I just wrote up a rambling blog post about fat characters in literature, and it occurred to me right after that it would be cool to have an LJ community for reviews and discussion of fat characters in books and other media. Does anyone know if one exists, or if not would people be interested in one if I made it?

EDIT: fatfiction =)

I recently got the go-ahead from my boss to purchase a couple of these for some upcoming conferences. If you're not familiar, the outfit consists of a knee length tunic (kameez), loose fitting pants that are long enough to pool at the ankles (salwar), and a scarf (dupatta). They are typically worn with shoes like these.

Pros of the salwar kameez:

1) It's comfortable.
2) It covers my tattoos completely (no worrying about a leg tat peeping out from under my skirt suit or getting too hot and wanting desperately to take off my jacket or blazer and reveal my arm tat).
3) They come in all kinds of colors and patterns.
4) They're much less expensive than a typical Western pants or skirt suit.
5) The bright colors will make me stand out in the crowd and make it easier for people to find and remember me (I'm in sales and the conferences are HUGE, so this is important).
6) They are feminine without giving the dirty old straight white men anything to leer at (I get this a lot in my line of work even though I'm definitely no super model. Male CEOs and other executives in my industry seem to think that any woman there is fair game to ogle and not a serious business woman since we are in the minority).

Cons:

1) I feel that it may be disrespectful to appropriate a cultural clothing item like this as I am white, even though the websites I've been on that sell these tout the fact that fashion designers are making these more mainstream nowadays.
2) I won't have the chance to check out the quality or measurement accuracy until I actually purchase one, which leads me to this post.

Has anyone purchased from this ebay seller before? What was the fit like? Were the measurements accurate? I was told by the seller to take my body measurements and then add 2" to each measurement to figure out the actual size I should order. Is this enough room for plus size women?

Any advice or suggestions are welcome.

Hey fatshionistas!

This has been a recent topic of conversation amongst the mods, and it's occurred to me that it makes the most sense to pose the question here.

What do you want to see in an "outfit of the day" (OOTD) post?

I do enjoy a good outfit post - it's interesting to see how other folks put different items together, even when they're not my style. I also like to see what clothes I've only seen on models or mannequins really look like on everyday people of various sizes (actually I just ordered a dress I'd been wavering on, based on finally having seen it on a non-model-sized person in this community). Overall I think outfit posts as a concept are a great thing. However, I personally - and these are my personal feelings, not community policy - also like outfit posts to provide certain information:

1. A clear, full-body picture. I know this is tricky if you don't have a tripod, or if you only have limited space (aka, the bathroom) for taking photos. But it can be done! If I can't see your clothes, I'm not getting much out of your post.

2. What sizes you're wearing, and where you got your stuff. I know divulging sizes can be difficult for those folks who aren't yet totally comfortable with their size, but it's information that is both pertinent and valuable when discussing clothing. Pictures don't always give a clear sense of scale, and sizes give me a reference point.

3. A bit about why you're wearing it. This could be where you wore it, why you feel great/fugly in it, your deep philosophical feelings about fabric and fatshion and life and the meaning of existence, etc.

All of these are simply my own opinions, and not requirements - making them requirements would involve a ridiculous amount of intense moderation and we are very much not into that.

I'm sure there's stuff I'm not thinking of, or stuff that bothers other folks but doesn't bug me. So, what do you look for in OOTD posts? Time for sharing, fats.

as always, these photos appear in my flickr photostream & in the wardrobe_remix & fatshionista pools. sorry if some of you see these twice (or thrice). i didn't include detail shots this time around for fear that this was already tl;dr. if you're interested in accessory & shoe detail shots, click on one of the photos & it will take you to my stream where they appear in the comments. i've also included the sizes of items [in these brackets] in hopes that it might be useful for some of you in terms of assessing fit.

