faux nostalgia

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-07-01T11:56:00

2008-07-01T18:57:40Z

Teen Titans

Title: Define 'Normal'
Pairing: Robin x Starfire (possible other pairing)
Rating: future M
Warning: language, content, dark, possible OOC (to people's POV)
Genre: romance, angst, drama
Summary: loved by everyone, Robin only hated. Hated by the world, Kori only loved. As their lives entwine, their past not only destroys them, but belief on their own normality as well.
Credits: MARS by Fuyumi Soryo (I take absolutely no credit on the plot, except of the writing idea, omit the drawing) / Teen Titans

Author's Note: I've posted this story before but I had no idea why I deleted it. It took me 2-4 years later to decide that I should repost it again.

stage o1

My Daily Diary, Entry #1 of today's event:
' Writing is not simply about telling other people what you want them to know in words. It is about secretly expressing yourself in a way that no voice can convey. '
That is what Raven told me.
I have met her and been her friend before summer started this year, which was three and a half months ago. I am still new to this place, to this world... although I am born on it.
I do not know why I have been well kept 'in the box', as Raven tells it, for nearly my entire life. But as I was saying—err—writing, I am told that authorship is a great way to endure the troubled mind.
Is Raven correct?
I do not know.
Although I am human, I have not seen the world properly yet. Mother, father, and even sister, tells me that I am too fragile to encounter it. They tell me that many obstacles will be in my way and that there are many 'deviants', as my sister puts it, that will wallow my sight with their 'ugly eyes'.
I do not know.
I do not get it.
The world is wondrous.
It is a what you call, a 'paradise', yes?
Jump City is a wondrous place, no doubt. I am able to express my feelings to both Raven and on this daily book she had given me out of the blues. I am happy.
If I were to secretly express myself in a way I cannot voice out... I will write the word 'happy' all the way down the page until I am able to reach the second page.
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy—
I am sorry for not fulfilling such an assumed easy task.
I have forgotten how tiring it is to write a word repeatedly so much... and so fast. I think I will just continue with what I have in my mind.
I do not think I have mention anything about my friend Raven in today's daily event. If I had done so, I will repeatedly write it again.
She is the person who told me to not just express my feelings with actions or voices, but also with words or pictures. I am satisfied to learn this for I would not have written this right now.
Have I not mention that Raven is my bestest best friend in the world?
I believe I have not.
Very well. I will write about her here.
Although we are bestest best of friends, we are not... exactly alike.
Since I am new to this outside world, I still do not understand what it is for people to 'get close' to each other. I have asked Raven such a question yet she merely replied the same monotonous ' ... ' when such... elating topic picks up.
I guess she and I are not alike in more than one way. But she is the only person who understands me.
It is... like you say... yin and yang? Black and white? Peace and war? Fire and water? Light and dark?
Oh, yes.
Light and dark.
As to say, I am mostly... more uplifting than she is. Even if we are not exactly similar I feel the aura that we are the same in emotions.
' Bright people have their own shadows, as shadowed people have their spark of light. '
That is what she told me. I believe she is right.
I believe we are different outside... yet similar inside.
I believe we almost have the same past.
I believe that we also share the same pain.
Do we not?
(If you are attempting to read this, Raven, do not worry. I have no words written against you here. Merely, just a praise :) )
Then... Raven, have you anything bright in your soul, then? As I have anything shadowed in my heart?

She giggled.

I am told that I have many talents. That if I could write, I can write. If I can draw, I will draw. If I can, I can. That is what mother, father, and Raven told me.
I think they are right.
Found City has always been my home. I think I will miss it dearly. As of now, I will enjoy Jump City for the time being.
Mother does not want me home yet. She is rather content that I had befriended someone so quickly.
I feel she is rather... surprise.
Sister is quite shocked, too. I do not know why.
They are acting very strange.

She tapped her pen on the page for a minute.

