| What do you think of me? |
[15 Oct 2008|02:32pm] |
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What I've Done by Linkin Park |
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I never do anything like this, but I saw this over at ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) antonella87 's journal and I couldn't help but love it. I think it would be kind of cool to do things like this more often to get to know people better, as I have more friends online than in real life and want to get to actually know the people I talk to and what they actually think of me. Plus, I'm feeling really low right now cuz our financial status sucks, but I can't really complain because the whole world is suffering economic problems at the moment. So at least I'm not alone. Here's the deal: hunt down a "played by" who you think would best represent me. It can be someone who fits what you think I look like or for some other reason. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. After you've chosen someone, reply here with the picture or link along with the person's name. If you can, try to describe why you chose the person. In simple terms, pick a person you think of me as and tell me why.
And since I swiped it from her, go over to antonella87 and check out her work. IT ROCKS. Especially her Twilight stuff, it's just beautiful.
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| Museumness |
[15 Oct 2008|10:51am] |
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"How Heavy This Axe"-The Sword |
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Last night dad left cause the flights today didn't look very good. Yesterday we went to the museum at the college..I spent like $99 at the gift shop haha. I have a few pics too
Yesterday's House was awesome. :D Yeah House and Wilson!
( pics )
Today's stupidest quote:
Talk show host Steve Allen (doing a man-on-the-street interview): If a person went on television and--um--running for the presidency and admitted to being a heterosexual, could you vote for him?
Woman on the street: Yes
Allen: Good
Woman: Yes
Allen: On what grounds?
Woman: I don't know, but I still would
Allen: You don't know, but you still would?
Woman: Yes
Allen: Have you ever voted for a heterosexual, do you think?
Woman: Oh no, no! You're talking about sexual. No, no, no! I'd never vote for that!
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| All you own in this world is your name and your word. |
[15 Oct 2008|12:39pm] |
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Something to remember.
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| in which Amy rants about size, acceptance, and why the internet is still a cesspool of hate |
[15 Oct 2008|11:57am] |
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 grr, body image |
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So this is kind of upsetting. There's a website called truebodyconfessions, I read it sometimes because there's a hilarious snark community on LJ about the true confession websites. And we all know I adore snark. But yesterday I got kind of fed up seeing so many negative posts on TBD, so I made one of my own, because I can't be snarky ALL the time. Sometimes, I'm just flat out fed up:
Real women have cellulite-- and it's beautiful. Be comfortable (and healthy!) with who you are. Not everyone is petitie, not everyone is obese either. Yes, there's a difference between unhealthy and healthy, but once can be HEALTHY and have cellulite. Even the tiniest girls may have it. Stop beating yourselves up. I love my thick hips and thighs, and if you don't? Too bad, I'm not here to pander to your tastes or desires. I live for myself.
What made me sad? All the responses are negative. Now, this doesn't hurt me in the sense *I* feel attacked. I've been around the internets long enough to know that anonymous comments are usually the most hatefilled things that can possibly ensue. What upsets me is that these comments are other people being extremely harsh on both themselves and others. Comments like "Keep telling yourself that but I still find it nasty as do most people I talk to" and "Cellulite is disgusting and if my girl ever got it i'd be outta there" are really just bummers.
Who are you to tell me what I should look like? What I should feel comfortable with? Who are you to tell me that my thighs are hideous, or that my small chest is ugly? You're nobody. You're not me. But things don't work that way. We all want others to like us, and some, to desire us.
I watch TV. I am a definite TV-watcher and magazine-reader. Yes, mostly to laugh at things, but I see the advertisements for diet pills, I see the cast of Gossip Girls prance around in heels and skirts that would fit one of my ass-cheeks. This is what's shoved at us every day. BE TINY. BE TINY. BE SO FUCKING TINY. And if a celebrity dares gain 5lbs, well, she's blown up! The cover of every magazine! So-and-so's yo-yo dieting! And if she's teenyweenie we ridicule her all the same.
This shit's gotta stop. And it can only stop if we make it. It can only stop if we wake up and look in the mirror and say "Hello self, I'm going to LIKE you today. Let's be FRIENDS."
Now I'm not saying HEY EVERYONE! LETS EAT WHATEVER! POOR HEALTH AND RASCAL WHEEELCHAIRS FOR ALL! HOORAY! I don't think promoting an unhealthy lifestyle is a good idea- saying ILL EAT TUBS OF CHEETOS AND LARD FOREVER AND YOU'LL LIKE IT isn't very good. (Though I will eat SOME cheetos and SOME lard SOMETIMES :D GODDAMN I LOVE CHEETOS) But every person has a certain size that they are healthy at. I would NOT be healthy at 115lbs (and at 108, I had to be hospitalized!), nor would I be healthy at 150. My sister is 5'9 and a heck of a lot bigger than me in terms of her body shape (mostly her boobs! she is boobnormous), and I highly doubt she'd be rather healthy at 130. And there are those with leaner shapes, and those with wider. Everyone's different. Some women are teeny tiny and will never be larger than a size two. That's who they are. And not all of them like it, either! And some women will never be smaller than a fourteen, that's who they are. It's not up to us to deride others for who they are, it's up to us to accept who WE are and figure out what WE, OURSELVES need to be.
