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Fic for little_dwarf
Title: we are for each other
By alexajohnson
Characters: Faramir, Eowyn, Aragorn, Imrahil, Eomer
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Warnings: None, really…although it is a little on the long side!
Summary: Faramir and Eowyn after the whirlwind romance. Told entirely from Faramir’s POV.
Author’s Note: Well, my Muse got somewhat carried away, so this turned out to be a little longer than I anticipated! Half of it ended up being more or less a Faramir character study, but there is definitely lots of Faramir/Eowyn het too! First person is also a bit of a departure for me, so I hope I captured Faramir’s voice. The title comes from an E. E. Cummings poem, since feeling is first. I know you asked for something a little more specific little_dwarf, but, well…the Muse has a mind of its own—I hope you enjoy this anyway! =) And big thanks to arahiril for her quick and thorough beta!!

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we are for each other
by alexa johnson

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“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.”
--from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act IV Scene V

PART I

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Although I had spent weeks mentally preparing myself for this day that I knew had to come, seeing the Lady Eowyn ride away with her brother the King of Rohan was harder than I had even imagined it would be.

The King, as though sensing my very thoughts, clasped my shoulder and offered me a friendly smile. “Take heart, my Lord Steward. You will soon be reunited.”

I laughed a little, but it sounded false and hollow to my ears. “Of course, My Liege—and we will be so busy here that I reckon I will hardly have the time to miss her.”

Of course I desired greatly to be with her, but I knew that the King would need me now more than ever, and it was, above all, my duty to serve him. This, however, brought old doubts to the surface, and now that Eowyn was no longer here to distract me from them it seemed that they took up permanent residence in my mind.

As the second son of the steward, I had not really been trained for this position, and was nowhere near the leader Boromir had been.

Boromir.

Even mere mention of the name tightened my heart and choked up my throat, but I still had not found time to properly grieve. The Ithilien Company had needed me, and then I was injured, and I had met Eowyn—to which I had not even spoken much of my own sorrows because I had no desire to burden her further—and now the King and matters of state would require my full attention.

I felt my brother’s loss even more acutely now, for it had been too painful to imagine that he would not be here, sharing these moments with me. I felt somewhat like an imposter, for certainly I was a poor substitute for this position that should have been his.

Soon, I knew I would have to speak of him, and of all else I had endured.

But, for now, I could not bring myself to.

Even had I wanted to, there was no one I really wished to share my troubles with now that Eowyn was gone. Perhaps my uncle the Prince of Dol Amroth, but he was a busy man, and he had far more important matters to attend to. A part of me knew that the King would be more than willing to listen, but I was still uncertain of my standing with him—I sensed he wished for us to be friends, but I still felt rather shy around him, and did not know quite how to act.

After all, I had waited this long.

Surely I could wait awhile longer.

---

I may have been too busy during the day to dwell overmuch on ghosts, but they certainly made their presence known at night. The nightmares became so bad that I was getting maybe only a handful of hours of sleep, and it probably did not help that I was now using the chambers of my father.

As I often did when I was distressed, I started eating less, and the smallest things would irritate me, although I tried my hardest not to show it. Boromir, who had always been perceptive of my moods, would have picked up on these signs instantly, and would have harassed me until I would eat, and would demand I take naps.

Mayhap my uncle, if he were not so busy himself, would have also noticed.

But as it was, I hardly saw him outside of Council meetings, and I rarely saw the King—who was with his wife or the Fellowship when he was not otherwise occupied—so I was, more or less, left to my own devices.

I spent a lot of time sequestered away in my office, and would at times be so involved in my work that I would forget to leave for meals. It was a coping mechanism, yes, but there truly were constant piles of paperwork to take care of, so it was not as though I was creating extra work for myself.

Even though I did oftentimes wish I were closer with the King, I knew the Fellowship was a tight group. They took meals together regularly and I did not want to intrude—I also would not want to feel as though they were accepting me only because I was Boromir’s brother. So, while I was a friend of Gandalf and Pippin, I made it a habit to avoid them, even though I think I would have benefited from the company.

I thought often of Eowyn, and while she filled me with a joy more intense than I had known in a long while, doubts slowly began to fester here too. Our courtship, after all, had been no more than a few weeks, and under the most extreme of circumstances. I knew she would not have said yes if she had no feelings for me, but now that the war was over and there was distance between us, would she change her mind?

If Boromir were here, he would tell me I was thinking too much.

But he was not, so there was no one to stop me, and the doubts only continued to grow.

