|
It's Not the Heat, it's the Stupidity.
|
|
|
| |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|06:41 pm] |
|
My back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all
Basically sums up my hiatus....crazyness. But hey, more to come later when im feeling like the effort lol right now i have a few beers to finish before work so ill be back later haha
|
|
|
| 2 more hours until today burns this away.. and it starts all over again. |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|06:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  surprised | ] |
the sky will never look the same again
'till you show me how it could be. |
|
|
| Tweets |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|12:07 pm] |
|
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter |
|
|
| TALKING IN CAPS MAKES THIS EASIER |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|11:10 pm] |
DEAR WORLD;
WHEN DID QUEEN DECIDE TO MAKE NEW ALBUMS? IS FREDDY BACK?
HAS HE RISEN, IN HIS CHRIST-LIKE AND GLORIOUS FASHION, FROM HIS ALL-TOO-EARLY GRAVE?
NO?
THEN CUT IT OUT, GOD DAMN IT.
BEST REGARDS,
YOUR SENSE OF DECENCY |
|
|
| Thinking. |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|08:27 pm] |
I think, in some instances, it may be easier just to let things roll off my shoulders. I set up unreasonable expectations for people, which is why I'm disappointed so often. I expect people to treat me like I treat them, which doesn't tend to happen. Reciprocation is a wonderful thing, but it's not always easy to come across.
I feel as though I should just let them be who they are, even if I don't like it. If I don't like it, I just can't get that involved in those people. I can't change anyone but myself.
In some ways, that just feels like giving up, but it might be the healthiest option. |
|
|
| Going home..... |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|05:40 pm] |
It's been a horrible weekend thus far and going on two weekends in a row that fit that recipe. Ugh. My life is a complete and utter disaster right now. I am completely fucking up at work, which is where I am right now foolishly thinking that I would be able to accomplish anything at all. My personal life is a mess and I don't think that I maintain good relationships with anyone. I let my dad down on his birthday dinner tonight and I feel like shit about it. I stink of balsamic vinegar and stale beer. I have what is either dried blood or wine in my hair. My head hurts. I have knots on my temples because I am an idiot. I feel bruised, beaten and broken right now. However, I am going to tear myself away from these ridiculous little Facebook application games that are oh-so addicting, walk home, take a shower, put on clothes that are not marinated in vinegar and booze, go to the store and get the fixins for chili dogs, go home, make said chili dogs, completely veg out in front of the television watching mindless garbage and drink crack zero. I think that I will borrow a work laptop so I can work from home tomorrow. If I get some things accomplished, I will feel so much better coming in on Monday and Monday is a new day, a new week and hopefully, I will be able to force myself to focus and commit myself to productivity. Tomorrow, I am going to take a swim and hopefully get my bike fixed, although I did not remember to go and get a can of sealant for my flattened tire. Crap. I may have to do that Monday. Eve, if you read this, tell Commander D that I will be over on Monday with the sealant and to make good on my truck washing promise.
I'm off to wash the filth away and hopefully, regain a little of my self-respect. |
|
|
| Youtubes #539 |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|04:11 pm] |
Since everyone's posting youtubes today:
|
|
|
| |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|03:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bjork | ] |
Going to Megan's wedding. Got all dolled up. :)
 |
|
|
| How I Feel Today.............. |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|02:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
I am a complete and utter shit of a person - an alcoholic bigot who isn't good at anything and sucks in bed. I let people walk all over me, use me and talk behind my back. I'm a self-contradicting moron who doesn't really know the first thing about the world, the way it works or even my own beliefs. I'm second best, second choice, a second class citizen with no skills, no direction and absolutely no worth or value. I work a crappy job so I can pay my crappy bills and drive my crappy car and live in my crappy home. I never do anything that I say that I am going to do. I don't accomplish anything. I'm a bitch that just buys affection for herself.
Someone should simply do the world a favor and euthanize me.
