Forks Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lack of lives of Twilight's not so elite.

Spotted: the uber mature, logical, sane, and passionate members at sortofbeautifulavoiding lion_lambbecause the Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black hate is just too much to bear. Too bad, so sad.

It’s obvious members of the Edward/Bella haven are meant to glorify Taylor/Jacob in the community created exclusively for him, lion_lamb. The rabid fangirls of lion_lamb ’s posts and comments referring to Edward Cullen as “some kind of god” frighten the dog enthusiasts. They have chosen to remain the in safety of their own lair to obsess over a 16 year old/dog unless they have “back up”.

Reports of the Taylor/Jacob hate on lion_lamb has reached all areas of the internet, many visited the community for evidence. And yes, their worst fears were indeed confirmed. Members of lion_lambDO love Edward Cullen more than Jacob Black. The horror.

The numerous untagged posts regarding Edward VS. Jacob on lion_lambthat begin with something like, “I don’t know if this is allowed” which are then promptly deleted by a mod have clogged countless friends pages, and many have left the community. Or have they?

Only time will tell.


XOXO, Forks Girl 

Don't Bite the Hands that Feed You
It goes both ways

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Twilighters are a rare kind, and I’m happy to say that’s a very good thing! Honestly, we here at forks_it don’t really know how to respond most of the time when we watch the fandom. Most of the time, I don’t even think they need us here to point out the ~details~ and yet, here I am.

Yesterday, three clips were released on YouTube, giving the fandom a “sneak peak” at the sneak peak, and I guess technically those clips are practically illegal because the Penelope DVD hasn’t even been released yet, and the Twilight Lexicon hasn’t even posted about it, so I guess we shouldn’t even be talking about this without ~permission~.

Er, anyways.

I’m getting a sense of deja-vu whenever new Twilight footage is released. There’s no pleasing this fandom, is there? They complain about the lack of Rob/Kristen/Edward/Bella on Twilight Tuesday, but once they get some clips featuring just the two of them, they complain about the acting, script, and editing.

I’m not even going to quote all the times fans went on about the ~awkwardness~ between the actors in the clips, because it’s more times than a Twimom has stalked RPattz. If I do that, then this article is going to be as long as decaffeinated ’s Twilight Moms installments. That complaint has been driven to the ground and trampled on with anything that has legs and a temper.

mental_picture points out that “Kristen Stewart is awful :D,” and yes, thank you for that insightful viewpoint.

“I don`t like that Summit release this stuff...i feel that by the end of the year i`ve watching the entire movie by pieces,” astrid_lane comments, and that’s when I point a finger (perfectly aware of the three fingers pointing back at me) and snap “stop watching the clips then!”

Also, next time I hear “the movie is cheesy, omg I don’t like cheesy lines,” I’m going to hire my Italian guy friends to sneak into your house and steal your Twilight Series. I don’t want you to get nauseated from the ~cheese~.

This turned out longer than I wanted. If you find any of this incoherent or all over the place, don’t blame me; blame the subject matter. I feel like what I’ve written is above and beyond dumb and lame. And why is that? What’s even the point?

The point is that is fandom makes me sound absurd.

Source: Lion_Lamb entry #1, Lion_Lamb entry #2

I rarely find myself speechless. If you know me, you know this. I generally can and will respond to nearly anything. Well, the first time I looked through the following screencaps from the Vampire Physiology thread at Twimoms, I was struck dumb. It took me several tries to write this.

I've said this before, and it bears repeating: I love the Twimoms. Honestly I think they are nearly all very nice and lovely, and nearly all sane and normal. I'll even say that I admire their assertiveness in creating a place for themselves on the web. But sometimes, they just make me very uncomfortable.

Now, admittedly, there was a noticeable decline in the creepiness of their posts in the Hotties threads, after they decided to start enforcing a stronger Keep it Clean policy. It worked, and while some wankiness slipped through the cracks, it was much harder to mine the threads for lulz.

But then I found the Mating thread.

It was like I had been sifting through a wide river looking for pebbles of gold, and after many fruitless hours, I gave up and left, exhausted. And then tripped and fell into a giant hole full of diamonds.

( Icicle Peepee Teepees )

BREAKING NEWS
MTV SUCKS
Witty subtitle.

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We have intercepted a scathing email from a private source concerning MTV and Twilight. This email contains graphic language and may not be suitable for children. However, we at forks_it are dedicated to giving the Twilight fandom the hard, upfront and not-sugar-coated-at-all news.

Here is the email in question. We thought our readers had the right to know.