---

My lack of sleep had, amazingly, not yet been affecting my ability to work.

But it was only a matter of time, and that time came in the most embarrassing of situations.

We were in Council, and I did not even remember dozing off. I do not know how long I was asleep, but I know it was not very deep because, after a short while, I was aware of the King calling my name, although it seemed to come from very far away.

“What think you, Lord Faramir? My Lord Steward?”

My eyes snapped open, and my face started to burn as I realized what I had done. Some of the lords snickered, although I noticed the look of concern in my uncle’s eyes as I turned towards the King. “Forgive me, My Liege—”

But, instead of the reprimand I was expecting, the King was smiling. “You need not apologize, Lord Faramir. That this stuffy room and these long, tedious procedures try the patience of even the most attentive comes as no surprise to me! I just wanted your opinion on this matter…”

There was no way I would have gotten off this lightly with my father, and I was thankful the King was so understanding and reasonable. I managed to remain awake for the rest of the meeting, but I knew I would not be able to work effectively for the rest of the day if I were already this tired now.

When the Council was dismissed, I left in a hurry, thinking that I might just have time to take a quick nap in my office. I was halfway down the hallway when I heard my uncle call me.

“Faramir!”

I stopped reluctantly. I should have known that my uncle would have not let my display in the meeting slip by uncommented on. “Yes, uncle?”

He looked rueful. “I am sorry I have not been able to see much of you lately.”

I gave him a small smile. “You are a busy man, uncle, you do not need to apologize for that!”

He considered me for a long moment before speaking again. “You are well, I trust?”

There was no answer I could give now that would be sufficient, but I could, at least, offer a shade of the truth. “I miss Eowyn terribly, but it is probably a good thing she is gone because I hardly have time for aught else but paperwork.”

Imrahil chuckled, although I could see his eyebrows creasing with the beginnings of a frown. “Have you been getting enough sleep?”

I winced, even though I had been expecting such a question. “You mean aside from during Council meetings? Aye, whenever I can.”

“Humph.” His uncle’s frown deepened and I knew he was seeing through me, but instead of questioning me further, he went on, “I still want to make up for my absence. Will you dine with me tonight?”

I did not know how much I would be able to keep from him, but I did desire the company. “I would like that very much, uncle.”

He smiled. “That is good, for if you had refused, I would have imposed myself upon you anyway. Isolation is not good for the soul, nephew, and I would not have you forget that you did not lose everyone in the war.”

I tried to smile back at him, but could not manage speech—my throat was too tight for words.

It was indeed easy to forget that, especially now with Eowyn gone, and I was extremely grateful to have such a man as my uncle, and felt truly blessed to be able to call him family.

---

Things became a bit better after that.

My uncle made it a habit to see me at least once a day after he had found out that I had not been coping as well as I had been leading everyone to believe and, after persuasion on his part, finally went down to the healers to procure a sleeping draught to aid me until I felt I no longer needed it.

Thus, with my uncle’s company and more restful sleep at night, I became less depressed, even though I still hadn’t been able to open up to anyone about my own troubles.

I still had not, however, become entirely comfortable around the King.

While he trusted my council and never had anything but the highest praise for my work, I often got the feeling that he wanted a deeper bond of friendship, but what more could I give him that he did not already have with the Fellowship, especially with Legolas and Gimli?

I did not merely want to serve as a replacement for Boromir, and while a part of me did know that the King would not see me this way, we still had not had a discussion about my brother and his role in the Fellowship, something that would be inevitable were we to be closer. This was a discussion I did want to have eventually, but I was not sure if I were ready to confront it now.

Young Pippin had assured me that Boromir had died bravely and honorably, but I knew from Sam and Frodo that this had happened only after he had fallen under the spell of the Ring, and it saddened me immensely that this was the Boromir the King had come to know.

Thus, I treated business with the King the same as I had with my father, which was just that: business. I knew I would have to face The Discussion eventually, but I did not want to initiate it until I felt ready, and that day had not yet come.

Finally, though, it did, although I was not at all prepared for it.

We were in my office discussing the day’s Council meeting, although I could tell that the King’s heart wasn’t in it. When I asked him a question and he did not immediately respond, I was going to ask him what was troubling him when he turned the tables on me and asked suddenly, “Tell me, Faramir, please, for I have been wanting to know for some time now—the occasion has never been right, but I know longer care about that. I know not what it is that I have done, and even though we work well together as we are doing now, I wish that you would not be this formal with me in private.”

