Looks like I'm first up for the Querython. Here goes...
Dear [Agent, by name of course],
My novel, The Undead Socialite's Guide to Nightlife, is currently being reviewed by an Ed. Director at Penguin's New American Library, after an extensive review by editor, Liz Scheier. I met Ms. Scheier in Portland this past summer and pitched the novel as Sex in the City meets Dawn of the Dead, and the character as a zombie with a great skin care regimen, she expressed interest, and...well you know the progression. I'm unrepresented, but this novel seems to be generating momentum and I'd hate to start negotiations, on my own. A fan of [author's] work, I thought this comedic take on a cliched horror staple, might interest you.
My Urban Fantasy novel, which runs around 75,000 words, centers around advertising executive turned flesh-eating zombie, Amanda Feral and her search for her missing friend, a succubus named Lisette. From the nightclubs of the damned, where deadish strippers flaunt their insides for the drooling masses, to twelve step groups for recovering supernaturals; demonic bowling leagues, to mortuary make-up heists, our heroine's search uncovers an undercurrent of hilarious depravity in Seattle's supernatural community, and a diabolical plan to start the last great zombie outbreak. Despite all the new friends, there's no way Amanda can allow a full-blown epidemic to happen-"hello, does the word "fresh" mean anything to you? Amanda doesn't "do" dead meat, and that goes for the bedroom, too." But intervening in the apocalypse means facing fears and Amanda really hates conflict, so it could go either way. Amanda's a deadutante with a heart of coal, a mouthful of snappy comebacks-among other things-and a crew of friends you won't soon forget.
As a precocious only child, my hobbies were reading, spying on adults and collecting disturbing anecdotes, which I turned into short stories for my mother to worry about. I'm a fan of both horror and comedy, and that amalgam is reflected in my work. Because my psychotherapy day job is nowhere near as interesting as the daydreams boring clients can produce, I've put down the pad and taken up the laptop, again. My first published work of short fiction, An Acquired Taste, appears in Loving the Undead, an Anthology of Romance, Sort Of, out next month. I am a co-founder of The South Sound Algonquin's Writing Group, and a member of The Willamette Writer's Association.
I am seeking representation, and have sent out a number of queries. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Mark D. Henry
Now, let's dissect. Obviously, I've had a title change, but this was the query that got HAPPY HOUR OF THE DAMNED (and me) a great agent.
Dear [Agent, by name of course],
My novel, The Undead Socialite's Guide to Nightlife, is currently being reviewed by an Ed. Director at Penguin's New American Library, after an extensive review by editor, Liz Scheier. I met Ms. Scheier in Portland this past summer and pitched the novel as Sex in the City meets Dawn of the Dead, and the character as a zombie with a great skin care regimen, she expressed interest, and...well you know the progression. I'm unrepresented, but this novel seems to be generating momentum and I'd hate to start negotiations, on my own. A fan of [author's] work, I thought this comedic take on a cliched horror staple, might interest you.
My Urban Fantasy novel, which runs around 75,000 words, centers around advertising executive turned flesh-eating zombie, Amanda Feral and her search for her missing friend, a succubus named Lisette. From the nightclubs of the damned, where deadish strippers flaunt their insides for the drooling masses, to twelve step groups for recovering supernaturals; demonic bowling leagues, to mortuary make-up heists, our heroine's search uncovers an undercurrent of hilarious depravity in Seattle's supernatural community, and a diabolical plan to start the last great zombie outbreak. Despite all the new friends, there's no way Amanda can allow a full-blown epidemic to happen-"hello, does the word "fresh" mean anything to you? Amanda doesn't "do" dead meat, and that goes for the bedroom, too." But intervening in the apocalypse means facing fears and Amanda really hates conflict, so it could go either way. Amanda's a deadutante with a heart of coal, a mouthful of snappy comebacks-among other things-and a crew of friends you won't soon forget.
As a precocious only child, my hobbies were reading, spying on adults and collecting disturbing anecdotes, which I turned into short stories for my mother to worry about. I'm a fan of both horror and comedy, and that amalgam is reflected in my work. Because my psychotherapy day job is nowhere near as interesting as the daydreams boring clients can produce, I've put down the pad and taken up the laptop, again. My first published work of short fiction, An Acquired Taste, appears in Loving the Undead, an Anthology of Romance, Sort Of, out next month. I am a co-founder of The South Sound Algonquin's Writing Group, and a member of The Willamette Writer's Association.
I am seeking representation, and have sent out a number of queries. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Mark D. Henry
Now, let's dissect. Obviously, I've had a title change, but this was the query that got HAPPY HOUR OF THE DAMNED (and me) a great agent.
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Comments
I think the first paragraph sells it. It's sort of bullying, now that I look back at it.
Thanks for sharing!
:D Thanks Mark, it's nice to find out that you don't have to be all prim and proper to land an agent.
Love it. At first I thought, "Ye gads that's long." But then, you hooked us right away with "Mr. Agent I practically have an offer on the table" and then had a cheerfully, delightfully gross conversation about your story.
Easy to see why he would be hooked. :)
But you're dead on. The proximity to an offer is the catch.
And of course, not all agents may have gone for the snappy, irreverent tone, so it's important to note that if an agent didn't like your query, they probably would have passed on your book, too. Which wouldn't have meant that you had a bad book OR a bad query; it just meant it wouldn't have been a match for every agent (subjectivity in all its glory).
I agree that the voice sells it, and that you already seemed to have a deal going through. My (naive) impression of publishing is that you can't get an editor to read a manuscript unless it's already represented by an agent, but apparently I'm wrong.
Mark's query shows off his style really well and I'd disagree politely that the first paragraph sold it. Good agents (and I know he was only querying good ones, Mark would not be that dumb, even if he does spend a lot of time with zombies) aren't looking for the easy sale. It helps, but if the author isn't someone they're going to want to be stuck with for the next few projects, they won't take it. So the slam dunk of the next few paras was essential in my mind.
Also, too, consider that agents get so many query letters...they are looking for something different from what they've seen many times over. Mark pointed out right up front in that first paragraph that he was taking a comedic take (read:a twist) on a cliched horror staple.
Thanks, Patrice!
LOL!!!!!
Thanks guys!
In fact, it was so fascinating that this former copy editor didn't notice any grammar issues at all. When agents say they don't want to take on queries that aren't well written, they are talking about people who really don't understand how to use language. They aren't talking about a misplaced comma. Put it this way: if they are noticing the commas, you've got bigger issues.
I disagree with Jordan. I never really got much interest from editors until I got an agent. I'd pitch to them at conferences, they'd sound all excited and then my manuscript would sit on a slush pile with thirty dozen others. I can't imagine trying to get an editor first.
While we're talking about voice---we're seeing two things here: Mark's voice AND the voice in his novel. In this case, they both work to sell. However, I have seen queries where an writer "creates" a voice that isn't them or, worse, isn't the novel.
Some people write a stronger voice than others. If you try and "create" a strong voice that isn't naturally you, it rings false. Mark's works because he makes himself sound as odd as he really is (People--have you read his blog?).
Query letters are hard enough as it is. My advice is that if you're working too hard on the voice of your letter, back off and keep it more business-like.
And always always always read the query out loud to someone who doesn't love you to see what their reaction is.
This is such great advice!