the weather anarchist / the flaming band geek ([info]mika0021) wrote in [info]fanficrants,
@ 2006-07-07 19:39:00
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Current mood: devious
Current music:Little Red Light - Fountains of Wayne

how to right t3h kew1est fic ev@h!
Here it is: the guide to writing a badfic! In these simple steps, you too can corrode braincells! It's not hard! You know you want to.

Warning. Your brain may just snap and fry in a matter of seconds. Or you may die laughing. Or a combination of the two. But I'm not responsible for either. You've been warned [it gave me a heacdache just typing like that >__<]



STEP ONE: TURN SPELLCHECK OFF. Liek, no 1 uses teh spelchek. Its sooooo gay. Its stupid. No 1 lieks it. ur sooo stupid if u use it. I mean, duuh. And, tYpE lIkE tHiS. iTs SoOoOoO kewl. and cute! no 1 can tel, soooo wo cars?

STEP TWO: INSERT YOURSELF. hawt bishies! OMG Liek Yeah! u can hugg tehm, kiss tehm, and have (Liek, OMG) SEX! *gigglegiggle* and every1 will luv u! its ur fic and u can maek tehm do watevar! sooo kewl!

STEP THREE: PIMP YOURSELF. why wast a gewd reveiw on justt saying u luv a fic? u can tel tehm abot URS! and asc tehm to reveiw urs becuse u reveiwed theres!

STEP FOUR: BEING A "BITCH". OMG, u kno, theirs mean peepole! tehy r mean! Tehy say that ur charictars r bad and theirs no plot! OMG! its soooooo mean! u should sooooo tel tehm off becuse taht wil git tehm two go away! its ur ficc, not theres! Their soooo mean. i h8 tehm. just blok tehm and theyll go awhay frum ur ficc.

STEP FIVE: COPY THE GOOD STUFF. theirs good arthurs! There ficcs are soOoOoOo kewl! u can copie tehm and puut in ur own charictars. Taht whay, no 1 wil kno its theres! its so kewl! OMG!

STEP SIX: SUPPORT WHAT YOU LIKE. OMG, theirs tihs thong caled 'yaoi:'. its sooooooo gross! ewwwww! its guys with guys and they're GAY! i h8 it two. OMG. dont reed it.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen! Now, go forth and use this fantastic knowledge to write T3H B3ST STORIE EV@H! OMGOMG!

Hearts,

Mika


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[info]jensa_chan
2006-07-08 02:49 am UTC (link)
I had such a giggle fit.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:01 am UTC (link)
ICON LOVE!

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[info]iggy04
2006-07-08 03:07 am UTC (link)
Wow.

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure how people can type like that.

I did a mock bad!fic once just to see what reviews I would get. It was barely a page, and it took me twice as long to make deliberate mistakes.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 03:56 am UTC (link)
I tried that too and my spellcheck had a hissy fit and ran off for the next month. It just makes my brain hurt so badly, and the scariest part is so many people use it. I need a gun to shoot spellcheck bullets at the badfic.

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[info]fairest1
2006-07-08 04:44 am UTC (link)
Once my spellcheck decided it was going to pretend I'd set the dictionary to German for a month. I wasn't even trying to write badfic . . . though working on a Girl Genius story with Jagerspeak may have had an impact.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:51 am UTC (link)
after one crash, my computer set itself to French. It was quite funny, though.

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[info]angelhunter
2006-07-08 11:15 am UTC (link)
Girl Genius fanfiction? With Jägers?
uuuhhmmm.... link, pretty-please?

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[info]fairest1
2006-07-08 04:29 pm UTC (link)
Not finished or posted yet . . . and I still need to tweak the speech a bit -- it's hard to get the right tone down. But it is always good to know there will be interest once it's posted.

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[info]zandrellia
2006-07-08 03:12 am UTC (link)
So, like, I can't not spell and not use punctuation but I can totally talk in this scary way. Like, I really enjoyed this! It was so awesome! And, so, yeah... like, I really, really, really don't think any of those wanna-be fanbrats qualify as, ya know, 'bitches'. They're so not the part of a 'bitch' because they couldn't argue if their life, like, ya know depended on it! So totally lame! It was said so nice by you, though so, like, you totally get some word! Like, bye~! *kiss*

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:01 am UTC (link)
I really, really, really don't think any of those wanna-be fanbrats qualify as, ya know, 'bitches'.