I blinked at him, not quite sure how to respond. “Sire?”

The King sighed heavily. “That’s just what I mean! Why can you not just call me Aragorn when it is just the two of us?”

It was my turn to sigh. The answer to this was not a simple one, and while I did not want to keep the whole truth from the King, I wasn’t sure if I were ready to talk about the more complicated reason either. “It is…complicated.”

“If it is about your brother,” the King said softly, “he was an honorable man, even if his intentions were misplaced, and I know he loved you a great deal. We did not get along well at first, but we had reached an understanding by the end, and I know he only wanted what was best for his people. I do not hold him accountable for anything, Faramir, and I mean this with all my heart.”

I had not realized I was crying until I felt the tear tracks on my cheeks, and as I lifted a hand to wipe them away, the King said gently, “Even the strongest of men is entitled to grieve. I will not judge you or think less of you because of it. Elbereth knows I’ve done my share.”

I managed a smile, and despite the pain it was genuine, for I really did want to befriend this man. Now that I knew where he stood, I was more at ease already, and was glad that he had brought up the topic himself, for it had not been as difficult a discussion as I anticipated. “Thank you…Aragorn.”

The King—Aragorn—returned the smile with a broad one of his own. “That is much better! I am glad we had this talk, for it was long overdue. I hope that, in the future, you will be more open with me, for I would very much like to get to know you.”

“I think I could manage that,” I said.

“Excellent!” Aragorn declared, leaning back comfortably in his chair and clasping his hands in his lap. “Then, as my first direct personal order for you, I command you to stop working yourself to the bone, and enjoy some of this beautiful weather we’ve been having. Eomer King is coming through in a few weeks to help ready things for our journey to Rohan, and I am sure he would not be impressed to find that I had been responsible for overworking you to the point of death.”

I chuckled. “I am not sure how much he would care, for I do not think he appreciated the fact that I had already courted his sister before asking for permission to do so.”

Aragorn snorted. “Even if he does not like you, he would not be so foolish as to deny you Eowyn’s hand if only for political purposes alone. Of course I know you desire her hand out of love, and I have never seen Eowyn happier than when she is with you. There is nothing as pure as love, and Eomer will not be so quick to deny the both of you that happiness. In spite of what I said to you that morning they departed to their own lands, I expect it has been hard without her.”

Sighing wistfully I said, “As hard, I imagine, as it has been for you, Aragorn, although a few months must seem like nothing to you when you and Arwen have been separated for half a lifetime.”

“Yes,” he said simply, and then fell silent, and I wondered briefly if I had overstepped my boundaries.

My mouth was open and poised to ask for forgiveness, but before I could utter it Aragorn shook his head and continued, “If our women knew how much we moped without them, they would never let us live it down.”

Swallowing my apology, I nodded my head in agreement. “Aye, it would be a huge blow to our masculinity—although, since women know entirely too much for our own good, I suspect they already have some idea.”

Aragorn guffawed. “I imagine that is true. Well at least it will not be too much longer now!”

I smiled fondly. “No, and thank Elbereth for that.”

Now that we had this out of the way, the next few weeks would be much easier to bear, in spite of the losses that still sat heavily upon my heart.

All this I could endure, and would endure, for her.

---

“Love sought is good, but giv’n unsought is better.”
--from Shakespeare’s Cymbeline, Act III Scene I

PART II

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The King insisted I start dining with the Fellowship, and now that I no longer felt as awkward around their company, I accepted the offer, and between their presence and that of my uncle and a never ending workload, I had barely any time to dwell on sorrow, and I found myself becoming a little less depressed.

Thus, by the time Eomer King arrived, I had more or less returned to my former self, although I knew I was not completely healed. I had promised myself not to hide my troubles from Eowyn this time around however, and I thought that, at least now, I was more ready to speak of them.

The journey to Rohan went smoothly in spite of its length, and even though the doubts had not completely disappeared, they sat at the back of my mind for I was too overwhelmed with joy at the thought of seeing Eowyn once more.

And then, as we finally road up to Edoras, there she was standing outside waiting for us, her white dress fluttering around her in the breeze, and my breath caught at the sight of her.

I was only dimly aware of the procession around us as I dismounted, for as far as I was concerned Eowyn could have been the only other person there, and I had eyes only for her as I approached her with as much hasty dignity as I could muster.

“You are even more beautiful than I remember, my Lady,” I murmured in her ear as I embraced her. “I have missed you these long weeks.”