I love to write.
I deeply love this daily journal book. I am able to write my feelings when nobody is around to share it with.
The wondrous of it all is that, I am currently writing out in the park. I feel the breeze against my skin and hair. It is not quite cold, and neither is it quite warm.
Autumn is a wondrous time of the season, yet I cannot wait for winter.
It is quiet and white and the snow is very bright—oh, look, Raven! I have made a rhyme! I am able to write another short poetry! This time, it is not so depressing!

She smiled.

This is a point where I begin to wonder.
Why are people so.. different?
I imagined the world revolves around people who are the same. But they are different. Raven is different. My other classmates are quite different.
Why is Raven treated so... ' normally ' whilst my new school friends treat me as if I was never born in this planet?
' The world is a cruel place... Life is never fair... Nobody is the same... '
Raven has made sure it was correct.
I had just came out of my 'in the walls' many months ago. My new school year is quite... I do not know... intimidating?
Raven says they are always intimidating. I quietly understand her pain for she is what they call ' depressed ', or, was it not ' gothic '?
Yet I do not know why they call me a ' wanna-be '. I ask friend Raven why I am called that. She tells me that I merely try too hard.
Am I really?
Do I really?
I ask her why classmate Kitten refers me as a ' bitch '? I am not a dog, neither am I a female canine, and I am a human being like her. But Raven does not reply.
There are many things I do not understand... especially this—

“Excuse me. Do you know where the new hospital around this area is? I've been kinda circling around but I can't find it anywhere.”
Innocent sad eyes met a pair of eyes hidden beneath thick black sunglasses. Kori Anders quietly widened her eyes and stared at the boy who had just spoken to her. Or, rather, stared at her stunned reflection.
“Ulp...?” she squeaked silently.
The boy gave her a look, his brows shooting up.
“Um... can you tell me where it is?” he repeated.
Beneath his politeness, she felt the tint of impatience. Her stomach did a frightening flip and she gripped the edges of her notebook tight. The boy stared at her.
“Uh...” he muttered, “do you know where it is? It's all right if you don't... I can just someone else...”
There was a moment's pause before the boy decided to turn around and walk away. Instead, Kori Anders flipped her book the other way and skimmed through her wrinkled pages. The boy watched as she quickly drew something with slight nervousness. When she was finished, she quickly ripped the paper and shoved it to his chest. The boy stepped back, confused.
“Uh... thanks?” before she could hear him, she turned around and ran away.
The young man frowned.
“What the hell...? What was that all about?”

Kori Anders quickly turned the key and opened the gates. It took quite a while to reach the entrance door since it was practically half a mile away from the front garden, silently cursing her parents for affording a grand manor when they barely use it.
She ran up the high staircase, turning right onto a large hallway.
“Oh... you're back already?”
Kori looked up to see her sister passing by.
“Sister,” she huffed. “I thought you were partying today?”
“Oh puh - lease,” the black haired look-alike rolled her eyes, ”I'm already exhausted from yesterday's party.”
Then, she frowned.
“Hey, I thought you were living what that freak of a friend of yours.”
Kori straightened up and sent her sister an expressionless gaze.
“Please do not call Raven such a monstrous word, Komm,” she remarked. Although she sounded a little harsh, there was a hint of sadness in her voice.
Her sister flicked her ebony hair over her shoulders and 'tsk'-ed.
“Whatever,” she muttered, “oh, and it's Blackfire, to you, Starfire.”
Kori pursed her lips.
“Very well, Blackfire,” she murmured, “I will retire to my untouched room. Raven is doing her job at her book store. I cannot go in the house for the door is locked.”
“Didn't the goth give you a spare key?” Blackfire chided.
Kori gave a timid chuckle and rubbed the back of her head.
“Um... I have forgotten it inside the house again,” she answered nervously, her cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment, “I believe I will have to stay for the night in my old home until I am able to call my friend... again.”
Blackfire clucked her tongue.
“So... then what's the hurry, sis?” she asked. ”You never were so excited coming home here.”
Kori pursed her lips. Blackfire never cared, especially when it was about her or Raven.
“I was happily writing on my daily journal when a boy I am not quite comfortable with began to converse to me,” she answered quietly.
Blackfire sneered.
“Aw, and he didn't try to violate you or anything?”
“No. I was able to run away before he could say any more.”
“Oh. Well that's a bring-down to my life,” Blackfire pouted sullenly. “Typical you. Careful, sis. Innocence can be easily broken. And I don't just mean your heart. Any boy will try to make a woman out of that body of yours.” Kori heard her chuckle and walk away.
Why does she always advice me such disturbing phrases?
She turned around and quietly slipped into her room. She shut the door behind her and sat on a large bed. With a sigh, she stared at the familiar surrounding.
Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day of the week-end. I do not like the memories of this place at all.