I'm a bitch and I don't mean that in the sassy way. I mean it in the female dog way. In the used-up pussy way. I'm a bitch, a wench, a slave, a piece of trash, garbage, bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
I'm mean, thoughtless, selfish, oblivious, shallow, paranoid, psychotic, boring, stupid and not worth listening to. In fact, I'm quite easily ignored and just not worthy of attention and certainly not worth of consideration. My emotions and feelings do not matter. How I feel about things that are hurtful are of no consequence. I'm ignored in that arena. I should have been an abortion. I'm not worth anything. Everyone else is better and I am just the gelatinous goo at the bottom of the barrel - the scrapings from the bottom of someone's shoe. Leftovers that aren't even fit to be fed to the dog. It's my fault for being flawed and thinking that I should have emotions or feelings or thinking that they matter to anyone as far as that goes. Silly me. I turn people's days to shit by my presence. I should stay away. I'm nothing but a bitch. I should just stay out of sight unless I am performing domestic duties that benefit other people - and even then, I should do them as quietly and unobstrusively as possibe and disappear upon completion - until it is time to come and clean up of course. Of course.
I'm the person that you use to kill time until someone or something better comes along but believe me, I am super grateful for the fact that you were so graciously able to lower yourself to my level for that period of time. Maybe it was just your charitable side getting the best of you. In any event, I am ever so appreciative that you allowed me that attention and acknowledged my presence when you chose to do so. Lord knows I am not worthy.
I'm less important that a random, faceless stranger. I'm less important and less deserving of respect than a dog, than a squirrel for that matter - probably even a flea. I'm glad that I could be of service to you. At least something beneficial came from my pathetic miserable existence. Thanks for letting me be of value. |
|
|
| it's raining it's pouring... |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|10:46 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
oh my goodness.
yesterday was so fun.
after work i went to ale house with some of my work friends and had several $1 margaritas!
then i went to the beach with jessie and we hung out at the OCEAN CLUB forever and it was actually fucking fun!
we hung out in the dj booth with wes all night long! great times!
then we went to eddie b's and hung out with her new irish beau and his friends.
after which we went to jessicas and by this point i was fucking exhausted.
i had only had 3 hours of sleep the night before and i was about to pass out!!
so i called it an "early" night... if 3AM is early... hahaha.
tonight, i am going to spend the evening at the atlantic because wes will be spinning the 80's all night and there is nothing i love more then gettin' down to 80's tunes with a far SUPERIOR dj then that the ATL usually has lately. haha.
ANYWAYS- holler at your girl, bitches. |
|
|
| Cheap homemade tomato juice! |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|02:37 pm] |
V-8 on the ultra cheap! Vitamin C galore! Lycopene! Did I say "cheap"?
read more | digg story |
|
|
| Naples FL Obituary Index |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|02:13 pm] |
A service of the Collier County Public Library system and Naples Daily News. Bring out your dead! Had relatives in Collier County FL? You just might find them here.
read more | digg story |
|
|
| |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|11:42 pm] |
i can't explain what i feel in my heart and my stomach.
sean... i feel like i'm dying without you. i feel like my whole future is shot. you were my world; and i know this is much easier for you but.... don't you feel this? aren't you lost like me?
i wish you would tell me it's going to be okay.
i wish you would call me and tell me this is all over. tell me you're back and you're not going anywhere.
because seriously i'm fucking desperate for you. still. |
|
|
| BLACKOUT |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|01:31 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | senses fail-blackout | ] |
i know i have posted alot today. this is the last post of the day.. its been way to long since i have used this blog.
i love this song. its how i feel. only i would replace the alcohol with herbage and random substances.
I just drove under the Lincoln sign to where New Jersey meets the New York Line,
Through the tunnel for the last time with everything crumbling behind.
I stood still until I felt the shakes of two bodies that were parting ways,
I didn't want to be the one to say
I know this hurts but it's time to break
In two pieces, the fault line is not secure.
A boat or bridge needed to get back to her.
I feel like I am paralyzed when I look at the extra space left in my bed
And think about all the things we did.
At least I'm feeling more alive but I still have some old weight that I've got to shed
Before I find happiness.
I make mountains out of my worries and I plant pain instead of sturdy trees.
I have got to wash these old sheets so I can fall asleep.
There are times I reach for the phone to tell you that there might still be some hope,
Holding on to the slack of rope but that's whiskey talking, so.
I hope that you can find some peace in life.
Can you survive without me?
Cause I thought I'd be fine,
Now I am slurring every single line.
I feel like I am paralyzed when I look at the extra space left in my bed
And think about all the things we did.
At least I'm feeling more alive but I still have some old weight that I've got to shed.
I've got to move on before I can find Happiness.
This isn't fair nobody taught me how to let go.
"Just be here now" and you'll be set free from sorrow?
But at this time I don't see clearly.
How will I know, what is the point what is the meaning?
Now I'm struggling.
