Dear Fanbrat.

(You know, I didn't really want to do thisbefore now because the girl in question is only twelve, but she's commited more than one hangable offense.)

Your title is still spelled wrong, and you rather obviously have not run your chapters through spellcheck. So FFN ate your first chapter. That sucks, yes, but wouldn't it be nice to any new idiots people who actually want to read your story to repost the first chapter?

You had a good idea, but you totally fail at the execution. Your spelling is abominable, your chapters are WAY too short - there's something wrong about a so called chapter fic that's got 43 chapters (three of which are authors notes saying 'no more chapters until I get reviews

And you have little 114 reviews for this. Quite a few have said 'longer chapters, and spellcheck please' but you've ignored them.

So someone left you a decent length concrit. MROS left you this:

>>First of all, your title is spelled incorrectly. You know the word "terrable?" Yeah. that's an I, not an A. Find a dictionary somewhere. You know, there's one on the site, right? USE it.

Okay, I have a list of criticisms here that I would like you to consider, change, and not whine about. Thank you.

First of all, "tolled." This is spelled told. "Tolled" is something that happens when you cross a large bridge and they force you to pay money. Okay?

The words "wile" and "were" have h's in them. Wile without the h is not the same word as "while." Ever heard the phrase "feminine wiles?" I really don't think that's the point you're trying to bring across. WHILE. WHERE. Kay?

You keep writing "sweaty" instead of "Sweetie." When Max/Fang saya "sure, sweaty," it implies that said person is covered in sweat. In case you do not know, that does not mean a person is SWEET. It means a person has been exercising or something, and is covered with bad smelling fluid. Yes. Not cutesy.

For-head. Okay, this part of your body is called your FOREHEAD. For-head, I don't even KNOW where you got that from.

Don't yell at people to give you reviews, when they have every right not to give you reviews. Ever heard the phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it?" That's what these nice people are trying to do. I don't have anything nice to say, so I'm not nice.

Where you say "things to ketch up on." You know, I don't know where you learned to spell, but in my world "ketchup" the nice, disgusting condiment, is spelled differently than "catch up."

You don't unroll people in school. You enroll people in school. I don't know how you would "unroll" people, unless school was somehow rolled around them and you have to unwrap them.

Speaking of school, Max does not enjoy going to school. Max, as you noticed, is adamantly AGAINST the idea of going to school. I would know. I have a story where Max goes to school. She's actually like, in character. You should read it.

Okay, the funniest chapter for me was chapter 19. Fang does not randomly go looking for fights, for one. Also, Max is complaining about Fang not being at school, then walks in the classroom and says "I sat in the middle of the front row, with Fang on my right and Iggy on my left." Are you trying to be descriptive? You just said Fang wasn't there. If you are referring to the seat in which Fang was sitting, say, "The seat where Fang usually sat," or something to that effect.

also, posy would be referring to a nice flower. A "posse," however, is a group of people, normally with a leader. In addition, in this chapter you said that Iggy was really popular. However, earlier when Iggy was talking to Shasta, he "tolled" readers that Shasta was the only one who did not exclude him because he was blind. Wow. That sure changed fast.

Speaking of Shasta, is she a pedophile (that means attracted to small children - disturbing) or are there just two girls named Shasta with brown hair with blonde highlights? That must be why Iggy broke up with her, huh? Because she kept touching Gazzy's mohawk. I'm wondering - do you have brown hair with blonde highlights, and do you wish your name was Shasta? Hey, maybe Shasta has a younger sister in Gazzy's grade named Shasta! I bet it's always been Iggy's and Gazzy's dreams to date siblings.

Also, when you take a blind guy on a first date, I cannot imagine that you would go to a movie. This seems illogical to me, but hey, call me crazy. Maybe Shasta - the pedophile - is just stupid or something.

While we're talking about the movie, I would like to say that Iggy would not call something gay. While this word may be an insult in your limited vocabulary, I would like to say that Iggy is not a homophobic. I think it's stupid to call something gay, and I'm just pretty sure Iggy wouldn't do it - they're mutant freaks, I'm pretty sure they were brought up as pretty accepting of other people.

Afterwards. This word is not the phrase "after words" Although this must make sense to you - like, after you speak, right? - Afterwards just describes something that happens later. Say, we went to the movies, and afterwards ate ice cream! We did not "after words, eat ice cream." this would imply that said people sat around and talked before they ate ice cream. Not the case.

Again, in reply to your author's note - PEOPLE WILL REVIEW YOUR STORY WHEN IT IS NOT AS BAD AS IT IS AND WHEN YOU ARE ABLE TO FIND A HOMONYM DICTIONARY AND CORRECTLY USE IT. You're calling people's reviews pathetic? Okay, well, all I have to say is, at least they match the story.