I know that society has women pitted against each other. I'm not above it myself. Oh, if only I was her shape, then I'd be pretty/popular/fit in those clothes. I've had issues getting modeling jobs because I am outside the range of "fashion sizing." I've been unable to buy clothes I have wanted because they do not fit my body shape (delicious pear!) or my height (only 5'1"). Throughout my life there have definitely been moments I've been brought to tears, both by what others say and what I do to myself. I went through a really bad period a few years ago. I really did. I felt ugly and miserable. I felt huge. I felt like I'd never be beautiful. I have a small chest. I have a huge butt. I have thick thighs. I have short legs. Etc etc and so on forever and ever. But I wasn't looking at me. I was looking at who I thought I should be. And it was realizing this that made all the difference.
At the end of the day, now, I can honestly say I am happy with who I am. Yes, I could be healthier. I really do need to start working out-not for weight, but for health. I get winded easily. I do not have immense upper body strength, and I have weak ankles and am worried that as I age, my health will deteriorate because I am not doing enough to stay fit.
I have beautiful, amazing friends of many shapes and sizes. I am delighted to have some amazing larger women on my friendslist, and to read their blogs, and their struggles and journeys to be the best person they can be. And I cannot speak for them in this regard. I do not have their fight, their struggles. I only have my own life.
I don't know why I felt so compelled to make this post today. I know it's a lot of what's been said 100 times over, and who wants to listen to me, a relatively small girl, rant about body size? For what it is worth, I'm a size six or a size eight, both below the national average body size, and both well within the range of average sizing in terms of department stores or readily-available clothing. I've never had to shop in a special section, I've never left a store in tears because there's nothing that fit me. Who am I to complain or have such opinions? Well, I'm Amy. I'm me. I'm a 24 yearold woman who is hurt by society's view of women and who and what we should be. I read magazines who tell me I'm fat and need to "bust my belly fat" to keep my man. I see celebrities withering away from voluptuous and beautiful to sticks and twigs who might snap if I look at them too long. And I see some of my closest friends tell me they can't go out that night, that they look too fat, that they have "nothing that fits," that they will never be happy until they can just lose those pounds.
I've come a long way from just a few years ago. In just 2004, I would never EVER have considered being in a bathing suit in front of strangers, nevermind taking off my clothes entirely! And I weighed less then than I do now. It's been a long journey to accept myself, and I fully admit that I have days where I look in the mirror and wish for an inch off here, or a size off there.
But one of the things I have to say I am proud of, for myself, is that I started performing as Trixie at Rocky Horror. This basically equates to burlesque, stripping even to be more crude. And, wouldn't you know, it's fun!! I have FUN taking off my clothes in front of complete strangers. Strangers who are judging me. Who don't know me at all. Who might look at me and think I am beautiful. Or might look at me and say "who let that fat chick on stage?" And I don't care either way. Because I feel beautiful. I know I am who I am, and I am having a good time.
I'm not saying that every woman should take her clothes off in front of people (or the vastness of the internet, yeesh!). I do think that every woman should do what makes them feel comfortable and happy, at any size. Wear that new dress! Wear that cowboy hat! Work those heels, or comfortable flats! Be yourself, and be happy. You're amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially on the internet. There are all kinds of websites where we're putting ourselves out there, facestat, facebook, myspace, okcupid etc. And people are going to judge us. It's up to us to decide how to feel, not them.
If I can do it, hey, maybe you can too. After all, you're gorgeous baby.