( three outfits )

On thrifting

fatshionista is an amazing resource for locating the latest fatshions online & in brick & mortar stores. Certainly the pleasure of slipping into a crisp brand-spanking-new-with-tags garment cannot be denied, but neither can the special sort of satisfaction that comes from discovering a lovely one-of-a-kind dress amongst racks full of cosby sweaters and faded mickey mouse tee shirts. Beyond friday salesposts and swaps, the topic of pre-loved clothing is not one that has seen much action in this community. As a person who's been bitten by the thrift (bargain?) bug, i'm curious, about how thrifting does or does not fit into your fatshion concept/world, & more than that, the way class & personal politics affect our shopping/consumer habits: do you thrift and if so/not, what are the reasons?

( since i don't think i ever have, and i've been posting & participating in the comm for a few years(!) now, i feel compelled to elaborate on my style/fashion objectives & sustainability. in general, when i covet a certain piece, i will take to second hand & thrift stores first. i believe that... )

Here's a weird one, and I wondered if anyone else has noticed this, and if so, what you thought about it.

I was sitting here in the student lounge just now, head plugged into my iPod and roaming the internet, when I saw a TV commercial out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to find a lady pulling her shirt up; she had what looked like a henna tattoo around her belly--and that belly was soft and very plump looking. It was NOT hard as a rock, and she was curvy and sleek and definitely not rail thin. I might've put her at a size 14/16 if pressed. Then there was a shot of another lady in a red dress, same thing. Her clingy dress clearly showed a bit of a pooch in the tummy. By this time I was totally entranced...and then the SLIM-FAST logo appeared. WTF? The commercial ended with yet another non-rail-thin woman exposing her tummy, which was again soft-looking. They all looked various types of plus sized to me; certainly none of them was a waif. The final logo said "Find your Slim". I'm pretty sure I was openly gaping by the end of this ad.

On their website you can see the following quote:

"Stick-thin models aren't our inspiration. You are. "

Has anyone else seen this? What do you think of it? Is Slim-Fast trying to...what? Pass themselves off as a health drink? Their whole angle is weight loss, or it has been up until now. And what's "find your slim", anyway? Does that really mean what I think it means--find the weight that's right for you and keep it there? Even if I disagree with the idea of a diet drink to make it to that weight (and make no mistake; I disagree heartily with that), the idea of having your OWN "slim" sounds very close to HAES to me. On the other hand, equating any kind of "slim" with "healthy" sounds very not like HAES. It appears that Slim-Fast might be trying to appease...us? (And not doing a terribly good job of it, as far as I'm concerned.)

I'm finding myself to be very inarticulate today, so I'm hoping that this really small and inadequate post will start a better discussion. I feel like I really need to say this:

I don't actually have to be healthy.

I'm sure a fair number of the members of fatshionista would agree that fat stigma is bad. I hope that most of us would, anyway. I bet an equally large number are pretty skeptical about what the mainstream media and diet-industry-sponsored science have to say about fat, and the supposed obesity epidemic. But there is one component of the crazy, money-and-hysteria-fueled tripe thrown at fat people that some people here seem to have taken on board. And this is that fat people are morally obligated to be healthy. To the point of weight loss.

I've been going back and forth in my head as to why this bugs the everloving crap out of me, and I guess what it comes down to is this: "health" is the most arbitrarily-decided-upon value ever. Leaving aside the fact that I hate moral obligations in general, I have never heard a satisfying answer as to what a "healthy" body looks like. Or a satisfying answer as to how to achieve it (apart from Health at Every Size, but this is not the type of "health" I hear some fatshionista members advocating).

Let's get some things straight:

- People of all shapes and sizes eat all different sorts of diets.
- People of all shapes and sizes get varying amounts of exercise.
- People of all shapes and sizes deserve dignity and respect and are under no obligation to change their lifestyles for any reason other than their own personal whimsy.

While plenty of studies have shown that being "overweight" (again, a totally arbitrary term based on a tool created by the insurance industry, not even the freaking medical community) correlates to a variety of problems, correlation does not equal causation.

Let me say that again.

