well, or we may not actually find it wankable.
We’d appreciate it if the links/stories weren’t older than two weeks, at the MOST. It’s no fun to wank something that happened a month ago. It needs to be fairly recent.
QUESTIONS. There will be an entry for you guys to ask questions about the comm, or if you feel you need to, ask questions about us. LOL. But yeah, questions related to comm will be asked/answered on that entry (whenever we get it up).

So hopefully, this will be one of the very few mod posts we’ll have to make at this comm. We don’t like it cluttering up the page, so yeah future mod posts and announcements will go on the Mod comm. So go watch it! :D

(btw, it’s my birthday, but that’s not the point. The point is I’M NEARING THE AGE OF THE TWILIGHT MOMS EVERY DAY. YAAAAY).

TwiMoms Creepy; Sky Blue

2008-05-02T20:57:09Z

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web.
TwiMoms are incredible human beings. Although there's nothing we at forks_it have against them in principle, they keep doing things that are just… fascinating. And when I use that word, I don't mean fascinating in the way that, say, Nietzsche is. It's more like a Rotten.Com kind of fascinating. And while my friend Friedrich wrote some really intriguing material, it pales in comparison with what these ÜberMoms churn out on a daily basis.

Today we're going to be taking a trip into a Members Only portion of the forum, so this may be an eye-opening experience for most of you. And again, when I use the word “eye-opening", I don't want you expecting beautiful planetary nebulae kind of eye-opening. It's… a bit different.

I'm posting screencaps taken by a reliable mole. The identity of this insider is being kept a secret, because as massively intelligent, dazzlingly sexy, and incredibly witty she is, we can't risk revealing her identity for worship at this time. And no, I'm not talking about Rhonda.

Without any further ado, here is a trip into the ♥ HOTTIES ♥ forum.

There is a warning/greeting for this specific forum. PG-13 content only, which I find an interesting rating limit for a community specifically designed for women 25+.

No cracks! No danglers! Yeah, they really are moms.

This is what the main forum looks like, just for a tasty selection of their numerous topics.

The highlighted thread is the Edward/RPattz one, of course, which I want you to notice is the third of such, and was up to 183 pages at this point in time. I'm sure it's well surpassed this number by now.

But don't worry, the ♥ HOTTIES ♥ forum is not just for Twilight related hotties. No, the hottie goodness extends to even such delectable manboys as Zac Efron and yes, that Harry Potter kid, Daniel Radcliffe:

TwiMoms also enjoy tasteful fashion editorials. They also enjoy browsing the forums in front of their 6 year old children! These two statements shouldn’t be related, but they are.

Lisa just thinks she had an… oh, you know what she means. And Belovedlady needs to find him. She's hot and single, so… watch out!

Here's a peek into the abyss that is the Daniel Radcliffe thread. SO glad he has come of age!

Some clever innuendo!

But as manly of a man as Danrad is, Mcnabbygirl still keeps her keen sense of morality about her. Cuz naked is a bad example, guys!! Too bad she can't keep her keen sense of ‘roll' vs. ‘role' about her.

But let's get to the main event, shall we? The big tent at this circus. The Robert Pattinson thread. I started at the beginning, and I haven't even gotten through the whole thing yet. So this is an early selection. If you enjoy this batch enough, it'll become a regular feature. Because the internet has a right to be seeing this.

Alright, so, Amberlu will start off the thread. With a dream about Robert.

Glitterskin suggests something intriguing. They're like some freaky stalker group.

Queenofmycastle confirms.

Just as Amberlu's conscience starts to kick in and she doesn't want to be “associated with some freaky stalker group", their fears are calmed by some stunning logic. And by logic, I mean... well, you know by now. Not logic. Tough tootsies!!

You know that "above the influence" commercial? Where the dog tells the girl that he doesn't like her when she does pot? That is what this post by Jenniesmith made me think of:

On the plus side, Queenofmycastle does take a break from her nougat comparisons to shed a little reason on their febrile posts.

And then Stormie throws it all back to hell.

Shabbyapple shares her plans to avoid looking like a creeper by looking more like a creeper.

And then calls them all cougars.

ZZRdee thinks she's in love with him and desperately seeks validation in numbers.

OH ALSO

No, she's serious. She has a problem. Jdzca thinks it'd only be a problem if RPattz were obtainable, because then she would have to get a divorce. So, you know, there.

They are soooo not creepy, you guys. It's totally not a neurosis when it just, you know, interferes with their health and routine.

Oh, and in case you forgot they were adults.

It's getting hot in hurr, so…

This is all I had time for today, but I hope you’ve enjoyed this field trip into the caverns of the TwiMoms forums. I know I did… in that way that I enjoy Discovery Health specials on elephantiasis.

affiliate post. (we bet you want to.)