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| Movie Review: Quarantine |
[15 Oct 2008|09:53am] |
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Sanitarium by Metallica |
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Okay, I SERIOUSLY have to start doing little reviews of movies I see because I would love to get into discussions about them. Monday was our first anniversary, so we decided just to do dinner and a movie because we love movies and don't have a ton of money right now. So we went to see Quarantine. Bear this in mind. I try hard to not watch a lot of trailers for movies like this. All I had seen was that night vision trailer of the girl being dragged away. After I saw the movie, I found out from others that lots of scenes are being shown on TV spots, which I find lame. Movies like this are more fun if you don't have that effect of them ruined. One thing about horror movies and comedies, in my opinion. They are really difficult to review because people find different things funny or scary. Big example, I LOVE British comedy, but in America, a lot of people despise it. So I find movies like Monty Python and the Holy Grail downright awesome and hysterical, but I have known people who think I am nuts for that. With scary movies, I personally find supernatural stuff more scary than ones that have more of a realistic element like ones with killers and stuff. First off, we got three great trailers, which is becoming rare at our theaters right now. I don't know why. We got Saw 5, which I have been looking forward to since Comic Con. For people that see that, the guy in the trailer with his head in the box nearly went into shock shooting the scene. When he spoke about it at Comic Con, he actually said he didn't want to talk about it again because he just felt sick thinking about it. I like those movies. They're entertaining. Then we got the trailer for the new Bond movie and I was like, "Can they just turn it on right now, please?" I am SO looking forward to that. It looks awesome! I love James Bond films and really like Daniel Craig as Bond. We are planning on seeing that at the midnight showing when it is released. Finally, I got to see the latest Twilight trailer, which was really fun because the only times I have seen those trailers is online. It's so different on the big screen for me. It got me all pumped for the movie. My mom and I are going to see it together, something else I am really looking forward to because I haven't seen her in a while. Onto the film itself. Overall, I found the movie to be a really good horror movie. It's really cool in the theater because of the darkness; it adds to the feeling. Without giving anything away, I'll point out my thoughts. I liked the documentary type style they used, but I thought it seemed to be missing something in that. It was shot too well, which is usually a good thing, but with that style, I like to see it appear a bit muddled to coincide with reality. I loved the acting. It seems kind of cheesy at the beginning, but as the movie progresses and things get more frightening, it gets better. One thing I really liked was the claustorphobic feeling I got as it went on becuase the people were being quarantined in the building. Seeing the people actually seal all the exits shut was unsettling. One thing I didn't like was that they used at least one familiar face. When movies like this are made that want to look realistic, I always like when they use unknown actors because when you see someone you know from another place, it ruins that illusion. I would recommend this to people that want to have fun at the movies and enjoy horror. It's not the best horror movie ever made, but it's great to watch in the theater.
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| newest tattoo idea. |
[15 Oct 2008|10:37am] |
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so i've been thinking about my mother and the past situation and everything i've endured for her throughout my lifetime. My sister and I will probably get a tattoo when she turns 18 but in the meantime, it's go big or go home. I know I shouldnt be planning to spend money I don't have but I have an idea for what I want next. Yes I plan on getting a "tramp stamp" but guess what? It's going to be big. This is going to be my biggest and most elaborate tattoo so far and if I can pull together the 300-400 bucks to get it, I will. i want a big taffeta bow on my lower back kinda like the hair ribbons you'd wear when you were a little kid. The words "Bound by Blood" are going to be around it. I'd like something in it to represent life and death. I thought of incorporating a skull and a few roses but I'll have to think of where they should go. This is the idea though :-]
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| the ties that bind. |
[15 Oct 2008|09:57am] |
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Mom's home again. I wonder if she's gotten used to living alone by now. I went over yesterday and the day before. The day before ended up with me storming out of the house after another arguement but yesterday, was calm. I ate something, we talked for an hour or so and then I left. I just feel really cold and callused when I think about it, about her. She said something about moving back, already? I will not do that. I can't.
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| I get annoyed about too little things |
[15 Oct 2008|03:54pm] |
...like a silly thread on some forum. BUT there's just something wrong in thread that's about "post pictures of ugly peole here". I FUCKING HATE WHEN SOME PEOPLE THINK THEY HAVE SOME RIGHT TO JUDGE THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE LOOK LIKE. Ok, if there's someone who craves for publicity and is a total work of surgeon and so plastic as one can be, that can be ugly. But looks is such a personal thing, it's horrible how cruel people are, even though if it's on the net and aimed mainly at celebrities. It just still tells something about those people and their attitudes towards others. And hey, if they name a pretty, blonde chick fat and ugly (when she totally isn't), that just is not healthy.
Of course I might mock someone's clothing style, hairstyle or something like that with my friends, not in public. But you'll never catch me saying that someone is plain ugly. Never.
ps. I often find myself asking why people can't be just nice to each other. This is one of those moments. ._.
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| Starting Thursday: |
[15 Oct 2008|06:30am] |
Rock and I depart for our romantic vacation in San Jose/Napa Valley/Haight Ashbury.
YEAH, FREAKIN' RIGHT!
That was our plan a few months ago . . . a weekend of wine, hockey, and good food.
It was not to be. The day of Rock's karate tournament was changed, and we had a few additional financial issues come up.
THEREFORE . . . even though you might see us around town, do not let our locale fool you: we are officially on vacation!!!
We are going to recreate to our heart's content (while being somewhat conservative in our financial spending!).