I black out so I can't dream but I still see you sneaking through my weary head.
I suffer from a drought of medicine to dull self-doubt.
I just wanna drown you out with southern poison.
If I had a drink for every goddamn time I think about your pale skin dressed in pink
Then at least I could sleep.
If I have a shot for every goddamn time I thought about your face and what I lost
At least I'd get some sleep. |
|
|
| wanting to get fucked up. |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|01:28 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | senses fail-yellow angels | ] |
i want to do acid to this song. along with some other substances. without being on anything i close my eyes and listen to the beginning of this song.
i see peace floating over the water. swirls of color.
i feel arms cradling my lifeless body...
As the car begins to roll, I smile as I lose control
This weightlessness is such a gift, cause gravity has lost it's hold.
I see the sky and then the ground, a kaleidoscope of light and sound.
Catching flashes of my life, and just then house lights all went out.
I want to know myself so bad it hurts, but I am a shelf, holding unread words.
I've said goodbye, so many times in my life I am surprised it's still so hard for me
To see that I should start living my life or I will die unfulfilled and empty
I've come to still in the chair as yellow angels step with care.
my spinal cord still sending shocks but my life's in need of repair
There's got to be more than this
I don't want to just exist as a hollow house for bones.
Is there a place where I can start again?
Wake up, you're sleeping behind the wheel. |
|
|
| Tweets |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|12:08 pm] |
|
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter |
|
|
| |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|10:03 am] |
i'm so sick.
i can't explain it....
but it feels awful. |
|
|
| MAP THE STREETS! |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|01:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | senses fail-map the streets | ] |
if i could clone myself so many thing i could do.
i could kill myself and let my clone go thru the bullshit of life.
i could extract chemicals from my clone's brain that im lacking.
i could work and have my clone work and make double the $$
we are all 2 people. if only we could separate them.
MAP THE STREETS
If I fall or trip back into love
I’m going to bring a ladder and gloves
So I can climb right back out
If there’s ever even a shred of doubt
I’m gonna bring a flashlight too and
Leave a trail and stick to the plan
You can get real lost down there
If you’re not sure
Of the foreign territory
There are times when the path gets blurry
And the wrong turn feels right
But who would want me anyway
I’m a lush with broken parts of papier-mâché
And I have nothing left to give
I don’t think I ever did
There are times when I wish that someone
Would help me find the person I was
So give me a detailed map of the streets
Spelling out the traffic patterns and beats
I’m finding safety in lines
They are painted so they can get
Empty tanks broken wheels, take me home
Right now I find myself dangling
On the edge try not to fall in
Back to where I came from
Because I dove in way too deep with rocks tied to me
I should have had a plan
Cause now these ropes won’t come free
I do not have faith
If I did then I would feel safe
I would wait here for fate
But it’s conveniently late
The bottom is a place that I know too well
So who would want me anyway?
I’m a lush with broken parts and I’ll never change
And I have nothing left to give
I don’t think I ever did
I wish I could find the person that I was
I always thought that I’d be happy if I was loved
But I have nothing left to give
I don’t think I ever did |
|
|
| I tear myself to shreds to prove that I'm someone |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|01:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | senses fail-family tradition | ] |
this song means alot right now.
i wish there was a drug/substance that would make me content forever. something you could take one time and be fine.
the herbage is the only thing that seems to work for me. sadly it has to be done everyday which i cant do at the moment.
its sad that modern society has turned life into a curse.
I tried to be the one that everybody loved
Where has that gotten me?
I tear myself to shreds to prove that I'm someone
That I could never be
Now these unsightly marks define me
So help me, please someone come quick
I think I am losing it
Forgive me, I inherited this
From a stranger I'll never miss...
I'm sick.
My father taught me first hand how to be set free
Give up and runaway
I wish I could drain out his half of blood in me
But I'd still have his face
I curse reflections, everyday
So help me, please someone come quick
I think I am losing it
Forgive me, I inherited this
From a stranger I'll never miss...
Here is my own family tradition
Following footsteps into addiction
So is there a way that I can find peace
While still numbing my pain
Is this my fate?
Cause your only son still can't seem to find his way
So help me, please someone come quick
I think I am losing it
Forgive me, I inherited this
From a stranger I'll never miss.
So father where the hell are you now?
I think that you would be proud
Your son whos so unluckly
Fell right next to the tree
I hope your proud of me,
I hope you're proud. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
fla_whores
morose