CORRELATION=/=CAUSATION

Ergo, achieving a "normal weight," even if we leave out all of the barbaric, miserable, and just plain cruel methods for achieving that weight, will not necessarily prevent or cure these bad bad health problems. And if we don't leave out those methods, you're pretty likely to give yourself some more problems anyway.

Finally, I leave you with this, stolen directly from the community's user info page:

5. fatshionista is not a place for the discussion of dieting or weight loss. There are many other Livejournal communities where these topics can be freely shared in a supportive environment. This is not meant to pass judgement on any individual members for their choices, as we support the right of folks to make their own decisions, but that sort of conversation is explicitly contrary to the mandates of this community, the central pillar of which is size acceptance. Therefore, we consider these subjects extremely off-topic and downright counterproductive, even when they appear in an otherwise appropriate post. Value-free mentions of sizing changes are fine (“My favorite jeans don’t fit anymore, I need new ones in an 18, any suggestions?”) whereas self-congratulatory expressions of weight loss are not (“I’ve lost fifty pounds and now I can wear skirts and everyone keeps giving me compliments and it’s awesome!”). This is not because weight loss is inherently bad or wrong (nor does simply losing weight mean a member is less of a “true” Fatshionista) but because this kind of talk can be extremely triggering for those with histories of eating disorders and body hatred, and allowing it to continue unchecked would create a less size-positive environment.

Ok discuss.

I thought this was great.  An article from bitch's latest issue:

"Potbelly Pride
    As a frequent wearer of skirts during the summer months, I'm all for equal opportunity, open-air comfiness.  So I'm on board with Utilikilts--a line of contemporary (i.e., non-tartan) kilts for men.  Unlike most of my skirts, Utilikilts have loads of pockets for your stuff; some feature loops for your hammer and tape measure as well.  The more neutral-toned versions could even pass for "business casual".
    The Utilikilts site's ad copy is conspicuously hetero and a tad beer-commercial-esque: The Workman Style, for instance, is purportedly "built for long, hard days on the work site building cool stuff that would make any pants-loving wimp cry."  Given the genderfuck potential of the item being advertised, I might be able to give it a pass--especially because what I really appreciate is the language Utilikilts uses to describe its approach to sizing the kilts.  Take the "Beergut Cut," a style in which the waistband rides higher in back than in front.  Or the otherwise-way-too-macho leather Utilikilt, whose fit can be adjusted by up to two inches, "no matter how many beers or burritos you've gone through in the night." The "Spartan" model even features an elastic wast, which lets you "show off your basketball moves or shove down 'just one more cheeseburger."
    Can you think of a woman's garment description that openly acknowledges appetite, much less encourages it? Neither can I.  Descriptions of adjustability tend to be form and function-focused for women's athletic and maternity clothing.  For other stuff, though, it's usually understated, as if a shift in size is an embarrassing affliction, one not to state directly.  The presence of appetite is part of the equation, but it's treates as the proverbial elephant in the room.  Women's-garb marketers could take a tip from Utilikilts' approach: Women are capable of inhabiting our bodies as fully--and joyfully--as the lads behind Utilikilt seem to think their customers can.  Even if we forego the leather kilt. --JENN WILSON"

Also, I just wanted to say that fatshionista was also mentioned in this issue of bitch in a short article about Sarah Jessica Parkers Bitten clothing line.  It said something the effect that this community gave positive reviews of the plus size clothing in her line.  I was just really happy to see this community getting recognition in print so I thought I would share!

Okay, I'm writing in regards to my sister and a situation that happened at her college.

She's 21 years old and a senior in college. Well-liked, an amazing student, on student government, in a sorority, etc. She is also fat. She is a size 20/22, 5'6", conservative dresser borderline preppy. Always on point.

( The situation is she had a meeting with a male professor of hers in her department. )

EDIT: Thank you all for the really thoughtful responses. I will print a copy of this for my sister, who doesn't do much online stuff, so she can weigh this advice. I really appreciate all of the feedback.