1 o'clock A. M.

Raven turned the door knob and raised an eyebrow when it didn't turn.
What the hell...?
Kori never locked the door when she came home. Routine followed with Raven being the last one home and locking it.
That was when she knew the girl wasn't inside.
“She can't be,” she murmured, “there's no other place for her to go but my place and...”
She trailed off. She gave an exhausted sigh and pulled out her own keys.
“Geez,” she muttered, “don't tell me you forgot your stupid keys again. Am I supposed to glue the notes I stuck on the fridge in your brain instead?”
She opened the door and took off her boots, pulling her hood down as she set the light to the right luminosity.
She headed to the living room and slumped down on the soft mattress. The dimness radiated her usual mood of vacancy as she stared at the TV in front of her.
Out of all the places you hated, you just had to stay at the worst possible spot.
With another weary sigh, she picked up the phone and dialed her number.
“Better call you up now to make sure you're still sane.”

“Yes. I would like to be picked up. It is not a bother for you? I thank you. I will watch out... Really? One can shove a paper note through someone's brain? Is that not possible? Oh... ha-ha, a joke, yes? All right... I will wait half an hour. May my sanity be saved. See you outside, Raven.”
Kori hung up and fiddled on her pen as she placed her chin on her palm. She stared at her journal and sighed.

My Daily Diary, Entry #2 of today's event:
I do not think I understand this world. Is it strange for a human to not understand beings that are also humans?
Is it strange for a human being to not understand her world?
People ask me if I was normal. I do not understand. Normal is something regarded as a normative example. Is everyone suppose to be normal?
Am I not normal?
Why do people call me a ' wannabe '? I am told that I merely 'go happy-go-lucky ' for attention. Why can people not be as happy as I?
I am like that, but they do not know me fully yet. I think I will have to make them understand that in order to make the world round, one must be happy and make another happy and make another happy.
That is what I have seen in a cartoon show I have watch that Raven did not like. Hence was it too.. happy?
I do not know.
I do not get it.

She paused.

My name is Kori Anders. I am called Starfire by certain people who knew my past. I do not know why I look like I am right now.
I am only a human being.
Human beings have feelings.
So I am a human being.
Am I not?
Human beings stimulates different looks and sizes, yet... we are just all the same.
Inside and out. Correct?
I do not know.
I am nineteen-years-old, two months younger than Raven. My birthday is in summer yet I prefer the opposite season. I like the color purple. Green suits me quite well, also. I am quite taller than everyone because I constantly wear ' high-heeled platform boots '.
I like to be tall.
Is that why I want to stick out?
I want to make friends. I do not want to be afraid alone.
I want to share my feelings with someone. Someone who is also not Raven. She is a great listener yet she cannot fully express her own feelings.
I would like to help someone's feelings.
Is that why I want to stand out?
Is that why I wish to receive attention?

Kori breathed and scanned her journal. A flashback occurred and she jot down a few more.