I wondered if I had been too enthusiastic, but she smiled shyly back at me, and although it was not as big and bright as my own, there was warmth upon her lips, and it gladdened my heart to see it. “It is good to see you, my Lord.”

As we pulled apart, the noise around us drifted back into my awareness, and as I glanced around I noticed Eomer standing off to the side, eyeing me with suspicion even as he allowed us a moment of intimacy. We had spoken a little on the way but the conversation had been mainly superficial, and I felt no closer to him. He knew that I sought the hand of his sister, but I still felt as though he were sizing me up, and judging whether or not I was worthy of her.

His protectiveness reminded me of Boromir, who no doubt would have done the same on my behalf, although I thought my brother would have liked Eowyn a great deal.

“If you are ready,” Eomer said, somewhat stiffly, “I will show you to your room.”

I squeezed Eowyn’s hand lightly, and she smiled.

There would be plenty of time for talking later, and I marveled once more at how she had come to me at perhaps the darkest time in my life since my mother’s passing, and realized that if I had not set out on that hopeless charge and been wounded, I probably would not have met her.

Or we would have met in different circumstances and would not have had the time to get to know the other as we did.

Life, it seemed, was full of bitter irony.

---

I should not have been surprised when she came to me later that night after I was abed but not yet asleep, but I was nevertheless.

It was certainly a pleasant one, however, and when I met her at the door my heart warmed to see her clad in the starry mantle I had given her that night in the Houses, her hair a golden river flowing down her back. As she gently closed the door behind her, she said with a smile, “I could not wait until tomorrow, and we have more privacy now than we would have then, even in the fields.”

I frowned lightly. “Your brother will not approve.”

She laughed. “If he does not find out, he will have no reason to be cross! Ignorance is bliss, is it not? Do not worry about Eomer. I think he just does not really understand you, for he cannot comprehend why a man would prefer scholarly pursuits to combat.”

My frown deepened, although in the darkness of my room I doubt that she saw, for I had often wondered if Eowyn too shared this opinion of a man who did not care for war. “And what do you think, Eowyn, of a man who would rather read than wield a sword?”

Her smile softened and she stroked my hair gently. “I think, that after all you have seen and done, you have deserved peace. I would never think you weak or cowardly, for your strength is of a different kind, and should also be valued.”

I smiled softly and clasped her hands in mine. “You certainly know how to make a man feel better about himself.”

“Well it is the truth, so you should believe it,” she said softly, planting a kiss on my nose.

“You had better go, Eowyn,” I breathed, “for I do not know how much longer I will be able to resist temptation if you linger any longer.”

“Well I have not been one to follow convention, you know,” she said with a chuckle, “but the thought of sleeping alone was even harder knowing you were only a few rooms down.”

I smiled. “Well, as long as you are able to sneak away as the sun rises, I would not refuse you a night with me. As long as we are sleeping, I imagine I could resist the worst of it.”

“I knew you would see things my way,” she said as I led her to the bed, and I helped her out of the mantle before she slipped in beneath the covers.

“It pleased me greatly to see you in this,” I murmured as I draped it over the chair by my desk.

“I have worn it every single night since I left your side,” she said warmly, and I bent to kiss her head before getting in bed beside her, and my heart swelled.

“I love you,” I whispered.

As I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, I heard her say, “I love you too,” and I felt happier than I had even when I saw her earlier today, for this had been the first time she had returned those words.

No sooner had I fallen asleep, it seemed, then I woke up again with a start, breathing heavily, sweat trickling down my face.

I had not seemed to be able to do anything about the occasional nightmares, although I had hoped that, with Eowyn beside me, I would have been able to have a dream free sleep.

Eowyn was curled up beside me with an arm about my stomach, and I was debating whether or not I could get up without waking her when she stirred.

“Faramir?” she murmured drowsily, and I winced.

“It is nothing,” I insisted gently, “merely a dream. I am sorry, Eowyn, I did not mean to wake you.”

She was sitting up now, eyes fully open and alert. “Merely a nightmare, you mean. Your heart is racing, for I can feel it. Please talk to me about it?”

It was a statement disguised as a question, for I knew she would not let me rest until I told her. Sighing heavily, I said softly, “It varies depending on the night. Sometimes I dream of my father—although usually it is of my brother. They are not really nightmares exactly but, rather, are…manifestations of grief, I suppose.”

“My poor love,” she murmured, voice stricken, “I was so consumed with my pain that I did not encourage you to speak more of your own. I am sorry.”