After a week of not being at work I am back at my desk enjoying - what else - internet window shopping.  In light of the Halloween hub-bub I sauntered over to Torrid to check out hot fatshion costumes like the corset top in hot pink or velvet purple (mmm ugly pinks...love it!).  Tie me up and chain me to the wall, folks, because I just couldn't stop gazing at all the glitter and faux-gold.

I have a few problems post-window-gazasm that I thought I would share with the fatshionably inclined.  In no particular order:

1. What is this "edge" collection they've got going on?  I know this isn't new, but why is there glitter in it?  Why is the selection so pathetic?  I know Torrid fell from grace ages ago but seriously, this is just a pathetic foil-and-batteries attempt at life support.  Just toss in the towel.  Please.

2. Why do we need shirts that use the world 'fly' as a come-on?

3. Since when did anti-corporate messages on "ironic" hipster t-shirts get incorporated into Torrid's vocabulary?  I don't get it.  They do this thing over and over with all the mild hippie dippy catch-phrases but it just doesn't make sense.  Are they apologizing to fatties because hippie dippy t-shirts don't always come in fatsize?

     So that's why I'm coming to you guys.

     My little brother IMed me today. He's 13 years old. Here's how the conversation went:

Brother: did i tell you im on a major diet?
Me: A diet? Why?
Brother: cause im unhealthy and fat

     At this point, my alert alarm goes off in my head. I remember feeling that way at 13 and feeling that it was all my fault, that if only I'd have done something different, then maybe I'd look like the other kids. We all know enlightenment is a hard road. I continue:

Me: No, you're fine...but what kind of diet is it?
Brother: im drinkin all diet products...i only get 1 servin...3 meals a day
Brother: that kind of major diet

     Alert alarm two. If his concept of "diet" means cutting back the soda to diet sodas, I'm thinking this is a major flaw. However, I grew up in my household too--I know how my parents are. My naturally thin stepfather loses his extra pounds through starvation diets. My mother is fairly slender herself and doesn't worry too much about it. My middle brother (I'm the oldest) is also naturally thin, and at fifteen, eats anything he wants to no physical consequence. Not to mention that he is bitterly cruel towards my youngest brother regarding his weight--a real bully. I'm not at home anymore, but I remember the plethora of sugary cereals in the house, the microwavable meals like chicken nuggets and mac & cheese, the french fries, the fried foods, the pasta, and that every damn vegetable on our table was covered in butter. Comfort foods, yes. Healthy foods? Not quite. My youngest brother and I share the fat gene, and surely that has a lot to do with our sizes, but if one were to regard avoidance as the goal, my parents surely didn't help. And here my brother is, thinking that it's his fault that at 13, he goes for the chips instead of a healthier option because that's what's there. It's not his fault and it wasn't mine that our parents were busy and we frequented McDonald's and Wendy's on multiple occasions during the week. And now the poor kid thinks diet soda is what's going to change his (life) size. The kid is amazingly freaking active, too--plays all types of sports, runs around from dawn till dusk. So I try to urge a different approach:

Me: Why don't you try eating more fruits and veggies and drinking more water instead?
Brother: well i am drinking water...fruit makes my teeth and gums hurt...who in the wide world gets up and says im gonna go make myself some vegies?
Brother: lol
Me: Vegetarians.
Me: I think you should eat better more than you should diet.

     I am all for a healthier diet, non-processed foods, whatever. I also adore sugary cereals in the morning. I'm finally old enough and wise enough to figure out that I don't have to hate myself because of my size, and I don't anymore, but I certainly remember those days and all the blame I shouldered on my own. Does anyone have any advice of what to tell him? I'd love to show him that there's a better and more positive way to live, but it won't get through with me living 240 miles away. What do you wish someone would have told you at that age?

I was browsing the news, when I came upon an article that disturbed me greatly. As I couldn't find it put in these terms anywhere else online, I translated it. Source, in Swedish.