Sometimes, I fear the world. I do not know why, but there is really many obstacles crossing my journeys.
Sometimes... I fear humans, though I am also one.
I fear certain kinds, such as that boy who had asked me directions. I have seen him during the last two months of last year's school year I had attended.
He is a troublemaker.
He not quite... kind looking.
He is always wearing such thick shades to hide his eyes. It is so thick that I am only able to see my own reflection clearly as daylight.
I always see him wearing it all the time. I hear that he does not listen to anyone. Someone told me he was a top student in high school, yet... he looks unacceptable to be in business.
That is possibly because he is always seen with his motorcycle?
It is a strange looking thing, anything I have ever seen.
Girls are always following him like a mouse on cheese. I have seen him doing felonious things at such a young age.
I do not like him.
He is very scary.
He has not attended the first month of this year's semester. I believe he is in a few of my courses.
Yes.
I clearly remember which class he is in.
I also fear that he will be seated next to the empty seat beside mine...
I am scared.
I do not know why.
He is frightening.
However... there is a nimbus of hidden feelings that is masking his features. I can feel them. I believe it is a term that Raven calls 'hiding behind a mask of conceit'. As she is also doing. He is called Robin... I think. One boy who I once always saw walking around with him seem to call him that. Such a carefree flight of name for such a troublesome being...
He is scary to me.
I do not think I like him that much.
But perhaps... he was once a shining person whose darkness overpowered him up so much... making him a shadowed person who has forgotten his spark of light?
I do not know.
Though I fear I may be correct.

-
tbc.

AN: ...well, how was my outdated noob prose of fanfic? Yeah, whatever, it's got mistakes .-.

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-06-19T04:26:00

2008-06-19T11:26:43Z

Glossary:
LJ AUTHOR
TITLE OF FANFIC [by AUTHOR OF FANFIC]
RATING / ADDITIONAL GENRE / COMPLETE or WiP
SUMMARY

Rating chart:
♂ = any ages
♂♂ = mild content/language
♂♂♂ = sexual/mature content

Note: most of the additional genres written as / - / are considered either General or Fluff.

REMINDER: the fanfics in this post are not base on assumption that it's the best one among all others. All fanfics are based on quality, characterization, and plot (even lack of ;]).

Main sources @
hitman_reborn ● dinohiba ● khr_yaoi

rukawagf x picakiraruka

24 Hours of Hibari Kyoya... Or Not.
♂ / humor / Complete
Midnight
Hibari is sleeping.
1:00am
Hibari is sleeping.
What It Means To Be Stronger Than A Polar Bear
♂ / drama / Complete
Dino takes Hibari on a special date. Hibari however, doesn't realize how special that date is.
Meaningful Day
♂ / - / Complete
24 hours, round the clock~ What Dino does on his birthday~~ Starting with midnight.
Fumbling in the Darkness
♂♂♂ / - / Complete
Dino’s already unbuttoning Hibari’s shirt and loosening both their ties as they hungrily kiss each other in the cramped broom closet.
How to Tame a Shrew ch 1: Evening Shower
♂♂♂ / - / Complete
Dino's first day of training Hibari Kyoya was tough. He has a loooong way to go to tame this Vongola Guardian.

picaaa

The Last Lesson
♂♂♂ / humor / Complete
Dino's last lesson for Hibari?!

lovely_fatima

Intermezzo di Cavallone
♂♂ / - / Complete
Deals are struck. Old friends appear. People die.
Sogni--una canzonetta di quattro voci (Tema e variazioni)
♂♂♂ / drama / Complete
Lots of people have bad dreams. Some of them bleed. All of them are connected.
Chiaroscuro
► 01 ● 02 ● 03 ● 04 ● 05 ● 06 ● 07 ◄
♂♂♂ / drama / Complete
Hibari's entire existance has been built upon a carefully crafted facade. He is a dark force in his world. Except that Dino Cavallone has a smile like the sun, shining light onto secrets Hibari would rather remain hidden.

picnicbird

Mix of Words and Tricks
♂ / - / Complete
Snapshots of what you must do in the ten days before your turn in the spotlight. Snacks provided.
Hit the Ground Running
♂ / - / Complete
Trying to bring back the gritty element to the mafia while taking a small liberty with Hibari that would explain a lot of things about him, actually. Very short, not looked over.
PArade of Pronouns
♂ / - / Complete
Your last night on a familiar earth is usually covered in goodbyes, unless you're Hibari and have a right to remain silent.

