Fcuk the Chat Fic Challenges

Title: The origins of the "Trouser Snake" or Why Draco Malfoy Will Always Dislike Parseltongue.
Author: anasuede
Rating/Words: CS for Crack!Squick or I'd go with Mature/NC-17/OMG (1,400)
WARNINGS: humiliation, dub-con & misuse of … I can't even say, but if the thought or implication of bestiality squicks you in anyway, you should run.
Fandom/Pairing: Harry Potter. Draco/Voldemort, implied Voldemort/?? And a wee bit of implied-on-its-way-to Harry/Draco.
Summary: He was entirely sure that this was worse humiliation and degradation than he had felt in his entire life, worse because his traitorous prick was enjoying it.
Challenge: For the fcukficathons challenge #1 — "Manbits Euphemisms"
Author Notes: I blame this on Tabby (why_me_shy_not), my loyal beta. She's the one who suggested I sign up for this. That, and I shouldn't be allowed to write when I'm doped up on caffeine, nicotine and allergy meds.

(Esssiiaaahth. Ssssethaaai...)

Title: "At Least It Wasn't Dick"
Author: CaptainofIdiots
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Pairing: Logan/Dick, Logan/Veronica implied
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 763
Euphemism: Senor Happy!!!
Summary: Logan loses a bet. Someone gets a piercing. And I might be on crack.
Disclaimer: It really isn't mine. Really. But the cracktastic-ness? All mine.
A/N: This fic idea stemmed from many of the interesting conversations I've had with kantayra. If I'm on crack, at least I know I'm never alone, because she's probably on it too. She also came up with the title, because she's a genius. Also, please forgive any mistakes, having a beta at the moment is kind of a hassle. If there is anything too glaring, feel free to correct me. Or smack me, Whichever.

( At Least It Wasn't Dick )

Title: The Ride Is All That Matters
Author: Laure
Fandom: BtVS
Pairing: Buffy/Spike
Spoilers: Set Season 6 after the one where she's invisible
Summary: Spike's drunk. Buffy's...well, just read it; there's really no plot
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Not mine
Feedback: Sure
Distribution: Please ask unless you already have permission. Will eventually be up at
http://www.grapevine.net/~lwilson/btvs.html
A/N: Written for fcukficathons Man-Bits Euphemism Fic and Art Challenge
I got "superschlong of love" and wrote Buffy/Spike because who else would call it that? *g*

( The Ride Is All That Matters )

3 AM | QAF US | Brian/Justin | PG-13
Word Count: 521
Euphemism: Jibberstick
AN: peach_passion made me do it. Much ♥ to waxrose for the multiple beta jobs.

( 3 AM )

Title: "Johnny Come Early"
Author: Kantayra
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Pairing: Veronica/Logan
Rating: NC17, baby!
Word count: 1,811
Euphemism: Johnny Come Early. Duh. :P
Summary: Poor little Logan, Jr., is not quite 'standing up' to the challenge, so to speak. Cracktastic!fic.
Disclaimer: Beware! Premature ejaculation fic within! :P
A/N: marishna and dorkdance are EVOL for making me write premature ejaculation fic. *squishes them both* :D

Johnny Come Early

Title: What's a Truncheon?
Author: janicechess
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: R (for language)
Word count: 1,365
Euphemism: Purple-headed love truncheon
Summary: When Harry investigates the reasons behind Draco Malfoy's dramatic fall within the Slytherin social hierarchy, he learns something rather surprising about his classmate. And also, one assumes, he learns a new vocabulary word.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, I just do this for fun.
A/N: Many thanks to yodels for cracking the whip at me, for encouraging me, and for beta-reading, and to why_me_why_not for proof-reading.

( What's a Truncheon? )

Title: Morality Tale Part Two
Author: Krissy
Pairing: Simon/Kaylee (Firefly)
Rating: T (for teen). There’s some suggestiveness, but you kinda have to squint to see it.
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, I only borrow.
Challenge: Multi-Fandom Man-Bits Euphemism Fic and Art Challenge at fcukficathons
Euphemism: the man in the pink helmet
Word count: 795
Summary: Kaylee prepares a little piece of the core for Simon.
Spoilers: Anything up to and including “Objects in Space”
Author’s Note: Thanks to naturelf and butterflyishida for the betas. Any mistakes are my own doing, and not theirs.

Kwin-gwe-je deh = Aw, Nuts!