Oh, and please don't piss me off. If you do, be forewarned, I will be in Dante Hicks mode, i.e. "I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!" You will, subsequently, be submitted to listening to me sing Berzerker. And you wouldn't like that. Trust me.
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| Sad. |
[15 Oct 2008|07:55am] |
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Clutch - Big News II |
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Why do i get scared of things, and do stupid things to mess up what could quite possibly be great things? Why can't I communicate better with people, so that these things don't get messed up?
I feel like I may have lost one of the most important friends ever, and this hurts quite a lot. They know how I feel about everything, so I guess time is the answer here. Now i know how Tim felt after our breakup, and it's quite shitty. I just feel rather empty, but I know that I have to concentrate on school, and maybe things will end up being okay in the end with time. :( Maybe it's true, when people say you never miss what you had till it's gone. I wish I could express my thoughts more, but doing that will make me cry. Have to get ready for class now. Thanks to the few friends i have, that seem to be helping me.
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[15 Oct 2008|03:51am] |
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It seems as though I have lost 13 pounds.
I'm quite pleased even though, I know how loose that is... I can never find two scales that say the same thing.
I still have a ways to go... But I'm thinking I can do it.
o 3o; Now, I have Pokemonzzz to train and sleeeppp to get.
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| Clowns....uuuuggh |
[15 Oct 2008|12:33pm] |
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radio 2...again |
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So, last night Jonathan decided it would be a good idea to ridicule me over my fear of clowns...the question was raised when exactly and what caused my fear of clowns? He figured it was Tim Curry in IT, a bad birthday party experience involving some form of balloon shape but instead, it turns out....it was Ronald McDonald O_O I think it was in an advert for McDonald's that I first spotted the freaky fucker, but ever since I've just not done so well when it comes to clowns appearing out of nowhere (by the way just a head's up to everyone, stay the hell away from me on Halloween if your planning to come as a clown!)
As for work and stuff....I'm not really having a very good day today :( Just because it appears to be neverending, I'm really quite sleepy and one of the engineer's is a selfish thick asshole who can't be bothered to bring through purchase requistions for me to create for him, so when invoices come in and I don't have the original purchase order to refer to, all fucking hell breaks loose! Hooray.
I'm also attempting this non meat eating lifestyle...another topic of conversation last night. I don't actually eat that much meat when I think about it, I've considered that eating eggs isn't a bad thing providing their free range, milk and cheese are things which I will never ever be able to give up. I love the cheese!! But again, I don't consider these by products if you like to necessarily be a bad thing. I'm just gonna take one day at a time and hope for the best...
Boy do I wanna smoke so bad...at least it's lunchtime and Heroes is on tonight....
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| Eye of the eye. |
[15 Oct 2008|05:57am] |
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Smashing Pumpkins. |
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Doctors appointment after doctors appointment. my head is in a rush, i keep feeling like i want to constantly write down everything in here. my words becoming something of the past. i need answers. i'm confused.
me and chris (not my best friend chris) are speaking again. shits crazy and psychotic and in a way i feel stuck back in 2004. i hate being stupid and vulnerable. i hate letting everyone in just to leave again. no one can stand to stay for too long, no one.
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| Do you really know. |
[14 Oct 2008|11:50pm] |
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Smicki. |
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Rushed out, cold hair hits my face. i breathed a sigh of releif for every moment spent in the crammed hot room spilling my guts out to someone i didnt even know, someone i'll never know. years of this. years of trying to hold on for a cause i can't find. empty, empty, empty. but you know what its like, you know how it feels. quit being lonely & take me out. we're better for eachother then you think. i'm starting to beleive my dreams are reality..and reality are just dreams. if only this were true.
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| No alla 133! |
[15 Oct 2008|07:45am] |
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Io per prima sono sempre un po' perplessa davanti alle proteste studentesche e alle occupazioni, troppo spesso iniziative inefficaci (quando non vere e proprie ragazzate).
Tuttavia stavolta la posta in gioco è molto alta, il D.L. 133 taglierà radicalmente i fondi alla scuola, all'Università e ala ricerca.
Per questo volevo chiedervi un piccolo favore.
Andate a leggere qui Lettera aperta e se vi trovate d'accordo, sottoscrivete il documento.
Per essere aggiornati in diretta sulla situazione della protesta, o se volete dare una mano, questo è il sito degli Studenti in Agitazione dell'Università di Pisa:
http://133.anche.no/
Stiamo cercando di organizzare una protesta comune tra studenti, dottorandi, ricercatori, docenti di ogni livello e personale tecnico-amministrativo, anche in vista dello Sciopero Generale indetto per venerdì.
Grazie.
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| друзья |
[15 Oct 2008|09:04am] |
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дядюшка Ау
 та самая вчерашняя ст.Карташевская |
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