Surgery best method to cure obesity
Surgery against obesity heavily reduces the risk to die in cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and cancer. Conventional treatment against obesity at Swedish health centres have, on the other hand, no effect at all.

This was proven in a study on four thousand Swedish patients with obesity, that's published in the Thursday's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

"The consequence would reasonably be that obesity surgery becomes common and more accepted. Today we operate about a thousand a year in Sweden. I think we need to operate five, ten times as many," says Lars Sjöström, professor emeritus at Sahlgrenska University Hospital and leader of the Swedish study.

In the same issue of the New England Journal of Medicine an American study on eight thousand patients is published as well. The results clearly point in the same direction: in the American study the mortality in the operated group dropped with forty percent, in the Swedish study with thirty percent. Diabetes as a death cause was nearly eliminated in the operated group, while the risk of dying of cancer and cardiovascular diseases went down with sixty percent.

Today there is no set limit in Sweden for how fat you should be to be operated upon. But many doctors follow the American standard, which requires a BMI, Body mass index, of 40, or 35 if you have other risk factors, such as diabetes.

"I could see the limit at 34 or 35. And if I had a patient with a BMI of 30, 31 and severe disorders, like diabetes or high blood pressure, and it couldn't be controlled through medication, then I wouldn't doubt surgery," says Lars Sjöström.( continue reading... )

I found another article on it, though it was more on the basic facts. Source.

Missing Link Found: Bariatric Surgery Reduces Mortality
GOTHENBURG, Sweden, Aug. 22 -- Two research groups have provided long-awaited evidence that bariatric surgery saves lives, up to 136 per 10,000 operations.

Gastric bypass reduced all-cause mortality 40% in a study of severely obese American patients, and bariatric surgery of whatever type reduced morality 29% in a Swedish study. The results of both studies were reported in the Aug. 23 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

Weight loss has been well documented to reduce mortality risk factors, including incident diabetes, commented George A. Bray, M.D., of Louisiana State University, in an accompanying editorial.

But, he noted, some epidemiologic studies have suggested shedding pounds may worsen life expectancy, possibly from confounding by unintentional loss.

For a more conclusive answer, Lars Sjöström, M.D., Ph.D., of Gothenburg University here, and colleagues, conducted a prospective controlled trial.
( continue reading... )

So, basically, they're now suggesting that gastric bypass is the best one could do, especially if your BMI is over 35? Mine is around there somewhere, and I'm a size 16/18! *headdesk* Opinions, please?

I've been going to physical therapy for about four weeks now. Every session, I try to "come out" as fat. You know, when I let someone know that I'm about 99% ok with being fat. I usually do this by making neutral/funny statements such as, "You sure I'm not going to crack this BAPS Board? Can it handle 300 pounds of Awesome?"

Invariably I get:
"Oh, stop!"
"Oh, shush!"
"Don't say that about yourself!"

I know what that they think I'm being self-depricating. But I'm not. I want to say, "hey it's ok that you've noticed that I'm fat" -- that is, I want to be fat-positive but more importantly I want people, especially medicalish people to feel "at home" with fat people, you know, like fat is a part of who we are and they don't have to pretend it doesn't exist. I am seriously considering crafting a handout to give to people I've recently come out to:

Congratulations! You know a fat person! Ok, you probably know *many* fat people since approximately 40% of all adults are considered fat by all sorts of measures, institutes and agencies depending on who you ask. So what makes me different than all the other fat people you've met or treated today? For starters, I like being fat. Yup. Read it again if you need to. Most days, I like being fat. It's a part of who I am.

Just like you might like your blonde hair or big feet or the gap between your front teeth, being fat is a part of my physical appearance that is both a part of me and something I don't merely tolerate, I embrace. The only real difference is that while having blonde hair, big feet or having a gap between your teeth might make you a target of teasing, it is unlikely that you will be denied housing, a job, an airplane seat, the opportunity to foster or adopt a child, medical insurance or adequate medical care due to one of these aspects of your physical appearance.