2008-04-29T20:31:12Z

Comment to affiliate and we will get back to you. Remember: ONLY TWILIGHT COMMS.

and a follow up!

2008-04-27T22:15:44Z

Flip-Flops
Not Just For Your Feet

The Twilight Fandom likes to play this certain game. It’s called Follow the Leader. However, instead of the leader constantly changing after a few rounds, it stays the same.

Let’s say hello to the Twilight Lexicon. When they clap, the fandom claps. And when they stomp their feet and cross their arms, well, so does the fandom.

Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we?

When the teaser trailer transcript and screenshots were released over the internet, fans had two options. Ignore the information for as long as they could before going crazy and giving up after ten minutes or, freak out right away and delight themselves in the leaked goodness.

The majority of the fandom chose the latter. Unfortunately for my journalistic efforts, previous entries around Livejournal containing the original transcript and screencap reactions have been deleted, leaving me to crawl over to MILF Central, aka, Twilight Moms, and find the reactions.

“OME, OMJ, Oh My Twilight!!!!!!!!!” exclaimed the excited taracullensince2008.

“I read it and cried, then my husband had me read it to him and i'm still crying and shaking,” says LorriJ, not referring to a letter from the State informing her that her children will be taken away in under 24 hours.

I’m sure we can assume that, despite the maturity level the Twilight Moms have over every other age group in this entire fandom, their reactions match those on Livejournal. So when I quote “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS!” from a Twilight Moms Forum, I’m really quoting every single “Twilighter” experiencing fangirling, loss of breath, and dazzling.

So why the sudden change in some attitudes? Why are people across Livejournal all of a sudden freaking out and demanding justice?!

“Because we don’t reward people on this site for illegal activity like breaking into sets, employers offices, and posting the pictures they take,” the Twilight Lexicon writes on their website in “response” to not updating with the news of the leaked transcript.

Shame on you, Twilighters. Shame on you. You shouldn’t be gushing over such a thing, because 1). It's illegal and you have never done anything illegal before in your life and 2). The Twilight Lexicon doesn’t like it. Didn’t you learn the rules before playing the game? They’re really quite simple.

"If you're a Twilight Lexicon zombie and you know it clap your hands! *CLAPCLAP*"

Source: the twilight lexicon; the twilight moms thread

OMFG!

2008-04-27T05:55:03Z

UNACCEPTABLE!
SOMEBODY BURN THAT WITCH!

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. -- In a recent distinctly bitter and snotty post by the Twilight Lexicon, ~~fans~~ Twilighters were absolutely stunned and outraged to hear some pirating unprofessional juvenile delinquent who allegedly works for a movie theater has leaked screencaps and a description of the not-yet released Twilight trailer on her friends-locked MySpace page.

When asked why they were not linking to the content in question (actually no one asked them, according to sources that happen to be the half of the fandom who doesn't particularly care about the motives and ethics of a preaching "news" fansite), the Twilight Lexicon had this to say: "Because we don’t link to stolen merchandise. Because we don’t reward people on this site for illegal activity like breaking into sets, employers offices, and posting the pictures they take."

The Lexicon went on to say that "the comments are off because there really isn't anything more to add" which can be roughly translated to: "we don't care what you think."

Thankfully the Twilight fandom responded anyway and as usual, the real absurdity rested with their take on this startling revelation.

At lion_lamb, user deathcab_formae had this to say in an aggravated post response: "She broke the law. What she didn't wasn't stupid, dumb, sneaky or helpful to the fandom in any way. IT WAS ILLEGAL."

It's clear that the majority of the fandom believes this is the case. As supporters of the law circa the Spanish Inquisition, public opinion urges that this girl be sent to death by the purgation of fire.

xxserendipityx commented with slight speculation, however:
"You know, it could be possible that she wasn't a fan of the book. I mean, she has to know just how big the movie is, so she could've gotten curious. Eh, who really knows. Oh well, nobody's perfect, things happen. It's not like she released a super secret document about like the president or something o___o"

Yes, because the president surely has nothing to hide that might be beneficial to public knowledge. We must discourage the disclosure of federal documents that might shed light on certain issues related to say, an extremely unpopular war and the reasons given to go to said war. And also, these serious topics are ~totally~ comparable to the early release of a movie trailer.

Luckily nybornsilence brought the Twilight fandom back from the brink of some sanity: "That is definitely pitiful that the girl went as far as to comitting an illegal act just to get that. She should be caught and have some punishment."

And the fandom cried back: Hear, hear!

However, veggiesub_86 shot those cries down: "people need to calm the fuck down, it's not like we haven't done anything illegal ourselves."

sleepall_day also had some lingering doubts on such a rash response. "This is getting out of hand. Think I'll just go on mp3_share and download some songs."