ryans_cupcake

Step, Step, Kiss
♂ / - / Complete
It's like dancing, Hibari thought, as the long whip sped towards his face.

selene_umi

What Hurts the Most
♂ / angst / Complete
Ten years. It took Dino that long to realize what Vongola’s Cloud Guardian had become in his life.

templated x maplefudge

Ten Years
♂ / - / Complete
Dino was surprised, but he did nothing because Hibari was still a kid. Ten years later, he was surprised as Hibari's fury emerged from a pair of slippers that used to belong to the Tenth.
Drabbles
♂ / - / Complete
It had been an awkward accident when they first kissed. Dino had been complaining about how Enzio was being a picky eater, and Hibari wasn’t paying any attention—at all.

kakyuu_no_yume

Seven Minutes in Heaven
♂♂♂ / angst / Complete
Rubbing the back of his head gingerly, Dino looked up to see Hibari standing over him, a twisted smile on his face. Closing the door behind him, both were now in complete darkness.

nekokurai

Instincts
♂ / - / Complete
Hibari Kyoya has always been a man of instincts.

glasssubway

Aquarius
♂ / - / Complete
The cheap plastic cup of his expensive coffee shook in Dino’s hands. He should have known better than to buy it, he should have known it would make him even more jittery.
Clouds
♂ / angst / Complete
Dino and Hibari's last night together
In The Burned House
♂ / angst / Complete
Dino searches for Hibari in the ruins of the Vongola base
Something Abou tAirplanes
♂ / - / Complete
Hibari comes to stay in Italy for awhile, and Dino is forced to face the truth of his feelings for his student
All About The Crumbling World
♂ / angst / Complete
Hibari has something to tell Dino, but it's not what Dino wants to hear...

scuttlebuttincx

One Year Itch
► 01 ● 02 ● 03 ● 04 ● 05 ● 06 ◄
♂ - ♂♂♂ / - / Complete
A year after current events, Dino has returned to Japan from Italy and makes an effort to rekindle things with Kyouya against some of his better judgement.

cerepan

The Tigers Come At Night
♂♂ / - / Complete
Mukuro creates an illusion of a certain person, certain other people are fooled, and all hell breaks loose.
Omniscient Yellow Fluff
♂ / - / Complete
Mukuro attempts to stalk Hibari by possessing Hibird. Except that Hibird is a bit of an uncooperative bastard.
Drabbles
♂ / - / Complete
Alternate situations where Mukuro dies. Or snarks, depending. And others.
Amusement Park
♂ / humor / Complete
Dino thinks it's a date. Hibari thinks it's a training ground. Just a simple misunderstanding, right?
Inferno
♂♂♂ / dark / Complete
Amidst the utter chaos following the split of the Vongola famiglia, one person stands to win everything - and the others don't notice until he already has.
Fit For Kings
► pr.I ● pr.II ● ch.01 ◄
♂ / dark / WiP
A tale of kings and knights, except that kings are dying everywhere, the knights have forgotten what 'chivalry' means, and there's enough political subterfuge and court drama to choke on.

ginaneko

Bath House
♂♂ / - / Complete
He never should’ve tried to fix the water pipes by himself. He had to admit, he thought he could do it.

tredecaphobia

Innocence lost
♂♂ / - / Complete
What cold eyes. Was the thought that first came to mind, and then, So this is the Cloud Guardian.

koihime_chu

Can't wake up without saying "Good Morning"
♂♂♂ / - / Complete
What he saw early in the morning was something sparkling like the sun and what he smelled early in the morning was a breath feeling like a fresh breeze.

nymous_fic

Symphony
♂♂♂ / - / Complete
"Tell me what you want."
Parenthetical (as in, A Lot of Random Stuff Happens)
♂ / - / Complete
Hibari meets him at the airfield looking like he could eat the hearts of small children. Kusakabe is standing behind him at a respectable distance and he keeps throwing sympathetic glances in Dino’s direction, and that really is not a good sign.
Titanix Xover
♂ / - / Complete
The whole world’s been talking about this new ship. An Olympic-class luxury ocean liner. Biggest in the history of big things. Top speed twenty-three knots, which Dino assumes – as he has no idea what a knot is – is really fast..