DEAR MTV: YOUR NAVIGATION SUCKS. WTF. PLEASE JUST MAKE AN EASILY ACCESSIBLE TWILIGHT PAGE AND UPDATE IT FOR GOD'S SAKE OMFG. OMFG AND EVEN WHEN I FIND THE VIDEO I AM LOOKING FOR IT'S EMBEDDED IN THE PAGE REALLY SMALL AND THERE IS NO BUTTON TO FULL SCREEN IT. THEREFORE YOUR VIDEO PLAYER ALSO SUCKS. FUCKING GET ON THAT OMFG OR I WILL ALWAYS GO TO YOUTUBE FOR YOUR RIPPED INTERVIEWS AND SCENES AND YOU WILL LOSE SITE TRAFFIC FOREVER. SINCERELY, AN ANGRY FAN

Harsh words, but troubling nonetheless. Will MTV ever "fucking get on" their supposedly "sucky" navigation and video players? Will they lose site traffic forever? The questions of a fandom in peril resound: how much more disorganization are we willing to take?

Hello again, my magnificent readers! I know it’s been a while since we first tentatively tested the Twimom forums’ murkiest waters, and I apologize! As much as I’d like to pretend it’s because my life has been achingly busy, it’s not. It’s because I am a lazy, filthy sloth, and have been laying about uselessly, spending the first couple weeks of my summer vacay in nigh coma status. While these sleepy weeks have been quite refreshing, it’s time for me to get back on the internet ball. So I thought that my first order of business would be a new installment of some creepy Twimom screencaps!

But shock!

Horror!

Agony.

Where has the ♥ Hotties ♥ forum gone??

Apparently our favorite matriarchs have been doing a little housecleaning (not the real kind, silly!), and have done away with it. Well, not entirely. Instead, they’ve introduced an access-by-special-request-only area called "The Basement". No, I’m not making an incredibly funny joke about them being homemakers and also creepy. That is in fact what they’ve named it.

( RAA! RAA! RAA! )

SPECIAL forks_it FEATURE!!
HARRY POTTER OWNS TWILIGHT?
Really? Are you sure you're not just wasting your time with this?

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It's happened, and it was only a matter of time.

"We'll smack the truth in their faces with such an epic force," says hpownstwilight's el-jay community title/subtitle, "they won't know what hit them!" The promise-come-threat infers just what Twilighters have been dreading: the Harry Potter fans' next weapon in the ongoing one-sided, one-brain-celled, one group diagnosis of why-are-you-wasting-your-carbon-footprints-on-caring-so-deeply-about-not-caring-about-a-book-series-itis fandom war. The weapon? After intense and life-threatening weeding through the posts made by the invite-only members of hpownstwilight, courageous investigatory journalists have uncovered the divisive plan to uproot and disprove the Twilight fandom's love for Twilight: poorly-crafted mocking and a manipulated graphic of Robert Pattinson playing dead.

When confronted by with the issue of provoking a war, hpownstwilight member boleyn stated she could feel one coming and that: "IDK. We can take them." papered replied: "LOL, I am FAIRLY SURE that the number of HP fans >>>>>> the number of Twilight fans, LMFAO. They probably don't want to do that, lmfao."

Part of their mocking strategy incorporates the long-held effective means of generalizing and talking up one's ass, such as claiming "Only Twilight fans have said stuff like" JKR is an "untalented bitch." "They're just upset that Stephenie Meyer couldn't write a good enough book. OR SOMETHING. idk," according to downpour. Upon further research, it has been confirmed that downpour has not read the epilogue to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ("the morning of the first of September was crisp and golden as an apple") and has biassedly compared both series while suffering from an acute case of JKR Worship-kemia, a disease similar to that of the Stephenie Meyer's Word is the Word of God-itis.

Reliable and amused sources close to the Twilight fandom are "glad" to report that hpownstwilight will be ineffective towards the fandom's feelings towards Stephenie Meyer's popular book series. However, these same sources are inclined to warn the Twilight fandom that such mockery will most likely continue despite the majority of Twilighters rolling on the floor and laughing their asses off about it.

hpownstwilight had this to say about Twilight fans roaming their community: "If you think Twilight is better than Harry Potter, GTFO," as well as assuring others that they have in fact, "all read the books" and that the community is not "SOLELY" based on "bashing Twilight." They are simply "loyal Harry Potter fans saying that the book comes nowhere CLOSE to the caliber of Harry Potter." More investigation will be conducted on whether or not hpownstwilight realizes that the only people who are comparing the two series happen to be them at this point, and that by bashing Twilight they are only spamming their own flists with more "Twilight-related things." It's been confirmed that no one cares but them. And just them.

blush has made the following statement about the issue: "It's summer. Take a walk. Lug your HP books out on a picnic. Take an elderly person to see Prince Caspian. JOIN A BANDOM."

forks_it recommends either the trifecta of Cobra Starship/The Academy Is/Fall Out Boy or perhaps Taking Back Sunday. Those kids are pretty chill.


Source: hpownstwilight, blush's personal journal with permission

*HEADDESK*
WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDE...
...the stupid spawns into mutant HP/Twilight babies.