“Nay, do not be,” I whispered, stroking her hair lightly, “I had thought I was all right but I did not really realize how badly I was still suffering until you departed. We should sleep, now, but tomorrow—I will tell you anything you want to know.”

“I will not forget,” she said, and with her beside me, I was able to fall back to sleep.

---

“Tell me about your brother.”

We had spent the morning riding, and were now strolling through the fields holding hands.

I had been waiting for her to ask, although I was still not entirely prepared to answer.

Thinking of him was still painful, but I thought I was ready to talk about him, and I knew Boromir would not want me to remember him and only feel sadness. One day that would come, but for now the loss was still too close. “In many ways, he was a lot like Eomer, and had we not been brothers I doubt we would have been so close since we were such opposites. He loved the sword, and when we were children he always had to drag me away from the library to practice with him. He absolutely loathed reading, and even claimed to be allergic to books.”

Eowyn chuckled, and I smiled fondly. “He would have made a miserable Steward.”

He had only ever confided this to me. While Boromir was certainly not displeased to have been the first-born son, I know he would have given up the stewardship in a heartbeat to remain the Captain General.

“Would you have then been running the City behind closed doors?” she remarked, and I almost laughed, for she had read my thoughts completely.

“Something like that,” I agreed, “although I would not have minded.”

This was true, for I had never begrudged my brother anything.

“And I suppose,” Eowyn said slowly, “that your father, were he still alive, would not have welcomed the return of the King.”

I frowned, wondering what point she was trying to make. I would have liked to have said yes, but my father had grown comfortable with his power, and had been driven half mad by the Palantir. He would not have trusted Aragorn and would have made things much more difficult. “No. Things would have happened much differently.”

She touched a hand to my face. “I do not mean to belittle your grief—but maybe there is a reason why you lived to see these days come to pass and they did not.”

I was not entirely sure if I believed in Fate, but the events of the past few years had made me less skeptical. It did not lessen the pain, but when I thought—really thought—of all the consequences that would have arisen had my brother and father been spared, hardly any of the images were pleasing. Would Boromir have been unable to escape the call of the Ring? Would he have found a way to get It to my father and unknowingly have led our City and all of Middle Earth into utter ruin?

There was simply no way of knowing.

Had we lived in different times, their deaths would have been impossible to bear. Of course it was by no means easy, but Eowyn had put things back into perspective, had reminded me that had they lived, bearing the pain of their deaths would have been more manageable than coming to terms with the strangers they might have become.

“You do not belittle it in the slightest,” I said softly, voice thick with unshed tears. “I know it may not seem so from the way I look, but you have made the pain easier to bear.”

She looked apologetic. “I am sorry I did not say as much to soothe your hurts as you did to soothe mine during those weeks in the Houses.’

I stroked her hand with my thumb. “Your presence was enough at the time. Besides, I was not as ready to speak openly of such things then.”

“Neither was I!” She said with a laugh, putting her arm through mine. “I think I even resented you somewhat. I suppose I assumed that you had come to terms with your demons much faster than I had with mine since you believed that talking, while at first painful, is the only way to bring complete healing.”

“I have always been horrible at following my own advice,” I said ruefully, “and Boromir would have been the first to say so. At the time, I just did not want to burden you with my own troubles when you had plenty of your own, although, if I had, I imagine the months of separation would not as been as difficult. However, I really did feel better and more at ease when in your company, and I suppose I deluded myself into thinking that my health was more improved than it was.”

“Ah, I see, so now the fault is mine?” She asked, although there was a hint of playfulness in her tone.

I grinned. “I could never blame you for my own foolishness, Lady.”

“Nay,” she insisted, suddenly sober, “for it was I that was the foolish one. Had I been as attentive to you as you were to me, I would have seen that you were not as well as you had led me to believe. Had I not been so convinced that I had loved another, I would have seen your affections for what they were and would have realized sooner that you were the embodiment of the idea that I loved. I see that now, and it has taken our separation to convince me that you are the one for me. We are for each other,” she whispered, placing a kiss upon my cheek. “I only wish I saw that sooner.”

“But you see it now,” I said softly, putting a kiss of my own on her forehead. “That is all that matters.”

Indeed it was, and, for the first time, I felt as though I could look towards the future and not have it tainted with the past.

We were, as she said, for each other, and I knew that, had I been able to foresee these events that had brought me here, I would have endured them all again, just to be with her.

---

FIN

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