Current mood:	crappy
Current music:	Louis Jordan -- Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens

Cell Block Tango (Farscape, for themoonbar)
Title: Cell Block Tango
Author: Apathy
Fandom: Farscape
Recipient: Anna (themoonbar)
Rating: Very weak R
Pairing: Chiana/anyone
Word count: 1352
Blame: Carleton Eastlake
Disclaimer: They ain't mine.
Summary: It takes at least two.

Note to Anna: I actually *did* write your first choice (Aeryn/Chiana), but it needed at least five re-writes and The Machete Beta from Hell, and I simply didn't have time for that, so I wrote this instead. If you really want the A/C, pester me, and I'll see what I can do about fixing it up. *g*

Also? I apologise in advance....



She's never felt so miserable in her life.

She leans back against the wall, hardly even caring about how disgustingly filthy it is – it's not like her hair can get much dirtier, after all – and trying to find some way to sit at least semi-comfortably. Her corset is fabulous, and so much better than those pitiable excuses for clothes that the other Interions around here seem to love so much – has fashion really managed to regress that far since she was frozen? How deeply, incredibly sad – but it's not exactly made for sitting around in cold, dank cells with no soft surfaces.

Arnessk's secrets lie just beyond the other side of the wall, the old ruins holding a certain presence that's almost tangible, even from in here. So close… but she may as well be knee-deep in the bubbling swamps of Geyaga Six, for all the good that proximity's doing her. At least the stench would be more bearable.

"Hey, minya!"

It would appear that Chiana has finally realised that bitching at her is not the most profitable course of action. Of course, irritating the guards isn't likely to get her much further. She should probably say as much, but doesn't bother. It's not like they have any better plans.

"She needs to go to the nooly!"

The guard turns so slowly that it's almost imperceptible, face beyond unreadable behind his shielding. And frell, doesn't it get hot in that thing?

"So, go."

"Not in here!" Chiana's still speaking in exaggerated whispers – who's going to hear her? The laka? – but her voice isn't quite so self-assured now. "We treat our elders with respect! It would be an affront to her if she had to go in front of us."

"Turn your backs."

With that, the guard signals the end of the conversation, sauntering back to his post a few metras away.

"Frell!" Chiana kicks at the wall.

"We're really, really going to die." Hey, if any situation calls for sitting around and moaning, it's this one. If hanging about with Crichton and the others has taught her only one thing, it's that this cycle? Self-pity is in.

Chiana whirls, and Jool finds herself shoved hard against the wall before she has a chance to react.

"I'm getting really, really sick of your attitude, sister." Another shove. It's getting a little hard to breathe. And now there's this gleam in Chiana's eyes. Jool stifles a groan. She doesn't know exactly what kind of fahrbot plan Chi's hatching now, but she knows that gleam. It means trouble.

"Chi!" She puts all the authority she can muster into the hissed syllable, but Chiana just smiles and tilts her head, mouth hovering by Jool's ear.

"I know a foolproof way of getting us out of here. Just follow my lead."

More frightening words have never been spoken, she's sure.

Chiana drags her to her feet, and shoves her none-too-gently against the bars. Face-first.

"Hey, minya...." Different tone of voice this time. She knows that tone. It's the tone that usually makes her feel sorry for the poor idiot she's using it on, because she knows that it'll never end well.

Chiana's arm glides up around her side, grey fingers curling down into the front of her corset. Small, firm breasts push against her back, and one lithe leg begins a torturous slide up one of her own. Jool stiffens. The nerve! Where does she think she gets the right? Because yeah, there was that one time in the galley, and that other time on the transport pod, and those many, many times on LoMo, but that still doesn't mean –

"You want some of this?" Downright husky now, and Jool's terrified. This can't end well. There's no way.

The guard... well, still impossible to tell, but he's taken a step closer. Jool guesses that he's interested. Frell, he'd have to be dead not to be.

Light but irresistible pressure from Chi, and now they're facing each other, pressed in close. Jool can feel her hair reddening further, and her skin doing its best to match the shade. Chiana smirks, directing only her voice towards the guard, while her eyes roam obviously over... other things. "This could be you, you know. Right in here. Wouldn't that be fun?"

There's a slight gurgle from the guard's direction, which Jool interprets as an affirmative. He hasn't opened the cell door, though, seemingly content just to watch for now.

Chiana starts bestowing kisses upon her jaw, light as kresla feathers, but she's still not enjoying any of it. Not even the cool trail that Chiana's tongue is leaving down her neck. Not even the shiver as the tip of that tongue runs over the top edge of her breasts. Not even the fingers that make their fiendish way towards her –

"Enough!"

She wrenches herself away, backing into the far corner. "I'm not playing your little games, Chi. Find somebody else to mess with."

Chiana stares at her for a moment, before nodding a little. "Fine."

Jool nods back. "Good." Maybe now she can get back to pouting and moaning. Doesn't really help the situation, but at least it makes her feel a bit better. And frell it, where the hezmana is D'Argo?

A muffled... sound... brings her back to reality in a hurry, and she focuses her eyes to see....

Oh, sweet merciful holy Blezma.

She may never stop trying to clean her eyes.

Chiana's hand is... under... Noranti's skirt, her mouth sucking at one enormous earlobe. Noranti, for her part, seems determined to give back as good as she's getting, hands unlacing Chi's outfit with a disturbing amount of skill. And now Chi's manoeuvring them onto the floor. And... and....

It's like that time when she was seven cycles old, and she saw a multi-transporter collision in the city. She'd watched from her window until everything had been cleaned up, at which point she moved on to reading and watching every single report she could find. She just can't tear her eyes away from the hideous spectacle in front of her. And, judging by the guard's strangled whimper, neither can he. He's more or less in her line of sight, his frozen body screaming a mixture of horror and morbid fascination. She actually feels sorry for him.

"Uh... Chi?" The noises from across the cell get louder, and she scrunches her eyes shut. They did not just do that. Wiping it from her mind. It never happened. It's not even physically possible.

She steels herself to take a step towards them, and raises her voice further. "Chi!"

"Hmm?" Chiana disentangles her mouth, but her hands keep moving. From what she can tell, so does Noranti's mouth. Oh, she so does not need to see that. She focuses her eyes on Chi's face as much as she possibly can.

"Look. I'm willing to do it myself. For my sanity's sake." Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the guard nodding frantic approval. She steps a little closer to the tangle of limbs on the floor. "What do you say?"

Noranti's satisfied voice drifts up from... there. "Plenty of room down here for all of us, my dear."

Screaming would be impolite. She reminds herself of this.

She drops her voice down, and jerks her head slightly towards the guard. "Do you really think that this is going to help with him? I think you've scarred him for life."

Chiana somehow manages to shrug, despite her current position. "He just wanted to watch. No good."

"But... but...." Her mind flails helplessly as she searches for something, anything, that could bring Chiana back to some semblance of sanity. Beating her over the head repeatedly with something blunt and heavy comes to mind.

"Hey." A slow, seductive smile stretches across Chiana's face. "If we're going to die horribly, then we might as well go down having a bit of fun, right?"

Jool gives up. The woman has completely lost it. She stalks back to her corner, pointedly ignoring Noranti's mumbled "the invitation remains wide open", and hopes that Grayza arrives soon.