Yes, I made such, a like, typo. This one girl got so pissed once when I flamed her that she wrote her entire bio about what a bitch I was and then gave me my own forum. It was the nicest thing of her ^__^.

*takes word and places it on shelf of word trophies*

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[info]zandrellia
2006-07-08 04:04 am UTC (link)
LOL

that's awesome, though.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:41 am UTC (link)
that month of her making an idiot of herself was just the best month of my year.

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[info]mikononyte
2006-07-08 03:14 am UTC (link)
Oh! my eyes! My eyes! heh heh heh

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:02 am UTC (link)
*points to icon for visual aid of how she was after typing like that*

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[info]mushykhendricks
2006-07-08 04:06 am UTC (link)
I especially had a chuckle at *gigglegiggle* following the word SEX.

I think the only time I can talk like that is during a chat, when I'm purposely making fun of chatspeak, and we see how long each other can keep it up until we can't take it anymore. It's kind of like chicken, only with words instead of cars...

"Peepole" brings bad images of poles and dogs sticking up their back legs. XD

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:45 am UTC (link)
If you want some awesome displays of chatspeak, MapleStory is the absolute epitimy. Next to AIM and MySpace, of course.

"Peepole" always makes me think of whores stripping while pissing and dancing around a pole. Or some guy pissing while having sex whilst also wrapped around a pole. Or a pole that has been pissed on multiple times.

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[info]fallingmallorn
2006-07-08 04:14 am UTC (link)
FTW! You, my dear, need some Bleeprin. And cookies. Badfic is indeed dangerous to your health. Oh, I mean....

Badficczz - ittz danegerrus too yr hellth!!1!!!1!!1!! (LykeOMGGG, doNt steel oor yur teh ghey - lyke teh badd kinnd wif nu butsexx!!1!!1!!!1!!!!1!!! WTFOMGBBQ!!1!1!!!1!)

Ow. It really does hurt. *massages temples* Still...

*sniggers madly*

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:50 am UTC (link)
*finds Bleeprin and swallows the whole bottle*

NO BUTSEXX? OMG NO WAI!

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[info]fallingmallorn
2006-07-08 04:57 am UTC (link)
OMG I KNOW!!!! Sum ppl dunt lyke teh hawt butsexx adn their stoopud!1 YA RLY!

*drinks tea*

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:59 am UTC (link)
OMGWTFBBQ?

wats a wtf? nad wats a bbq! can u eet it?

[as a side note, ICONLOVE!]

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[info]fallingmallorn
2006-07-08 05:10 am UTC (link)
OMG wtfs aer sooo, goowd - ai gett myne aat Hawtt Tawpick adn itts sso tasteeie!!1!!!1!!1! Yu shuoldd trie sum - wit teh wtfbbq sawce!!1! AND OMG, mye besttet freend hadd dis wtf bbq yesteerdaye, adn ittwas so gewd. Wee wer sitinng eeting teh wtfs adn thhen mai frenn RaVen wass al lyke, "OMG, YOO GUYZ, WEE HAFF TOO PLAYE YAHTZEEE!" Butt thta's lyke, sooo dubm, adn sso wee thru awl off teh bbqed wtfs att heer!!1!!1!!!!1!!1!

< /utter stupidity>

It hurts. So much. *cuddles her copy of Webster's* I totally didn't make the icon, though - gacked from someone - damned if I can remember who.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 05:14 am UTC (link)
WTFBBQ sawce...XDDDDDD. That's awesome. I laughed. Laughed. LAUGHED. Nearly wet myself laughing. WTFBBQ sawce. Wait. Do bbqed wtfs taste good with WTFBBQ sawce?

[and again, I'm so in love with your icon.]

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[info]fallingmallorn
2006-07-08 05:26 am UTC (link)
*bows*

Glad I was able to make you laugh. There was a similar thing over on Deleterius about a year ago or so - some great mockery regarding an anon, aniti-Deleterius, vitrol-spewing troll on FFN, who referred to s/h/it's self as "fanficgrill" - it's archived in the memories over there somewhere. My favorite line was "Would you like canon with that?"