Beet is a red vegetable somewhat like a turnip. You cannot "beet" somebody up, or "beet" a person in a competition. That word is spelled with an a. you CAN "beat" them.

Also, when running out of creativity, please do not overuse phrases you read in the books. For example: "I don't give a rat's **." This sounded completely not like how you were writing the rest of the chapters because it was something you read and did not come up with yourself. Just because she says it once does not mean she is going to use things like this again and again.

It is okay to put G's on the end of words. tickin'(G!) Makin'(G!) thinkin'(Wait for it - G!) They do not always do this. Maybe once or twice is okay, but this gets annoying after a while when it would not normally be used in a sentence.

Fang does not go LOOKING for fights. While I think you are trying to get Fang out of the story - speaking of which, Fang is not the kind of guy to dump Max and not tell her why - I think you could come up with a more creative way to do it.

Questions marks go on the end of all questions. They are called question marks for a reason. They mark questions.

Iggy is BLIND. Blind is the word describing people with no vision. No matter if someone is a "healer" or not, you cannot cure sightlessness. Giving Iggy sight is something that is extremely cliched and stupid, especially if you fail to mention it in following chapters.

Are YOU a homophobe? You know I mentioned earlier about using gay as an insult. I see people do it all the time, but that doesn't mean you should do it on fanfiction, especially when doing so puts everyone way out of character, jeez. (In case you don't know, a homophobe is someone who is scared of gay people)

They're/their/there. LEARN them.

Lastly, but most certainly not least, is the recommendation that you actually READ your chapters after you write them. this would prevent most of the errors in your story and help it not sound quite as horrible - maybe some smart people will actually read it! I didn't mention most of the errors you made, actually, just the memorable ones.

Life is a "terrable" thing to waste, as is the time I spent reading your story. Although this was really mean, deal with it, because I'm hoping that you can take it instead of acting stupid and will change the things I'm mentioning and keep the changes in mind for future writing.

--MRO

(If you need a beta, tell me, because I'll like, totally do it!)

This, while a littlebit harsh, was no more than your story deserved. And I'm not kidding - check it out http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4145278/1/A_Life_Is_A_Terrable_Thing_To_Waste

You then devoted a chapter to bitching at her because of this -

Hi it's me Emily. I refuse to write another story. I was deeply hurt. And I think I won't write another chapter for awhile.

And it is all MRO's fault. She is mean and …I'm not going to get nasty right now. I'm sorry to my readers and sorry to everyone else. And to the people who pick apart every little detail of my writing, as I said before I wish for you to stop reading it.

It's your third such AN chapter, and quite frankly, you should have stopped there, hon.

Unfortunately, she didn't.

So, I left a review.

Tell us, little girl - do you yell at your english teacher? Do you tell you parents to screw themselves? Do you swear at your friends and refuse to share something because they didn't share something of theirs?

Because you yelled at MROS for suggesting the same things that your English teacher would if she saw this.

Because you told her to screw herself for trying to improve you like your parents would.

Because you hold your chapters hostage to your online friends because they wouldn't share their opinions.

We hope you know how disappointed they'd be. And you should have stopped writing when you said you would. Because no one will take your threats seriously now.

You haven't improved your story at all to anyone's suggestions. You're abusing the characterisation, you're spelling simple works long and have obviously failed to put this through a spellcheck.

What's the saddest thing is your mentality. Do you abuse everyone that offers you help? MROS even offered to BETA for you. That means in the least that she thinks your fic has potential.

Maybe your friends are so scared to tell you what they really think because they think they'll be abused too. That's not friendship. Grow up, little girl.

You're a sad piece of work.

We're ashamed that someone would abuse MROS like you have done. She's right. You are not, and what you have done is so much worse than what she has done.

She was nice and offered something constructive.

You abused her for her offer of help.


Your story is not so perfect that it cannot stand improvement. Take the criticism like a proper human being, and simply say thank you. MROS put time into reviewing this story. Why don't you put some time into improving it?

And while I'll admit it's harsh, she deserved it.

And recieved the reply - 

Who the hell do you think you are, **?!
First off, don't you dare call me a little girl! I am 12, and by my standards
I'm NOT a little girl! You probably can't even understand how ** off you made
me! My parents wouldn't tell me my story is **! Go ** yourself! I read one of
your stories; I would rather rip my arm off then read that ** again! I have so
put my chapters through spell check, and if you don't like it, go ** yourself
and go write your ** poetry!
Oh my god! You are such a **! I'm a sad piece of work?! You really need to
stop talking about yourself! and, I did because I hated her. And yes that is a
real reason for doing so. I only wrote that story for fun. I thought no one
would take it seriously! Well guess what, I'm not a proper human being! If you
got a problem with that, go take it somewhere else 'cause I don't give a damn
what you think of me.
I hate you truly and forever,
 Emily Dye 


Where do I find these people??