Being fat is also not the only thing I like about myself; I'm just as complex as any non-fat people you know. It's not the only thing I want to talk about but in a world that tries both to not see my fat while simultaneously shaming and discriminating against me for being fat, I like to stick up for myself, to make space where it's "ok" to be fat. I'm not any better or more exemplary than other fat people and I'm not trying to set myself apart as "better than" other fat people. All fat people who pass through your doors are individuals and deserve an appreciation of their individual selves and medical needs regardless of how much they like or dislike being fat.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because when I make comments about my awesome fat body, you often shush me or try to tell me that I am "not that fat." Well, I *am* that fat and it's ok. I realize you are trying to be polite, sensitive and professional but until being fat is as value-neutral as any other physical state, in that it can be acknowledged without being despised, until medical professionals can *say* the word fat and have it just be an adjective, then no real progress can be made. We will always be dwelling on fat and never having a discussion beyond it. We will never research or develop technologies, medicines and surgical techniques that work on all sorts of bodies if we are dead-set on the idea that there is only one correct kind of body to have.

While I'm at it, I don't really consider "not that fat," a compliment but do feel free to say nice things about how smart I am, how funny I am, how much you enjoy the way I've complied with your course of treatment, how much you enjoy having me as a patient, how much improvement I've made or tell me how great I look today. Because, I do look pretty great.

Edited to add: Several of you have asked about reposting this in other forums and the answer is "yes" on two conditions:
1.) You must include my lj username
2.) You must link back to this post in fatshionista when writing about it or referencing it

So, why do you pick the styles that you do?

See, when it comes to the politics of fat, I really do believe that fat bodies are political bodies whether we want them to be or not. Because we are observed and remarked upon independent of our identities and, in many cases, independent of our context.

The only real control we have over this is how we choose to present ourselves. And even that is a limited control - we can't control how people interpret our presentation, after all, we just have to hope for the best. (Which is why the Ugly on Purpose stuff is so interesting to me - it is totally subversive in the way it works to earn a reaction that a lot of people would give no matter what.)

I try to keep clothes in my closet that fit well, feel good, and don't require a lot of thought. That way even when I am just throwing something on in the morning before work, my presentation is at least moderately together. I buy pieces that don't require a lot of "outfit building" because I know that, in the morning, I am not going to feel like playing dress-up.

When I AM paying attention to my clothes in a direct effort to manipulate my presentation, I like to play with identity. For going out clubbing, I construct a pretty hardcore goth look. It's part costume and part that I feel far less vulnerable in certain styles and that works for the atmosphere. For hanging out with family, I construct a stylish and "fashion forward" look that will help deflect their judgment of my body with the armor of looking good in the mainstream sense. Having some element to my outfit that is considered "fashionable" (in that they've seen it in magazines and whatnot) contradicts their idea of what it means to be fat.

Do you pay attention to this stuff at all? Are you sending a conscious message when you make your clothing choices? What are you saying when you get dressed?

So, I've been noticing a lot of commentary in fatshion circles that x piece of clothing really shows off y person's shape. Or that z person needs to stop wearing bagging clothes because it obscures their shape.

It's driving me nuts.

It totally limits the scope of style and fashion that I want to embrace. It totally limits my presentation.

Because, dammit, why the hell do I have to show off my shape?

And don't give me that crap about the hourglass shape throughout history. That's a particularly Western conceit AND it is irrelevant. We go against instinct all the damn time. And you cannot tell me the size 2 and below models that people are holding up as paragons of beauty have anything resembling an hourglass shape.

So, why are we telling people to wear tighter clothing so we can see their great shape?

I think it's because, in part, we are responding to an overabundance of baggy, schlumpy clothing designed for fat people. We're reacting to having to wear unshaped sacks, I get that.

I just think we need to head that impulse off. If our goal is to widen the definition of beauty, then maligning the people who choose not to participate in the sexification (which is really what a lot of the shape-conscious clothes are after accomplishing) of fat is deeply counter-productive.

