Christine ([info]sandwichartist7) wrote in [info]feminist_rage,
@ 2006-10-21 02:51:00
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Not very "rageful" but this is what being awake at 3am bring me...

Knowledge: the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain mental apprehension

Belief: Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something

 

I know I am Intelligent.        I believe I am Stupid.

I know I am Inquisitive.       I believe I am Uninterested.

I know I am Strong.             I believe I am Weak.

I know I am Healthy.            I believe I am Sick.

I know I am Sexual.             I believe I am Asexual.

I know I am Creative.          I believe I am Uncreative.

I know I am Skilled.             I believe I am Clumsy.

I know I am Kinky.               I believe I am a Prude.

I know I am Assertive.        I believe I am Reserved.

I know I am Confident.       I believe I am Modest.

I know I am Loud.               I believe I am Quiet.

I know I am Beautiful.        I believe I am Ugly.

I know I am Worthy.            I believe I am Unworthy.

I know I am Important.      I believe I am Insignificant.

I know I am Driven.           I believe I am Lazy.

I know I am Accepted.      I believe I am Isolated.

I know I am not Alone.      I believe I am Alone.

 

I have to change my hair, eyes, cheeks, mouth, ears, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, breasts, nipples, waist, butt, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, heals, feet, toes, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, opinions, views, and behaviours in order to achieve love and happiness. 

I have to be self-denying  with a smile on my face, because that is what woman do.  Women are happy, approachable, comforting, caring, nurturing, loving, accepting, forgiving, level headed, virginal, wifely, dutiful, and loyal while also being angry, avoidant, discomforting, confrontational, uncaring, barren, hateful, unforgiving, whores, bitches, crazy, back-stabbers, disrespectful, and unfaithful.   

I realize these things do not impact my life all at once.  I realize that when listed like this it seems absurd and over-the-top.  However, the fact is, these all impact my life one at a time or in clusters if not on a daily, then at least weekly, basis.  When they do pop up in my life, sometimes it is so subversive that I hardly recognize it, while other instances may knock me to the floor with how apparent it is. 

I do not want to feel the need to change my body or myself for any other reason than I want to. 

I want to be able to not only Know, but Believe everything positive about myself.  

I do not want to live in this dichotomy anymore. 



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[info]limelimemartini
2006-10-21 02:34 pm UTC (link)
I too know/beleive all of those things. Sometimes all at once, Sometimes not. It does not seem absurd - it's just hard to make oneself 'believe' and is stunning to comprehend when it is laid out and articulated like this.

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[info]i_am_going_home
2006-10-21 06:58 pm UTC (link)
You just described me. It's terrifying and upsetting how many women live this.

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[info]snoopdawg
2006-10-23 02:38 pm UTC (link)
I really identify with this. Thank you for posting it.

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[info]ealasaidh
2006-10-23 05:19 pm UTC (link)
Wow. You described me with this too. It's so frustrating to know I'm one set of things and believe I'm the opposite.

Is there any way you might unlock this? I would really like to share it with some of my friends. It's a powerful piece of writing.

Regardless, thank you for putting it into words. May we all learn to stop living the contradiction, and live instead in our knowledge that we are intelligent, wonderful women.

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[info]sandwichartist7
2006-10-23 05:22 pm UTC (link)
i'm happy to share with others, it's unlocked now :-)

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[info]ealasaidh
2006-10-23 05:24 pm UTC (link)
Thank you so much. :)

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