It's at this point forks_it takes its own moment to stand on a decided moral high ground, since it seems to be the "in" thing to do these days, and that high ground promotes pointing the finger from an innocent pirating victim to the Twilight Moms.

Creepy stalkers>releasing movie trailer prematurely.

Source: the Twilight Lexicon; lion_lamb entry

Public Service Announcement

2008-04-25T18:37:55Z

Dear Readers,

You may or may not have noticed the lack of updates from the five of us. We could excuse this and say we are simply busy with school work and finals coming up – you know, the college life. We could also say that we are no longer funny and we have not one witty bone left in our bodies. Sadly, and unfortunately, this is not the case.

It’s because the Twilight Fandom has gone and done something we never thought possible.

They became sane.

At least for now, we are looking at an overall sane fandom. Everyone is really, really happy. MTV, Summit, various news stations, etc have all managed to release videos and interviews that make the Twilight fandom high on cuteness and prettiness, and no one is complaining or giving us headaches. That makes our job harder.

So now, we have to wait for the insanity to come back. Don’t worry, we’re praying it comes back. This new attitude in the fandom is scary, unfamiliar, and frankly, boring. Very boring.

We’re very sorry you all have to be apart of such a dull fandom at the moment.

Kristen, Crystal, Daniela, Steph, Kendra

Twilighters Now Twilighters

2008-04-15T18:04:25Z

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. - After an action-packed period of voting, fans of Stephenie Meyers' books have finally decided on a name for themselves: Twilighters.

The poll was conducted via MTV News, who have been furiously fanning the flames of Twilight mania in the months leading to the release of the movie adaptation. This is a fairly unique moment in internet history, as most other fandoms are content to stew in their own relative anonymity. Like dogs, or homeless people.

Are we saying that those who are not Twilighters are homeless people? Well, yes and no. Yes, because, after all, they are usually shabby and smelly. No, because being in a named fandom has no scientifically proven effect on one's living conditions. But a few experts are weighing in on this situation, and while they're not scientists, maybe they could be, someday.

I was exceedingly fortunate to have an opportunity to interview Crystal (or muffin_lover, as some of us know her), moderator and maintainer of the budding forks_it community, and one of our generation's sharpest minds. We sat down via IM this morning to really ponder the ripple effect this christening will have.

D: First of all, let me thank you for taking time out of your busy internet schedule to discuss this with me. Now, do you think that a fandom having a name significantly improves the fans' quality of life?

C: I'm glad you ask that question, because no, I don't think having a name significantly improves the fans' quality of life.

D: Bummer. But would it be safe to say that fans of other things, like "Harry Potter" or that show with the island and the shitty mysteries, are less humanoid than Twilighters, because of their lack of name?

C: Absolutely not. A name does not define a fanbase. A fanbase defines a name! And not usually through MTV.

D: I find your optimism and rationality cute! This is not really a question.

C: Aww, thanks. You're so sweet! I love the font you're using *. This is not really an answer.

So there you have it! While everybody knows that unnamed fandoms buckle under financial pressures and have their treasured stereo equipment carted away by merciless loan sharks, experts like to lie in interviews to make Harry Potter fans feel better.

Twilighters are now legally allowed access to their very own smug sense of superiority. Pick yours up today!

* Editor's note: I was using Verdana, 8pt! It is awfully adorable.

Source: MTV

Fans Keep On Talking

2008-04-13T19:20:26Z

Long Live Cedric Diggory
Please, please never change

LIVEJOURNAL, WORLD WIDE WEB. -- When the MTV video was released this past week, Twilight fans all over the world peed their pants, broke their keypads/capslock from typing too much, and decided to bring the phrase “IDK they have brooms” into the Twilight fandom forever. Everyone was ecstatic and made out with their ‘Rob as Edward’ photos.

Except for some fans.

Apparently, there are some “Twilight Fans” who are so sick and tired of the Twilight vs. Harry Potter crap, that they’ve decided they must choose between the two worlds in order to fangirl appropriately. Apparently, in order to fangirl, something needs to be worthy.

Some fans have also brought up Robert Pattinson’s role in Harry Potter. Before Twilight, Pattinson was best known for his role as Cedric Diggory, a teenage wizard who says about 10 lines and gave young girls around the world a desire to take a long bubble bath.

“Those who love Harry Potter will only be seeing this movie because their Cedric Diggory is in it,” one fan announced online. “Playing Cedric made him famous, and quite frankly he should never have to top that amazing character.”

“He’s way too good to be slummed down to a bad film with a bad screenplay,” another fan added. Apparently, she has been watching different Harry Potter films than the rest of the world.

This is the moral of the story, my dear readers. Never reach for beyond the stars. You know that 8^th Grade Spelling Bee you won, and your crush dated you for a week afterwards? That’s the greatest achievement you should ever have.

Source: anonymous

MOD POST.