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O OK.

There is nothing inherently sensational about the article in question, but it spawned more than it bargained for.

We here at forks_it were going to write our own thorough analysis of the replied comments, but then we decided it was even too stupid for us to bother with.



( Upon further investigation, it's been reported that we do, in fact, have no shame, and the thorough analysis will continue as planned. )


SOURCE: TLC (The Leaky Cauldron).

Hey guys! We have some news/information we’d like to share you all.

First, we just wanted to say WOW to all the members we’ve gotten. We’re excited that you guys are enjoying the comm and the funny. Makes our job even more... fun. :DD

Second, we mods have been talking through some different ideas for the comm, and we’ve come up with a couple so far that we’re going to start.

• forks_it_mods We are going to be making various Public Entries on that comm, and we’re asking you guys to simply WATCH it. DO NOT JOIN IT, because we will have to disapprove; just put it on your friends list. That comm is for us to talk about different subjects and ideas for the comm. HOWEVER:
  
• SUGGESTION BOX. That will be where we let YOU GUYS have a little say in what we may write about. While we consider ourselves resourceful, we know we won’t always catch everything out there on the net. So we’re gonna have to rely on you guys. If you find something you think we could wank, let us know on the post (whenever we make it). REMEMBER: You MUST have links/sources. Don’t just say “oh on this ‘website’ they said this and that, blah blah.” No, we need the links. Also, just to cover our bases here. We can’t guarantee that we’d be able to take on every single story you guys throw at us. We’ll definitely try, but there are a couple of reasons why we might not. 1). If there are a lot of suggestions, it’d be hard to complete every single one. We may have to pick and choose. 2). We may not feel we’d be able to wank it well, or we may not actually find it wankable.
  
• We’d appreciate it if the links/stories weren’t older than two weeks, at the MOST. It’s no fun to wank something that happened a month ago. It needs to be fairly recent.
  
• QUESTIONS. There will be an entry for you guys to ask questions about the comm, or if you feel you need to, ask questions about us. LOL. But yeah, questions related to comm will be asked/answered on that entry (whenever we get it up).

So hopefully, this will be one of the very few mod posts we’ll have to make at this comm. We don’t like it cluttering up the page, so yeah future mod posts and announcements will go on the Mod comm. So go watch it! :D

(btw, it’s my birthday, but that’s not the point. The point is I’M NEARING THE AGE OF THE TWILIGHT MOMS EVERY DAY. YAAAAY).

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web.
TwiMoms are incredible human beings. Although there's nothing we at forks_it have against them in principle, they keep doing things that are just… fascinating. And when I use that word, I don't mean fascinating in the way that, say, Nietzsche is. It's more like a Rotten.Com kind of fascinating. And while my friend Friedrich wrote some really intriguing material, it pales in comparison with what these ÜberMoms churn out on a daily basis.

Today we're going to be taking a trip into a Members Only portion of the forum, so this may be an eye-opening experience for most of you. And again, when I use the word “eye-opening", I don't want you expecting beautiful planetary nebulae kind of eye-opening. It's… a bit different.

I'm posting screencaps taken by a reliable mole. The identity of this insider is being kept a secret, because as massively intelligent, dazzlingly sexy, and incredibly witty she is, we can't risk revealing her identity for worship at this time. And no, I'm not talking about Rhonda.

Without any further ado, here is a trip into the ♥ HOTTIES ♥ forum.

( NO CRACKS! NO DANGLERS! )

Comment to affiliate and we will get back to you. Remember: ONLY TWILIGHT COMMS.

Flip-Flops
Not Just For Your Feet

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The Twilight Fandom likes to play this certain game. It’s called Follow the Leader. However, instead of the leader constantly changing after a few rounds, it stays the same.

Let’s say hello to the Twilight Lexicon. When they clap, the fandom claps. And when they stomp their feet and cross their arms, well, so does the fandom.

Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we?

When the teaser trailer transcript and screenshots were released over the internet, fans had two options. Ignore the information for as long as they could before going crazy and giving up after ten minutes or, freak out right away and delight themselves in the leaked goodness.

The majority of the fandom chose the latter. Unfortunately for my journalistic efforts, previous entries around Livejournal containing the original transcript and screencap reactions have been deleted, leaving me to crawl over to MILF Central, aka, Twilight Moms, and find the reactions.

“OME, OMJ, Oh My Twilight!!!!!!!!!” exclaimed the excited taracullensince2008.

“I read it and cried, then my husband had me read it to him and i'm still crying and shaking,” says LorriJ, not referring to a letter from the State informing her that her children will be taken away in under 24 hours.

I’m sure we can assume that, despite the maturity level the Twilight Moms have over every other age group in this entire fandom, their reactions match those on Livejournal. So when I quote “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS!” from a Twilight Moms Forum, I’m really quoting every single “Twilighter” experiencing fangirling, loss of breath, and dazzling.