"WTFBBQ sawce!1!1!!1! Noww iine hawwt newwe OMG FLAVURR!!11!!!1!!!1! adn Extare Speyesea ZOMG FLAVURR!!1!!!1!!!1!!1!" Avalible at your local vold_e_mart

Pee. Ess. I didn't make any of my icons, but feel free to gack if you like - just don't credit me, as I didn't make them! :-)

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 06:34 pm UTC (link)
yay! *runs off with bbqed wtfs and icons* I'ma gonna friend you.

And yes, I would like some canon, but they ran out. All the "fangrills" took it and killed it

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[info]fallingmallorn
2006-07-08 08:30 pm UTC (link)
All the "fangrills" took it and killed it

Heh. Fangrills. *snickers*

Guess it's time to revive Canon again. Quick! Get the Cardiopulminary Whatever Reviver! *rubs pads together* Clear!

"WE'VE GOT A PULSE!!!" < /Strong Mad>

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[info]anigirl15
2006-07-08 04:50 am UTC (link)
XD

Every time I try typing like that, I have to go back and look over what I wrote. I don't think I've ever managed to put in enough typos the first time around.

Amusing fact: if you do enough bad spelling and/or grammar in one document, Word will automatically stop checking whichever one you overloaded after a certain point. I know this because I made a giant lyrics collection for my CDs once. All of the songs were Japanese. 52 pages, 4 columns per page.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 04:52 am UTC (link)
Word will automatically stop checking whichever one you overloaded after a certain point.

That would explain quite a bit. XD *loads spellcheck gun*

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[info]velvet_mace
2006-07-08 05:45 am UTC (link)
Warning: Pr0n

"Oh Vel, you mak me soo hott with your rainbow eyes and your Hot Topic t-shirt," said dracco malfoy. "Lets do it."

So we did.

The end.

Yep. That was great.

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-08 06:36 pm UTC (link)
taht was soOoOo hawt. OMG. drAco is sooooo hawt. OMG, their bowth hawt!

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[info]seshennu
2006-07-08 11:30 pm UTC (link)
A "thong caled 'yaoi:'". That made me laugh so hard. Thanks. =)

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[info]mika0021
2006-07-09 01:09 am UTC (link)
no problem =D.

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Bravo
[info]crystal_remnant
2006-07-09 01:37 am UTC (link)
Bravo!!Job well done! but, I also have this to say:

I jus waned 2 say taht tihs waz awsom!!!11 no1 cud doa more greter job!!1 lol!!!!!1 cum red my ficcy 2! * its no gay cus Guy wit guy is yucy!!! & no
flamin me cus it is ma 1st fic! if u do ur soOoOo a meanie!! u kno lik tehse oter grlzs!!111

*vomits* oh my freaking head...that took ages!! How are they able to do that!? I never thought it could be possible!!

*screams* I created a sin! NOOO!!! *points to screen* I feel so dirty!!

...we should play the screen talk game until our ears bleed!

heh heh...it wants to know if I want to check my spelling. No tAnKs n00bz!!11

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Re: Bravo
[info]mika0021
2006-07-09 07:14 pm UTC (link)
OMG THNX! spelChek is soooooo growss liek yaoi! OMG i liek h* tehm!

AHAHAHAHA! It bends my brain to type like that. Or even to think to type like that. .__O No wonder they can't write. Their brains twisted into an untwistable knot from all that.

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You forgot one
[info]researchotaku
2006-07-09 05:56 pm UTC (link)
STEP SIX: SUPPORT WHAT YOU LIKE. OMG, theirs tihs thong caled 'yaoi:'. its sooooooo gross! ewwwww! its guys with guys and they're GAY! i h8 it two. OMG. dont reed it.

Kno, u hor! gUys doing IT wit gurls iz seeeewwww YUCKIE! Cauz aul gurlz r bitchies & aul guys OMG TWO HOT 4 TEHM! Het sexx ix teh worze thang EVA! YOAI 4EVA!

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Re: You forgot one
[info]mika0021
2006-07-09 07:15 pm UTC (link)
butt wat ef gurlz wana dew et wit GURLZ! OMG soOo0O grooossss!

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Re: You forgot one
[info]saibougutatsu18
2006-08-28 03:30 pm UTC (link)
.....Then they can go off and have fun too! O.o

Mika, that was hillarious! XD

O>O Never shall I turn off ny spellcheck...I love you spellcheck...

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[info]leiral
2006-10-09 01:01 am UTC (link)
I'm empted to use this as an experiment. to write the worse fanfic I could ever right and then post it on FFN as a joke and see what happens

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