A super-stylish woman posted a series of dresses she had recently purchased (yep, I am talking about buttercup_rocks! *grin*) and one of them was a red, a bright red, sheath style dress. There was a slit up the leg and the rest of it was rather fluid and drapey rather than shape-revealing. A large number of people found fault with the dress for that reason, but it was BRIGHT RED. She obviously wasn't trying to hide.

It just seems like we are limiting our choices. I made a dress a while back - but I've been reluctant to post a picture even though I've worn it several time since then. It's loose and the most comfortable thing in the world and, even though it does not highlight my shape - the print alone distracts from my shape - I think it looks pretty damn good. I wear it and get compliments. But I don't post about it because I'd rather not deal with people telling me it would be so much better if it were fitted. I don't want to wear all-fitted, all-the-time.

Beauty and sexual attractiveness are not the same thing. Why should fat people limit themselves to just one of those?

ETA: A clarification of terms. In the context of this discussion, "fitted" follows more the catalog sense of the word - designed to follow and emphasize the lines of the figure while "well-fitting" connotes garments that are of an appropriate (which is entirely subjective) size without gapes or bulges that the wearer doesn't want.

I originally posted this over at The Rotund but a few people asked me to post it here as well. So I am!

Setting: Grocery store

Two women are standing beside each other surveying the nearly empty bins of tomatoes. One is fat, the other is sort of fat, with the loose skin that often accompanies sudden and rapid weight loss.

“There’s not much selection is there?”

“Nope, I wonder what happened, why there was such a rush on tomatoes.”

A pause, during which both women examine tomatoes.

“I was just wondering, would you be interested in talking about weight loss, an all-natural –”

The fat woman interrupts.

“No, actually.”

…

The sort of fat woman shakes her head as though she can’t believe what she has just heard.

“Really?

The fat woman is smiling and polite.

“Yes, really.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’m actually a size acceptance activist which means I’m happy with myself as I am and view diets, no matter what kind, as an unhealthy activity.”

The sort of fat woman turns to a different bin of tomatoes about halfway through this speech and gives no indication that she is listening.

The fat woman holds up an unblemished tomato. She has as many as she needs and so offers it to the sort of fat woman.

“Oh, this one looks good!”

The sort of fat woman continues to ignore the fat woman.

The fat woman places the unblemished tomato in a prominent place on the display and once again smiles.

“Okay, well, you have a good night.”

The fat woman is joined by her boyfriend and they both walk away.

“What did she just ask you?”

***

The whole tomatoes incident happened on Friday night while the boyfriend and I were getting ready for a Saturday cookout. The tomatoes were for the hamburgers which we were grilling on our sort-of-repaired outdoor grill (the firepit side is functional but rather crumbly, the grill side is sound but the grill screen is held up by bricks). I was shocked, when it happened, for two reasons.

A) I was busy looking at tomatoes and not thinking about how my fat ass was walking around being all offensive to people.

B) This is the second time I have been solicited for weight loss in a store of some sort and, unlike the first time about five years ago, I was able to give a coherent and polite reason for declining the information.

Reason A illustrates the opposite of thin privilege. I am not allowed to forget I am fat. If I TRY to forget and just walk around like a normal person, someone from outside will remind me. Thin people (though this does happen to very thin people and people who, you know, deviate from the “norm” in just about any way) don’t have to think about the statement their body is making. Thin privilege is probably not the best term for it because it does work against so many different body types. In any event, this is why I believe just being a fat person walking around living a life is a political statement. People observe my body and what I do with it and judge me based on that. I have no control over them doing this - I can only control my presentation and try to subvert their interpretations.