xjuneflower

Rainy Mondays and Dead Tuesdays
♂ / angst / Complete
the two of them were never real
aftereffect
♂ / angst / Complete
Hibari protected Dino's son to the very end.
if you loved me--
♂ / angst / Complete
Romario is always watching his boss.

raiyo_kun

Beautiful Blood
♂ / angst / Complete
Dino stands in a feild of blood and flowers and is forced to examine the truth.
Cloud Cover
♂ / fluff / Complete
Hibari waits while the rain falls.

cleartempest

Space Dementia
♂ / angst / Complete
What is meaningless? Dino isn't certain.
What Romario Doesn't Know
♂♂♂ / humor / Complete
Dino secretly asks Romario to watch so he can PERFORM.

sapphire_jewei

Moments
♂ / - / Complete
The moments in Dino's life he shall never forget.

surestsmile

Tenfold
♂ / angst / Complete
He does not offer to become one of the pallbearers for Dino's funeral, although he does attend the ceremony as a representative of the Vongola, suited in impeccable black and standing among the pussy willows, away from the rest of the Cavallone famiglia.

jennifier_d

omicidio in cinque movimenti
► opus.1 ● opus.2 ● opus.3 ● opus.4 ● opus.5 ◄
♂♂♂ / angst / Complete
The first time he met Dino, he didn't give a damn about the other man's past, future, religion, and didn't really cared much for what he was saying, either.

stitchedophelia x izkariote

Quick at your word, all skill, grace, / He is, but for death his passion, flawless.
♂♂ / - / Complete
Hibari pushed himself up from the futon with a small sound of disgust.
How does it feel when you're inside me?
♂♂♂ / - / Complete
They kissed each other in the same way that they used to spar with each other: quickly and not entirely patiently, deeply and almost violently because neither of them wanted to be the first to allow the other time to breathe.
The New Routine.
♂ / - / Complete
That was the first time Romario had seen somebody literally roll out of bed and hit the ground running.

kill_me_faster

Metamorphosis
♂♂ / - / Complete
In which Dino compares Hibari to Remus and/or Romulus, and receives a bunch of shit for his troubles. Also, Romario attempts to find coffee in a backwater village on Mt. Moriyama.

bobojaj

Haunted
► 01 ● 02 ◄
♂♂ / drama / WiP
One false step, a decision leads to a mistake that will haunt Dino Cavallone forever.

zero_rei

after the fear
♂♂ / angst / Complete
after the starting line, the first step, the first fly, the fear and doubt, there is only him.

sandrock

Playground
♂ / - / Complete
Dino wipes sweat from his forehead, shaking his head slightly to clear his vision. Everywhere he looks, no Kyouya. Of course.

pollinia

Grief Management
♂♂ / angst / Complete
No one has heard from the tenth boss of the Cavallone Family in weeks, and it makes you antsy.

midnightdiddle

Plucking Feathers
♂ / angst / Complete
The phone is small in his hand, and Kyouya's breath from the other side is smaller. Dino/Hibari, names, and what love really means. Or doesn't mean. Because you can't pluck the one you love.

NON-LJ LINKS : coming soon

No I am not done. I'm still currently raking through all the posts for D18, but you're always free to recommend me ones that isn't up there.