So why the sudden change in some attitudes? Why are people across Livejournal all of a sudden freaking out and demanding justice?!

“Because we don’t reward people on this site for illegal activity like breaking into sets, employers offices, and posting the pictures they take,” the Twilight Lexicon writes on their website in “response” to not updating with the news of the leaked transcript.

Shame on you, Twilighters. Shame on you. You shouldn’t be gushing over such a thing, because 1). It's illegal and you have never done anything illegal before in your life and 2). The Twilight Lexicon doesn’t like it. Didn’t you learn the rules before playing the game? They’re really quite simple.

"If you're a Twilight Lexicon zombie and you know it clap your hands! *CLAPCLAP*"

Source: the twilight lexicon; the twilight moms thread 

Dear Readers,

You may or may not have noticed the lack of updates from the five of us. We could excuse this and say we are simply busy with school work and finals coming up – you know, the college life. We could also say that we are no longer funny and we have not one witty bone left in our bodies. Sadly, and unfortunately, this is not the case.

It’s because the Twilight Fandom has gone and done something we never thought possible.

They became sane.

At least for now, we are looking at an overall sane fandom. Everyone is really, really happy. MTV, Summit, various news stations, etc have all managed to release videos and interviews that make the Twilight fandom high on cuteness and prettiness, and no one is complaining or giving us headaches. That makes our job harder.

So now, we have to wait for the insanity to come back. Don’t worry, we’re praying it comes back. This new attitude in the fandom is scary, unfamiliar, and frankly, boring. Very boring.

We’re very sorry you all have to be apart of such a dull fandom at the moment.

Kristen, Crystal, Daniela, Steph, Kendra 

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. - After an action-packed period of voting, fans of Stephenie Meyers' books have finally decided on a name for themselves: Twilighters.

The poll was conducted via MTV News, who have been furiously fanning the flames of Twilight mania in the months leading to the release of the movie adaptation. This is a fairly unique moment in internet history, as most other fandoms are content to stew in their own relative anonymity. Like dogs, or homeless people.

Are we saying that those who are not Twilighters are homeless people? Well, yes and no. Yes, because, after all, they are usually shabby and smelly. No, because being in a named fandom has no scientifically proven effect on one's living conditions. But a few experts are weighing in on this situation, and while they're not scientists, maybe they could be, someday.

( Read our exclusive scoop interview... )
Source: MTV

Long Live Cedric Diggory
Please, please never change

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LIVEJOURNAL, WORLD WIDE WEB. -- When the MTV video was released this past week, Twilight fans all over the world peed their pants, broke their keypads/capslock from typing too much, and decided to bring the phrase “IDK they have brooms” into the Twilight fandom forever. Everyone was ecstatic and made out with their ‘Rob as Edward’ photos.

Except for some fans.

Apparently, there are some “Twilight Fans” who are so sick and tired of the Twilight vs. Harry Potter crap, that they’ve decided they must choose between the two worlds in order to fangirl appropriately. Apparently, in order to fangirl, something needs to be worthy.

Some fans have also brought up Robert Pattinson’s role in Harry Potter. Before Twilight, Pattinson was best known for his role as Cedric Diggory, a teenage wizard who says about 10 lines and gave young girls around the world a desire to take a long bubble bath.

“Those who love Harry Potter will only be seeing this movie because their Cedric Diggory is in it,” one fan announced online. “Playing Cedric made him famous, and quite frankly he should never have to top that amazing character.”

“He’s way too good to be slummed down to a bad film with a bad screenplay,” another fan added. Apparently, she has been watching different Harry Potter films than the rest of the world.

This is the moral of the story, my dear readers. Never reach for beyond the stars. You know that 8^th Grade Spelling Bee you won, and your crush dated you for a week afterwards? That’s the greatest achievement you should ever have.

Source: anonymous

On behalf of the diligent staff of forks_it, WELCOME! XD

We hope you enjoy your stay and that you comment wank to your fullest.

SPEAKING OF. Due to our fear of trollers (scary creatures that live underneath bridges and try to eat innocent young), we have disabled commenting for non-members.

Therefore, you must JOIN to comment! (And then if you troll, we kick you out.)

LIVEJOURNAL, World Wide Web. – Welcome to Daniela's Incredible Arts Feature! Or DIAF for short. ;) In this hopefully regular column, we will explore the internet's quality selection of Twilight-related artworks.

In this week's edition, let's take a look at some of the signature banners as featured in the Twilight-Moms forums! I have been involved in quite the love affair with these ladies, lurking about their posts as a guest for weeks now. If only I was at least 25 years of age, married, or a mother! It's enough to make a girl want to go get impregnated by the first low-life she can find. Because apparently, with motherhood comes indisputable wisdom and, as shown here, incredible artistic talent.

( Come on in! )