Reason B is a pretty big deal. The first time this happened to me, I was shopping for swimsuits. Let me tell you, it’s unpleasant enough to be contemplating swimsuits when you’re already overly body conscious (as I was feeling at that time) without having a representative of the YMCA standing around asking you if you’d like to sign up for their summer membership drive. Thank you, YMCA lady, for implying that my body was not decent enough to appear on the beach. I wasn’t as self-confident then as I am now, so I wound up taking her pamphlet and giving her my “call for more information” number and then I had to fend off two or three phone calls because, really, I wasn’t prepared to join a gym at that time. I just wanted a swimsuit so I could sit on the beach and read a little bit while enjoying being outside.

The rampant belief that our bodies exist for other people to comment upon has not changed. But my ability and comfort levels when responding to it has and has in a positive fashion. It is not my job, it is not our job, to make nice and go along with whatever people are saying to us. It is not impolite to decline an offer of weight loss advice (or whatever a person might be peddling). We are, if we must be fat, supposed to be jovial and cooperative, but screw that. I will be jovial when I feel like being jovial (which is, honestly, most of the time) and cranky when I feel like being cranky and polite but firmly not interested when I am firmly not interested.

And, for the rest, I was genuinely offering that woman an unbruised tomato because, really, turning her down doesn’t mean we are suddenly enemies. I don’t have to buy into her scheme to be her tomato-shopping ally, which is how we started out. She was the childish one - when the conversation did not progress as she desired and expected, she played the “I can’t hear you” game.

And, frankly, that’s a better outcome then me having to deal with solicitation phone calls from the YMCA because I can’t say no.

The cookout, meanwhile, was fabulous. And the tomatoes were excellent.

Hi.

My name is Miranda. I will be 19 on Thursday, I'm from Boston, and I am about to start my second year at the University of Chicago. I plan to major in International Studies and maybe English literature, I love foreign languages, history, old books, music, and bumming around outside.

I am not fat. I am a 4/6 US at 5'4" and 138 pounds. I am posting here because you all are amazingly inspiring, I love everything about this community, and you have turned me into a fat ally.

( May be triggering for people with an ED history. Very long and quite self-centered. )

( Where all of you fabulosities come in )

I wanted to "out" myself because it felt wrong to me to be lurking and watching someplace that I might not be wanted. If after reading this, a fair number of the members, or any of the mods, ask me to leave, I will completely understand and comply. To be honest, that's part of what's been holding me back from making my presence known for so long--I was afraid of having to leave. I decided, though, that it's not my privilege to hang around in someone's safe space just because lj allows me to conceal my unfatness (interesting reversal, no?). I also frequently get the urge to comment telling someone they look fabulous, or offering a suggestion on an outfit when such have been solicited--but I don't, because then I would actually exist here, and then I would really have to be passing. And I refuse to invade to that degree. If you decide it's all right with you all that I hang around and watch--or if you say nothing, because at this point there is pretty intense tl;dr going on--I may do so occasionally. I do feel that I've come to know many of you through your posts, and I have immense goodwill to everyone here and would love to contribute when I feel I can. Again, though, I would really rather leave that up to you.

So at any rate. Thank you all for occupying my life for however long this proves to go on. I wish you all the best of luck with your journeys, and I want you to know that you are all amazing, every single one of you. Much (sadly impersonal and internet based) love.

In the spirit of the whole post, I put a face to the name in the icon. Nice to meet you, however briefly. : )

ETA: It has been brought up by some commenters that I'm a member of some pro-ana communities. I thought I'd address it in the post rather than going through it over and over in the comments.

( Here we go )

I have also left those communities on this journal. I intend it not to be defensive but to show that I understand what you're getting at (or at least I do my best) and I really want to meet you halfway. Besides, it's something I should have done long ago in order to keep things separate. I understand the skepticism, and I know people have done some really nasty things that may look similar to what's going on here--but I swear to you all that is not what I am here for.

For more details on some things, look in the comments or just ask. I'm ready and willing to talk about just about anything you might want to know--it seems only fair. Also, if you want to take this outside the community, you can reach me at mwm (at) uchicago (dot) edu.

I also just want to thank everyone who commented for their positive and welcoming response. It's really been the best I could have hoped for.