Just to remind you that all my rec-lists are complete only when the authors stop writing ;D

♥♥ Add Rec ♥♥

Other Rec Lists:

NOTE: Due to the size of this post, I will be screening all comments to reduce bandwidth retardation AND wastes of space. I seriously appreciate those who have commented - thank you for motivating/helping me in keeping this rec well-updated! =)

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-06-13T00:55:00

2008-06-13T08:08:03Z

Title; Katekyo Hitman REBORN! doujinshis & High School Debut
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Various
Type; Textless Icons

Samples:

She's just a friend,	you see	You always agree

You know I lie	but you	still trust me

And	you believed	with so much hope

But	i'm the one	who let you go

Lyrics from 'Now That We're Done' by Metro Station (<3)

Comment if taking; credit is unnecessary but very much appreciated if done so> ♥ (
MORE REBORNLAMBO COMING SOON)

x-posted to: ciassu_vitello x hitman_reborn x khr_yaoi x dinohiba

the BDSM edition ♥

2008-06-11T06:11:30Z

/ Click on Image /

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-05-15T00:09:00

2008-05-15T07:22:09Z

Original Prose
Genre: angst
Pairing: OC
Summary:There is confidence in me. I am just standing there, in a cold November night. Head straight up, and naked hands buried in trench-coat pockets.

11:00 pm.
Work is a bitch... and a saint. There is confidence in me. I am just standing there, in a cold November night. Head straight up, and naked hands buried in trench-coat pockets. Two guys and two girls stride up and stand a few feet to the left in front. I stare forward.

I think; 'how troublesome' but I don't look at them. They are couples, I believe, but one pair is not as romantic as the other one. I think; 'oh great'. It is troublesome, the way publicity works. Open romance is difficult to endure because it's so foreign to me.

The better pair begins to kiss and I see it at the corner of my eyes; whilst I stare at the world ahead of me - without glasses, it's just a blur, everything is a blur. I try to ignore, for I am a master at such skill.

Somewhere inside me, something lurches, confident.

It's cold but I don't shiver. I think; 'I'm used to being cold, so why should this temperature matter?'. From the corner of my eyes, I see the male of the lesser-experience stare at me repeatedly. I try not to do the same. Somehow, tonight, I don't feel uncomfortable. I don't feel unsafe. I don't feel disgusted that, from the corner of my eyes, he is staring at me. But this girl, who has already mastered the art of negligence, doesn't look like she is affected.

I stare ahead, pretending I am a doll, like I always do, who doesn't care about anything anymore. Because the world is dim in my eyes, and the unseen air is all that matters. Three of them leaves, bidding their goodbye to the man. The man then yells 'I'll call you' to the girl he is supposed to be with. I can tell, that they are just newbie couple when she stupidly answers back with 'me?'. Inside, I snort.
Now, all there is left is he and I. But I have not moved an inch after all that time, and I watch him fumble around his bag. Is he, no, nervous? Planning? Thinking? Making second thoughts?

I really think this is okay.

If I can just take one step, angling my foot in an invisible line that draws toward him, then I can make it. Yet I stand rigid, thinking. It is as if both of us are waiting for something that can only happen in our head.
Thinking that, I tell myself 'no, make it happen'.

Feelings I have been suppressing all these years surfaces.

Make it happen.

I don't care anymore. I have waited far too long and now I don't care. I am so tired of waiting for someone to come to me - to be with me. Someone I can have for my own forever. And I'm so fed up of being pure and innocent. I'm so tired of being so guarded yet defenseless at the same time. Thoughts that sway in every direction runs to a dead end and becomes one:

I want to break.

Oh god, I just want someone to break me. Someone I don't know, someone I've never met. I don't care about relationships any more. I don't care about being in love. I just want to break by one night with different humans. I'm sick of feeling empty and carrying this void I can't feel by myself.

I'm sick of believing in love.

Looking at the wet ground where mists of rain falls I collect my thoughts, and take one step forward. The only reason in this cold November night that stops me is the last bus of the night for home. The invisible line that draws me towards him moves and, suddenly, my feet moves the other direction and I am walking towards my bus. From the corner of my eyes, I see him staring at me. I can feel him stare at my back, as if he had been expecting what I had wanted to do to him.

He is thinking that maybe, I would go to him. Smile at him, tell him how he is doing, seduce him, and then get fucked by him. And I am thinking it as well. Of how great it could have been to have my purity stolen by someone I don't know. To have someone I will never meet again break me.