( I thought I already told you a morality tale about the evils of sake, Kaylee! )

Title: I'll Show You Mine...
Author: enchanted_jae
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Rating: NC17
Warning(s): Explicit sex, smut, slash, fluff
Word count: 1700
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of JK Rowling, et al. This drabble/fic was written for fun, not for profit.
ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER: This author is not responsible for underage readers. Please observe the ratings, warnings, and age of legal consent for your country.
Author's note: Written for Challenge #1 at fcukficathons, the Man-bits Euphemisms Fic and Art Challenge, in which we were assigned a penis euphemism and told to incorporate it into a story or piece of art. My euphemism was twig and giggle berries!
Summary: Harry has overheard that his friend needs to find a twig and giggle berries. Being the noble Gryffindor he is, he resolves to help.

( I'll Show You Mine... )

Title: Don't...
Author: yodels
Fandom:Harry Potter
Pairing:Harry/Draco
Word count: 941
Euphemism:He Who Must Be Obeyed
Challenge: #01
Rating:R, for language
Summary: There is a naked man on Draco's bed.
Disclaimer:These characters certainly are not mine, I make no money from this endeavor .
A/N:Thanks to wook77 and janicechess for looking at it.

Name: Inheritance
Fandom: House
Pairing: House/Chase (if you squint hard)
Challenge: The Man-Bits Euphemism Fic and Art Challenge
Euphemism: Rumpleforeskin
Word Count: 924
Rating: R
Summary: A past patient leaves House the contents of her safe deposit box. Silly rather than smutty.

( Read more... )

Name: Small Price to Pay
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Challenge: The Man-Bits Euphemism Fic and Art Challenge
Euphemism: Mustn'touchit
Word Count: 670
Rating: R
Summary: Harry wants Draco to stop being a Mummy's boy and touch himself.
Notes: Thanks to why_me_why_not for the quick beta. And very special thanks to everyone I wibbled to constantly. *smooches* You know who you are.

( Small Price to Pay )

Thanks for reading!

-Elle

Title: Eat Dessert First
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Author: dustandroses
Beta:  ozsaur, my hero and shit
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Rating: NC17
Summary: Jack and Daniel get separated from the rest of the team on a really nice planet.  What could possibly go wrong? 
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em - not making any money off 'em. Dern it.
Euphemism: Spelunking Sausage
Notes:  This is an "Alien Plant Life Made Them Do It" fic, written for the fcukficathon Multi-Fandom Man-Bits Euphemism Fic & Art Challenge #01.  This is all their fault.

Title: Patience Isn’t Always A Virtue
Author: Diane
Pairing: Nathan/Haley (One Tree Hill)
Rating: Adult Rated (NC-17)
Disclaimer: Nope, I don’t own a thing!
Challenge: Multi-Fandom Man-Bits Euphemism Fic and Art Challenge at fcukficathons
Euphemism: Honk the Magic Goose
Word count: 2,425
Summary: The no-sex pact is taking it’s toll…
Author’s Note: Big thanks and hugs go to Brynne (unwindingdreams) for her help and for beta-ing this for me.



( Then why are you torturing me like this? )

Time is running out! Submissions for the first Fcuk Ficathon challenge are due next Tuesday, May 2nd! If you've misplaced your prompt just check the sign-up post and find your comment. That's faster than asking for a mod to get back to you.

So get your pens writing/keys clacking and post your art/fic on your purple-headed yogurt slinger!

Title: Chasing the Golden Snitch
Author: why_me_why_not
Fandom/Pairing: Harry Potter, Ron/Luna
Rating:
Word count: just over 600 words
Challenge: The Multifandom Man-Bit Euphemism Challenge at fcukficathons
Euphemism: Veinous Maximus
Beta: ordinary_magic -- she's responsible for the Golden Snitch line. Any remaining mistakes are purely my own.
A/N: Yes, I have been smoking crack. This is definitely Crucio fic. cinnamon_sins and mimiheart deserve some of the blame for encouraging me, which is never a good idea. Dedicated to wildegirl_05 because I know how much she loves het. *g*

( Veinous Maximus )

Title: Good For My Soul
Author: Fia Reynne
Fandom: Angel
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Angel/Wes
Word Count: 3360
Summary: My entry to the fcukficathons Multi-Fandom Man-Bits Euphemism Fic & Art Challenge #01.
Notes: My assigned euphemism was "little bishop in a turtleneck."
Disclaimer: Joss thunk them all up, I just play with them when I'm bored.


( I never really thought about it... )

Title: The Essential Essence
Author: Alliekatgal
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/Severus
Rating: R
Word count: 770
Euphemism: One-Eyed Horny Newt
Summary: Severus is need of a special potions ingredient which only Harry can provide.
Beta: jadzia7667

Title: A little help from my friends
Author: irisgirl
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/surprise, Ron/Lavender
Rating: R
Word count: 1250
Euphemism: cock goblin
Summary: Ron gives Harry advice, but he's still a bit... confused.
Beta: jadzia7667. Any remaining mistakes are purely my own.

( If Harry's cheeks got any redder, he would match the upholstery in the Gryffindor common room. )