2008-04-12T03:17:09Z

On behalf of the diligent staff of forks_it, WELCOME! XD

We hope you enjoy your stay and that you comment wank to your fullest.

SPEAKING OF. Due to our fear of trollers (scary creatures that live underneath bridges and try to eat innocent young), we have disabled commenting for non-members.

Therefore, you must JOIN to comment! (And then if you troll, we kick you out.)

DIAF Issue #1

2008-04-12T03:00:11Z

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. – Welcome to Daniela's Incredible Arts Feature! Or DIAF for short. ;) In this hopefully regular column, we will explore the internet's quality selection of Twilight-related artworks.

In this week's edition, let's take a look at some of the signature banners as featured in the Twilight-Moms forums! I have been involved in quite the love affair with these ladies, lurking about their posts as a guest for weeks now. If only I was at least 25 years of age, married, or a mother! It's enough to make a girl want to go get impregnated by the first low-life she can find. Because apparently, with motherhood comes indisputable wisdom and, as shown here, incredible artistic talent.

This is by far the favorite of everyone here at forks_it. I love the use of three different fonts, fake shadows, and of course, the pièce de résistance, that flickering flame! Sizzling. 9 out of 10 stars.

In case you at any time forget that you are browsing a forum entirely populated by moms, here's a gentle, artistic reminder. A beautiful collage of every Google Image Search result for “mother" and “housewife"! Plus a great use of the TwiMoms just-creepy-enough slogan. This gem only rates 7 out of 10 stars, because if you ask me, it could've used Robert Pattinson, or some sparkles.

Rhonda is my favorite TwiMom ever! She brings in the greatest photos, and I really appreciate her sensible yet modern bob! I hope to one day create a Rhonda fanclub, so if anybody is interested, get to making some fan videos. May I suggest Help Me Rhonda as a theme song? I love this signature, especially her use of beveling. 6 out of 10 stars.

Oh boy! Now this is using your Robert Pattinson resources correctly. Please note the pastel texture and delicate brushwork! I love her emphasis on everything, which you would typically expect to be said about something like their children, rather than a celebrity they don't even know! What a marvelous surprise. But that's what's best about TwiMoms – their incredible passion for Robert Pattinson. 8.5 out of 10 stars.

Thank goodness this mom of six has an anti-drug! I still feel like this could have used some more Robert Pattinson, despite being about Emmett, so it only receives 5 out of 10 stars.

Phew! TwiMoms know how to turn up the heat. The composition of this sig is really striking… the glowing letters, the glowing eyes. Wonderful use of stock wolf photos that earns a hefty 7 out of 10 stars.

Wow! If there is any way to spruce up a tame, generic Twilight fan banner, it is with some well-placed sparkles. I would rock this signature any day of the week that I felt sparkly. 6 out of 10 stars.

Great point! I love the colors of the gradient and the strikingly simple font choice. Keeping things clear and legible, for a grand total of 4 out of 10 stars.

Don't let those other crappy fandom forums try to fool you into things like maximum numbers of lines in your signatures, or banning signature images altogether! Those places are for losers who just can't handle the amount of truth that 10 lines of incredibly tiny text can really deliver. 6 out of 10 stars.

DEDICATION. TwiMoms have it! 8 out of 10 stars.

All artwork is property of their respective creators.

Source: Twilight Moms Forums

THE LEXICON REPLIES

2008-04-09T23:50:44Z

The Issue that Bruised a Fandom
"It was never an issue." - the Twilight Lexicon

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. -- The Twilight Lexicon has pledged their dedicated allegiance to Stephenie Meyer in a special "note" tonight -- regardless that she declared last week's cameo debacle a non-issue.

"Our first loyalty here is to Stephenie, it has been this way since the begining and will be that way for a long time to come," says the Lexicon, prompting readers to ask: "are you implying that after this supposed long time you will in fact not be loyal to Mrs. Meyer?" and "do you believe in spell/grammar check?"

Source: the Twilight Lexicon.

NEWSFLASH

2008-04-09T21:52:29Z

Stephenie Meyer Pardons MTV
Apparently she believes news sources are allowed to distribute news?

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. -- In a recent interview with MTV, Stephenie Meyer graciously let the meddling corporation off the hook for outing her surprise cameo in the "Twilight" films. Meyer also stated that she is a stay-at-home mother, leading Twilight fans to believe that perhaps her connections to the 25+ aged Twimoms are deeper than previously thought.

Last week, it was reported that MTV News did the unthinkable and leaked Stephenie Meyer’s cameo in the upcoming vampire flick “Twilight.” Fans were outraged, crying all over the place, and sending hate comments to MTV.

Also, Matt Damon allegedly would never waste his time on a movie adaptation of a young adult book. However, Ben Affleck is reported as having nothing else better to do.

Source: MTV.