Instead, the bus ruins everything my mind wants to do. My body moves on its own and I mentally curse it.

Damn you, body, damn you, damn you, damn you.

I get in and I don't look back at him. And I think about how I have mistakenly chosen the right thing rather than rightly choosing the wrong thing.

Somehow, the void inside me only grows b i g g e r at the thought.

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-29T16:36:00

2008-04-29T23:37:59Z

Title; Blame! Artbook
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Tsutomu Nihei
Type; Textless Icons

Samples:


You spread your	rusty fingers	across the ledge.	You get your	grip and peer

down over	the edge.	You watch	the city move	and breathe

and migrate.	You’re not	apart of it.	You’re broken now,	like us.

'Some Crap About the Future' by Electric President. Credit if you want but I'd appreciate a comment if you're actually taking any. Don't add my journal account(s) unless you're really interested.

PS: I wasn't aware while posting the lyrics underneath each icons but the words actually match with the pictures O_O

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-18T01:41:00

2008-04-18T08:46:59Z

Title; Katekyo Hitman REBORN! doujinshis
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Various
Type; Textless Icons

Samples:


1	2	3

4	5	6

7	8	9

10	11	12

13	14	15

16	17	18

19	20	21

22	23	24

25	26	27

x-posted to dinohiba x hitman_reborn x khr_yaoi x yamagoku x ciassu_vitello

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:09:00

2008-04-16T19:10:04Z

Title; MPD Psycho
Artist/Photographer/Credits;Sho-u Tajima & Eiji Otsuka
Type; -

Samples;

01. 02. 03.

04. 05. 06.
07. 08. 09.
10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15.
16. 17. 18.
19. 20. 21.
drawing/story by Sho-u Tajima & Eiji Otsuka
there's a mistake of avatar#18 where it should've said 'Aut Vincere Aut Mori'...

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:09:00

2008-04-16T19:09:30Z

Title; Freesia
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Jiro Matsumoto
Type; -

Samples;

1. 2. 3.

4. 5. 6.

7. 8. 9.

10. 11. 12.
by Jiro Matsumoto

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:07:00

2008-04-16T19:08:54Z

Title; Hijikata/Gintoki
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Ko-Man, Maruten, まるてん
Type; -

Samples;

Avatars	Pairing: Hijikata x Gintoki	Artists: Ko-Man, Maruten, まるてん
1*	2*	3*
4*	5*	6*
7*	8*	9*

Friends Only Banners Pairing: Hijikata x Gintoki Artist: Ko-Man
1*
2* this is my personal banner
3*

▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼ ▼
Please Comment if Taking
\(^x^\)

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:06:00

2008-04-16T19:07:11Z

Title; Gothic
Artist/Photographer/Credits; iniquiti/mynullnostalgia
Type; -

Samples;

o1 o2 o3

o4 o5 o6

o7 o8 o9

10 11 12

13 14 15

16 17 18

19 20 21

Please credit :)

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:05:00

2008-04-16T19:05:59Z

Title; The Dog
Artist/Photographer/Credits; 4Kids Entertainment
Type; Textless Icons

Samples;

001

002

003

004

005

006

007

008

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:04:00

2008-04-16T19:05:17Z

Title; Zodiac Illustrations
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Artbook Illustrations
Type; Textless Icons

Sample:

Aries	Taurus	Gemini


Cancer	Leo	Virgo


Libra	Scorpio	Sagittarius


Capricorn	Aquarius	Pisces

fauxnostalgia @ 2008-04-16T12:02:00

2008-04-16T19:03:26Z

Title; Girls on Light Velocity
Artist/Photographer/Credits; Sho-u Tajima
Type; Textless Base Icons
WARNING; contains explicit contents

001	002	003


004	005	006


007	008	009


010	011	012


013	014	015


016	017	018


019	020	021


022	023	024


025	026	027


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031	032	033


034	035	036


037	038	039


040	041	042


043	044	045


046	047	048


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064	065	066


067	068	069


070	071	072


073	074	075


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