fatphobia
So, I was going to post this on feminist (the community) but I'm worried that some of it will come off as fatphobic, and I also think that some of the questions are really basic, so this is sort of a test-run for the edited and more informed version I'd like to post later, with your help. 

...So.... I have been thinking about fatphobia quite a bit recently and have a long list of questions for the community:
1. what are acceptable ways to say "fat" ? I mean, Fat is a derrogatory term, and people who are trying to embrace their bodies certainly shouldn't be critiscised for disliking it, yes? I'm making an assumption here that "fat" is not an acceptable way to refer a person's size. Am i right/wrong?
"Overweight" and "heavy" seem stupid to me, because they imply that weight and size are the same thing, and sort of reinforce the anglo centric view of things that if you have naturally large hips, or big breasts, a different shaped stomach, etc, you weight too much.
If one is trying to embrace everyone's size as what makes each individual unique, how should one refer to "bigger" people?
Is there a term that big women prefer? If I'm saying anything amazingly stupid and offensive here, can someone let me know so I can change this post?
2. I come from a family of five, where my youngest brother and I are the only 2 people who don't have what our society likes to call "weight problems." My Mum gets a little bit worked up about this, believing that we're all going to have heart attacks at 25, and die. so, there have been a lot of comments on feminist recently about how "fat" isn't necessarily unhealthy, could I have some more information? as I've always been told the contrary it's a really promising sentiment, but it's also difficult to wrap my head around.
3. I've been thinking about whether or not I'm fatphobic. I know I don't judge people by their size, because of my family it's not something I really see. I also understand that people have a lot of reasons to be overweight, given that we eat very healthy food, and excercise but still can't become "skinny", so I have no problem with size. However, after reading a lot of recent posts I noticed something about myself; despite the fact that I like to think I am not vain, I am largely disinterested in fashion, don't wear heels, pluck eyebrows, shave etc.. (not necessarily as a statement, more because I don't want to and don't see the need.) However, I am terrified of putting on weight. Is this a type of Fat phobia? me saying "I love big people, I just don't want to be one", or is it just me recognising that my weight gives me privelige that makes my life easier than the lives of others?
4. what do people think of songs like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89GB7z_Ogt0 ? ("big girl you are beautiful"- Mika)
This one in particular, but also other similar songs, such as "i like big butts" ? I personally loved this song initially, I thought lines like " a whole lot of woman needs a whole lot more" didn't seem sarcastic, but empowering. however, I noticed that none of his other video clips (that I have seen) contain women of size, so is it just a publicity stunt? Do items of popular culture like this, that challenge the stereotypes actually help, or do they just make us all feel like we're over our prejudices, so we don't have to confront them? (did that make sense?)

thanks very much.